I Tried So Hard
by Raiden Amour
Summary: Nothing's ever simple, I learned that by now- there's always more beneath the surface, but as long as I'm the one dealing with the pain and hurt so my brother can be happy then I'll be just fine... I think. Roxas POV, Axel/Roxas, Sora/Riku, FF, AU, abuse, fighting, suicide, self-harm, drugs, and some not warm fluffy feelings. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1: Nightmares

_Squeezing the soft and larger hand with my own two- tighter and tighter I tried to will life into it. I was mumbling on and on about something- something that blended together as the emotion leaked from it's every decibel. I wanted the hand to squeeze back, I wanted her to sit up and hold me tight and tell me that she loved me, I wanted the blood to push back into her wounds and her warmth to radiate. Watery salt layered my tongue as tears rained down my face, "Mom…" I choked out, I gave up on the hand and tried to push the blood back._

_"It'll be okay," I thought, "Everything will be okay, you can stay warm and loving…" I spoke out- "Don't go- I don't want you to go," I sobbed, the blood was already drying into her light soft dress… she was already gone. I felt arms wrap around my shoulders from behind, "Shh… Roxas, it's alright, you'll always have me… forever and ever… I'll never leave you." the deep voice spoke into my ear with mendacious concern but it hit me like knives- knives were used to kill my mother... I wanted to struggle… I wanted to get away but I didn't want to leave her._

_"You have to get up," I mumbled out, trying to grab her hand again, but he stopped me, "She's gone," he said indifferently. "No!" I screamed, "She's fine! She's always fine…" my voice was quiet again, "She'll come back…. She always does," I continued in my thoughts, "And then she'll hug me till I fall asleep and she'll take me and Sora out for sea salt ice cream." He tried to drag me away but I wouldn't let him, I kicked and screamed._

_My mother was now in a box, they were putting her in the ground, Sora was beside me, crying into my side as we squeezed hands. "This is it…" the voice in my head quiet, Mother was never going to tickle me awake, never going to see me grow up- at my graduation- see me go into first grade. I waited for her green eyes to pop open and for her calming voice to speak, "I'm not dead, I fooled you, I promised I'd never leave, did you think I'd ever leave?"_

_Then she'd jump out of the coffin and wrap me and Sora in a hug, and I wouldn't be angry at her because at least she'd be alive. But no, she didn't open her eyes, she didn't speak, and she didn't breath, she wasn't ever going to come back- ever._

"Roxas!" My eyes popped open as I heard someone yell my name, "What…" I looked around with panic- trying to find the source, I calmed down when I saw my twin sitting on the floor, "You were screaming in your sleep again… about Mom," his voice was sad, I rolled on to my back and stared at the ceiling, "Sorry," It's been happening more and more… ever since I'd seen _him_.

_He_ told me _he_ would call me 6 years after her death, and _he_ did, _he_ called me once a week when I turned twelve, the nightmares became a frequent occurrence till_ he_ stopped, but then two months ago- after Sora and I turned fifteen _he_ showed up in our room. Thank invisible man Sora wasn't home… but I didn't want to see _him_, and I didn't like what _he_ told me.

Sitting up I got ready for the first day of school, I need to tell someone about_ him _but there's no one to tell… I can't tell Sora- it'll just worry him. I grabbed my clothes and jumped in the shower quickly, "I have enough on my mind with out the first day at a new school." I mumbled.

_**First chapter- prologue really~ tell me what you think, if it has potential.**_

_**Fixed 4/30/13**_


	2. Chapter 2: Gist of it All

Right now, this was just a simple version- a more average person occurrence, but this is why I was so happy to have Sora as my twin. Sitting on the bus together saved us both from sitting with strangers, and the fact that we were going to a new place where we didn't know where anything was it wasn't as bad because we weren't alone.

Growing up I don't think I would ever be as I am now if I didn't have Sora… but anyway, the bus pulled up to school and soon we were getting off to follow everyone inside. It was November, meaning everyone already knew where they were going and we weren't really expecting anyone to notice us.

As soon as we walked in the door, to the left was another door- this one already open and the label read, "Main Office," I pulled Sora's hand towards it. The look the desk lady gave me made me question both Sora's and my own outfit.

Sora had on a pair of skinny black and blue checkered pants, held up by three plain yellow belts, a slide on blue hoodie, and black skater shoes. While I had on Sora's black skinny jeans (which were NOT skinny on me), knock off brand black Jordan's, a black and white checkered hoodie, and the only thing both Sora and I had that she might not have been able to see was our bracelets, but I also had on 3 finger warmers- to hide the cigarette burns.

We were both quiet as she gawked at us, I didn't even notice that Sora and I were still holding hands. Okay, so I get that might sound strange to someone else- but me and Sora are best friends AND twin brothers, we felt more comfortable and safe when we were close together.

"You must be the new students," she finally mumbled, turning in her red swivel chair around she pulled out two papers, handing them both to me- seeing as how I was the only one with my hand out. I nodded my thanks and Sora led the way out into the less crowded hall.

I looked at his schedule and then my own, comparing the two, "We have first block together… err… period- I mean," it annoyed me how some school said, "Block," while other schools said, "Period," and then you had the rare schools that called the classes, "Group," but it was really all the same.

We had first and third period together along with gym and lunch- we could do this!

Walking into the cafeteria we found a map on the wall- one of those ones that shows the quickest way to escape incase of a fire, but we used it to find our first period class, we could use that class room's from there- it only worked because the school was all one floor.

First period was Current Events, we walked in to find only the teacher and one other student. "Ah, are you the new students?" he came over to shake our hands, he held it out for Sora first, which was a mistake but he didn't know that.

I watched as Sora just stared at it, he was starting to look offended- the teacher I mean, so I quickly spoke up, "Sorry, my brothers a bit nervous," I held out my own hand, forcing a polite smile as the blond teacher shook my hand and returned my gesture.

"Quite alright, hopefully you'll get used to me," he spoke to my brother, "I have you for four classes." he had a smile still on his face, Sora looked at me and I gave a slight nod. I watched as he took a deep breath and put his own hand out- nervously, I might add.

The teacher gladly took it and spoke, "My name is Zell Dincht, you may call me Mr. Dincht, or just Zell," I gave him a small glance, "The prefix of Mr. or Mrs. or Miss. is based on the teachers preference. In my case Zell is just fine."

I watched his tattoo as he talked, a tribal one that covered the left half of his face, he didn't seem offended when he caught me staring, "And your names?"

"Roxas…" I looked over to Sora, waiting to see if he was willing to tell his name- which he was, "Sora." The teacher nodded his head, "Original names, seems most children in this school do- it always amazes me," he was walking away while he spoke, I sat my bag down in the closest chair, and Sora took the one right next to me.

"Hi!" the only other student in the class looked back at us from in front of me and Sora, "Hello," Sora said rather quickly. It shocked me but hey- if he wasn't being nervous then I was all for it. Sora really isn't nervous, he just is jumpy around people the first time he meets them… which I guess is being nervous, but if you knew how hyper and loud he could get then you wouldn't ever dare call him nervous.

"I'm Kairi," the red haired girl smiled, "I'm Sora," he smiled back, "I'm Roxas," I added in, both me and Sora flinched when a loud click reverberated through the room. It turned out just to be the morning announcements, we sat down and I don't know about Sora but I was amazed that only me, Sora, and Kairi were the only ones in this class.

The teacher mumbled something to himself, "Do I smell?" he asked, lifting his arms and taking a quick sniff, "I don't think I do, do I Kairi?" she gave a small laugh, "You're such a dork Zell," I didn't understand what was going on, was the teacher jacked?

I thought about the teacher for a second, he seemed so familiar, but I couldn't place him… I just felt like I had known him from somewhere, you know what I mean? There was a memory- it was very vague and probably not even a second long, the only thing I could really see in the haze of memory was a truck door open and the memory was gone.

Kairi turned around and looked at us, "That's his way of asking why you two are sitting so far away, you know, the whole, 'smelling bad so everyone gets out of smelling range from you,' thing?" Sora moved up front first. I was shocked yet again. Maybe going to a new school was all that Sora needed to get his hyper jump back, though he never really lost it, it was just harder to activate.

We sat on each side of Kairi in the front, seeing as how there was only four rows of desks and there was no more desks next to Sora. Zell stood in front of Kairi but held out his hands to Sora and I, "May I see your schedules?" we handed them over.

"Sora is the lucky one that gets to be escorted by Kairi it seems," he handed them back, "Well, you see, it was hard to maneuver you into the specific classes you needed- which wasn't very many, so we basically copied your schedules with the two already in this class- and by 'we' I mean the office." But there was only four of us including the teacher.

"And as you noticed," he continued, "We seem to be missing the flame head," "Nothing new," Kairi added, causing the teacher to give a small smile, "Kairi and our missing link are brother and sister, but not twins" he added for Sora's and my own sake.

Class continued on no subject really, almost 30 minutes through the door opened and in walked… well… the 'flame head'- I assumed. He plopped down in the desk next to me. "Zell," he spoke loudly, "We should go to the gym this period, it's too early to function yet… well… too late I should say," he laughed and looked at the teacher.

"And this is Axel." Zell said, "Axel, this is Roxas and Sora, you'll have a tag along today- so be a little role model and go to your classes and take Roxas with you." Axel looked over at the two of us and asked the teacher a question while still staring. "Which ones which?"

"Sora is the brunet and Roxas is the blond," I flinched. Zell meant nothing bad by it, I'm sure, but that was something that wasn't very good- it's kind of a long story… but basically, my mother's husband is a brunet, like Sora, my mother was a brunet too, so when I was born with blond hair it was nothing good and I always got singled out for it.

"Lucky you," Axel spoke to me.

Axel and I didn't talk to each other at all that entire day, or the next(because he didn't show up), or the next- which was a Friday. In fourth period a kid I had learned was name Seifer Almasy walked by my desk and knocked over my bag, "Fuck…" I mumbled to myself, Seifer sat behind me but didn't say anything.

But he did continue to kick my chair and when I tried to write he would hook his legs around my chair legs and pull me back or push me further forward, I turned around and looked at him, "Could you stop?" I asked quietly, "Oh shit, you can talk," his voice was faking amazement, "And no." he jerked my chair forward.

I rolled my eyes and when I turned back around Axel was staring at me, I raised my eyebrows in question, he rolled his eyes while he turned around, "What did I do?" I asked myself.

Seifer continued for the rest of class, at the end I could sense Axel was angry at me, "What're you angry about?" I asked cautiously, he ignored me but shook his head in annoyance, proving he could hear me. "Hey?" I asked trying to catch up with him and his long ass legs, he stopped abruptly in front of me and I slammed into his back.

"Sorry…" I mumbled, looking down, "Right there!" I looked up to see Axel turned around and looking at me, "What?" "You annoy the shit out of me and I have to put up with you every freaking class." I didn't understand, "What?" I asked again.

"You have no fucking backbone, Seifer's been picking on you since you first got here and-" the words jumbled in his throat, "You annoy me- get a fucking backbone and leave me the hell alone." "What the fuck?" I barely even talked to him- no, I hadn't talked to him at all pretty much and he was telling me to leave him alone, I shook my head and walked away.

I could hear yelling on my way to the cafeteria, in front of the cafeteria doors I saw Seifer smiling, which wasn't good, and I saw a crowd. "Sorry!" I heard Sora yell from the inside the mass of people, I pushed in, dropping my bag on the outside of the crowd.

When I could see Sora I could also see a silver haired guy with soda all down the front of him, I was in the inner ring of the circle the crowd created but the silver haired guy nor Sora saw me, I saw him raise his hand to Sora- he was going to punch Sora.

Without thinking I jumped on him, punching him across the face as my weight pushed him to the ground, I heard the crowd start to cheer but I didn't care, he started to move as soon as we hit the ground so I punched him again. Sora pulled on my arm, making me stand up,

Pulling Sora out of the crowed I heard Seifer starting to laugh louder, "Poor baby, poor little Sora can't do anything for himself," he chided, I turned back around and wailed him hard- square in the face, something cracking under the pressure, Sora was busy grabbing my bag in that instant but quickly pulled me away.

Well… I got suspended for the next week of school because of the fight, but I was able to stay for the rest of the day. I didn't care if Seifer said something bad to me or about me or pushed me around or kicked my chair, but he had no right to do that shit to Sora.

I found out later that Seifer had pushed Sora into Riku- the silver haired boy, when Riku was taking a drink of his soda, he would've hit Sora if I hadn't been there and that was something I didn't want to think about.

"You really went and got in a fight because of what I said?" I looked up to find Axel standing next to me, I thought for a moment, "What he said…" then I remembered, "I didn't do that because of you… if I hadn't Seifer would've picked on Sora for the rest of the year and Riku would've punched him." Axel uncrossed his arms and moved around me to take a seat.

Axel tried to talk to me yet again, but I ignored him, quickly walking out of the classroom. I'm not one for being rude or a jerk but he was being an ass hat to me when I didn't do anything wrong, so if he wanted me to leave him alone so badly then that was exactly what I was going to do.

"Fucking bashi-bazouk," I heard him mumble but I continued to walk away, I wouldn't forget what he called me. I was on my way to my last period, which was study hall when I found Sora roaming the halls, "Hey Rox?" "What's up?" he seemed happy about something.

"I'm thinking of going to Kairi's after school, is that okay?" "That depends," I turned around and stopped walking so I could look at him clearly, "What time you going to be home?" "I'm not going to spend the night or anything, well… I might, but she said she'd help me get all my stuff in since she already did it and we have the same classes…"

Damn Sora, he was giving me those damn 'hopeful' eyes. "Yeah, alright, how you getting there, they wont let you ride the bus," "Easy, Kairi walks to school, normally Axel drops her off at home though," there was a slight delay before I talked, "They don't live together?" "I guess not, so is it all good?" I waved my hand, "Yeah, do what ever you want, just call later if you decide to spend the night."

I used my study hall class to get missing work from all my teachers, the last teacher I went to was Zell, I figured I would be in and out of his class quickly, but that didn't really happen.

"I'll go on my grade book, see what you're missing so far, for both of your classes with me…" the teacher began typing, letting out a small laugh, "Woops, sorry, I haven't had to type yours or your brothers codes in yet- I'm a little slow when it comes to paperwork… but yeah, I still became a teacher," he was still smiling.

He started to print the pages on his own black and white printer, writing everything that I could do for the next week, the long list he printed was everything I wasn't here to do. The dismissal announcements sounded but he was still away at writing, I hoped I wouldn't miss the bus. Smiling he held the papers up for me to take, "There you go Roxas-" he paused, his smile fell, "Rhapsodos? That's your last name?" I was still for a minute, confused.

"Yeah, it's my last name… why?" I asked concerned. He looked down, I could tell he was thinking because it was an emotion I rarely saw on his face, "Well… Did you know Leon?" I was shocked to hear that name, I ended up stuttering. "Y-yeah, yeah, he was my brother…" he nodded his head and looked up at me, "I'm sorry for your loss, have a good week off Roxas," his smile returned.

I began walking away but I stopped when I was almost out the door, "Zell?" I questioned, turning around to look back at him, "Hmm?" he didn't look up right away, "What is it Roxas?" "Uh, how did you know my brother?" I didn't expect anyone from here to know Leon.

There was a pause, he seemed shocked at first and it just made me all the more confused, I heard the busses hiss outside as they left… great. "Leon and I used to go here, you didn't know that?" I didn't. "How old was he then?" I found myself walking back into the class room further, Zell seemed to be on edge about something.

"He went here when he was a child and came back when he was sixteen…" his voice was quiet, "Oh… have I- or Sora, ever met you before?" I didn't mean to sound like I forgot him and I thought he would get offended when I thought about what I said but he didn't, instead he seemed relieved.

"I don't think we ever met." I nodded my head, he still seemed familiar though. Lost in thought I almost jumped when he stood up and walked closer to me, "I hope you didn't need the bus to get home, they seemed to have already left."

"Crap…" I mumbled, that was the only way for me to get home, I hadn't signed up to be eligible for after school yet so that wasn't an option. "I can give you a ride if you want- but I wont be done till almost three thirty…" he motioned for me to follow him.

Walking to the colored printers I followed him and we continued to talk, I didn't want to seem rude by thinking of him as a creeper but I didn't want to take the chance that he really was. It was like he was reading my mind, "I don't mean to sound like a kidnapper or anything, but it's the least I could do for my old friends brother."

"Um… alright, thanks," I helped him carry things back to his room, and I took a seat in the front by the windows, I had actually meant to do some of my work but I was lost in thought, about my brother.

My brother died when he was seventeen, Sora and I were ten at the time. It isn't as bad as it sounds, well… it is, but Sora and I were never all that close to Leon, I was probably closer than Sora. Leon wasn't ever around much after our mother died- and with good reason, but I think he blamed me for her death, like he thought I wanted her to die or I didn't try to save her. Which I did.

"Roxas," I heard someone speak, I jumped at the voice that broke me out of my trance, "It's 3:30, you still want a ride?" I looked around the room in confusion, "Oh, yeah," I stood up, my eyes a little fuzzy from starring off into nothing for an hour.

As I got into his car he spoke to me while putting his bag in the back, "Hopefully you'll get more work done at home than you did in my class today," he laughed. "Yeah… I was just thinking about some stuff," "It's quite alright as long as you don't do it in my class," he laughed again.

I directed him to my house and he pulled up by the curb, "Is Sora already here?" he asked looked around me to look at our one story house- I didn't look all that great but it was better than the one we lived in before.

"Uh, no, Sora's at Kairi's right now, catching up on work and stuff…" He laughed again, "You don't really have that option," He was insulting Axel and I nodded my head in agreement, "Well, don't let his school record convince you he's not a good kid, he's got good morals and he is actually smart, he just doesn't have everything in order right now."

I thought about that, I couldn't really see Axel as a 'good kid' but I also didn't know him all that well, I looked back up at Zell, he had his thinking face on again, then he spoke, "Is your father here right now?" No. I hope my father isn't here, after the last time I saw him in my room- I really hope he isn't here. But Zell didn't know the man I lived with wasn't my father, though on my birth certificate he was labeled my father.

"No… he's out…" "Does he still hang out with Angeal?" I nodded my head sadly, "Yeah… that's who he's out with right now…" I opened the door, "Do you have Kairi's number?" I looked back at him, shaking my head, "Here," he ripped a piece of paper and began writing a number, he stretched across the seats to hand it to me, "That's her cell number," I gave him a questioning look and he just smiled, "I'm close to her family," "Oh… thanks- for the number and the ride," we said our goodbyes and I watched him drive away.

Shutting the door behind me I looked around the place, it didn't look all that good- figures. Genesis and Angeal were here probably all day, and I had just cleaned the house yesterday. I went in my room and dropped my stuff off, taking off my black and white checkered hoodie so I was left standing in skinny jeans- again black and not skinny on me, the knock off brand Jordan's and a black short sleeve tight fitting shirt that had light gray brass knuckles in the center of my shoulder blades.

Starting in the living room I moved all the dirty dishes into the kitchen, cleaned the full ashtrays out, straightened up the couch and chair, opened the windows and turned on the fan to get rid of all the stale smoke in the air. Putting as many dishes in the dishwasher as I could fit and still have come out clean I put the rest in the sink and began washing.

The windows were closed now, all the dishes washed or still in the dishwasher, the trash taken care of, and I was in the process of doing the last thing before I'd crash on my bed. Washing off the counters I heard a rumbling truck pull up- damn.

I tried to scrub the rest of the counter as fast as possible so I could lock myself in Sora's and my own room, but I wasn't fast enough, by the time I threw the rag in the empty sink the door opened and I heard my name get shouted, "Roxas!"

"I'm in the kitchen," I turned around, placing my hands on the counter as if I was going to hoist myself up and sit on the now dry surface, but I knew better. "What's this I hear about you getting suspended?" he walked in from the living room.

"I got in a fight…" I watched as he opened the almost empty fridge and took out a beer- not like he needed any more. Every time he hung out with Angeal he got wasted beyond belief. I heard him give a laugh and watched him shake his head before downing half the bottle.

"The school asked why you were violent…" I tensed up, I could sense this wasn't going anywhere good. "They asked ME if I was abusing you or allowing someone else to abuse you…" his words came out with a small laugh, "Now, why would they ask that?"

"I don't know…" I ducked to the side as his empty beer bottle was thrown at me, it hit me in the side, cracking on impact but smashing to smithereens as it hit the floor. Better my side than my stomach, my hands were still brought up to guard my face but that only made me blind as he grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me closer to him.

"Do you have any idea how that makes me look?" he shouted, I hated the smell of cigarettes and alcohol- especially at not even five in the afternoon. "If I hadn't he would've punched Sora," I spoke back. "He? The school told me you punched two brats." "Yeah, I did…" he was fuming.

I felt my face heat up on impact as pain bloomed from my left cheek across my face. I fell to the ground. "You get in one more fight, you do one more thing that makes me look bad and you wont be able to breathe on your own," he walked away, speaking to me still, "Stay there, and think about it."

I laid on the floor, looking out the window above the sink, it was already dark out and the floor was freezing cold, I could hear him mumbling about Sora being in trouble before he clicked on the tv. I stood up and ran out of the house.

The first night Sora and I could we walked to the park, it was a few miles away, towards the school, and it had a pay phone, the closest one I could think off. We hadn't installed a phone yet, so this was really my only way to get a hole of Sora. I slid in a quarter and pulled out the number from my pocket, pushing the buttons as quick as I could.

"Hello?" "Hello, Kairi?" I was breathing heavy from running, and shivering from the cold, "Um, who is this?" "It's Roxas, could I talk to Sora?" "Oh yeah, of course!" there was silence for a bit. "Hello?" Sora sounded happy. "Hey, Sora it's Roxas, listen, Genesis is mad and I think it'd be better if you stayed at Kairi's tonight." I got it out as quickly as I could.

"Um, is it okay if I spend the night here?" I heard him ask her, "I'll stay here then… where are you Rox?" "At the park- and it's freaking cold!" I was rubbing my bare arms now, looking all around me to make sure no one was around. "Are you okay?" I gave a small laugh into the phone.

"I'm talking, so yeah." "You know what I mean Rox…" "I'm fine really…" "Kairi, is it okay if Roxas comes over?" "No, Sora don't do that," but she had already said yes, and she had already said I could spend the night. "We'll be over there soon," "No! Sora… I'm okay really… just enjoy your time away- but don't have too much fun." there was a comfortable silence for a bit.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sora asked again, "Yes, I promise Sor… just have fun, I'm going to hang out here for a little and then walk home…" "Well… alright… see you tomorrow Rox…" "See you…" I hung up and walked over to the swing. Damn little kids and their shortness! But hey, I'm pretty short too so I guess it wasn't all that bad.

Head lights shinned on me for a second before driving away, and the action repeated and repeated, and then one set stopped , I looked over to see someone park in the parking lot and get out, their vehicle still on, I watched in pretty much what would be described as fear. "Roxas?" I knew that voice…

"Roxas, what're you doing out here? And what happened to your face?" it was Axel, he was standing in front of me now, half of him was lit up by the head lights, it looked like his tattoos where tears for a moment, and his green eyes looked genuinely concerned.

"The fight…" I mumbled, hoping to get away with it. "No," he started, "I saw it and I heard about it, no one hit you." I looked straight ahead, "What're you doing out here?" I asked, his response wasn't truthful, just like mine wasn't, "Just driving around…"

I began rubbing my arms harder, I was surprised I still had any limbs, there was barely any snow but that didn't mean that my throat didn't feel raw and that my blood didn't feel like it was going to freeze. "You want a coat?" Axel asked, but I shook my head, "Do you live around here," he looked around, and again I shook my head no but I spoke this time, "A few miles away…" "Let me give you a ride then."

"I don't want to go back yet…" I mumbled, he seemed to feel awkward, "Well… could we at least sit in my car, it's warm…" "You don't have to stand out here… as I recall you wanted me to leave you alone and then you called me a bashi-bazouk…" he was scratching his head nervously.

"Yeah… sorry about that… I was just in a bad mood…"

There was an awkward silence.

After a few minutes I gave in and I stood up, he seemed happy and quickly jumped into the car, turning the lights on inside and cranking the heat. "God it's freezing," he complained, "At least you have a coat," I spoke back, cupping my hands around one of the vents before returning my hands to my arms.

"Hey, I offered, you just rejected it though," I shrugged my shoulders, "I figured you just wanted to yell at me some more." "Okay, I said I was sorry…" I was quiet, "You want a ride home?" "Um… sure…" "Alright," he went to turn his car on but I spoke up, "Not right yet though…" he turned the key back a little so the engine was off.

"What do you want to do then?" I shrugged my shoulders, he was staring at me but I was hunched over in the seat tying to get warm. "Have you eaten yet?" I thought about that, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at lunch… that was it, "No…" my voice was quiet.

"Then lets get something to eat." "I don't have that much money," I always carried at least ten dollars on me, but I didn't spend that unless it was an emergency- and this was not. "It's alright, we'll mooch some food off my brother."

He turned on the car and pulled out of the lot, the inside only glowing from the radio and dashboard lights now, he clicked on the radio and went to turn up the music but stopped, "Do you like this kind of music?" I listened to hear what it was. "I love this song," I replied, he smiled and turned it up load so it vibrated the whole vehicle.

The song was 'Adrenaline' by Gavin Rossdale. We both sang the lyrics as he cruised around town, I had no idea where we were going or how I would be able to get home from there but hey, I wasn't really in the mood to go home yet.

We pulled up to some town diner and we sat a bar type counter, "Reno!" Axel shouted, I looked around, there was only a few people, the clock read 6:21, but it felt more like it was 9.

A red hair man came out from the back, "Axel? What're you doing here?" "You got anything we can eat?" "We?" Reno looked around but didn't say anything to me and instead continued talking to Axel, "Yeah, you got any money?" "Come on, you know I'm broke and Rox doesn't have any money either."

The man put his hand on his hip, giving Axel a look. I tried not to smile, my mother used to do that all the time at us and we were always afraid she would be angry but she wouldn't be so it'd just make us feel all the more loved. It was a happy memory that had become sad… knowing she wouldn't ever do that again- but then again, she hadn't done it in almost nine years.

Reno had red hair just like Axel, but his hair was short and spiky on top and when he turned around I saw he had a thin ponytail that reached down to his lower back. I also saw he had tattoo's near his eyes like Axel, but his were swoosh marks and red and closer to his eyes.

"Awesome," Axel moved around in his seat to grab a straw container. I watched as he played with the straw and chewed on it- my mind was far away though. My mother was still on my mind…

"Hey!" I looked up to see Axel looked at me with concern, his hand was in front of me like he was waving it to get my attention. "What's on your mind Shorty?" I shook my head to get the memory away. "Nothing," I turned in my own seat so I wasn't looking right at him.

"Come on, just tell me, I wont push that much," I didn't realize I had taken a seat that was one away from his own till I saw him out of the corner of my eye climb over it so he was sitting right directly next to me. I was silent. "You tell me what you're thinking and I'll answer any question you want to ask me, no matter what it is, deal?"

It wasn't because of the 'deal' we had made but because he seemed so interested, "I was thinking about my mother…" I shrugged. "What about her?" I didn't answer. "If it's because you ran to the park at nightfall I don't think she'll be mad…" I shook my head, "I told you what I was thinking about- my mother." "Well… that's not exactly what I meant and that's more like 'who' you were thinking about rather than 'what'." he wasn't going to give up it seemed.

"When your brother…" it faded like a question as I pointed lazily to the door Reno had walked through, continuing to speak when Axel nodded his head. "When he put his hand on his hip it just reminded me of her," I laughed. He seemed to drop it there.

"Okay, now your question." I thought about it, looking up to the ceiling to show that I was really thinking about it. "Why does your sister live somewhere else than you? Is it safe?" I looked over at him. "Whoa. I said ONE," he held up his finger, "Question… why do you want to know?"

"Well… I told Sora to stay the night… I don't want him staying somewhere dangerous, ya'know?" he looked like he was thinking. "Kairi lives with our aunt, to help her out and stuff, and yeah it's safe, anyway our aunts visiting family far away so Kairi's the only one there… and your brother will be fine there as long he doesn't pull anything on my sister."

I smiled and shook my head, "That won't be a problem with Sora," Axel seemed confused, but it wasn't my secret to give out, you see- Sora's gay, he had a girlfriend a while back and he realized he just didn't like it, he felt more pulled towards boys.

"Here you go," Reno walked out with two basket like bowels in his hand and on his arm, placing two of the same dish in front of Axel and I, he extended his hand and smiled, "I'm Reno, flame boy's older brother," I shook his hand, returning the smile, "I'm Roxas."

Axel drove me home, dropping me off at the end of the road, I jumped out of his car, "Thanks… for everything," "No problem," once I made it up the steps he drove away. Maybe he wasn't such an ass hat after all.

_**Yup. This is a chapter just to show where everyone stands- ya'know?**_


	3. Chapter 3: Shit Happens

Genesis wasn't home all that much for the weekend, Sora came back a little after noon on Saturday. Okay, I know it might sound confusing when I say Genesis but I don't really know what to call him, he's not my father but my mother and him were married for years- before and after Sora and I were born. Most the time it's just easier to say he's my father, ya'know? But he's not. I guess he's my step-dad, but I just chose not to address him- gets rid of the whole problem.

Monday came, with a bright and happy start- not. Angeal was banging on the door at about five, it was still pitch black outside, but I rolled off mine and Sora's bed and opened the door for him, he shoved his way in and was shouting as he made himself at home, trying to wake Genesis up. I guess they were child hood friends- but all I really knew was that they had always been close.

Turns out the black haired man- Angeal, hadn't gone to sleep yet, so within a few minutes of him shouting to get the brown haired man, he was passed out on our couch. I slid back into my bed with Sora, enjoying the still warm bed. But the peacefulness didn't last because Genesis was up now, and he wasn't in the best mood- he could never be mad at his friend so he was just in a bitchy mood about me mostly.

"Roxas!" I heard him yell- most likely from the kitchen, "Ug… Coming," I yelled back, standing up and slugging back into the place I had just left, "Make us something since you're up." he was in the kitchen but after he got done telling me what he wanted he finished pulling on his tight short sleeve black shirt and walked to sit in the living room with the now waking up Angeal.

Getting the eggs out and sausage I went back into the bedroom, "Sora?" my voice was quiet but he heard it, amazing he could hear me whisper but not Angeal's loud mouth, "Hmm?" "What do you want for breakfast?" "Whatever…" he mumbled again, "Alright," I started shutting the door and when it was almost shut I heard Sora speaking again, "Roxas?" "Yeah?" "Thanks…" "No problem…"

I didn't mind doing things around the house- it never bothered me, what bothered me was doing pretty much everything and then everyone just ignoring what I had done- not all the time just a "Thank you" every once in a while would be good. I cracked the eggs on the corner of the clean pan after turning it on, pulling open the drawer to grab out a spatula, I opened the package of sausage and listened to it sizzle in the pan.

Soon there were two eggs for all of them and sausage for Genesis and Angeal- Sora could never eat meat in the morning, something about it I guess. Walking the food out to them with their silver ware I handed it to each of them, to which they both took the plates and ignored me. "Whatever," I said in my head, I put Sora's plate on the table and went in to wake him up.

At almost seven o-clock, after everyone was done eating and I had washed their plates and Sora had gotten in the shower, me and Sora sat at the kitchen table and talked silently, Angeal and Genesis were talking too- just not so silently, they finally decided to leave, "Alright, Sora hurry up for the bus, and Roxas, since you have nothing better to do why don't you clean the house." Genesis left when he was finished talking.

"It's not like I didn't clean this place spotless three days ago," I said in my head as I leaned my head on my hand and rested my eyes for a moment, "You okay?" "Yeah," I opened my eyes again to see Sora looking at me concerned. "How's your eye?" his tone was soft and caring and it was just what I wanted to hear, "It's alright, not too bad," it hadn't bruised as much as I had thought but it was still bruised.

Sora wrapped his arm loosely around my head- like a hug- and kissed my hair, "Have a good day," his voice was calm still, "You too," I took a deep breath as Sora shut the door. This is why the only person in the world that I needed was Sora, he always knew just how to act and just what to say. He didn't have to be strong- he didn't have to protect me, and I'm happy he doesn't, I just want him to know I'm human too and I want to be treated like one.

The rest of the day was silent, I didn't know what time Genesis or Angeal would swing by, so I cleaned the house as fast as possible then sat and watched tv. The door slammed open and for a moment I thought it was one of the two older men but it didn't sound forceful enough, and I was right- it wasn't them, it was Sora. "What's wrong?" I watched as he paced around the kitchen a few times, "I think Riku's pissed at me," "Wait… what?"

After getting Sora to calm down a bit we sat on the couch and I asked him to explain everything. "Well…" he started. "It was gym, and we were changing to play and all that and I saw Seifer put something into Riku's locker- but I didn't say anything and then at the end of class when we were changing back into our normal clothes Seifer got the teacher to come in and was playing a fake victim and all that and saying Riku was trying to sell him DRUGS!"

I was nodding my head the whole time, "And why do you think he was mad at you?" "Because I didn't say anything! The teacher kicked him off the team and he got suspended!" I looked ahead at the black tv, thinking, and I saw that the clock only read 1:03 pm. "Sora? What're you doing home? School isn't over yet…" I looked back over at him.

He scratched his head nervously, "I um… got a ride from my friend… I just had gym and I don't know if Seifer saw what I did but I don't think he did- but if he did I don't want him to try to beat me up or something!" "Sora, no one is going to beat you up, okay," I was looking him in the eye, "First off, you need to go back to school and get back to class, second off, you need to tell the principle or someone what you saw- they wont tell Seifer on you, but if Riku's innocent then they need to know."

"I know," he whined, "But I don't know…" standing up from the couch I grabbed the cordless phone we just had installed on Sunday, yesterday, and handed it to him, "Call your friend and ask if he'll bring you back to school." When Sora looked up at me he had on a smile but it was one of his half smiles that meant: I understand what you're saying and I know I should agree but a little bit of me just wants to hide away.

He started dialing and after a short conversation it was revealed that his friend wouldn't come get him. "I don't have a way back…" he mumbled, I grabbed the phone and called Kairi, the phone almost went unanswered, "Who is this?" her voice finally sounded, on the last possible ring she picked up, "It's Roxas, sorry, I know you're in school," "No, I'm sorry, it's okay- I'm in lunch right now, what's up?" "Do you have any friends that would pick Sora up?"

The conversation went with a lot of answers but ended with, "Axel will be by- since all he's doing is sleeping anyway, and he'll bring him back at school, Sora could've talked to me if he was really bugged- I know I'm not his twin but still," and that was pretty much it. I shooed Sora outside and we waited on the steps for Axel to show up.

His car wasn't as dark as I thought it was when I rode in it last, but that might have been because it was dark out. Sora got in and Axel rolled down his window with the switch on his own door, "I hope you know you owe me now?" his had his shit eating grin on his face, I couldn't help but smile back, "Yeah, whatever, I'll give you some money for the gas," a few goodbyes and thank yous and a threat from me that Sora better end up at school safe- and they were driving away.

That was enough work for me in one day- I took a nap.

"Ugh…" I rolled over, and I thought I open my eyes- I was still a bit in dreamland, so it took me a few seconds to realize I did open my eyes it was just dark now. "Sora?" I called, walked through my closed door down the hall and into the light kitchen, Sora was standing in front of the stove, a pot in one hand as his other hand held a wooden spoon. "Hey," his voice was smooth, much more calm than it was earlier when he had something along the lines of a panic attack.

I rested my forehead on the cold table, enjoying the coldness on my heated eye, "How'd it go?" "I panicked a bit… I went to go in as soon as I got there but Axel said I could go to my classes and he would drop me off after school if I missed the buss, so I'd have a little while more to think. And like I thought, Seifer knew I saw him… he threatened me," I looked up at him, I didn't see any bruises but I was facing his back, "Did-" I started but Sora cut me off, "Axel showed up, and told Seifer, "I don't think his brother will like that much, he might break your nose again"- oh yeah Rox, you broke Seifer's nose, he looks so stupid now," I could hear his smile.

"Anyway, Seifer didn't like that, he had me pinned against the wall and had his whole tough guy voice and said, "I'll beat that little shit head till he can't stand for breaking my nose," and he sounded pretty serious, but then Axel cut in and he told Seifer that if Seifer ever did that to you that he would personally wreck Seifer up." Sora turned around and held up a bowl for me to see, asking if I wanted any- even though I didn't know what it was, I nodded my head and he started to put the food in both bowls as he continued talking.

"Axel had to basically push Seifer away from me because Seifer just wanted to have a starring contest with Axel and not walk away, it pissed me off that he said he was going to beat you up- so I went to the office right after and I told the principle what happened in the gym and I told him about what happened with you and Riku and Seifer. He said you're still suspended for the week because of the fight though, but he said he would put Riku back on his team and Seifer would get in a bunch of trouble."

Sitting down in front of me Sora slid the bowl over to me to reveal what the mystery food was- chicken flavored rice. "So everything's good now?" I asked him, looking up as he seemed pretty peaceful, "Yupp, thanks for talking to me earlier…" he watched me for a second before quickly jumping, "Oh yeah," he leaned back in his chair and reached into his pocket, using both hands to pull out a small piece of paper, "Axel told me to give this to you, he gave me a ride home, he said it was his cell number- so you wouldn't have to call Kairi again."

"What time is it?" I looked around the still sorta new kitchen, "it's six something," he was shoveling food into his mouth. "Has Genesis or Angeal been back?" "No- they're still out," his tone was a bit sad but that was to be expected. When the two men were out together for a while it meant they were probably drinking- they always drank after work, so the longer they were gone the more drunk and ill tempered they would be when they got home.

Sora and I did our homework together, doing all the recent things first, we had all our books spend around on the floor, switching between subjects so we didn't get too bored, we heard a truck pull up and two slams followed by the door opening, we both looked up at the clock to read that it was after nine now. I'm pretty sure Sora was- I know I was holding my breath, waiting to hear how everything was going to go. Hearing a slam I jumped up and cautiously walked out into the kitchen, Sora following behind me.

Genesis was nowhere to be seen but Angeal was half sitting half laying in the kitchen chair, his hand covering his eyes, in a quick second he was bent over trying to untie his boots, and that just made it clear that he was drunk. "Damn it!" Angeal screamed, he looked up- at either me or Sora, "Get my damn boots off!" he mumbled along the lines of- I couldn't tell what he was really saying, before Sora could react I was kneeling in front of Angeal to untie his shoes, trying to get them untied as fast as possible, I went to stand up but felt a sharp pain on my head.

Squeezing my eyes shut I ground my teeth, someone- which it turned out was Angeal, had his hand squeezing my hair, picking me up, halfway, "You-" he hissed in my face, I could smell the alcohol on his breath, "You and your damn blond hair," "Shit," I thought. He threw me back, pushing me away, I caught myself on my hand and part of my arm, pushing myself further from him so I wasn't within his reach, Sora was behind me helping me to stand.

And as soon as I was standing my balance was pushed off and I fell to the ground yet again, quickly jolting around I saw Genesis standing behind me, Sora still standing there. Before I could say anything Genesis had his hand tightly holding the back of Sora's neck, "Go to your room," I heard Genesis slur out. He started to push Sora away but he was still staring at me, I knew how this was going to go as soon as Angeal pointed out my blond hair, I could see Sora standing behind him, in the doorway to our room- watching. I didn't care if I got the shit beat out of me or when Genesis yelled those hate filled words, no. I could handle all that, what I couldn't handle was it happening to Sora or Sora watching it.

But there was no way Sora was going to just closed the door, he never did, I turned around and as fast as I could I ran through the living room, which was out of sight from my room and tried to get to the door, but as soon as I felt the handle someone pulled me back and my body slammed into them, causing us both to fall. I was confused for a few minutes, I felt a repeated pressure on my face but I didn't know what it was at first, Genesis had me pinned to the ground now and was trying to punch me back and forth across my face- though only a few landed, and I was fighting back- trying to anyway.

Managing to get up off the ground a few times I was pulled right back down and he would try to punch me again, but it was all mostly a blur, my body was acting on its own and I didn't register any of the pain I was feeling. My focus was just to get away, and there was a loud noise that kept going- which happened to be Genesis screaming at me about things that weren't really my fault but he still said they were, and after a few minutes, when my adrenaline was starting to disappear I noticed Angeal was standing behind Genesis, trying to pull him off of me.

When Angeal succeeded I stood up and ran into Sora, causing us both to fall into our room, I rolled off him and kicked the door shut with my bare foot, staring at the door for a good few minutes as I tried to remember how to breathe. There was silence for a while, my heart was beating like a hammer inside my chest, I couldn't feel Sora put his hands on my shoulders and I couldn't feel when he tried to pick me up. Angeal was speaking/yelling at Genesis in the other room, saying how Genesis was out of line and all that jazz.

"I'm fine," I finally mumbled, I didn't care if no one asked I still told Sora that, I wiggled so Sora would let go of my shoulders, he sat in front of me, looking at me, but I was still staring at the door and floor, trying to get my body to calm down. Genesis slammed something out in the other room and I could hear Angeal scolding him, he yelled something really loud but our door muffled it. Then I heard a soft knock, Sora responded for me, "Yeah?" it was Angeal- that we already knew, he wasn't as drunk as Genesis tonight, "Should leave… now," and with that his shadow was gone from under the door.

I couldn't hear Sora shuffling around in our dresser and I couldn't hear him unzip and zip his backpack, and within a few minutes he was pulling a sweatshirt onto me and talking to me, telling me to get my shoes on, but he pretty much ended up sliding my feet into my shoes- which is how they were meant to go on because that's how I had them tied. The cold air slapped me out of my trance, Sora was pulling me by my wrist and walking down the road, a sweatshirt on himself and a bag full of his school stuff and clothes. I knew there was clothes inside because there was a bit of one of his sleeves caught in the zipper.

I guess the cold really didn't snap me out of my trance, because before I knew it we were sitting at the park, sitting on the swings yet again as the cold breeze beat against our backs. Pumping my feet I made the swing go, encouraging the coldness to take over my body because it was the only thing keeping me really intact at the moment, "You okay?" I asked Sora, looking over at him as he sat still on his swing, I wasn't sure if he got hit or anything, "I hate how he does that," he mumbled, I didn't take my eyes off him and I stopped kicking my feet, coming to a hault, I stilled- waiting for him to continue.

"He's so cruel to you Rox," "It's okay-" "No, it's not…" Sora looked over at me and I could see the tears in his blue eyes, the same color as mine and in that moment I realized I had tears in the corner of my own eyes. I quickly wiped them away and stood up, crouching in front of Sora, who was still trying not to cry. "You wanna know why it's okay?" I asked him, my voice calm and as smooth as I could make it, Sora didn't respond so I continued anyway.

"As long as I have you it doesn't matter," Sora rolled his eyes at me and gave a small smile, "As long as you're around and you're okay, then I'll be okay," he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and neck and pulled me closer to him, hugging me again, he spoke into the top of my head, "We need to find somewhere to stay tonight… it's too cold to sleep outside," I noticed how he was shaking, before I could say anything there was head lights shining on us.

"Sora? Roxas?" it was a girl's voice- I knew who it was but I couldn't place it, but I didn't have to, "Kairi?" Sora spoke for me, I wondered how the hell I could forget her voice when I had heard it so much, but then again I wasn't really in my right mind at the moment. Sora pushed me away a little so he could stand, he pulled me up to my feet too- again, I wasn't in my right mind, I was a little out of it so I kind of forgot I had a body and that I was kneeling on the ground.

"What're you guys doing out here?" she was standing next to us in the headlights, I have no idea when we ended up facing each other or when we had gotten so close to the car, but whatever. Kairi had on a puffy soft looking pinkish red coat and all I wanted to do when I saw it was wrap up in a thousand blankets and sleep peacefully. "Are you guys okay?" it was another voice but I didn't look over.

Sora starting talking to them and they had a flow blown converstion but I was still out of it, I was thinking back to what exactly happened- it wasn't all that big of a deal because I was still able to stand and I didn't really feel all that much pain right now, actually I didn't really feel anything but I was trying to sort through the random play of newly acquired memories. Before I knew it I was being led to Axel's car by Sora, when the hell did Axel get here? I thought, but it made sense because that was who Kairi was with.

They talked a whole lot, I watched Sora's face which seemed to be changing more than the passing scenery. He would smile every time one of them looked back but the smile was fake and it was gone as soon as their eyes were off him. At some point Sore's face wasn't there anymore, I realized I was just staring at an empty space as the memory of Sora getting out of the car faded into my mind, I looked around and noticed Axel sitting in the driver's seat, Kairi wasn't in the car either.

Leaning my head forward I closed my eyes, the car seat was warm on my forehead but I wanted it to be cold. It felt like only a second later when Axel was shaking my shoulder, I slowly looked up at him and his words never really reached me but I got out of the car and followed him in. Followed isn't really the right word because he had to lead me into his place by gently pushing my shoulder all the way into his house. Axel yelled something but it wasn't at me so I didn't care, and again he was leading me and we passed through a few rooms and were now standing in one that had a bed.

The room was dark so when Axel looked at me and told me something- which from what happened next I guess was him telling me to sit down, it made me calm down a bit. He made me sit on the bed and he pulled off my shoes, setting them together against the wall, I stared at his tattoos as he held still for a while, probably because he was staring back at me. Then the colors were replaced by some other colors and I felt a small weight on my shoulders, and now I was laying down, but my feet were still hanging off the bed.

"Go to sleep," I actually heard Axel say, he walked out of my vision and the light that showed on the ceiling became smaller and smaller and soon was only a sliver. Rolling onto my side I curled up against the wall, pretending it was Sora. I didn't feel like moving up on the bed so I just brought my knees up to my chest so my feet were on the very edge and within a few restless minutes I was out.

_**I had an awful time trying to think of a title xD**_

_**Also, check out my profile to see the stories i plan on writing/ have written. **_


	4. Chapter 4: Someone New

Before I was even really awake I felt a pressure in my face, slowly I opened my eyes and there was a hazy whitish wall in front of me, I rolled my head a bit so I was looking at the ceiling, which I couldn't see because there was a window right above my head and the light that shinned in was unimaginably bright. My eyes closed tight on their own and I kept trying to open my eyes but the brightness was hurting not only my eyes but my head.

Hearing something click and a squeaking noise follow I knew someone had just opened a very close door, they shuffled around with something and opened the door again, "Hey," I mumbled out, looking over even though my eyes were still squeezed tight. Pushing open the eye that was now pressed into the bed I looked and found a redhead in front of me, "Hey," they replied, moving closer to the bed. "How you feeling, yo?"

That confused me, I pushed my weight to my middle to help me sit up, which was a bad idea because as soon as I moved any part of my body it reminded me of the aches I had- that I didn't know I had. "I'll go tell Axel you're up," I looked around- kinda, I tried but it was still bright, trying to stand up I lost my balance quickly and was returned to sitting on the bed. "Fine I won't get up," I thought.

Remembering what happened the night before I hesitantly brought my hand up to my face and gently prodded around my eye, the pressure I applied with my finger tip was amplified to a punch all its own when it slid over a bruise. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up," I could hear the smile on his face and I couldn't help but give a chuckle. "You okay?" no smile there.

"Yeah, it's just really bright in here…" I tried to look up at him but my eyes were watering and it was hard to see, "Sorry about that, I don't have any blinds," there was a silence for a bit before he continued, "Here, come out in the other room," his hand was gently holding my forearm and pulling me up so I was standing, I let him lead me out through the door and into another room and this room was much better.

My eyes opened all the way and I looked around to see a couch and recliner and a giant tv, the windows were covered with heavy black curtains, "Sit down," I looked to find Axel after he spoke but he wasn't in the room anymore. Sitting on the very edge of the couch my movements were slow because of the stiffness of my joints, I relaxed into the leather and enjoyed the coldness. My eyes opened as I felt a cold and heavy weight pressed on my face, "I think we're past the ice stage , but it might make you feel better, and I got you some Tylenol, you can take that, right?"

Nodding my head I grabbed the two small pills and downed them with the water he gave me, he pressed the ice bag back against my face and when I looked over at him I could see that he wasn't really looking at me but rather what was on my skin. "Can I use your bathroom?" I leaned forward a bit and my face scrunched up a little in pain, "Yeah, down next to my room, to the left," I whispered a small thanks and proceeded to find it.

Looking in the mirror just made me groan and feel even worse, there was a cut and bruise that spread from under my nose diagonally down to cut across the corner of my mouth almost to my chin, it was heavily bruised. My left eye had a dark bruise near the bridge of my nose that spread out to a lighter color and another bruise on my jaw line, with yet another bruise around my temple. Pulling my sleeves up to my elbows I looked at my arms that were also covered in a few hand sized bruises and looking at my stomach I had a few minor bruises but the really bad one was right above my left hip- like I had gotten kneed really hard.

Fixing my hair a bit so it covered my temple and eye I washed up a bit, splashing water on my face, I walked out into the living room while wiping my wet hands and arms on my sides and pants. A head of me was Axel and Reno, talking about something so I kept walking straight instead of turning to return to the living room. "Keep in touch yo," Reno said before grabbing his dress coat and walking out into the cold. Axel turned around but stayed leaning against the chair, "Better?" he had a small smile on his face so I couldn't help but return it as I nodded my head, I forgot my sleeves were still pulled up but Axel noticed.

Keeping his distance he looked down and pointed to them, "So who exactly did you get in a fight with?" tipping my head I looked at his face, "What makes you think I got in a fight with anyone?" He shrugged his shoulders and walked past me, "Just assumed," I didn't answer, but I sat in the chair he was leaning against as he began looking around in the fridge.

"So what exactly happened last night?" I asked, he looked up at me from the fridge but didn't move, "What do you mean?" "Well," I shrugged my shoulders, "I remember being at the park and then Kairi was there and then they were both gone…" he smiled again, "You really were out of it last night, huh?" I gave a nervous smile. "Kairi was over for dinner last night, on our way to drop her off at home we saw you and Sora- you both weren't looking too hot, and Sora asked if we knew anywhere you two could stay. My aunt only allows one friend over at a time so Sora volunteered to go over there and you kinda got the short end of the stick and had to come here."

Nodding my head I waited for him to continue because I knew he was going to say something else, "So… will you tell me what happened?" I gave a fake smile, "Nothing important," he put his hands up like he was surrendering, "Alright whatever," he seemed a little offended that I wasn't telling him. "Thanks for letting me stay here," I changed the subject a little, he gave a sigh and his smile returned, "No problem."

"It's almost eleven?" I asked myself aloud as I looked at the clock on the stove, Axel looked over and nodded, "Yeah, like I said, you were really out of it last night," there was a comfortable silence as Axel poured cereal into a bowl, "Don't you have school?" the question popped in my head out of nowhere, Axel was laughing though, "Yeah- I'm supposed to be but I wanted to make sure you weren't dead," he looked over his shoulder at me, "You aren't dead, right?" I laid my head on the table, "I really hope not- or I have a shit tone of questions."

Practically falling asleep at the table I picked my head up when Axel sat across from me and put a bowl in front of my face. I looked from him to the food, "Thanks," I sat up all the way and grabbed the spoon as I pulled the bowl closer, he was eating his own cereal, the colorful mess in the milk was Fruity Rice, which was amazingly delicious.

I talked Axel into letting me wash the dishes since he was nice enough to make me food and let me sleep in his bed, he seemed pretty determined to do it on his own though but I convince him otherwise. Now we sat in the living room and Axel pulled out a case like thing that had a bunch of XBox 360 games and movies, we ended up playing Nazi Zombies for about an hour in which we both learned I rock at that game. After making it to round 22 we decided it was enough and we put in the movie "Daybreakers" and it was beyond freezing in his house.

Bringing my knees up to my chest I curled up against the side of the couch and the last part I really saw was when they learned how to change vampires back into humans- after that I was asleep. I could hear that the movie was over but I didn't bother to open my eyes, instead I shifted my weight so I was now leaning against the thing next to me that was radiating heat. The peacefulness I was hoping for didn't come because the figure I leaned against jumped and then started talking.

"Damn Roxas you're freezing!" Axel must have been the thing I was leaning against, but I really didn't care, I half mumbled half grunted when I replied, "Yeah, you're freaking on fire," I felt him lean away but he returned and I felt something be lain across me, a nice soft and cold blanket, his arm was on my shoulder rubbing it and it was helping to get me warm. But when he pressed a bit harder he found some of the deeper bruises, "Ow…" I mumbled, Axel stopped doing it and just stilled for a moment, "Sorry…" his hand wasn't on my shoulder anymore, I yawned before responding. "It's fine, you were making me warm."

At some point we both fell asleep, when I woke up Axel was half laying and half sitting with his feet off the couch as I leaned against his stomach and his hand was still on my back, the blanket was completely wrapped around me and I was beyond warm and comfy but when I looked up at Axel he looked like he was freezing. Pulling the blanket out from under me, I used the extra parts of the ginormous blanket to cover up the redhead, he seemed pretty happy when I did that and soon I was asleep again.

There was something playing, it sounded nice but I didn't know what it was so curiosity woke me up, I opened one eye then the other, I was half _in _the couch but it was warm so I didn't mind, I used my hand to push me so I was sitting up, the blanket that was on my shoulder got pulled with me, looking around I found a blond sitting on the floor with a guitar looking thing on his lap. Rubbing my eyes gently with the palm of my hand I looked at him and then back at Axel. "Hello," I looked up to see him talking, "Well aren't you two looking lively," I smiled and fell back half on Axel and half on the couch.

I tried to go back to sleep but with the random person sitting in the middle of the floor it was kind of hard. Sitting up again I looked over at the blond and down at Axel, "Are you Axel's friend?" I asked and the blond nodded his head and then stopped quickly and gave me a suspicious look, "Are you?" I scratched my head and sat up a bit more so I wasn't as close to the sleeping Axel, "You'd have to ask him that."

"You two aren't having sex, are you?" his voice was completely serious and he had a pout on his face, I couldn't help the blush that spread across my face, "W-what? No! no… we're not-" I was cut off when he was now standing and had my cheeks pinched between his fingers and thumbs, "You're adorable!" it felt like he was trying to stretch my face, but he quickly let go and had pulled me off the couch- with the blanket, so I was sitting on the floor next to him.

There was a peaceful silence as he began playing his instrument and soon Axel was up, "Why's it so damn cold?" I heard him ask, "Sorry," I responded, looking at the blanket that had been discarded on the floor, he stood up, rubbing his bare arms and left the room, when he came back he had a hoodie on and a heater in hand, he plugged it in and then sat back on the couch. "When'd you get here?" he nodded his head at the blond, "Maybe an hour- so who's this little kid?" I scowled at the blond for calling me little, but it just made his smile grow bigger.

"Oh, you mean the kid who looks like he's about to rip your head off? That would be Roxas," the stranger nodded his head and stuck his hand out for me, "Demyx- at your service," "Uh…" nervously I put my hand out and shook his own. "Aww~" I heard him say but I ignored it, he looked up at Axel, "How do you two know each other/" he asked Axel because he knew I was going to give him a bullshit answer again.

"School, Demyx, from school, you know that place you go on the yellow thing to get to?" Axel was smiling and Demyx was too. Demyx responded, "Wouldn't know, I miss more than you do." and he went back to playing his guitar thing. "Why do you guys miss so much school?" I asked, I had never seen Demyx in the few days I went to school, school was the place I tried to never miss- so I didn't understand why they didn't want to go.

"Well…" Axel started but stopped, Demyx picked up for him. "My boyfriend graduated last year so I like to stay home with him." Demyx said it in the most plain way possible, he then glared at me like his eyes were daggers, "You don't have anything against that, do you?" I gave a nervous laugh, "No, no, I don't have a problem with it." when I opened my eyes Demyx was right in my face, "Are you gay?" his question caused me to blush and lean back as he continued to lean forward. "I- I don't know," "How don't you know?" Demyx kept leaning closer.

"I live a platonic life," I replied, having to put my hands behind me so I didn't fall on my back, Demyx seemed completely serious and then in an instant I was on my back and Demyx was hugging me, "You're so adorable!" he repeated again. I tried to crawl away but he held on for dear life, "What was up with this kid?" I thought, I had just met him maybe half an hour ago.

I heard Axel dying on the couch from laughter, "Oh just wait," Axel chuckled out, "Rox has a twin named Sora," that caused Demyx to freeze, "And they're identical," Axel added and that caused Demyx to gasp, he looked back at Axel with surprise and then back at me while I still tried to get his hands off my sides, he looked at me in complete amazement, and then starting talking a mile a minute. About how he bet we were adorable together and how Sora probably blushed just like me, and he wondered if Sora was 'fun sized' like me, and he went on and on and I still tried to get out of his grasp.

Finally I was free of Demyx but the blond mullet like hair styled guy made me make a promise that I would stay next to him if he promised not to glomp me anymore- and he told me he was only doing it because he would feel awful if he ended up hurting me- he came pretty close to it too. Lying on the ground next to him I caught my breath while he played his guitar and Axel chilled on the couch. I could stay like this forever.

Rolling onto my side I heard Demyx start almost stuttering about something but I didn't turn around to see what it was about. "Roxas- where'd you get that bruise, it looks awful!" Sitting up I looked over at him with a blank face, "Nothing important." But Demyx didn't give up as easily as Axel did, he kept asking and asking while Axel just silently stared at me with his arms crossed, so I was forced to change the subject. "What time is it?"

Neither of them offered up a time so I stood up and walked out to the kitchen, reading the clock on the stove it read 2:15. "I my house close to here?" I asked as I walked back into the living room, "It's further than the park, why?" "Sora's going to be getting home soon," Axel stood up and stretched, "Alright," he started, "I'll give you a ride," he nodded his head to Demyx and the blond jumped up so he was standing. After finding my shoes in Axel's room we jumped into his car, the older two calling the front so I got stuck in the back again.

Still tired I leaned my head against the window and seat- letting myself catch a brief nap. You know when you're asleep but you can still hear what people are saying around you? That happened and what I heard was Axel and Demyx talking about me. "How did he get those bruises?" Demyx asked. "I don't know- Sora wont tell me and when I asked Rox he just said: Nothing important." Axel didn't sound very happy, Demyx asked another question, it was louder though- like he was looking back at me, "Do you think it's from school?" "He hasn't been in school since Friday- he got like this last night…" "What about at his house? What if it's his parents?" "I don't know Demyx… But I'm sure if it's something bad he wont be stupid enough to keep it a secret."

Axel woke me up and as I got out he asked me a question, "What're you doing tomorrow Roxas?" I shrugged my shoulder, "Nothing that I know of, why?" "Wanna hang out?" I stopped and looked at him, a smile on my lips, "You have school," the redhead laughed and looked away for a minute, "Yeahhh…" he drew out. Demyx chimed in, "Roxas you should hang out with me! I'm lonely when Zexion isn't around!" "Isn't that why you stay home?" "Yeah but he has to cover the shift of someone else tomorrow so he won't be home…" I could help but smile at his pout, "That means you should go to school."

Demyx didn't give up though, he looked out his own window so all I saw was the back of his head before quickly turning around and talking again, "I'll be here at 8!" I face palmed. Axel whispered to me, "You won't be able to convince him otherwise now…" I chuckled, "Alright." Demyx cheered. "Nice to meet you Demyx, thanks for the ride and everything Axel." I turned and walked up to the house and through the door, listening to the silence of an empty house.


	5. Chapter 5: Gotta Love People

"I'm going to school…" Sora mumbled to me, I heard the doors close behind him till he was clear out of the house, I didn't want to get up- trust me when I say this, I normally am the first to get up, but I was just really tired. It was only Tuesday but right now I was glad I didn't have to worry about school for the rest of the week. Hearing boots on the linoleum floor I knew Genesis was walking around in the kitchen, "Ugh…" I didn't want to face him, but I also didn't want to delay my fate for any longer- the sooner the better, right?

I rolled off the bed, sitting awkwardly on the floor as I reached around for a pair of pants, grabbing a pair of dark skinny jeans I pulled them on over my gray boxers. Standing up I hooked the pants low on my hips- not really even on my hips, I wore my pants so they hung down lower than they should… it was just more comfortable that way. Looking around I found a long sleeved light gray and deep purple shirt, with that on and a pair of socks and shoes I was walking out of my bedroom door.

Watching Genesis walk around I could tell he was probably drunk last night because he wasn't ready for work at all right now. "You just going to stand there?" I heard him snap at me, "What do you want me to do?" I wasn't going to help him search for his shit. "Make me a thing of fucking coffee how about?" Halfway rolling my eyes I walked over to the coffee machine and grabbed a mug to pour it in. "What time is it?" I heard Angeal call from the living room, "Great," I spoke in my head, "It's 7:57." I must have been in my room longer than I thought because Sora had to leave to catch the bus at 7:10.

Setting the mug on the table next to his already accumulated things, I looked towards my room to go hide away again till they left, but I was stopped. "Rox…" Genesis' voice was soft, turning around I didn't look him in the eye, more at his shoulder, his hand came up and grabbed hold of my chin, moving my face back and forth while he checked out the damage he had done. "Don't touch me…" I whispered, moving my head back a bit, my eyes instantly looking down. I didn't want to deal with Genesis' bullshit, not this early in the morning.

Incase you're under the impression that Genesis 'caring' about me isn't bullshit then let me explain. This is the definition, practically, of his bullshit. Pretending he cares and like he's truly sorry and all that jazz, he always did it to me when I was growing up, and it always made me forgive him- not like I ever really even blamed him. But he would play nice for a bit, only to use it as in excuse later when he was even more drunk.

Feeling a sting on my face as I was smacked I planted my feet on the floor, "I'll do whatever I want," he spoke back to me, "Genesis!" Angeal shouted from across the room, it was more of a warning or something to get Genesis' attention. Genesis placed his finger tips on his forehead like he had a headache before turning away and grabbing all of his stuff. There was knocking on the door, Angeal was closer so he opened it. "Hello? Is Roxas' here?" it was a cheery voice but it was forcing calmness, Genesis, Angeal, and I were just standing around till suddenly Genesis began walking and pushed past Demyx, Angeal following behind.

"Umm… oookkkaayyy…" Demyx drew out. Shaking my head I walked over to the door, "Hey," "What was all that about?" "Nothing… They're just tired…" He shrugged and I couldn't help but gasp in surprise when his arm looped around my own and dragged me out of the house, "We're going to have some fun," he warned.

We were riding in his car for a good five minutes before I noticed the look on Demyx's face, like he was going to explode or have a brain aneurysm. "What's on your mind?" I asked softly, he looked like he was tearing at himself about whatever it was. "Just so many questions!" he yelled, not taking his eyes off the road. "Umm… Like what?" "I can't." that didn't make sense. "Can't what?" "Ask questions. Zexion says I'm too nosey and it comes off impulsive. He didn't mean any offence by it, he just told me that that's how everyone sees it and if I want more people to like me and be my friend then I need to let them tell me what they want when they want and he kept going on and on and on."

When he finally stopped talking and decided to breathe, I didn't know what to say. "Well… how about you ask just one question then- and I won't mind and maybe your head won't explode?" I really didn't want Demyx to know things about my life and I didn't want to say it was okay for him to know because I didn't know what he would ask and I didn't know if I would give him an answer- just a whole lot of things I didn't know. "Okay." that seemed to lighten the load on his shoulders. "Are those two your dads?" "What? No!" I responded a bit to quickly.

"You see…" I started a bit slower, "They're just really good friends, always have been, so they're close. But Angeal, the one who answered the phone, is always sleeping around with chicks and Genesis was married to a woman for a very long time…" "That doesn't mean anything," Demyx frowned, I shook my head slowly, "No, they're not together, they've just always been close…they don't swing that way." "How do you know?" I didn't but I also didn't want a picture of Genesis and Angeal having sex in my head so I dropped it right there.

We pulled up to a nice looking house, it was a light brown and a mix between either two story or one- it was hard to tell, it was that awkward height, but the house still looked better than the dark one Sora and I were residing in. Anyway, we pulled up to it and were now walking inside, Demyx was humming a tune the whole time, I had no idea what we where doing. Walking through the door and down a small hall we were in the living room, and as it turned out there was a lot of people that could fit in this house.

I wont describe them all, but there was 3 people sitting in the living room and right after I saw them, another one walked in. "Sit anywhere," Demyx spoke to me, but I didn't move, I just continued to stand awkwardly, but then I felt a hand on my wrist and now I was on the couch, I looked up to see Demyx walking away. Listening to a girl with white hair and the boy with pink hair (who she was sitting on the lap of) messing around I heard someone address me. Looking up I saw the white hair girl was the one looking at me.

"What's your name?" her voice was quiet and soft, making my own voice sound not so nice, "Roxas…" Another girl in the room let out a gasp before throwing a pillow at me, knocking me upside the head so I flew back into the couch, "You!" I looked to find a blonde girl pointing at me as she sat straight in her chair. "W-what?" I asked nervously. "You're the one Axel won't shut the hell up about!" Another pillow was thrown at me and hit me in the face again, "All I hear from him is, "Roxas Roxas this, and Roxas Roxas that, and blah blah blah," and he won't shut the hell up!" she reached for another pillow but there were no more.

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything, "Larxene…" The pink haired man said, looking over at the blonde girl who kept throwing pillows at me. "What she means," started the white haired girl, "Is we've heard a lot about you from Axel…" again I didn't know what to say but I still spoke up, "Like what?" The pink haired boy replied, "Like how you punched Seifer in the face and got suspended your third day of school." Scratching my cheek nervously with my finger tip I looked down, "Yeah…" I drew out.

"I'm Naminé," the white haired girl said, "This is Marluxia," She directed to the pink haired boy's lap she was sitting on, she used her hand to point across the room to the two on the other side, but was stopped when she began coughing. It sounded awful, but it stopped in a few seconds. "That is Larxene, and Mr. Blue is Saïx." "Umm… Hi?" I replied nervously, looking at all of them.

There was silence for a while, so I decided to speak up, "So you're all friends with Axel?" They all seemed to start nodding in unison, "We all grew up together," Marluxia said while still looking at Naminé. "How old are you guys?" I started, "I mean- shouldn't you guys be in school?" I know, again with the school- but whatever. The pink haired man began laughing again, "No." he started, "I graduated last year, along with Larxene, Saïx, and Zexion. Naminé didn't go because she's sick and Demyx would much rather stay with his boyfriend. Axel went today though, so did Riku."

My mouth dropped there. "Riku?" I repeated quietly, "Yeah," Larxene snarled, "We heard what you did to him and you're lucky it wasn't me you punched- I'm still pissed at you but Riku seems to be fine with it." Everyone was watching me, waiting to see what I would say. "I didn't mean to punch him… I mean… I did… but only because he was going to punch Sora first…" "Sora? He's the one who got Riku out of trouble, right?" Marluxia asked everyone but me, though I was the one that answered, "Yeah, that was Sora, he's my twin… he still thinks Riku is going to corner him and beat the shit out of him- for both the drink and what Seifer did in the locker room."

"How'd you find out about that?" Larxene asked, I tipped my head sideways, "About the locker room and shit," she added. "Sora told me about it…" "So your twin tells you everything," Larxene added. "You're lucky he did something and you're related to him or we'd all beat the shit out of you right now…" Marluxia said. "That wouldn't be very nice for you, seeing as how we're all his friend and we don't even know you…" Naminé added in a cool tone. Everyone was glaring at me for a good few minutes before Marluxia burst out laughing followed by Naminé, "Relax kid, you're alright, we're just playing with you, and Riku's not pissed."

Letting out air I didn't know I was holding in everyone seemed a bit more peaceful, apparently they had been planning to corner me like that, Demyx walked through the room and asked if we had all be acquainted, when I nodded my head I was pulled off from the couch. "This is Zexion," Demyx had led me through a doorway to the kitchen, there was a man with slate gray hair at the sink, "Demyx, you're supposed to be helping me with the dishes," his tone was cold but caring, when he turned and noticed me he nodded his head like a silent hello.

"I would, really," Demyx started, "But I told Axel I would pick him up~" I looked at him, "Reno's car is out for a bit so he's borrowing Axel's- till then Axel has no ride." I looked at the nearest clock after Demyx had explained it all, "Well, it's only 8:30- he should stay in school, he's a senior this year anyway, right? He needs to get some good grades," Demyx only smiled and walked away, taking his car keys with him. I turned around when I heard Zexion let out a sigh.

Walking up to the sink I looked at Zexion, "Do you want me to help?" I asked nervously, he shook his head, "No, that's alright…" "Really? I mean… it's not like I have anything else to do except stand here awkwardly…" there was a silence that followed after my words, and what followed that was Zexion nodding his head, "Alright. Could you rinse and dry them off?" He turned around to look at me as I nodded my head, walking up next to him.

Not thinking about anything other than helping out I didn't take notice that when I pulled up my sleeves that my bruises were visible, I didn't notice at all actually till I was rolling them down when all the dishes were done, and Zexion said nothing about it. I followed him out into the other room, back where everyone else was. Naminé and Larxene were playing some video game, Naminé was sitting on Marluxia's lap still and I have no idea where Saïx was, but I decided to ask when almost half an hour went by and I still hadn't seen him. "Where did… Saïx?… go?" I knew my voice came off nervous but I was never good at hiding my emotions from my voice.

Zexion answered me, "To go get Kairi. Today's their one year anniversary." I couldn't picture Kairi with him but hey- whatever floats her boat. "They've been together for three years actually, but they always have some sort of fight and break up for a few days before getting back together, but I told him, and my sister, if they broke up one more time they were staying apart, and so far they haven't," I looked over to the doorway to find Axel walking through behind Demyx.

"We should go somewhere!" Demyx cried as he sat on the floor in front of his boyfriend, right next to me, "Like where?" Marluxia turned around to look at him, leaning back on his hands because at some point they moved so Naminé could be closer to the screen but she didn't want to get off his lap, it was really easy to assume they were together. "We should go to the mall- and watch a movie!" Demyx responded as he ran up out of the room, to his bedroom I think because when he came back he was wearing different clothes.

I had no intentions of going with them, I'd figured they'd drop me off at my house, but here we were at the mall. I had ridden with Axel, Demyx, and Zexion while the other three rode together behind us, I stayed close to Axel because I knew him the most out of everyone, the only time I really left his side was when Demyx would grab hold of my arm and pull me around to show me stuff. Finally we were up to the window for the movies, I gave a small tug on Axel's shirt sleeve, "I'm going to keep walking around," I began to walk away but was pulled back by Demyx- by my arm.

His hand wrapped around the bruise on my upper arm causing me to bite my lip to stop from yelling at him or running or anything that would make everyone around me look at me, "But you have to watch it with us!" Demyx was whining, but it didn't really bother me because I was paying attention to what Axel was saying, "Are you alright?" his voice was quiet and hidden from the others by the loud blonds voice. Nodding my head to the redhead, I replied to Demyx, "I don't have any money," I tried to walk away again but I heard Demyx protest and again he grabbed hold of my arm- I don't know if it was his grip or he was holding tighter or maybe it was just the way he grabbed around the bruise but it hurt more and if Axel hadn't put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me under his arm I think I would have either yelled at Demyx or let out some noise to let him know I was in pain. "I got it Demyx," Axel said as he led me away from the group, still under his arm.

"You okay?" he asked again while we were still walking away, "Yeah…" I could tell he didn't buy that, so I added, "Just still a little sore…" Axel tried to ask again but he didn't push instead he told me that he would buy my ticket and if I really felt bad about it- because I kept turning him down, then I could pay him back some other time. "Are any of you guys over 21?" I asked as Axel led us back to the group, "Why?" Marluxia asked as we made it within ear shot, "Umm… well, because I just turned 15..." He nodded his head slowly. They all wanted to see the movie _Sinister_, which was rated R and I wouldn't be allowed to see it if no one was over 21.

"That's alright, we'll just say you're 18 and when they say they don't believe you get all defensive about things they didn't mention, like your height," Axel laughed but I pouted. I didn't need to say anything though because the lady never asked and neither did the guy who took the tickets. We sat about 3 rows from the front, in the order of Larxene, Naminé, Marluxia, Zexion, Demyx, Axel, then me. Somewhere in all this people started holding hands, I'm pretty sure Zexion didn't hold Marluxia's though, but Axel held his hand out to me with his fingers fanned out, so I took it, I forgot I was holding it for most of the time, till something a little too creepy happened and I squeezed his hand and I could hear him laughing.

As we left the movies Axel hadn't let go of my hand, not until he wanted to get candy out of one of those vending machine like things- the ones that only needed 25 cents to 75 and you turned the knob and it rolled out. Over all I had a good time, and it was only 12 pm, we filed into the cars and were on our way back, Axel asked if he could hold my hand again and I didn't really think anything by it so I let him, his hands were warm and he mentioned a few times that my hands were cold so it just made it seem more comfortable.

I got dropped off at my house a little before Sora got there, only because they decided to stop at McDonald's and get a bunch of chicken nuggets, I saved most of mine for Sora though. Shutting myself in my room I turned on my CD player and blared Coheed and Cambria, repeating the song: No World For Tomorrow over and over again, cleaning the mess of clothes on the ground I folded them in put them in the bureau. Sora and I shared clothes, but we had specific things that were our own things, I had the last drawer and Sora had the one above it and they held our personal clothes/things that the other wasn't allowed to wear or touch- like underwear and the matching shirts our mother gave us.

My drawer also had all my things like photos that I wasn't allowed to have showing- Genesis's 'rules'- more like if he knew I had them he would rip them apart. They were of my older brother Leon and my sister Yuna… thinking about them made me move quicker, throwing the clothes where they had to go and straightening the bed, I sat by my drawer and pulled it open, pulling out the photo album I had of my family. A photo of all of us was the first one. My mother was holding both Sora and I while Genesis sat next to her on the hospital bed- Yuna standing next to him and Leon standing next to our mom. The only ones smiling were Yuna and our mom… the only two people who really loved me- I would say loved Sora too but Sora was loved by Genesis for a little while.

Hearing the door open softly I knew it was Sora so I quickly put the photo's away, no reason to give him bad memories when he could've had a good day- though I don't know how his day went. "Roxas?" I heard him call, "In here," I replied, when he walked in I pointed to the nuggets, which he grabbed hold of as he jumped onto the bed, "Yum! Where did you get these from?" "Axel," My response was simple. "You like him, don't you?" "What?" "Axel, I mean… you two are always hanging out, and he likes to buy you stuff…" "Wouldn't that mean he likes me, not me liking him?"

"Well," Sora started, "If you were a normal human it might, but you're Roxas. And Roxas doesn't accept anything unless he likes the person." My mouth hung open but no retort came to mind, I shook my head and changed the subject, "So how'd your day go?" "Eh…" his response was a bit too simple for the happy bubbly Sora, "What happened?" I asked again as I turned on the floor so I was facing him. "Seifer showed up at school- even though he's suspended… and he said that he knew I was the one who told and yeah…"

Jumping up on the bed with him I nudged him to continue, "And," he started nervously, "He said he'd get his pay back for me getting him in trouble…" he rolled off the bed and was walking towards the door, "And that's it?" I asked as I followed him out, "Not exactly… but… well… the kids in school don't really like me… they think I'm emo and all that…" shaking my head I walked past him as he sat at the kitchen table. Sora was the most upbeat person I knew- he now held a tie with Demyx though, but the way they were treating him in school was bugging him a lot… or maybe it was just because of the move- he had a lot of friends in Traverse Town and now he had no way to really talk to them.

Someone was knocking on the door- if I forgot to mention that, that's why I was walking past Sora. Anyway I opened the door and I saw a silver haired person walking away, "Hello?" "Oh, you're home…" he quickly turned around and I saw it was none other than Riku, "Umm… yeah…" I really didn't want to get punched in the face specifically right now. But his demeanor was different. His arm was brought up to nervously scratch the back of his head, "Yeah, I was wondering if I could talk to Sora?" "Ye-Yeah," I moved aside to let him enter.

"Sora?" I pointed him in the direction of the kitchen, "Hey Sora," Riku started- still clearly nervous, "I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I really need to talk to you…" Sora must have noticed the way Riku was acting because Sora was at ease also, "Yeah," he waited for Riku to continue but Riku turned around and looked at me for a brief second before turning to look back at Sora, he shrugged his shoulders as he spoke, "I was kinda hoping we could talk in private…"

Walking past him I spoke with my back to both of them, looking in the fridge, "You're going to have to do it in another room unless you plan on cooking dinner." They both left. I wish I knew what they talked about. They were silent for a while, and just when I was starting to get worried that maybe Riku was a murderer or something, I heard a familiar giggle from Sora. "Huh…" I said to myself. Dinner was done- chicken and chicken flavored rice, it had been almost an hour, so I knocked on our bedroom door and waited for a response, "Yeah?" Sora laughed, I opened the door and found Sora sitting on our bed and Riku sitting on the floor a few feet in front of him.

"Dinner's done, you can stay here to eat if you want Riku…" Sora jumped up from the bed after my words and was already on his way out to the kitchen, I waited for Riku to follow and when he did I pushed the words out of my mouth. "Um Riku…" he was right in front of me now, I looked up at him, "Um… I'm sorry- for punching your face… and stuff…" Riku seemed to smile at that, "It's all good, don't worry about it." he put his hand in my hair before walking out to find Sora.

Over dinner it just so happens that Riku is an actually pretty chill dude. At first we talked about random things, like movies we saw and such, then the conversation took a more serious turn. "I'm actually kind of happy you punched me…" He mumbled out with a smile on his face.

"What?" I couldn't hide the chuckle from my voice, what the hell did he mean? "Well… if you hadn't I wouldn't have noticed that it was Seifer's fault, Sora probably wouldn't have gotten me back on the team and… things are good right now- if you hadn't tackled me and attempted to beat the shit out of me then I probably wouldn't have that right now." his smile was bright and when I looked over at Sora I could tell by his own smile that Riku meant something to him now.

Riku left at just the right time, within a few minutes Genesis and Angeal were back, but Angeal didn't stay. The brown haired man grabbed some food and sat in the living room, ignoring Sora and I- which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Actually that's pretty much how the rest of the week went, I let Sora figure out how he felt about Riku on his own- meaning I didn't talk to him about it for the rest of the week, Angeal hadn't been around at all except to drop off Genesis, and I hadn't seen anyone for the whole week.

When Axel or Demyx and sometimes even Marluxia and Naminé would come over I would tell them I couldn't hang out- mostly because I didn't want to but on top of that I told them about all my homework that I had to accomplish. Axel came over Thursday and attempted to help me get everything done but half of the assignments I needed to do he didn't even know about- "Maybe you should try going AND staying in school," I remarked with a smile, Axel mimicked me in a high pitched voice and after that we did nothing related to school.

I wish Friday went the same as the rest of the week- peaceful and calm, and it was for most of the day, but when Genesis got home- all hell broke loose. Going for a walk I got distracted- which is really easy for me, so by the time I got back to the house he was already home and there was no dinner waiting- not like there was anything to cook anyway because he wouldn't give me money to go shopping.

Before I even opened the door I could hear Genesis yelling, taking a deep breath I opened the door and walked in slowly, hiding my footsteps behind his shouts. "I work all day for this?" he shouted, "Where the hell is Roxas? Sora!" I could hear Sora stuttering to give an answer but he was taking too long and I jumped out from where I was- not literally, "I'm right here…" I responded. And I was right, Genesis was standing practically over top of Sora, he whipped around and looked at me, pointing in my face, "Where the hell were you?" he shouted again.

"I went for a walk… I didn't think I'd be gone that long…" I walked around him and looked in the fridge, hoping if I started cooking now and just ignored his anger than he'd go sit in the living room or something- you know? But he didn't, he grabbed hold of my arm and spun me around while walking closer so I was jammed between him and the counter. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Walking off like that!" he was really pissed about something.

"It was just a walk…" Sora said behind Genesis. And of course Genesis turned around again, too fast for Sora to react, whipping his hand to smash across Sora's face, the audible smack echoed through the kitchen followed by Sora's pained gasp and the smack of his hands and body hitting the floor. "Don't touch him!" I shouted back before I could think clearly, I shoved Genesis away in the process, pushing him as fair way as I could in hopes he would lose his balance and fall, but he only stumbled- and I didn't notice that. Grabbing Sora's arm I tired to pull him up while walking through the nearest door- which was the bathroom, but I didn't get there.

Sora was still stumbling in shock to stand up straight and use his legs like he should've, but right when the door was in reach I felt a dull pain on my head before I was pulled back. Genesis was shouting at me still but I wasn't listening, he had grabbed my hair and pulled me over to him and now held me against him with a firm hold on my hair. "Let go!" I shouted at him a few times, of course he didn't, instead he gave a few rough tugs because I shouted when he was shouting at me.

Still in shook, Sora was a little out of commission but close enough to the bathroom so I took a chance and brought my arm back to elbow Genesis in the chest/stomach. His air hissed out of his lungs as his grip loosed on my hair, I ran forward- not feeling the pain from the few pieces of hair he ripped out, and grabbed Sora's arm to drag him into the bathroom, I had no sooner got Sora awake and function- and in the bathroom before I felt a hand on my shoulder. My balance was thrown off a bit so when Genesis' fist connected with the side of my face he hit my temple hard and everything quickly blurred before I felt like I was being pulled down and everything faded to black, hands grabbed around me but I was lost from the world before I could tell whose they were.

_**Ever heard the song **_**No World for Tomorrow **_**by**_** Coheed and Cambria? **_**It's amazing, if you haven't you should check it out xD Sorry, I was listening to**_** Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One **_**and**_** Two **_**by**_** Coheed and Cambria, **_**while writing this so I'm in a CC mood xD **_


	6. Chapter 6: Just Another Day

Rolling my head to the side I took a deep breath of the cold air through my nose, not wanting to be awake yet but the nauseous feeling in my stomach and the pain in my head was directing me otherwise. "Sora?" I asked quietly as I peeled open one eye followed by the other. There was no response, the room was slightly lit- telling me it was sometime in the morning, a quick flashback of Genesis pushing Sora snapped panic back into my heart.

"Sora?" I asked again, a little louder, sitting up quickly, the pain blooming across my stomach as it felt like a clamp was placed tightly on my head. Licking my dry lips I looked around the room to find no Sora next to me. Looking at the door I found him though. His back against the door as he sat on the floor, his knees brought up to his chest while his arms wrapped around the lower limbs. Sliding one foot off the bed and soon the other I ignored the ache in my joints and muscles and walked closer to him slowly, his face was blocked from my view.

"Sora?" My voice was calm, I couldn't tell if he was sleeping, crying, or hurt, when he didn't respond I placed my hand gently on his arm, his head snapped up and his eyes were wide as he looked ahead- but not at me. "It's okay Sor- it's just me, Rox…" Staying still I waited for him to notice it was me and not someone he needed to fear for his life from. "Hey Rox… How ya feeling?" He had been sleeping but there was dry tears caked onto his face, reaching back to grab the corner of the blanket I pulled it over to us as I sat next to him against the door.

Covering both him and myself I leaned against him lightly till he returned the gesture. "I'm fine Sor," I started in a calm voice, "Are you alright?" he looked over at me as I put the blanket over his legs and he scooted closer to me, "You're not fine Rox…" he ignored my question and his tone told me the mood he was in. The 'Don't lie to me, give me a straight answer' kind of tone, "I hurt…" my voice was quiet- more quiet then seemed possible because the house was dead silent, "My ribs, my stomach… my head… but in a few days all the pain will be gone," I tried to reassure him. "Now… Are you alright?"

Inspecting his lightly bruised cheek without him knowing I waited for his response. "I only got pushed Roxas," he started but I quickly added, almost cutting him off, "You got hit." my tone was firm. He shrugged his shoulders, something was on his mind though, "What's up?" I asked as I draped an arm around his cold shoulders and pulled him closer, he was on edge about something else- something he wasn't sharing. "Do… Do you remember Zack… and Cloud?" nodding my head as he spoke I waited for him to continue, of course I knew Zack and Cloud, how could if forget them? Then the realization hit me.

The flashbacks hit first, making my heart freeze for a moment while my mind scrambled through the memories. I remembered Zack and Cloud always visiting and trying hard to make Sora and I smile, then they would leave with Leon… my brother. My brother who I loved and looked up to, my brother who was the only person other than Sora I had left to connect with, my brother who killed himself in his bedroom when he was seventeen and left his body for me to find. Zack pulled me away from his body while I tried to beat him awake with a pillow, screaming at him to wake up, causing the whole situation to reflect even worse on Sora.

Zack and Cloud were like older brothers, always watching out for Sora and I, doing all they could to find us when Genesis randomly moved us around from place to place, they know the way Genesis acts, and they try so hard to protect us from him- because they know the score: Beat Roxas unconscious, then Sora flora (**1**). Sora was holding onto me, he wanted me to hear him out and for me to not just jump to conclusions, he knew I didn't like having Zack and Cloud constantly watching over our- specifically my- back.

I looked down at Sora even though I couldn't see his face. "You called them?" his response to my question didn't follow quickly, he simply nodded his head, I didn't know what I was saying but I started talking only to quickly be cut off by Sora. "It's getting out of hand Roxas." he sat up a little so he could look me in the eye. "Every time he comes home he hurts you, he hit you so hard he knocked you out!" his voice was steady. "Nothing I can't handle…" I mumbled, looking ahead.

"Nothing you can't handle- I can't handle this Rox. I'm terrified of coming home to you either hurt or dead! When he gets angry he doesn't hurt both of us, he only hits you Rox. What's going to happen when he's beyond drunk and Angeal isn't there to yell at him to keep him out of jail? Do you expect me to be Leon and just protect you? Because I will try, Rox, really, I will, but I'm not that kind of person- I'm not strong and I'm not good at fighting."

My eyes had drifted down as Sora stood up next to me, I looked up to see his hand reached down to me, slowly I grabbed it- not because I didn't want his help or something, just because my shoulder and rib hurt. He caught on when I had to grind my teeth to stop from making a pain filled noise. Walking into the living room I sat on the couch and enjoyed the coldness of the area, but I was on the verge of sleep when I heard the door open. Listening as Sora answered nervously. "Hi," I heard footsteps follow. "It's been such a long time," that voice a bit on the hyper side so I knew right away that it was Zack's.

"You've grown a lot…" that one was a bit lethargic, so it was definitely Cloud's. "Yeah…" Sora was nervous. Now I was in a state where I was genuinely trying not to fall asleep but I still didn't want to be awake yet. I heard them walking into the living room and pushed off the comfort that was taking me to a slice of death, opening my eyes slowly I looked at the shaded window across the room, Sora sat in the chair diagonal from me, leaving Cloud and Zack to sit next to me on the couch. But that didn't happen right away. "Holy Hell Roxas," I looked up to see Zack staring at me with wide eyes, I didn't know what I looked like but my guess- not so good.

One arm laid at my side while my other arm stretched across my stomach to hold my aching limb- my arm was hurting for reasons I didn't know, my stomach ached but most pain done from the fight last night didn't hurt so long as I didn't move anything. When I licked my lips I could tell my lip was split- not to mention the bruises from last week were still evident. "When'd this happen?" Cloud asked as he moved around Zack and stood in front of me, feeling around my face- making all the bruises I didn't know I had noticeable. "Last night…" I mumbled and hissed from the pain, looking off away from the blond, I didn't want them here.

"Angeal's around all the time now…" Sora murmured, I kept my vision off and away from Cloud and Zack, I didn't want to see their faces or hear their responses about what that meant but I couldn't suddenly become deaf so I continued to hear the conversation. "Angeal?… How long?" "Since we moved here…. Almost two weeks ago…" Sora was sitting calmly in the chair, Zack looked back and forth between Sora and I. "Did he just start again?" his voice was quiet and serious- which was strange for him. "Yeah…" I started to lie but Sora heard my response and was quick to speak.

"He never stopped," he spoke to Zack but was still looking right at me, "It happened more often but it wasn't as bad. Now every time it happens he doesn't stop till Roxas passes out." his voice was strikingly cold- like this was a sad reality he was coming to terms with. With his eyes still locked on me and mine on him the croak escaped me, "Not every time," I mumbled in my defense. "there was another two times it wasn't as bad." Sora seemed shocked about it- oh yeah, I never told him. "Why didn't you tell me?" "It wasn't a big deal- it still isn't!" my voice was raising.

Zack spoke quickly after me, "We're just here to help," I quickly picked up after that, practically shouting, "I don't care why you guys decided to show up, but I know for a fact I don't need your fucking help, thanks anyways." I don't like having Zack and Cloud here, I didn't understand why Sora called them but what ever reason he had I didn't much care- I could handle Genesis on my own, Sora could ask them for what ever help HE wanted.

Forcing myself to sit up, ignoring Zack and Cloud's protests, I walked pass them all and into my room, pretty much slamming the door shut. Going to the stereo on our dresser I turned it on and blared it, and of course the song was, "The Last Kiss," by AFI- which has so much going on that it's amazing when you're angry.

I'm not over reacting, okay? I don't hate Zack or Cloud either, but I hate them coming here and trying to act all protective like they give a shit. For one: they don't, 2nd: I don't need any help- as I already said I could handle Genesis on my own, and 3rd: what the hell were they going to do to try and 'help' us? Get Genesis reported and have Sora and I go into most likely separate homes? No.

Sitting on the bed as softly as I could I held my aching ribs, the shouting did me no good, neither did the fast moving, my breathes would only work if my breathing was shallow and quick. It wasn't too bad a pain but tears were still forming in my eyes. I tried breathing calmly but that didn't work, slowly I found my upper body leaning down to compress my abdomen by the pressure of my hands and knees, I didn't try to stop the grunt from leaving my lips.

In the background my music was getting quieter and quieter, I figured I was on the verge of passing out- my eyes were squeezed shut so nothing was visible and the pain was irritating me beyond belief, but I heard a quiet voice from behind me- near my stereo. "Roxas?" Cloud's voice was so quiet I thought I had imagined it. I didn't even pay attention to when the bed dipped next to me, or the hand that started softly rubbing my back, "Roxas? Do you want me to get you anything?" Quickly I shook my head, I didn't need anything, "Are you sure, I could get you some Tylenol…" I continued shaking my head.

The dip in the bed was gone, I didn't care though. A few seconds that felt like minutes- later, I felt a hand pushing my shoulder back, pushing me to try and sit up, I didn't want to though. "Roxas… Please?" Cloud's voice was soft, and when he tried again I sat up but didn't stop hugging my stomach. "Take this," I pulled open one eye and then the other, looking to see two long light blue pills which read Tylenol PM, and a glass of water in his other hand, but I just shook my head again. "The pains not going to go away if you don't do something…" Cloud said patiently- continuing to say that Sora said I didn't get much sleep, my breathing was still fast and uneasy, hesitantly I reached my hands forward and downed the pills and half the cup of water.

Grabbing the glass from my shaking hand Cloud spoke gently, "Lay down," he walked out through the door to take care of the cup, slowly I brought my feet up on the bed and went to lay down, but stretching the now tight muscles and bruised area wasn't agreeing with me, so I turned on my side and laid in pretty much a sideways fetal position. The bed dibbed again as Cloud, I assumed, sat down in front of me, brushing the hair out of my- half engulfed by a pillow- face. "How bad is it, other than on your face?" I didn't respond right away but after a few minutes I found my voice, "I don't know… I haven't had a chance to look at anything yet…"

"Will you let me look?" Cloud asked slowly as his hand was lightly placed on my side, I shook my head, "I don't need help." My eyes were open and closed on random intervals, the fast movements I did earlier really didn't help me any. Watching Cloud his hand left my side and his fingers pressed against his forehead for a second before brushing down and he looked me straight in the eye. "We want to help you, Roxas, to help both you and Sora, but you have to let us…" "I don't need help." He sighed but didn't say anything right away.

"What would you do if Sora was in your position? Would you want to help him?" I didn't respond, Cloud already knew the answer: of course I would! "Sora doesn't want to see you in pain all the time, he doesn't want to see you hurting and know that he's not strong enough to do anything to stop it. This is him trying to help you, don't push us- or him away Roxas…" I stared off into nothing as I thought about his words, I couldn't push them off like I wanted to. Standing up I basically wobbled into the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror for the first time and damn did I look like shit.

Other than my normal features, my eye was bruised and I had a cut under the outer corner of my eye, there was a little dry blood under my nose, both my top and bottom lip were split, and the deepest bruise was on the side of my face where the final blow I remembered happened. I'd have to talk to Sora because there was a lot I didn't remember- at least not yet. Slowly I pulled my arms out of my sleeves and continued to slide the fabric over my head, looking at my extremely bruised side.

The bruises from earlier this week were still present but on top of that there was a long bruise that stretched down my rib and across my stomach. A few of the memories came back.

Sora grabbed around my under arms as he tried to pull me into the bathroom but Genesis now had a hold on the collar of my shirt, pulling me away from Sora, everything was blurred from the hit to the temple but I remembered the pain I felt when Genesis hit me in the face over and over again. I managed to push him off, but I was still too dizzy to function all the way, I fell to the ground and before I could get up his boot connected with my side over and over again, hooking under my rib to pick me further off the ground, over and over again but that was as much as I could remember.

I hated passing out. You are always awake for more than you can remember, sometimes you can get most of the memories back and other times it's just a blur. Thinking of putting my shirt back on I decided against it, mostly because I didn't want to stretch my tense muscles by sliding my arm through the sleeves and all that, and also because Cloud asked to see. Dragging my feet as I walked into my room I found Cloud still sitting on my bed, as soon as he saw me though he stood up fast but I continued to walk by him, slowly crawling on my bed to lay in a heap and attempt to just pass out.

Something cold, and without warning, was gently laid on my back, my eyes snapped open to look and see Cloud sitting on the bed still, "It's just an ice pack," he said as he held up the frozen gel pack for me to see before putting it against my rib again, it felt nice. "I don't think that's going to do any good…" I mumbled, trying not to waste his time and maybe kinda also trying to push him away. "It looks pretty bad, hopefully it'll help it from getting any worse…" his voice was calm, something I found comforting.

Having Cloud or Zack around was like having a little piece of Leon back, something I wanted but it just brought more pain. The continuous and gentle motion on my back was comforting and if anything, making the pills kick in faster, I was soon lost into a comfortable state- no longer caring that Cloud was rubbing my back, or that Cloud and Zack were in the house, or any of my other problems, but lost in a dream realm.

The memories of my brothers death plagued my mind, I remember being in Sora's and my own room, Sora wouldn't go to bed and was as hyper as ever- even for a ten year old. But I had finally gotten him to go to sleep, Genesis had had another little 'show' that day and had run away nowhere to be found by nighttime. Leon would talk to me when I couldn't sleep, he would comfort me and make me feel like a child- like letting me fall asleep on his bed and then carrying me into my shared bed with Sora. I was closer to Leon than Sora even though they shared their happy hyper time, Leon and I spoke to each other like adults and like our own age.

I was beyond tired, I knocked on his door softly, but there was no answer. I knocked again, and again, and nothing, finally I twisted the knob and popped open the door. Leon was laying down on the floor, I walked over to him, nervous about his state- why would he be sleeping on the floor? "Leon?" I asked and nothing replied, I continued to bug him but he continued not to say anything. "This isn't funny Leon," I finally said. The memory was so vivid I could feel my heart pound against my chest, but Leon still didn't move. I walked around to look at his face, his eyes were closed- like he was sleeping, but in his hand he held a note, crumpled up into a ball, looking to his trash can I found a bunch more of the crumpled paper.

"Leon, this really isn't funny…" I said again and again he didn't stop the joke. I pushed his shoulder with my hand, and he did nothing, putting my ear to his back I listened. Nothing. Standing up I jumped over him as I ran as quickly as possible to the phone, calling the only number I really even knew. "Zack!" I shouted as he answered in his usual happy tone, "Zack, Leon- he-he's not breathing!" I screamed, over and over again into the phone, I couldn't stop to breathe, at some point I hung up, and at some point I was back in his room. Grabbing a pillow off the floor on my way, I used said pillow to start beating my older brother. "Get up!" I shouted repeatedly, but still he didn't move, I stopped a few times just to watch him intently, I was so used to seeing him breathe that in his now lifeless form- my mind was trying to tell me he was still breathing.

Of course he wasn't, so I started beating him harder and harder with the pillow, yelling at him to wake up, to get up, he wasn't allowed to leave me alone- he wasn't allowed to just leave. I had already lost Yuna and our mother, I wouldn't lose him too- no. Some had wrapped their arms around me and pulled me from the room- that was Zack's doing, while Cloud sat on the couch with the now fully awake Sora.

Covering his ears with his hands and his eyes with his knees, Sora sat on the couch crying his eyes out, trying so hard to stop the tears and calm himself, and I knew it was my fault that he was crying so hard. My mind raced over the police- raced over their words, over the next beating I gave Leon with the pillow- over the shouting and finally over Zack pulling me away again.

I never stopped screaming though, I kept screaming- as loud as I could, trying to get Leon to open his eyes, to smile again, to not go away. I began hearing my own screams- I could feel the pressure I was applying on my eyes to keep them squeezed closed, my screaming got louder and the feelings became more apparent. The feeling of air rushing out of my lungs, the bruises biting back with each deep intake and forced contraction, my shaking limbs that were soaked in cold sweat.

My eyes popped open with one last scream. Heart racing out of control, mind whirling and unable to concentrate, my body hurting but not as bad as I remembered, I couldn't calm down, I couldn't get my breathing to slow down, still laying on my stomach I brought my arms down and knees up to hold me above the bed, I tried to calm myself down. Soon my breathing came easier and my mind became more awake, I let my muscles relax and laid back down on the bed, enjoying the coldness on my sweating body. Mind thinking again, it picked up where my thoughts left off- though this time I was afraid to close my eyes.

Sora. The kind, hyper, out going, loving, and alive brother that I cherished so much- locked a little bit of him away that night. Only in moments when he could forget his pain could he be happy, could he be himself. I caused that. I couldn't save Leon, I couldn't wake him up- maybe if I had gotten to the phone quicker, gotten Sora asleep faster, done something- anything, then Leon never would have had to go away. My heart raced harder and faster as my memories hazed over the hours after when I locked myself away, when I shut everyone out and refused to live- wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't talk. If Leon could go away- so could I.

The bed dipped beside me, the first panic I felt subsided when I assumed it was only Cloud, "Shhh… everything's alright…" I heard them mumble- the voice NOT Cloud's. I knew that voice, but I was terrified to look and confirm my thoughts, "It's alright Roxas…" they mumbled again, their hand touched my back and I couldn't help but jump away- the pain gone do to the adrenaline in my veins. "Why are you here?" my own voice was quiet and slightly slurred, I really hoped this was all just a dream.

"Is this a problem?" Slowly looking behind me, the room well lit even with the shades and curtains covering the windows, blond hair and blue eyes shined. "You're not allowed to be here…" I whispered to him, looking him dead in the eye, he tipped his head to the side a bit and smiled, "It's alright, no one has to know." his voice was condescending like always, his plastered smile altered his words- making it sound more like, "It's alright, I won't tell on you," like I'm the one that should be guilty.

"Go away…" I didn't care if it was a stupid move, but I took my eyes off him and returned to my previous position, "No, I think I'll stay for a little while." he spoke back, "I haven't seen my son in a good few weeks…"

**_Dun-dun-dun~_**

(**1) Flora: I didn't meant to rhyme at first but what the hell, I'll go along with it. In school we were talking about the definition of this word, in which, one of the definitions is: A living organism lacking the power of locomotion- so Roxas will be unconscious and Sora unable to move. -yeah, I just turned that word dark- woot for me xD (I'm such a dork xD )**


	7. Chapter 7: It's Not Too Bad

"We had a deal," I finally mumbled back, enjoying the coldness of the pillow- but hating that his hand was still placed on my back. "And I'm not breaking that- the black haired man- Zack, took Sora out," his voice was calm, like he had rehearsed that line over and over while he waited for me to wake up- and he probably did. If you haven't caught on yet- the deal was I wouldn't say anything about him coming around- which was a big no-no, as long as Sora never had to see him, meaning he wasn't allowed around when Sora was around.

"Where's Cloud?" Sure I might have sounded like I hated Cloud earlier, but again- I didn't hate Cloud or Zack, I just didn't like their noses in my business, but anyway, I was genuinely concerned about what happened to Cloud. "He's sleeping…" His voice was eerily calm, "On the couch, knocked right out," his words sounded like they held some secret meaning- but I didn't really think too far into it.

"Why are you here Shuyin?" I sat up, moving away from him, his jaw opened and cranked to the side as his eye brow raised and he stared off into the floor and far wall- his face showing he was clearly annoyed. "Don't call me that." His voice didn't hide his annoyance. "Or what, you're going to hit me?" I laughed out, my own eye brows were raised in question as I watched his face, I was pushing his buttons but I didn't care. "I wouldn't do that to you…" his voice was distant- like he was imagining just beating the hell out of me. "Oh that's right," I laughed out again, "You don't hit people- you just stab them to death." There must have been something seriously wrong with my brain.

His blue eyes shot up to lock with mine, but I really didn't give a shit and the badass mood I was in was written all over my body, after all- what the hell could he do to me? Beat me? Like I didn't already get that from Genesis. Kill me? And reunite me with my mother, sister, and brother, and also make me free from his grasp? Kidnap me and steal me away from Genesis? He didn't have anything on me.

"Just go away," turning back around now, I was tired of dealing with bullshit from everyone- and I really didn't want to see him. "Those boys…" He meant Cloud and Zack, "They're here to try and help you?" I didn't respond so he must have assumed that meant yes, "Why won't you let them help?" his voice was calm, I rolled off the bed and stood up, about to walk into the other room and wake up Cloud. "It doesn't matter why," as my hand wrapped around the door knob his next sentence stopped me, "Is it because you like to get hit?"

Whipping around I looked at him- staring straight into his eyes, "No." my voice was definite. There was no way in hell I enjoyed getting hit and thrown around. He stood up from my bed and walked a few feet to lean against the wall, "You must if you do nothing to stop it…" his voice trailed off and something ticked further in my brain. "What? Because I try to stay here and live the most normal type of life I can live- means I'm some kind of masochist?" I wanted to yell more but I ran out of words- "Why am I so angry right now?" I thought.

He slowly shut his eyes and took a deep breath before popping his eyes open, "That's not what I meant," he started, "What I meant was- you don't want out of this life. You're fine with him beating you around," he shrugged his shoulders and I couldn't help the anger that was rising in me. "What the fuck!" I screamed at him, "Why the hell would you think that? Everyone expects me to want to 'get away' from this life," my own voice was mocking when I repeated their often spoken phrase, "Get away~" Fuming with anger I brought my leg back and full forced kicked my bed, not watching as the top mattress jumped and slid with the left force, I brought my leg back to kick it again, shouting at Shuyin all the while.

"It's not that bad of a fucking life! People just need to go the fuck away and leave me the hell alone!" I brought my leg back one more time but I stopped, me getting angry was just playing into what ever game he was trying to play. "You shouldn't want this life…" his tone was calm as he walked over and sat back down on the bed, and my mouth opened before I could stop it- I quickly bit back and clenched my fists tight. Shaking from it all. Why was I so angry?

Shuyin's voice echoed in my head, "You shouldn't want this life…" I should've responded to that, why didn't I? I don't know why but it kept echoing in my head, over and over and over. "Do I really deserve this?" I thought to myself, my first response was: "No, I deserve worse." That was when I came to the realization. My body stopped shaking, my eyes that had drifted to the floor continued to stare blankly, and even my breathing stopped for a second while I thought to myself, "I do want this life style… In fact- I deserve 10x what Genesis does…" That's why I never tried to leave.

Feeling hands gently grab hold of my outer arms, I was pulled forward slowly, but my mind was in such a haze that I didn't think to fight back, finally I reacted. I wiggled around, trying to get him to let go of me, "Let go," my voice was stern but my muscles barely worked to move his hands off me. He was sitting on my bed still, his lap flat as the corner of the bed met the back of his knees, he continued to pull and I now found myself laying down on the bed.

My face was turned into the outer part of his arm, my chest against his stomach, he held me tight to him. "Let go," I started to mumble, I found that the foundation of my 'badass-ary' wasn't actually there but rather a mirage and the image was already gone with my recent discovery. My breathing kept increasing and I kept fighting, "Shhh… Roxas, it's alright…" he whispers calmly over and over again, and I feel my breath become even more erratic- all I could think about was Leon, and how I was fine getting the shit beat out of me because it was something I accepted as 'My Life', I hated myself in that instant.

I hated all of this.

Unknowingly having fallen asleep my body shot forward to look around my now dark room. Shuyin was nowhere to be seen, I looked to my bedside table- and just as I knew it, there was a folded up piece of paper. Unfolding it I held it up to catch any small remnants of light, squinting my eyes to read the print.

"_Roxas,_

_I look forward to the fulfillment of our deal, only another eleven months~ enjoy your time till then. _

_X" _

I crumpled the note up and threw it across the room, not listening to when it hit the floor. Yeah- I had eleven months till I promised I would run away and live with him… and yeah- I didn't want to. But he said if I didn't he would take Genesis to court and get custody of both Sora and I, and Shuyin treated Sora (in his own way) like Genesis treats me. Sora is just terrified of him and scared of what he will do… and so am I.

Rolling to lay on my back I thought about why Shuyin even showed up. He just wanted to remind me about going to live with him…. I sighed and sat up, most of the pain was gone- it was just a stiffness that I couldn't get rid of all throughout my body. Finding a discarded shirt on the ground, I didn't care- nor could I tell- what was on it, I walked out into the hallway on my way to the living room to realize it was just a black short sleeved shirt with Korn written across the chest in white letters- real simple.

Running my fingers through my hair I pushed my hair forward and to the side- making it even more spiky than it probably was to begin with. In the kitchen I found Zack cooking while Cloud and Sora sat at the kitchen table, talking- with smiles on their faces. Walking over to Zack I turned and leaned my bottom half against the contour, "What're you making?" I asked quietly. Zack had a small smile on his face, "Just some mash potatoes and chicken strips," and like it always was- anything emotional that happened while Cloud and Zack were around could be simply left in the past till Sora or I brought it up.

Zack made Sora and Cloud a plate and then proceeded to hand me one, "No thanks," I said as politely and quietly as possible. "Are you sure?" Zack asked, that smirk still on his face, he didn't want to push the subject and probably risk me walking away again. I smiled back and tried to ignore the pain in my cheek, but it was obvious to them when my body flinched in pain. "But it's Zack's cooking, we haven't had that in soooo long~ and it's sooo good," Sora had a smile on his face and I could tell he was just trying to be nice about wanting me to eat, I didn't respond but instead continued to smile.

Zack took that as an incentive and made me a plate, but before I could even think about grabbing it, before I could think about what to say in response the front door slammed open and in walked Genesis, once he was a few steps inside he froze and looked from Zack to Cloud to me. "What the hell are you doing in my house?" His back straightened and he stood up straight as he basically sized up Zack and Cloud. "Go to your room…" Zack whispered to me as he turned around and faced Genesis completely, Sora walked over to me and pulled on my sleeve, "Don't fucking move." Genesis bit out at Sora and I but Sora continued to pull my sleeve.

"Zack and Cloud will handle it…" Sora's voice was calm as he sat down on the bed and pulled me to sit next to him, I opened my mouth to talk back to him, tell him that it wouldn't be, but he cut me off and started talking again. "They'll handle it," his voice was strong but it didn't reasure me any, my eyes drifted to look at the floor and before I knew it all that could be heard was Genesis shouting and Zack shouting back.

Sora ran his finger through my hair over and over again and it actually did help relax me, but the shouting just made me want to walk out there and tell them all to shut up and go away. Standing up I looked at Sora as he grabbed our bags, "Just in case…" he mumbled, he opened our shared drawer in our shared dresser and pulled out two sets of clothes for him and two sets for me.

"I have school Monday, don't I?" I asked him, a smile on my face as he smiled back at me, a silent dialogue of, "Oh what fun, waking up early," to which Sora responded, "Yupp… share the joy." Pulling on socks and my shoes Sora and I slipped on our hoodies and continued to listen to the shouting. I hated that they were arguing over Sora and I- mostly I.

Genesis was shouting about calling the police and I think the only thing stopping him was knowing he would get in more trouble than either of the other two. On my nightstand I found my buried bottle of pain killers and some bandages, Sora helped me, placing a band-aid under the outer corner of my eye to cover the cut and a giant plaster to cover the dark bruise on my temple. Sitting back on the bed we waited for the shouting to stop, that's when I noticed Sora was almost in tears. "Sora, what's wrong?"

Obviously there was a lot wrong, but I wanted to know why this sudden onslaught of tears arose. "I just… I want a home where we're loved. You know? I'm glad Cloud and Zack are trying to help, but I wish there was nothing wrong they needed to help us with. I want to be able to fall asleep at night and not worry about someone hurting us or even police breaking in…" His voice was feigning calmness.

Pulling him closer to me I rubbed his hair out of his face and held him tight, "It'll be alright Sora… Look at it this way: One day- we'll have our own house- or you'll be in a home with your boyfriend, and everything will be fine… I promise…" I kissed the top of his head, talking to him more- what was really getting to him was all the shouting from Zack and the shouting from Genesis.

"Roxas! Sora! Get the hell out of my house!" Genesis slammed a door shut- the one to his room and before I knew it Sora had his backpack on and was dragging me and my own bag. Zack was sitting on the ground, rubbing his cheek before he stood up quick, I wanted to ask about it but I wanted to get out of the house first. We stood by the road for a good few minutes before Cloud motioned for us to get in his and Zack vehicle.

Climbing in the back I looked at Zack and finally broke the silence, "Are you alright?" He gave his little signature smile and looked more at Cloud than me, "Yeah, I'm alright…" Zack could have easily dodged the punch, but I knew he wasn't looking to fight Genesis, he knew if he dodged it or fought back Genesis wouldn't have stopped. "You guys are welcome to stay with us as long as you want," Cloud finally spoke, looking at us in the review mirror, "But you've already done a whole bunch," I mumbled, we got to their house, which was the same as I remembered it. The house was originally Cloud's, he lived there with his mother and his step father growing up, I wondered if they were still here, "Is it just you two here now?" Sora asked before I could.

"Mom and dad," Cloud began, it was actually his mother and his stepfather, "well… they got in an accident my senior year of high school… they left the place to me, Zack moved in and now it's our place." he shut his door as he climbed out of the vehicle, the rest of us following suit. "Oh… I'm sorry," His parents were really nice- even though his biological father was probably worse than Genesis and died when Cloud was in grade school, Cloud turned out pretty well.

Five seconds in the house and all I could think about was Leon sneaking us over at night to hide away from Genesis was he got beaten up too badly and was afraid he wouldn't be able to protect us. "I'm going to go for a walk," I whispered as I opened the recently shut door and walked down the driveway and onto the sidewalk. "Hey," I turned around to see Cloud walking up behind me, jogging to catch up, "Are you alright?" He asked when he was finally next to me, his shoulders were shrugged up in hopes of keeping his eyes warm from the cold- I knew that because I was doing the same. The cold air was biting at my face and for some reason my clothed knees.

"Yeah, of course," If he thought I was upset about what happened at the house- oh well, was my thoughts, I'd get over it. "It's… weird… being in my house after so many years isn't it?" his voice was smooth and deep to my ears while my eyes stayed locked on the snow and ice covered sidewalks. "Definitely," I laughed out a little, there was a silence that followed my words and soon I found myself speaking just so there wouldn't be a silence, "The only time Sora or I were over at your house was when Leon dragged us over…"

Cloud gave a sad laugh and was now looking at me, "Is there anywhere else you could stay?" I thought for a bit- of course if I said no I would still be allowed to stay at his house, he just knew it was hard for me to stay there. "I could ask my friend…" "You know his number?" I nodded my head yes and was a bit shocked when Cloud pulled out a cell-phone.

"Hello?" "Hey… is Axel there?" "This is him." he sounded so formal, "Hi, this is Roxas," "Oh, 'ey Rox, waz up?' formality went out the window. "I could be better, but… I was wondering if you were busy?" "Uh… not really, just playing video games," there was a small silence, "Wanna hang out?" I didn't really know how to ask, so he could probably tell that I was a bit nervous. "Yeah, it'll be fine- but Reno has my car, so I won't be able to pick you up," "Alright… well… I'll be there soon then," I hung up the phone and we walked back to the house so I could grab my bag.

"Where you going," "I'm going to go to Axel's…" Sora was looking at me from the couch, the same place he sat down when he arrived- he was nervous about being there too, but Sora would be fine- most the times we came over Sora was passed out anyway, I doubt he remembers much about it. "Is cloud going to drive you?" "I'm going to walk," "Seriously? It's like five miles away…" I shrugged, hoping Cloud couldn't hear Sora- Cloud and Zack had already done so much, besides, it wasn't actually 5 miles, it was more like 3 by road but I would be cutting across lawns- I could be there within the hour.

I hugged Sora goodbye and gave him a copy of Axel's number and told him to call if something happened, then a began walking. Don't worry, nothing happened on the walk. Other than the fact that it was indeed still November and the snow was packed about a foot and a half high and the breeze was not treating me nicely. My hoodie was thin but that's because I would rather freeze than sweat- hey, I'm weird like that.

I don't know when I left Cloud's house but when I got to Axel's I knew it hadn't been that long and I was frozen to a whole new level- way past icicle. _Knock, Knock_ "It's open!" I heard a yell from inside, definitely Axel's, stomping my feet a few good times to get the snow off- trying not to be rude, but what it ended up doing was jolting all of my bruises and making me squeeze my eyes shut. Fuck being polite. Opening the door I jumped inside and as I shut the door behind me I slipped off my shoes and walked further into the familiar house.

"Hello?" "In here," I followed the sound in the direction of Axel's room, "I thought you were playing video games?" I asked as I pushed his bedroom door open, he was laying on his bed holding his phone above his head, "And I thought you said you would be here soon, it's been almost an hour," I shrugged my shoulders, "I walked…" walking gave me enough time to clear my head, to push away the memories and new events and just focus on what was going to happen in the next few minutes- that always made me feel like I could handle everything.

"Holy shit!" I heard Axel shout out, he was being really loud tonight and I think if he kept it up I was going to get a massive headache. "What happened to you?" Oh yeah… "Huh? Nothing…" I shrugged again as I sat on his bed, near his feet, "Nothing my ass! What happened," he started but he must have been able to feel the coldness I was radiating because it looked like a chill ran up his spine and now he was sitting up and the backside of his hand was touching my cheeks, "You feel like an ice cube," he stood up and plugged in his portable heater, aiming it at me as he opened his closet and pulled down a blanket, handing it to me.

"I told you I walked here…" I still couldn't feel my fingers or toes, he seemed to drop it there though as I stood up and wrapped myself in the blanket and sat back down. "So seriously… what happened to your face?" I shrugged my shoulders… "No, you have to give me an answer." his voice was definite and I don't know if I like that, it kind of made me angry, I wanted to yell at him that it was none of his business but I decided to try and be nice.

"I slipped on some ice," I shrugged my shoulders again, I had slipped on ice on my way here and I had fallen and it hurt like a bitch, so it technically wasn't lying- it was just changing the subject with out him noticing. He looked at me through the corner of his eyes- suspiciously, before closing his eyes, shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair. With a sigh he dropped it and we had pretty much nothing to talk about. Turning on music kept the silence away- but it was quiet enough so if we talked we would be able to hear each other, "I have a question," I finally said, trying to start a conversation.

"And what's that?" Axel asked as he busied himself with a loose string on the hem of his shirt, "Demyx said he wanted to hang out because Zexion had to work, it's not really that big a deal, but then why was Zexion with us all day?" I didn't understand. Axel smiled for some reason, "Oh, that's because he'd been working straight- every day for the past two weeks, so Demyx asked if I would call in for him," he was smiling at the memory, and I couldn't help but smile too. "Why didn't Demyx just call in for him?" "If Demyx did that then Zexion would be mad at him~ if I did it he would still be mad but I'm not the one dating him," he laughed again.

"How long have they been dating anyway?" I need to introduce Sora to them- just because Sora needs friends and I want him to befriend someone who could understand him, he's never really been able to do that. "Hmmm…" Axel thought as he looked up, the serious look of concentration on his face forced me to try and hide my laughter. "Ever since Zexion moved here I guess…" "Huh?" How could you go out with someone who just moved to town?

"Well… Zexion's really quiet- as you've found out, so when he moved here he didn't really have anyone to talk to, but Demyx was quick to talk for him and was pretty much dragging him around… I don't think Zexion will ever admit it- at least to anyone other than Demyx, but I think he likes having someone like the talkative Demyx around… Zexion moved here when he was in eighth grade- when he was 14, and Demyx was 13" Axel moved around to get comfortable. "They just hung out together since the first day Zexion came here and have been together everyday since." I nodded my understanding.

"You guys all seem pretty close…" "Huh?" Axel opened his eyes to look at me, like he was confused by my question, "Well of course," he continued, "We're friends, that's how friends are supposed to be…" there was a silence and he added on a few more words- as if he was speak directly to me, "We don't have to know everything about each other, because we know if we ever need to talk someone will be there and they wouldn't judge us or be angry at us because they're our friends- which means they're there when we're happy and outgoing but also when we're sad and scared."

There was a silence again, so I chose to break it, "Wow Axel… way to go all poetic on me," I smirked and he laughed, waving his hand at me, "Yeah yeah yeah." we were silent again for a while… "I have a question for you- and it's really personal so you don't have to answer if you don't want to…" he nodded his head for me to continue, "Are you gay?" he shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know," my mouth dropped, "What? How don't you know?" I was smirking again, "Well…" Axel started, nervously, "would you not want to hang out if I was gay?"

"I'm your friend Ax… and like you just said, I'm not going to judge you or be angry with you, you'll still be my friend- it won't change anything…" "Well… then yeah… I'm gay… have you 'figured out' your _sexual orientation_?" he said in a strange tone, I laughed at his weird joke, "Still don't know…" Again the silence returned and I broke it again, "you want to know what I do know?" he nodded his head, "That I'm fecking cold." Axel laughed at that and I felt less like I was making him depressed.

We talked about random things all night, Reno got home but we still talked and we kept talking at some point I fell asleep though, when I woke up I was sleeping on Axel's bed and the redhead was sleeping next to me, over the blankets, I took it upon myself to climb over him and pull the blankets out from under him before climbing back over him and going back to sleep. I think the redhead was up, because right before I was pulled under into sleep I felt him pull me closer to him.

_**So I really don't like writing Zexion because my little brother's name is Zax, so I keep typing Zaxion… and just sounds like I'm saying Zack-san xD yeah… anyways… random fact…**_


	8. Chapter 8: Brother's Tough Love

Chapter 8

Inhaling deeply I sighed at the sweet vaguely familiar smell, rolling onto my back I was brought back further into reality as I touched the cold of the bed. It felt nice. Opening my eyes I looked around to see a white ceiling- I instantly knew it wasn't my room and it took a brief second for me to realize it was Axel's. looking around I saw the heater still slightly turning around and shooting out heat. That was probably why I was practically sweating.

Sliding out of bed I went on a quest to find the missing red head, as I recalled our teacher having called him. It was strange; school seemed like another life away rather than just last week. Clicking off his heater I opened the door and shut it behind me, instantly being shocked with the coldness from the rest of the house. After all, it was only the second Sunday in November, there wasn't much room left for warmth when I could already tell the small heating device in his room was most likely the ONLY heater in the house.

Walking into the living room I found him, sitting on the couch with an Xbox controller in hand, he seemed too deep into the game as I slowly sat on the couch next to him, the TV blared and I wondered why I couldn't hear it in his room, "Engaging enemy infantry!" It shouted along with a lot of other things but the gun shots sounded out and made it impossible to hear the guys speaking on TV.

Axel was just as amusing to watch as the game, he was biting his lip and shouting at the TV all while scooting forward off the couch, for some reason his feet kept raising off the ground like he was doing crunches and I couldn't help but laugh when he died and let out a long groan. He looked over at me and practically jumped- like he hadn't known I was there.

"What?" I could stop giggling, "Nothing- just, you scared me, I thought you were still sleeping," he sat back further on the couch and set the paddle down, "Uh-oh," I thought, "He's getting serious…" "Listen," his voice was quiet but in a quiet room it was easy to hear, till his game started blaring again, but he just ignored it. "If I ask you a serious question, would you tell me? And I'm not asking to be nosey or anything…" His words faded out and I thought about it for a good few seconds before giving an answer. I owed him.

"Yeah," He watched me as if waiting for my face to twitch like I was lying, "Alright… Well… I was wondering why you don't like your home." "What makes you think I don't like it?" there was a pause after my words again, "Because you never let me go to your place, and you and Sora are always looking for somewhere else to stay… and well… you're always covered in bruises- I know we've only know each other for not even two weeks, but we're friends and I want you to know it's okay to be open with me…"

It clicked in my head, "Oh," I thought, "So he's mostly asking because he wants to prove that we're friends…" I decided to stop thinking and start speaking, "I don't hate my place… it's just weird…" "How so?" his tone was calm and understanding and I rather liked it. "It's kind of a long story…" I shrugged; he sat forward a little but was still looking at me.

"How so?" he just wasn't going to let it goal. "Well…" I started and I was saved when Reno burst through the door. "Axel!" He shouted, "Yo, come grab some stuff!" he yelled again, I followed Axel out to the kitchen to see Reno with a hand full of giant brown paper bags, "Two more in the car," he breathed out as he sat them down on the counter, "Oh, hey Roxas."

Reno went and I guess took a nap while I help Axel take care of the stuff, we were silent for a while, the only words we really said- all done by me, was asking where certain things went or where he wanted them. Sora called later that night, after things between me and Axel had become less I-want-to-know-all-your-secrets awkward and more of us just being friends who didn't have any problems to complain about.

Sora said that he was coming over with Cloud to pick me up and take us home, back to Genesis, I yelled bye to Axel but I was- I don't know, either surprised or happy that he gently grabbed my arm and turned me around so he could give me a hug. We talked all the day later- which was Monday, and we talked during all our classes and hung out till late almost every night for the whole week.

One thing Axel said to me really got to me, it made me smile and actually feel completely happy. The teacher was amazed Axel had showed up three days in a row and not left early or showed up late, his response was, "Well, now I have a reason to show up," he smiled and winked at me and I felt like I was literally glowing.

My second week back to school went really well, even though it was Sora's third he still had the same amount of friends- Riku and Kairi, and everyone seemed to know who we were as if we had gone there since we were in kindergarten. Genesis didn't care what Zack and Cloud had to say to him about hanging out with Angeal- Genesis hung out with the man every day of the week, but all the time Sora and I just made sure to stay in our room and not bother checking on the men- knowing that would only get us hurt.

Thursday came and school was amazing as usual, so was hanging out with Axel after school and not having to be home till around 6, and while I was with Axel and his friends I knew Sora was with Riku and Kairi. But the happy day ended on a little bit of a sad note when Genesis barged into mine and Sora's room and took the rest of his drunken anger out on me- I didn't go to school Friday.

My back was sore and my muscles ached, most of the pain from the last two weeks had vanished but now I had even more pain to feel. "I'm going to school…" Sora whispered to me as he brushed the hair out of my face and kissed my temple, careful not to press too hard because we both knew I had a bruise there from Genesis. "See you later," my voice a little hoarse because Genesis chose to pin me against a wall by my throat the night before.

I was worried what Axel would think about me not being in school, I hadn't told Sora to tell him anything and I knew Axel was a little nosey when it came to me, but I wasn't thinking he would do what he did next. Reno was able to get his vehicle back a while ago, meaning I should have figured Axel had his vehicle and was fully able just to drive to my house. I heard a knocking on my window but I didn't say anything or even bother looking, I just wanted to sleep.

But the rasping continued and soon I was pretty much forced to look up and what I noticed was a red head standing on the other side. Slinking out of bed I walked over and unlocked the window, when Axel got a good look at me he didn't say anything, but I could see him eyeing every bruise. If this kept up Axel would think I was an abused child or something. "Do you want me to stay?" His voice was calm and deep, but almost not controlled; I processed his words before nodding my head and walking back to the bed.

I would have waited for him to make it inside but I felt like I was going to collapse from all the weight of my body, it wasn't any more than any other time obviously but I just didn't have the want to stand up. Lying down on my bed I left my eyes open and waited for Axel to make it verbal of what he planned on doing. "Are you okay?" I knew by now any answer that wasn't a lie was all he wanted to hear. He didn't care if I told him the full blown truth- he just didn't want me to lie, "I hurt…" I mumbled, and I was surprised when I felt the bed shift and a weight next to me.

I don't know what the redhead did, but all I did was sleep, I could feel a rubbing around my back and hear humming and it was probably that combined effort that led me into the deep nap I took. "Heyy…" I heard repeated over and over again, I slowly opened my eyes to look and see bright green and bright red, slowly he smiled, "It's almost 4…" he whispered, I shut my eyes for a second before forcing myself to sit up, I knew why he was telling me it was almost 4.

Since it was Friday Genesis would be getting back at around 5, Axel was giving me the option to either buck up and enjoy his company or continue sleeping till Genesis got home and Axel knew he had to leave. And that was how situations like that continued, another week pasted and now it was the first of December, it was Thursday night now.

"You like him!" Sora laughed at me as we sat in our room, me on the floor and Sora on the bed, "What?" I looked up at him, "Axel, you like him." He repeated again, happy that he had come to that conclusion. "I do not… haven't we talked about this before?" "Yes, and I'm even more sure now." You see, this whole time Axel and I were 'all over each other' Sora and Riku were the same way. That thought made my heart panic a bit.

"Sora," my voice was suddenly serious and Sora caught on. "You like Riku… don't you…?" I could look at him while I asked it, but I had no problem looking at him after. He was silent for a little, his bubbly mood he was just in was gone without a trace, "Yeah…" he said quietly. "Does Riku know?" I know I didn't need to ask because Sora would tell me everything anyway but I hoped it would just make this situation a little less stressful.

"No… He doesn't know, he doesn't even know I'm gay…" he suddenly looked sad, I wanted to comfort him and tell him that it would all be okay, but I didn't know that and the last thing I was going to do was push some happy lie into his head and break him even more. We ended the heavy conversation a few minutes later.

The next day, Friday, before I could get in the car with Axel, Sora ran up and grabbed hold of my arm, after scaring me of course. Being with Axel always put me in a happy mood but turning to see the look on Sora's face was enough to break my heart, "Sora?" I asked gently, turning and holding his hands that were still holding my arm tightly, "What's wrong?" he began shaking his head and I forgot all about Axel and being happy and remember this was my brother and I let something get away with hurting him.

"What's wro" I started asking again, but Sora began talking, shouting pretty much at the ground, "I told him… I told Riku… he hates me…" my eyes widened and I looked at Axel, he motioned his head to get Sora in the back seat, I followed him in and Axel pulled out of the school parking lot. I waited for Sora to tell me, he was silently shaking and breathing heavily, then his lips shook open and words began to dribble out.

"I decided to tell him today, so he could think about it over the weekend, I thought we were friends- I thought we were close." He had to take in another deep breath, "I told him I like him and he stepped away from me!" he turned his head quickly to look up at me, I saw his blood shot eyes- a trait of his that happened only when he was about to cry, I knew the tears were on their way. "He told me to stay away from him, that he couldn't ever talk to me ever again!" he was shouting at me like he was trying to convince me about what had happened.

Never pull Sora into a hug before he's actually crying- rule number one, if you do he yells and turns away from you and decides to lock himself away, of course he's never done this to me, but I know my brother. His head turns back and he doubles over like he's going to be sick, he continues talking with a panicked voice. "I trusted him! I thought he was different," his voice cuts off as he begins hiccupping with tears and the sadness he's feeling is too much for him to bare.

Pulling him up I force him into a hug as I rub his back and try to comfort him, he continues talking through the hiccups, "I… I like him, so much Rox!" he cried over and over again, muffling his cries, but he doesn't want me to comfort him right now because he bends his body down and continues to cry over both our knees. I keep rubbing his back and when I think he's finally cried himself to sleep I looked up at Axel and meet his eyes though the rearview mirror.

Axel read my mind and drove us to his house, I knew Sora probably just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep and forget the world- but if Genesis was home any time soon, which he most likely would be because he's always home early on Fridays, that would only make Sora feel worse. Genesis didn't know about Sora not liking girls. Leaning down I whispered into Sora's ear, "Sora, Sor we're here, Axel's going to help you out of the car," I added the last part when I saw Axel open Sora's door and bend down ready to reach in and grab Sora out.

Sora mumbled that he just wanted to sleep, so we didn't bother trying to wake him even more, I took his bag strap off his shoulder and helped put Sora's arm over Axel's shoulders. I opened all the doors and I figured we would put Sora on Axel's bed- like Axel did for me that one time, but instead Axel walked, well… dragged, Sora into the living room and laid him down on the couch. I grabbed a blanket folded at the end to cover him up, he was sleeping but still crying, something he had always done since he were kids.

Sitting next to Sora I brushed the hair out of his face, I knew why Sora was crying so hard. Not only had he just been rejected, he had been friends with Riku, trusted Riku, and above all else Sora wanted to be with Riku. As I wiped the tears from his eyes I thought about how messed up Sora's love life was becoming. First he thought he really loved this girl, only to realize that he didn't and she ended up cheating on him anyway, but then he met this guy and I could tell he really loved this guy, his name doesn't matter anymore but he was so nice- and only to Sora. And as you might have figured why an asshole that was only nice to Sora isn't with Sora anymore, it's because it turns out he only used Sora to boost his own popularity. By exposing him to everyone in the school that he was gay, Sora cried for days later, I beat the guys face in but that didn't change how Sora felt.

Sora really didn't need this to top it all off.

I stood up when I was sure Sora was completely out of it and I walked into the other room, setting at the kitchen table as Axel moved and sat across from me. "Is he going to be okay?" He asked calmly, I looked up and wondered myself, after a few seconds I shrugged my shoulders and whispered, "I hope so…" there was silence again and I wasn't amazed when Axel asked what happened. "It's not my story to tell… but… Riku's your friend, right?" Axel nodded his head, "Then maybe you can figure out what to tell Sora…" I mumbled to myself before continuing.

"That week I was suspended, Riku came over and had a long talk with Sora- I don't know what about, but afterwards Sora seemed better, like he was less guilty, and ever since then they've been hanging out- almost as much as you and I." Sora already kind of pointed out that he was gay in the car; by saying he liked Riku, so I figured the secret was out. "Sora he loves Riku… and he finally told him, and I guess the response wasn't just no but that Riku didn't want Sora to talk to him anymore…" I looked down at the table, my mind running with questions.

"Was Riku really that mean? Was Riku really serious? Did Riku have a girlfriend or someone Sora just didn't know about? Did Riku really think he could get away with saying that shit to Sora and not getting his face beat in by me? Did Riku have a problem with gay people?" But of all the questions that raced through my mind I didn't voice a single one, instead Axel answered all of them. "Don't be mad at Riku… well, you can be mad about how he handled it, but don't beat him up for it," Axel said it like he was very well about to do that on his own, beat him- that is.

"Why not?" I didn't like that he was telling me not to do anything about what happened to Sora, "Riku doesn't have the best luck at relationships… and trust me, it's not because he doesn't like Sora…" Right as his sentence faded out I heard Sora on the couch mumbling my name. Standing up I sat on the edge again and looked at Sora, he still seemed like a little kid to me, even though he was 15 and the same age as me- well, actually older by a few minutes.

"Rox…" he whined as he rubbed the tears from his eyes, I helped brush the dried tears away, Riku really must have meant something to him for him to cry like this, I thought, and soon. The next few minutes were filled with Sora mumbling about how much he liked Riku and how he didn't expect him to act that way. "I think you should talk to Riku…" I finally mumbled, Sora looked at me with wide eyes before pushing himself to sit up and looking very_ very_ defensive.

"What?" he started yelling in a whine like voice as if I hadn't heard a word he had said, "Riku doesn't want to talk to me, or see me or even be near me!" I was nodding my head all the while and when he finally stopped I told him I was going to have Axel call him and tell him to get over here, I sure as hell wasn't going to let this all just end in a giant puff of unknown feelings, "You two need to be honest with each other and you two were too close as friends to just stop talking like this," I said before standing up and walking into the kitchen.

I know it may seem like I'm being really mean to Sora- and trust me, I feel like I am, but hey, tough love. Sora needs to do this or it will keep eating at him for more than it needs to, Riku has a hard love life- well Sora does too. I tell Axel my plan and he's quick to call Riku and get Riku to come over. Riku is oblivious to the whole plan while Sora's laying on the couch thinking about what he wants to say. Riku takes one look at me and as he's about to turn and leave Axel stops him.

They have this telepathic moment and Riku follows us into the living room to find Sora sitting up in a mess of blankets and looked dazed- way more than just a hundred miles away, and now the room is awkward. I decide to talk, "I don't give a rat ass what you talk about, but neither of you are leaving until you two talk it out. Riku, you're friends with guys who are gay- so that clearly isn't that problem," Sora's face seems to light up just a tiny bit, "And Sora," the lights gone, "You've had a few bad experiences with dating, but don't let that control your life," he looked down, "Now, start talking, because Riku, personally I think your reaction was a little over played if you didn't want to date him, so talk away."

Turning to go back into the kitchen Axel followed me and we both waiting to hear mumbling of them talking, of them doing something other than just sitting and standing their aimlessly. Riku's mumbles started first, but Sora was quick to chime in. "Good," I thought, "They better start freaking talking."

When we figured there was no need to watch the door we stood up and walked into Axel's room, I was quick to lie on his bed because I was pretty close to being emotional drained, day after day of emotional stuff builds on you and smiles only shed such a little amount of weight off. The bed dipped next to me, "You sure are making yourself at home, now aren't you?" Axel smiled as he softly began to rub my back, "If you don't like it, just tell me… though it might be a bit hard when I'm here and with you more than I am my own house." I turned my head to look over at him.

"No," he smiled as he shook his head, "Its fine with me," his chuckled out. Smiling back I relaxed into his bed but my smile quickly faded when the thought of what was happening with Sora returned into my mind. "Sora doesn't need someone to jump into his life only to jump back out…" I finally mumbled, for some reason the silence was making me feel guilty- like I didn't have a good reason to try and get them to talk- because after all, it could just hurt Sora more.

A few peaceful moments pasted and I looked at Axel, who as it turns out was still looking at me, "Do you think we should've stayed out there, or at least put them in your room?" He seemed a little surprised by my question, "No. If they have something to say they can say it to each other fine I don't think you or me would change what they have to say…" he folded his arms and leaned against the wall, "And besides, I never let anyone into my room," "But I'm in here right now…" I wondered if he took offense to that- like he didn't want me in here but didn't have the heart to tell me- Yeah! Right, Axel seems to love telling people how he feels.

"Well, only people I really like are allowed it in," he smiled and his glance shot over to the door, there was a small knock on it, he stood up and opened it only to find Sora standing there shyly looking at the ground, "Rox… can we go home now?" Sitting up I pushed my weight off the bed, "Yeah, whenever you're ready…" I walked over to him and the thought never really crossed my mind that Axel was our ride, and there was no way Axel was done talking to Riku- I could already tell that.

Axel gave us a ride home, Sora and I sat in the back seat and Riku with Axel in the front, and surprisingly the car ride wasn't awkward- though it was silent, it wasn't really at the bad, almost peaceful. We got out of the car and Riku and Sora waved to each other but otherwise did nothing, once we were inside Sora was quick to go to our room, I followed him in there slowly, giving him a few minutes to himself, I straightened up the kitchen for a bit, when I felt like he had enough time to piece together what had happened I went in.

"Sora?" my voice was quiet as I pushed open the door and closed it behind me, Sora was lying face down in the pillow, huffing and puffing like he was trying not to cry or be angry or something of the sort. "Yeah?" he mumbled back. I sat on the floor and waited for him to begin talking, but he didn't so I asked, and I'm really not that nosey of a person but this was really bothering Sora. "Are you two good now?" And that's when I heard it; Sora was both laughing and crying and I waited for him to speak.

"He doesn't hate me… he likes me!" he looked at me, that was the reason he was laughing, "But that's why he wants me to stay away from him, he doesn't think he can handle a relationship…" And that was why he was crying. There was a silence for a while and I thought he wouldn't say anything but he surprised me, "He said he likes me too… but that I need to give him time to think about what to do because he doesn't want to get hurt- he's only starting to get over what happened with-… his last relationship and he doesn't want to 'fuck up' his chances with me…" Sora sat up and looked at me, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the crusted tears, Riku must have told Sora a lot if Sora was now slipping up on what he knew he could tell me and what wasn't any of my business.

Sliding down to sit on the floor Sora sat next to me and gave me a hug, "Thank you…" he mumbled into my shoulder, I smiled and hugged him back, "What are annoying younger brothers for?"

_**Developing Sora and Riku's relationship :D Riku will be around more often in future chapters and less of just a mentioning~ I was going to finish this chapter yesterday but I said Hell No! It's my birthday so Imma not type anything today (my birthday was the 6**__**th**__**) xD So yeah, sorry about the day delay.  
Tell me your thoughts about this? Yes? Hopefully? I love to hear what people have to say :D**_

_**Also! I have a poll open right now on my profile about the next story I'm going to type- so yeah, check that out too!**_


	9. Chapter 9: The Karma of Happiness

Another week went by. If your curious, it's a Wednesday- so maybe not a week but 5 days, close enough, anyway- since Riku is trying to sort through some stuff Sora's been giving him distance so he can think straight. Instead, Sora has been hanging out with Axel and me for the past two days at least, and today when he comes with us he's going to meet Demyx.

When Sora came over I realized how different it is when it's not just Axel and I, first off: we don't go in Axel's room when we're at his house. Second: Sora clings to me making it so Axel can't- and that may sound like an annoying thing, but it's a loving like feeling, like when I and Sora held hands the first day of school. We climb into Axel's vehicle and drive off to Zexion and Demyx's house, "Where are we going?" He asks as he pries his eyes from the passing scenery to look up at us, "A friend's house," I smile back.

It's a little strange to think that Zexion and Demyx are my friends, we always hang out at least twice a week and it really easy to get close to someone like Demyx and for some reason me and Zexion click. Pulling into their driveway I could tell Sora was a bit nervous, but then again he only heard good things about them, he followed us in and I was hit with the reason as to why I didn't want to be around when Sora meant Demyx.

And that reason was Demyx, literally. As soon as the door shut behind Sora, I was pushed backwards as Demyx jumped on us, wrapping his arms around our necks to pull us tight into a hug, "OMGawd!" he yelled, a smile on his face, "He looks just like you Roxas!" he beamed, he finally pulled away and when Sora saw his smile I saw the happiness switch full on click in his head, "Like him? I was born first," he had a fake pout on his face.

Before I knew it we were both tackled again except this time Demyx was pinching Sora's cheeks and moving his face around, "You're so adorable!" he laughed again, I could already tell Sora and Demyx would be friends so I slipped away and found Axel, he was talking to Zexion about something, I slid my fingers to interlock with his and the only way I knew he could tell it was me was because he squeezed my hand a bit but never stopped talking or averted his eyes. I could hear Sora giggling loudly in the next room, Demyx must have been tickling him, I could stop the smile on my face, and Sora needed a Demyx in his life.

Everyone ended up sitting in the living room, Zexion sat in a comfy chair while Demyx sat leaning against his legs and literally holding Sora, Sora protested a bit at first but it was their little deal that Demyx wouldn't tickle him if he could hold him. Meanwhile Axel and I sat on the couch, Axel laying with his head on my lap, I tried to lay down a little but that hurt my rib because as you could guess Genesis got a hold of me again- not bad, but I got thrown into a table and now I have a giant bruise on my side, it happened last night and Axel was quick to notice.

"You two should date already," Demyx mumbled with a smile, I looked up at him and started shaking my head no, "I live a platonic life- I already told you," he smiled more, "But you two make an adorable couple," every time Axel and I came over Demyx always said the same thing, "How about you Sora?" Demyx looked down at my brother and that's when I noticed that Sora wasn't looking to happy- or in this world, he was picking at a string he must have gotten from his shirt.

"Huh?" he looked up and my thought of him being anywhere but in this world was proven right. "Do you have a significant other?" Demyx asked him again, he was smiling still, his eyes closed, it was almost like Sora sunk down, and he looked back down and mumbled, "Kind of…" That's what he was thinking about. "What do you mean 'kind of'?" I waited to see how Sora would respond; I was brushing the hair out of Axel's face, "Well… I like this one person… but they don't know how to feel yet…" "Who is it?"

There was silence for a little while, with a small sigh Sora responded, "Riku… he told me I had to give him time…" Demyx looked surprised like he had never expected that, but his little light was paused when he saw how sad Sora sounded (and looked, but Demyx couldn't see his face) "Riku's smart… there has to be some reason he said that," Sora started nodding, "He told me he doesn't want to get with me too soon and have us not work out…" Demyx nodded and held Sora a little tighter, "Did he tell you why he's scared of relationships?" Sora started nodding, "Yeah… he told me what happened to him…" Demyx held him tighter and whispered something in his ear and Sora got a small smile, so whatever the blond said must have been good.

Zexion wanted to get supper started so the three by the chair all stood up and walked out to the kitchen, Axel slowly sat up and then stood in front of me, his hands waiting so he could help me stand up. It was a simple gesture but we he gently pulled my arms I couldn't stop the gasp from the pain in my rib, I waited a second to catch my breath before walking towards the kitchen but Axel still had my hand and wasn't walking, looking back at him I noticed how sad he actually looked. "We need to talk…" As soon as his sentence faded and before the seriousness of his voice could reach me I heard Sora call me from the kitchen.

Axel never got to say what he wanted to say to me, but that was good, because I was afraid of what he would want to know, he was getting more and more worried about sending me home and I was afraid he might start thinking I have a bad… well… a bad Genesis. Which I don't, and even if I did- I could handle it. We ate in silence, Axel and I, while Demyx and Sora chatted away like they had known each other their whole life, Axel and I washed dishes while Demyx and Sora continued to talk about the most random thing, but it was nice because they stayed in the kitchen so Axel still didn't say anything.

It was almost 6, Demyx had to be pried off Sora so we could leave, we all waved good bye and Axel smiled at them like there wasn't anything on his mind, the car ride home was quiet, Axel with things on his mind, me afraid of what those things were, and Sora thinking about the bright new friend he made, I wonder how Zexion feels about Sora? I'll have to ask him next time I see him and neither Sora nor Demyx are around.

Sora was quick to get out of the car, thanking Axel as he closed the door, and ran to the house- it was almost like he had to check something, I reached to open my door but the lock mechanism clicked. I looked over at Axel who was still starring ahead of him, finally he looked at me, "Roxas…" apparently our talk was happening now, "Are… is Genesis abusing you?" I was shocked by his bluntness; I don't know why he would think that, before I could respond Sora was back and tapping on the window, "Come on Rox," he wasn't going away, I waited for Axel to respond, he just continued to stare at me, "Tell me…"

I was silent for a little before saying, "No, I'm not… I'm just a klutz… really." He didn't seem like he believed me but that was all he was going to get out of me, he let out a sigh and unlocked the door, "Axel?" he was still staring at the road ahead of him, he let out yet another sigh and looked over at me, "Thanks for caring," he gave a small smile, "bye Rox…" I shut his door and followed the jumping Sora into the house. "Now, what did you want?" I asked as I shut the front door, "Someone called and I don't know if it was Riku or not and I'm too afraid to listen to it- could you listen to it and tell me if it's Riku?" That's why he was so happy.

"Okay," I responded, pointing to the bedroom, he seemed a little hesitant but walked to the room and shut the door, he turned the light on and I couldn't see his shadow under the door so I figured he was sitting on the bed or something. I clicked play and the annoying guy started talking about missed messages, finally the message starts playing and it's actually silent for a while, I'm waiting for Riku's voice to start talking but instead I hear a deep voice whisper, "Hello?" and then they hang up.

I delete it as soon as I hear it. I don't even think of telling Sora it's not Riku or letting him hear it to know that it's not, oh how I wish it was Riku. Instead it was Shuyin; he was actually stupid enough to leave a message, and I was stupid enough to erase it. I knocked on the door and before Sora could even respond, I replied, "It wasn't him…" I opened the door and walked in, throwing my backpack on the ground and stripping my hoodie off, sliding into bed.

I wasn't hungry and I sure as hell wasn't in the mood to stay awake, Sora seemed a little bit concerned but quickly took the hint and went and started his and Genesis' dinner. I was in and out of sleep, not wanting to sleep because I wanted to think but thinking so much was making me tired, Sora came in later that night, dressed in his clothes and all ready for bed. I wiggled to be on my side alone and I could feel him hugging the area I was just lying in to absorb the heat.

"Who called?" he finally asked, his voice was quiet and I didn't know if it was for my own good, his, or Genesis'. I didn't respond; I just held the blanket tighter, if you've ever had that person you really hate and you get bad juju vibes when you're around them- then you know how I feel about my father. I hate saying that… that he's my father- it doesn't feel right to say, or think. I can feel Sora looking at me but I still don't respond, "Please Roxas… talk to me…" he moves closer and I feel his arm wrap around the front of me and pull me closer, I let out a small sigh and turn in his direction. I would be looking at him if his head was still on the bed instead of on my shoulder.

"Who was it?" he asked again, his voice quiet still, "It doesn't matter…" I finally mumbled back to him, hating that I'm being so mean to him, my answer was replied with silence, and then Sora finally responded. "Was it dad?" he was like he stopped breathing just to hear the answer, "Yeah…" my voice was quiet, hoping maybe Sora would think I said "No," instead, but he heard me because he held me tighter and curled up to me.

"It's going to be okay Rox…" he finally mumbled, I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, I was almost chocking- thinking about my father terrified me to the core. My eyes began to burn and tears weld in my eyes, my breath hitched and a sob found its way past my vocal cords, everything was hitting me square in the face. I brought my arm up and covered my eyes, I tried to stop the thoughts but that just brought them to my focus even more. Sora was rubbing my side and trying to coo to me, and I appreciated it, but my mind was still racing.

My father killed my mother. He raped her and ruined her life. He ruined Sora's and my life, and generally fucked up my whole life. I hated him for everything he ever did- and everything he never did, but even more than hating him I was terrified of what he would do and I knew he was going to do something. Every time life seemed to work out for me and I was actually able to be happy something had to happen and right now it was my father coming back around.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, on top of everything there was an even bigger problem. Axel. He thought Genesis was hurting me which is nothing he needs to worry about, but with my father coming around I don't want Axel to meet my father. I don't want Axel to ever know about my father, and within a year I wouldn't be able to be around Axel anymore and I will have dropped off the face of the earth to him. I didn't want to leave Axel like that.

Sora continued to rub my side and he continued to shh me and talk to me, which soon made me fall asleep and be tortured by my dreams. When I woke up I knew what I needed to do. I had to rip Axel out of my life before I disappeared.

I got up early, Sora woke up with me, and I got ready and jumped on the bus. My first step at distancing myself from Axel- no more riding in the car with him, I would have to stop all confrontations with him. Sora didn't once ask me why we weren't riding with Axel, or ask if something was up- which I knew he was thinking because I wasn't talking pretty much at all and he kept giving me this look. We got to school and I didn't go to lunch, in fear of seeing Axel, which I know is stupid because not only do I go to school with Axel- I have the exact same schedule as him.

I sat in my chair, Kairi entered the room soon after me, I was busy rolling my pencil on the desk to notice her right away though, and even the teacher wasn't in the room yet. "Hi," she smiled at me, I glanced up at her and gave a small smile before looking back down at my pencil, Sora entered the room after the first bell rang and was quick to start talking to Kairi. Axel came in a few minutes late and took a seat next to me, not looking at me but at the teacher, though he was leaning against his desk as if pushing himself to be closer to me.

"I thought you were still at your house, so I waited for a while… why'd you chose to ride the bus?" his voice was on the quiet side, we sat in the middle of all the desks- making it easier to whisper to each other and not have anyone else hear us. He continued waiting for my answer but I didn't say anything, I didn't even look up at him, then his tone turned sad, "Hey… are you okay?" I still didn't respond. "Listen… if this is because of what I asked you yesterday, we can forget that it ever happened if you want…" it was a question but I didn't grace it with a response.

I didn't want to let him think I couldn't hear him or something so I looked over at him for a brief second before looking back at the pencil on my desk, not saying anything, my head raced with questions and choices. "Maybe I could tell Axel and he'd understand- so maybe I could tell him and he could put a stop to my father… yeah right… I'm thinking like I need to be saved, it's my own problem and it's not like I deserve to be saved." While I thought of this in my head I asked if I could go to the nurse, taking my bag with me I stood up and left, running down the hall so I was in a new one, and a peeked around the corner to see Axel walk out and start walking the way I should have gone if I was indeed going to the nurse.

I made sure to walk around for the rest of the class around halls that did not lead to the nurse's office or anywhere he might see me. Class was over in about 30 minutes and I showed up late to my next class- this class was actually big though, I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, again I took my stuff, and this time I hid in the bathroom, the last stall I sat in, but I didn't shut the door so if anyone peered into the bathroom they would think no one was in it. I sat for the next 40 in two different bathrooms. I didn't care if I'd get in trouble, as long as I didn't have to be around Axel.

I got sent to the office for one class- for insubordination, and I was happy that I now had an excuse to be out of class, after all- there was 9 classes a day and I was only on the 5th, I stayed in there for lunch too which was 6th, just to avoid Axel and Sora. I didn't like the idea of leaving them alone to talk but I also wanted Sora to keep his friends after I left. I spent 7th in the locker room and 8th in the nurse's office, I was forced to go back to class 9th period though, I looked around and was a little shocked and relived that Axel wasn't even there. With 10 minutes left of class he showed up and sat in the back, instead of right next to me. I wondered if he already got the hint.

I left after the dismissal announcements and was on my way to the bus, Sora grabbed hold of my arm and asked if I was going to hang out with Axel and Demyx again, "No… I don't feel too well… I'm going to go home and sleep…" "Oh, well, I'll tell Axel we're not going with him then," "No, you go, have fun, if I start puking I don't want you to see me," I had a small smile on my face, "Alright…" he said cautiously, "Well, if you do start puking call Axel's cell so I know," "Okay, go have fun." I looked over for a brief moment to see Axel looking at me, the look on his face was like he was trying to understand me and that he was ready to deal with all my bullshit lies to hear the flat out truth, something like pity, I quickly jumped on the bus and didn't bother to look at Axel again.

I went home and sat in the empty house, it was Thursday so Genesis would be gone for a while, he worked late on Thursday so he'd have an easy Friday, he also didn't work on the weekends… anyway, I sat and watched TV but I never even really paid attention to what was happening- I just enjoyed the background noise and the constant change of scenery.

Yelling at the top of my lungs I threw my head to side and kept screaming into the pillow and couch, why was this so hard for me to handle and deal with? I just had to keep up what I was doing and stay away from Axel long enough for him to leave me alone and realize we're no longer friends, but how long can I keep it up before I want to talk to him and tell him how my day went even though he was with me the entire time? Trying to bring everything to my mind that made me mad about Axel it only made myself mad because I couldn't find anything- sure he was full of himself and cocky but he didn't put anyone else down when he did it and it was funny just how arrogant he really was- but you could also tell he probably didn't believe half the things he said, it was just something about his eyes after he said it.

Feeling Sora shake my shoulder I looked up only to realize it was night time now and that I must have fallen asleep, "You okay?" He asked, crouching down so he was at eye level with me, I nodded my head, "Yeah… I'm feel better now…" he gave a small smile and stood up, walking around the counter and couch to turn on the kitchen light, I heard him open the fridge, I stood up and followed him out. "Did you have fun?" he was nodding his head as he went through the cupboards, "Yeah, Demyx is really cool." He continued to tell me about how Demyx was funny and was telling me stories of what had happened just a few hours before when he was at Demyx and Zexion's house. "Axel looked like he was lost though…" "Huh? What do you mean?" I asked, looking up at him, Sora turned around and looked in my direction, "He wasn't really talking to us and he seemed like he was thinking about something, Demyx said it was just because you weren't there though…" "Oh…" well… Axel will have to get over it pretty soon.

Almost an hour pasted of Sora telling me what had happened at Demyx- all of it was funny and I felt bad for missing it, but then the door slammed open and in walked Genesis, neither of us had started dinner yet. He stripped off his boots and his long maroon like trench coat and looked at Sora and I, before walking into the living room. "Do you want me to cook?" I asked Sora, he cooked last night because I couldn't get my shit together, but Sora wasn't the one who responded, "Yes," Genesis said from the living room, and Genesis knew I wasn't talking to him either.

"Sora, do you want me to make dinner?" I asked again, ignoring Genesis' answer, and again, before Sora could talk Genesis answered, "Yes, now start fucking cooking," I couldn't think clearly with everything already on my mind let alone his bullshit, "Well that's too fucking bad because I don't care what you said, I was asking Sora," I shouted so he could hear me, I didn't even bat an eye from Sora, I ignored his mouth dropping and the stomps of Genesis walking into the kitchen. "What'd you just fucking say to me?" he shouted, I looked back at him and my anger was unraveling.

"Obviously you could fucking hear so shut the fuck up!" I shouted, turning around while I stood up to look at him, he tipped his head to the side a bit, "You better watch your mouth…" he warned me, "Why the hell should I when every other word you say to Sora or me is-" I shouted at him, and before the sentence was even fully out of my mouth my vision blurred and I was now looked over at the counter, the sting on my cheek slowly forming and blooming across my cheek and eye while the sting in my hands spread up my arms.

The quickness of the situation left me in confusion, I felt Genesis stepping over me and heard the door slam as he left, I looked around still, shocked, he smacked me so hard I spun around but I had nothing to catch myself with so I was laying on the ground now. Sora wrapped his hand around my upper arm and hauled me up, leading me to the bathroom while I still tried to make since of everything that had happened. He sat me on the toilet lid and dug around under the sink, I realized some time later he was talking to me, "Shouldn't talk like that, Rox, you knew," and I blocked it all out again.

I felt the stung of the peroxide on my cheek, there was probably a cut or he wouldn't have grabbed the peroxide. Putting a blaster on it he gently rubbed my cheek and looked into my eyes but I was barely paying attention, he dragged me into our room and laid me down in bed before joining me, but my nap from earlier left me unable to sleep. "What's on your mind?" Sora asked quietly, I was staring at the ceiling as if my mind was racing with thoughts but there was nothing there, "Nothing…" I whispered back. We were silent for a while again, "How do you feel about Riku?" he asked again, he was trying to distract me and it was working for the most part.

"I think Riku's a good guy, I'm worried he won't be able to watch out for you but I know he'll try… I don't think he's the kind of guy to hurt you… I think you two could be good together…" Sora was nodding all the while and soon there was just silence again, till he asked another question, "What do you think about Axel?" I paused, what did I think about him? "I think he a really nice guy, he compliments himself to the point that it makes other's happy, he watches out for everyone and is really protective of people who are close to him… he doesn't like watching other people get hurt and he likes to just make people happy…" my voice faded as I didn't know what else to add.

"Is that why you like him so much?" his voice was even quieter, I could feel him looking at me, "What do you mean like him?" "Oh come on Rox, it's obvious you have a crush on him… do you like him because you want him to protect you?" I rolled over, "I don't like him… and don't go all shrink on me." I mumbled, Sora did this a lot and it irritated me because most of the time he was right but I wouldn't realize till a while later that what he said would be utterly true. He rolled closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his head into my back, "Can we just… go to sleep?" I asked, my cheek and jaw were hurting me now, I felt Sora nod his head, "Yeah… goodnight Rox," "Night Sor," and we stopped talking and were both soon asleep.

I got up early again the next day and got on the bus, Sora accompanied me again and yet again I tried to avoid Axel by saying I had to go to the nurses or bathroom or getting myself in trouble, but this time- 9th period when I sat in the room it was only me and Axel, the teacher went to copy something I thought I had made my point, but when I looked up Axel was staring at me. I don't think I ever realized how glowing his eyes were till I was staring at them and I didn't know how to ready his emotions. I quickly looked back down and tried to ignore that he was still staring at me, the teacher came back and I was thankful, after all, Axel wouldn't say anything with the teacher right there.

The dismissals sounded again and I stood up to run to the bus before he could grab my arm and talk to me- because I knew he wanted to, but I was quick enough because right as I made it out the door he grabbed my arm and steered me towards his car, in the most gentle way possible till I tried to get away. I feel bad for saying this, but the way he was acting- with grabbing my arm and squeezing my arm to keep me from getting on the bus- was actually kind of scaring me. We made it over to his car and he stood with me by the passenger side, my back was against his vehicle while his arm blocked one side and the other side was blocked by the side mirror.

"What happened to your face?" his tone was quiet, I had actually forgotten about the gash in my cheek from the ring Genesis had worn- his wedding ring to my mother, I could only look in Axel's eyes for a second before I was forced to look down at the gap between his arm and side so I could look at something other than him. He started peeling the plaster away but before I could react he could already see the bruise and the cut, he took in a sharp breath but didn't say anything, "Rox, is there something I need to know about?" he was almost shouting at me, and the tears wouldn't stop from forming in my eyes, my vision became blurry but I still didn't look at him, he must have noticed because he backed off a little.

"Please, Rox, talk to me, if there's something going on… tell me." I guess me just ignoring him wasn't going to work, I was going to have to push him away, and I literally pushed him back, my voice cracking and quiet though I was trying to yell, "Just… leave me alone Ax…" I quickly turned and walked back over to the busses, but while I could still hear Axel I heard a low thump- like he kicked his tire, and "Fuck… fine." I got on the bus. Any hope I had that maybe Axel did care about me didn't matter anymore, because whatever we did have wasn't there anymore, Sora sat next to me and a few tears escaped me. That was it.

_**Yeah… that all just happened… Review? **_


	10. Chapter 10: Given Up

The weekend went by and I did absolutely nothing- literally. Genesis stayed away the whole weekend which was really good for me because I would have done anything and everything to piss him off had he been home and that would have just been past unhealthy for me. I rolled over; I had been lying in bed pretty much since Friday after school, I told Sora to go hang out with Demyx or Kairi- to hang out with his friends, he told me no but I told him if he didn't I wouldn't talk to him at all for the rest of the week. That's where Sora was right now, hanging out with Kairi and Saïx, meeting more people- just what Sora needs, seriously.

The weekend really isn't even over yet but it feels like it should be. I haven't eaten anything and the only time I got out of bed was for the bathroom, and the only thing I really absolutely wanted to do was call Axel and see how he was doing. Of course he hadn't called here at all or even stopped by; Sora doesn't even know what's going on so he wouldn't know. "Damn…" I mumbled as I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow, punching the area next to my head, "This is like a break up without actually even being with the person!" I mumble to myself again.

I heard a car pull up and stop outside the house, the breaks squeaked so I knew it was Axel's, I jumped up and looked around the curtain to see Axel getting out of the car, but Sora wasn't in the vehicle. Axel walked closer and closer to the house so I ran into the bathroom- my first choice; I sat on the toilet lid and listened as he knocked on the door, "Roxas?" I heard him call, but I didn't answer, he repeated it a good few times before he actually opened the door.

"What the hell?" thinking to myself I locked the bathroom door, turning off the light so the only light was from the sky light, I sat against the door. "Roxas?" he called again, the floor creaked as he walked into my room, then back into the kitchen; I let out a sigh as I heard him leave. Soft rasping tapped the door; I jumped at the sound, okay so maybe Axel didn't leave yet. "Rox?" he asked again, and again I didn't say anything, instead I cupped my hands over my mouth in hopes that he couldn't hear me.

"I know it's you Rox… Sora told me Genesis hasn't been home in a few days," his sentence came out after he shook the door knob; I rested my head against my knees. "Please talk to me…" his voice was so quiet and caring, I was already fighting everything in my head- I wanted to talk to Axel but I couldn't, I pressed my hand against my lips harder so I wouldn't be able to talk to him and ruin anything more than I already did.

"Is there something wrong? Did I do something?" his tone was soft still and I had to respond, my head was shaking no almost violently, I wanted him just to know I couldn't be around him though- I wanted him to know that I wanted to be near him but that I couldn't. Continuing to ask me what was wrong and why I wasn't talking to him and all this other stuff, my hands found their way up to cover my ears while my teeth bit my lip to keep my quiet, what felt like hours had passed and there was a vibration on my back.

Peeling a hand off my ear the vibration on my back was Axel hitting the door with the flat of his hand, "Open the door Rox!" he yelled at me, he continued to yell and hit the door and I forced myself to be angry at him, "Go away Ax!" I screamed, covering my ears again, not wanting to hear myself, the hitting of the door stopped but Axel was only quiet for a little while, "No! Not until you talk to me and tell me what's wrong!" he shouted and waited for me to respond, "Really?" I thought, "The one time he really seems to care is the one time I don't want him to." I almost laughed to myself.

"Tell me… I want to help…" he whispered and it was easy for me to get angry off that, "No!" I shouted, "I don't need any help! Why does everyone think I do? I never asked anyone for help- I'm not some charity case that needs someone's pity!" my voice became louder and louder as I screamed, tears were threatening to stream down my face- I hated myself for screaming at him like this because I really did want Axel to care… "Just… leave me alone…" I finally mumbled, leaning my head against the counter beside me, the cold wood feeling nice on my heated skin.

Axel was quiet for a long time, "You want me to leave you alone?" his voice sounded like he was heartbroken, "Fine. I'll leave you alone…" a few seconds after he finished talking he turned and I heard the front door slam shut, I didn't bother trying to stop the tears- why did I always cry? My cries weaved their way into my vocal cords and soon I was shouting at the empty space, the empty house, "I don't want you to leave!" my voice cracked and bit at my still sore throat, "I just… want to stop messing up everything…" the tears were burning my cheeks but I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to be such a baby.

I pushed myself to stand up and walk into my room only to fall on my bed, why did I fuck everything up? I thought I'd be helping Sora by agreeing to living with my father but in the end I only hurt Axel; I deserved to be stuck with my father and deal with Genesis' bullshit. I breathed into my pillow for a good few minutes- trying not to over react even though I felt like I already crossed that line. Soon sleep found me and I welcomed it in, sleeping curled up on top of the blankets trying to find warmth.

"Rox…" I heard someone mutter, I didn't bother to open my eyes, "Hmm?" I was too tired to be awake, "Scoot over so I can pull the blanket over us…" Sora's voice was calm, I moved around so he could get the blanket out from under me, I didn't care if it was childish or weird of me, I rolled over to face him and curled up to his side, holding onto him tightly. "Are you alright?" his voice was on the quiet side, I nodded my head, "Just not feeling well," it was true on some levels. Sora wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer, soon we were turned towards each other- our arms wrapped together while our legs bent up to our chests and weaved together; both of us sleeping in the fetal position.

I really didn't want to go to school, it was Monday and I was already looking forward to the weekend, Sora pretty much had to drag me out of bed so we could catch the bus. When we got to school Sora stayed to talk to his ever growing group of friends while I slinked off to class, sitting right by the door, Axel didn't bother to show up to school and for some reason that made me really sad… like maybe he had actually given up on me.

That was it, Axel had given up on me, and in the moment I didn't care that that was what I wanted- I felt hurt because it felt more like he didn't care enough about me to want to fight for me. The teachers whispered about how Axel coming to school was too good to last for long, I wanted to yell at them and tell them not to talk about their students like that- especially Axel, but I stayed quiet. School ended and Sora when to hang out with Marluxia and Naminé, which means I was free to go straight to bed as soon as I got home, though that's not what I did.

Jumping in the shower a little while after I got home it figures with my luck, as soon as the hot water hit my skin, the phone rang, "Too bad," I mumbled. I ended up humming to myself and eventually singing just so I could hear the message, I was terrified that it might have been my father- and that was not something I wanted to think about while I was naked in the shower. About 40 minutes- maybe an hour later, I got out of the shower and dressed in my pj's, it wasn't even 5 yet but I was ready for bed.

The answering machine wouldn't stop beeping so I sucked up all my courage and walked over to the phone, sure we have Caller ID and I could've checked that but that wouldn't have told me anything. We had no numbers added into our phone so when people called- most of the time from cell phones, that's what it popped up as, "Cell Phone." I checked anyway and of course that's what it said, I scoffed at myself, "What the hell did I think it'd say? Creepy Father Who Plans on Stealing You," I rolled my eyes and put the phone back in its cradle.

I finally hit the play button, the new message started after the guy stopped speaking, "Hello?" It was Riku, "Sora, are you home?" there was a brief silence, "I guess not… Well… I need to talk to you- in person… call me back when you get this," he added his number on the end and then hung up. His tone sounded a little cautious but I didn't know what Sora would think, I would just have to wait till he got home to see how he took it. My stomach started yelling at me to eat, yelling so loud to the point it was actually biting me, I hadn't eaten since Saturday morning so it made since, I started to cook dinner.

Sora got home soon after the message stopped, "Hey Rox," I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled back, "Hey Sor, how was your day?" I turned my whole body around to look at him as he sat at the small kitchen table, "Good, I met Marluxia's sister Serah," I didn't even know he had a sister yet alone two, Sora told me about Serah and how she acted and included what he had heard about Marluxia's oldest sister Lightening. "What about yours?" he asked after he was done speaking, I smiled, "It was alright… you got a message," I finally added.

He looked at the phone then back to me, he stood up and cautiously hit play, skipping all the way to the last message, he listened to Riku speak and as soon as the message stopped he picked up the phone and dialed a number. Sora could really remember anything if he wanted to, like how he really wanted to know Riku's number- he only had to hear it once to memorize it. "Hello?" there was a pause, "Yeah, it's Sora…" I could hear a tone on the other end of the phone- Riku talking, he talked for a good amount of minutes, "Yeah, okay, alright, bye," he waited and hung up the phone. I looked at him, trying to figure out what Riku had said.

"So?" the nosey-ness of me was endless, "So…" Sora responded, "He wants me to meet him after school tomorrow at a Café so we can talk." He had a small smile on his face, "And?" he wasn't telling me something and I couldn't tell, "And… and I think he's going to let 'Us' happen." He smiled and I couldn't help but smile too, I turned back to the stove and began cooking the mash potatoes, pork chops in the over, we were running out of food, I went shopping the night we moved in, but that was a month and a half ago. Food always lasts long here because everything gets thrown in the freezer unless we're making it for dinner or breakfast or something.

Genesis didn't come home again- I figured since he had work he would want to sleep in his bed, but whatever. Tuesday came and I didn't bother to get out of bed, "I don't feel too good…" I told Sora, "Do you want me to stay here with you?" "No," I shook my head, "That's alright," Sora agreed to go to school but he missed the bus so Naminé drove him, she wanted to say, "Hi," to me so by the time they left it was past 8. Naminé was actually really nice, and I think she must have gotten some hint that I didn't want to talk about friends or my now non-excitant ones.

I slept, all day; for 6 hours till Sora came home and told me he was going down to the Café, Naminé was driving him still. I sat up, looking at him; he was looking at himself in a mirror, brushing his brown hair around and wiping his face, "Sora…" I mumbled, looking at him, he didn't stop his menstruations though, "Sora," I said a little louder, he looked at me through the mirror, "Riku already knows what you look like- don't worry about it," he took a deep breath and gave a small smile, nodding his head, a few minutes later and he was out the door.

I didn't want to get out of bed yet so I slept for another two maybe three hours, I was woken up yet again by Sora, but this time he jumped on the bed and was laughing, "Rox! Rox!" he was practically chanting my name, I opened an eye to look up at him. Lying on my side was always comfortable but Sora lying on top of me didn't feel very nice with his rib driving into my own, "What happened?" I mumbled, he rolled off and waited till I was sitting up to tell me. Sora's mouth opened but I cut him off, "And you have to start from the beginning," he closed his mouth quick and thought for a moment.

"He didn't say anything to me in school, so I figured he didn't want to talk at all till we were alone, Naminé offered to drive me there because I didn't have a ride- but I asked if she would drive me here first," I was making a 'go on' gesture with my hand. "Anyway, we showed up and Naminé gave me her number and told me to call her if I needed a ride home, Riku had us sitting in the back away from everyone- mostly people were there to pick their stuff up and just leave," "You're babbling," I mumbled to Sora, warning him that we were straying from the topic.

"Riku said he wanted to keep our relationship the way it was- us being friends," Sora seemed too happy for that to be a bad thing, "But, if it progressed further he wasn't going to stop it, he wanted to be with me and be in a relationship and he can't picture himself with anyone but me," Sora was smiling, "He wants to hang out with me tomorrow," he was practically jumping and clapping with excitement, I smiled, I was beyond glad Sora found someone he wanted to be with. Sora continued talking about how Riku really had to think about it for a while because he didn't want to mess anything up- especially with Sora and he was angry with himself after what he told Sora in school- about the never wanted to see him again thing.

To Sora everything Riku told him made sense and that was enough for me. "Are you okay?" Sora finally asked me, "What? Yeah, I'm fine, what do you mean?" I looked over at him, "Well… you haven't been really all that talkative lately, and when was the last time you talked to Axel- or anyone?" "Sora…" I warned, he wasn't my shrink and he didn't need to worry about my life. Sora didn't put his hands up like he normally did when he was dropping the subject- so he wasn't dropping it just yet, "Listen… I'm just asking because I'm worried… everyone misses talking to you- I'm sure Axel does too." Axel didn't go to school again… I never should have tried to be friends with him I just ruined his life more.

"Can we go to sleep?" I finally asked, Sora nodded his head, standing up to turn the light off he returned and I was asleep instantly.

Wednesday came and again I didn't go to school, Sora told me he wouldn't be home till about 6 because he would be with Riku and he would call if something happened. I was tired of being in bed so I decided to go and lay on the couch, there was nothing to eat in the house I found out- there was half a box of instant mash potatoes, some tea, ketchup, mustard, and left over pork chops, I would have to ask Genesis for money to go shopping when he got home.

Sleep welcomed me in again and I was comfortable, till I heard someone say my name, "Huh?" I sat up, opening my eyes slowly, I looked around me but no one was there, I stood up and walked into the kitchen, Genesis was sitting at the table with warmed up pork chops and some mash potatoes. I sat down in front of him, signaling that I had to talk to him about something, "What?" he asked calmly, looking at me and then his food and over and over, "I need money to get groceries…" I finally mumbled. Normally he would yell that I needed to get a job and stop wasting his money but this time he just reached in his pocket and pulled out a wad of twenties and threw it on the table for me.

Hesitantly I grabbed it, "I'll need a ride too…" I mumbled, I had no way to get to the store, it wasn't in walking distance and even if it was, I wasn't going to be only buying a bag full of food, I had to buy enough for another month. Genesis let out a sigh, "Alright, get ready, I'll be done in twenty minutes," I nodded my head and stood up, walking into my room, throwing the blanket I had wrapped around me onto my bed, finding my shoes and jacket I slid them on, waiting in my room till I heard his plate hit the sink.

The car ride was awkward but it always was, people would probably think "Genesis is such an ass, and he so mean, and blah blah blah," but Genesis wasn't always mean like that, most of the time he was just distant, he never gave me or Sora problems because we did everything we could not to give him any either. I think the reason he was acting so hostile in the past month was simply because this is our old town- back when our family was a family of 6, and also because of Angeal- Angeal himself just reminded Genesis of everything Genesis went through.

Genesis was the only child to two missionary parents, they were rich but lived in a poor town so Genesis was always picked on and singled out, then one day- his parents died and all his money was gone. The only friend he had was Angeal before, and after everyone accepted him but he hated them because they only liked him because he was now poor too, Angeal has been his only friend his whole life.

We pulled up to the store but Genesis didn't get out of the car, I shopped as quickly as I could, almost thirty minutes passed and I was finally done, I opened the back door and loaded it all into the car, Genesis was still just staring out the front window. Driving home in silence, I handed him back the change and the receipt, he normally asked for it but he seemed distracted today, he didn't say anything but continued to stare out his window and the windshield. We made it home and Genesis went straight inside, I got all the groceries in in just a few trips, and once everything was done I sat in the chair, looking over at Genesis.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him, he had been staring at the TV, and normally he complained that the commercials were too long and he would change the station every few minutes but he wasn't even watching it now. He didn't even look at me, "No." his voice was definite like he didn't want me to ask again, he stood up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the freezer- that was in there before I got groceries, he was the only one who could buy that so that was his problem. He walked back in and I tried not to obviously stare at him, I didn't want him to think I was staring but I was actually worried about him.

Grabbing his third beer he sat down and I spoke up, "You shouldn't drink so much… it's not good for you…" sure three beers isn't all that bad, but ever since we moved back here he got drunk out of his mind every night and if he kept it up he wouldn't be living very much longer. He looked at me and stared in almost disbelief, "You would love it if I got alcohol poisoning… wouldn't you?"

I didn't know what to what to say, "Yeah, that's it isn't it?" Genesis stood up, looking at me, "You would love it if I drank myself under!" he threw his beer can at me, which didn't hurt at all and was pretty much already empty, but I could tell he was upset about something and he would get violent when I tried to help him- he always did. "That's not it at all," I said in a firm voice, not standing up or moving but looking him in the eye, "What's wrong, Genesis?" I asked again.

Genesis seemed like a child rather than adult, "You want to know what wrong?" he asked me and I didn't bother shaking my head or anything, didn't need to because he responded anyway, "This," he gestured to everything around him, "All of this," he picked up the remote and threw it at the TV, scattering the remote and chipping the screen, "I hate it all," he grabbed random things from the coffee table and started throwing everything, "You want to know what I hate the most?" He looked at me and I waited for his response, "You."

_**Some dramas going to happen in the next chapter- so stay tuned xD  
what do you think of this chapter? Please Review- Thanks for all the reviews everyone's already given- IT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED  
I have a Poll open on my profile- vote please! It's for the story I'm going to do after I finish this one and redo One Day (This story is far from over though). A small summary can be seen on my profile for every story, I think I have up to 3 votes per user or something, but vote- seriously, I would so freaking happy :D **_


	11. Chapter 11: Truth of it

"You." his voice was stern- there was no way he was joking or it was the alcohol talking, I knew he hated me so this didn't really surprise me- I mean sure it hurt to know that you're hated by the man who raised you but still, nothing new. "I can't stand seeing you! Hearing you speak- I hate you!" he shouted over and over again, and soon I couldn't take it, looking down at my knees I mumbled, "What did I ever do to you?" and Genesis stopped everything.

"What?" he asked me, I looked up at him, "What have I ever done to you?" I asked, "I've tried to be nice to you my entire life, but you still hate me! I don't know what I did to piss you off so much," he cut me off, "You did everything!" he screamed. He stomped over to me, putting his hands on the chair by my head, leaning in close so he was a few inches from my face; he was staring at me like he wanted to kill me. "You… did everything…" he spoke quietly.

"How?" my voice was finally found and I used it to question him, he grabbed hold of my collar and pulled me up so I was standing, "You happened!" I was so confused by his fragment sentences and repetitive words, "I don't fucking understand you!" I finally screamed. He dropped me to the ground and started yelling at me, I knew something was bothering him but I didn't know how extreme it was. "I had the perfect life before you happened!" that shocked me.

I started to back away but Genesis followed me, "I had a wife- my high school sweetheart, we had a son and then a daughter and they were the light of our worlds! And then your father stole her away!" I couldn't get away fast enough, I continued to scoot back but he grabbed hold of me and somehow in the mess of me wiggling around and trying to get away he punched me in the face, pulling me closer to him so he could shout in my ear. "Everything was perfect and then your father BROKE her! She couldn't sleep, she wouldn't talk!" I didn't want to hear any of it, but I couldn't go anywhere, "My wife became a shell because of your father! And then one day comes along and she realizes she's pregnant with his child!"

I forced myself to listen because I was going to hear it either way, but most of all- it was the reason Genesis was mad at me and hated me so much, it was the answer to every punch, every kick, and every mean word, "She tried to kill herself! The only woman I loved and cared for, the mother of my children, she tried to take her own life," I realized then that he was crying, I looked back at him and all that was plan on his face was the pain and the anger. "I held her, but no matter how close I held her, she wasn't mine anymore…" he was sobbing now, he dropped me to the floor and followed me down, pressing his back against the wall.

"She tried to get rid of you… only to find out it wasn't just one baby- it was twins…" his hands were wringing his hair, pulling tightly as he pushed himself harder against the wall. "She decided they would be her babies… she spent the next five months submerging herself in babies that she never even wanted! She wouldn't talk to me… she barely talked to the kids…" he was rubbing his eyes like they had pepper spray in them. "And then they were born- you looked just like your father! Same blond hair- and I knew you would turn out just like him!" he shouted at me, I didn't scoot away this time though, I let him continue.

"They grew up… I tried to convince myself Sora was mine- he was happy and smart and the complete opposite of your father…" his voice was so quiet now, "She hated that I didn't accept you as my own- I knew you weren't though…" this is why he hated me, because I reminded him of the man who hurt his wife- my mother? "But… now… you sound just like her… you talk just like her… and no matter how hard I hit you… You don't stay down! You won't shut up! You won't go away! I hate coming here knowing you two are the cause that destroyed MY family!" he was crying into his knees now, I didn't know what to do.

He was crying and I didn't know what to do. Tears were falling down my own face, making my mouth taste salt, was that really why he hated me? It all made sense… I shook my head- I couldn't think that way right now, not with everything I was already handling from not talking to Axel on top of that… but the thoughts sunk into my mind anyway as I continued to stare at Genesis who was left in a heap of sobs. My mother was the light of his life- Shuyin took that all away from him, and what'd he get to show for it? Two dead children, a dead wife, and left to raise two twin teens that aren't even his- I deserve far worse from him.

Sitting Indian style on the floor I watched Genesis for a while- the raw painful emotion emanating off of him, finally I decided to whisper, "I'm sorry… I didn't know…" I didn't know that I reminded him of only pain; I stood up and walked into my room, sliding down to the ground against my door, my cries turning vocal as I echoed Genesis from the other room. The reason I hurt, the reason I was ever hit and singled out in the first place was my fault, I reminded him of everything he wished never happened and everything he wished to forget, I hugged my knees tighter to me. Every time Genesis ever singled me out for my hair I figured it was just because I was the only blond which made it a bit obvious I didn't fit in- like he was calling me out, but now… Now I know that my blond hair just represents that I am no one's son- and never can be.

To Genesis I will always be the son of a monster, who made him the way he is, and to my father I will always be the reminder of the happy relationship we will never share, my mother was the only one who could love me like that and I lost her a long time ago. I had three chances for a happy family and I fucked all of them up. Clutching my legs tighter I struggled to breathe, my eyes burned with tears- so much so that my jaw was starting to burn. The trails down my cheeks felt like acid and tasted like salt, my lungs were screaming at me to find a rhythm to breathe at while my heart raced and I could never get enough air. My mind yelled at me for being blind to everyone else's problems and being so selfish, I ruined every good chance I was given and I could handle that- my problem was- no matter how hard I tried, I always hurt someone.

Going out of my way to help someone and make them feel better only hurt them more in the end, like I was some ancient taboo item that only granted you good luck for a little bit before taking even more ground out from under you than before. I pulled my knees closer to me, why couldn't I ever do anything right?

Something was pushing me, I opened my eyes- not even knowing they were once closed, "Roxas?" I heard from behind the door, it was Sora. My tears were no more and what were- were now dried on my cheeks; I crawled forward, letting him open the door and close it without taking his eyes off me, "Are you alright?" I nodded my head quickly; I was fine- of course I was… "Well… alright… it's almost 8, do you want to go to bed?" I nodded my head again and crawled up on to our bed; Sora changed into his pj's and climbed in next to me, "So how did it go with Riku?" I asked through a yawn, just realizing that I was sleeping in front of the door- knocked right out.

Sora chuckled, "It was fun… we're going to hang out like we used to, ya know? Every day after school hang out for a while…" I nodded my head but didn't say anything, "Rox… you should talk to Axel… he hasn't talked to any of us since last week, he came in today for a little while but he left 5 minutes after he entered… something's up with him- and he likes talking to you…" I shook my head no, not even paying attention to myself but it was too late to stop so I added on, "He doesn't like talking to me any more than he does his friends…" Sora went to add more- prove me wrong or something but I cut him off.

"I thought you said you'd be home at 6?" he told me it was almost 8, "Yeah… I was supposed to be, but we both kind of lost track of the time…" I nodded my head, "Uh-huh," I mumbled, he chuckled again but this time I was asleep before I could hear his response.

"Hey, it's 6:50," Sora spoke quietly as he shook my arm, I made some noise in my throat but didn't say any coherent words, "You have to go to school today, it's only today and tomorrow…" I shook my head no; I didn't want to go to school- I just wanted to sleep. Sora let out a sigh and let go of my arm, he walked away and I was only barely aware but he ended up walking back in and brushing the hair out of my face and hugged me, "You know I love you Rox?" he asked quietly, I nodded my head and hugged him back, "I love you too Sor…" he let out another sigh and left the house.

Sleeping was something I was really starting to like, I slept in bed till I became too tired of doing even that and went and slept in the chair in the living room. The house looked like crap. I took a… short nap- about two hours- and then decided to start cleaning, I put the remote back on the coffee table even though it was broken, along with everything Genesis had thrown, anything else that broke- like the ceramic bowl he threw, I picked up and dumped in the trash, once the living room was clean I cleaned the kitchen, and worked my way back into mine and Sora's room to clean that up. My bed called me and I was out yet again.

Sora got home at about 5:30ish and handed me a bunch of papers and a book, "That's all the work you missed," he set his bag over by the dresser and busied himself with something, "Are you alright?" Sora stopped whatever he was doing and looked up- though not at me, and said, "Yeah, I'm fine… I'm just worried about you Rox…" He paused for a minute and then continued, "You rarely act like this and the last time you did… it was because you were hiding dad from me…" he looked over at me. His eyes were resting like he was worried so only a small amount of blue was visible, he looked like he wanted to cry, I patted the bed next to me and hesitantly he came and sat next to me, I pulled him closer to me till his head was rested on my lap and he was curled up on the bed.

Brushing the hair out of his eyes I spoke quietly to him, "Sor… there's nothing to worry about… I'm just not feeling well…" I ran out of things to say so I just continued running my fingers through his hair. He asked if I was going to go to school tomorrow and I had a little bit of a problem telling him- but I told him no, probably not, after a sigh he dropped the subject. We went to bed early yet again.

Sora didn't bother to wake me up in the morning when he got ready for school, he did make sure I was awake for him to tell me he loved me and hug me- which I returned/responded to both. I slept straight through the day. And pretty much straight through another weekend. You may think sleeping for pretty much a week straight is hard, but it's not, it gets a lot easier, mostly because you don't want to wake up because you know you'll feel worse than the last time you woke up.

Spending most of his time with Riku, Sora was gone most of the weekend, till Sunday came along. "How do you feel today?" I lied and said, "Better," he smiled, "Good, because we're going to go out tonight!" he opened the drawers to the dresser and started going through clothes, "What?" I asked, "What if I don't want to?" I clarified, he only hummed and ignored it, "Which shirt do you want to wear?" he wasn't changing his mind anytime soon, so I just laid back down, "Which ever one you want me to."

I really didn't want to get out of bed but my muscles were yelling because they were being neglected- Sora opened the stereo and put in a CD, and to my luck it my CD labeled #2, which was my "Get the Fuck up and Party CD," featuring songs like, "This is the New Shit," by Marilyn Manson, "Anti-Venom," by EatMeWhileImHot, "Diamond's aren't forever," by Bring Me the Horizon, "Headstrong," by Trapt, and a bunch of other songs by Falling in Reverse, Korn, Devil wears Prada, and Miss May I. Sora knew once he played this CD it was going to change my mood, he was smiling now, so I threw a pillow at him and he only laughed more. Standing up I grabbed the clothes he tossed on the bed and took a much needed shower.

I wondered why Sora wanted to hang out on Sunday- we had school tomorrow, but he must have figured I wasn't going to go or something. After scrubbing my body a good four or five times I got out of the shower and dried off, it was almost 9, and I guess Sora wanted to head out soon, the clothes he chose for me were a little fancy- my version of fancy for me. My pants were black skinny jeans (which were too big for me still) - made with tears in them- the tears were black all the way through and actually getting to be more of just holes, my shirts were my black wife beater, a long sleeve black fishnet that hooked around my pinky and thumb on each sleeve, and a shiny black button up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up past my elbows. Sora was planning something.

Shaking my hair violently made me a little light headed, most likely because I hadn't really eaten anything, but my hair was now styled like I liked it- all pushed forward and spiked to one side. My hair was fine compared to Sora's whose was thick and always poufy- he settled for just spiking it. His outfit was almost the same and yet almost the complete opposite, "Same-difference." His pants were a faded white with no tears and actually fit him like they were supposed to- even though we both wore our pants on the very lowest point of our hips, his shirt was a dark blue and button down just like mine except under his he didn't wear any fishnet- only a black wife beater.

Yeah, we dress a lot a like- except we tend to stay on different ends of the color spectrum, he wore his converse and I wore my knock off brand black Jordan's, we wore our normal jewelry over all that. Me with two finger warmers- hiding scars from Genesis… which in light of recent events seemed different in my eyes… I always took them as a sign of an accident from poor judgment of his alcohol intake, now it was more of always showing me the hate he felt towards me. Anyway, my wrist band I slid on over the fishnet, and my Nobody Emblem- that looked like a throwing star- necklace, silver and shiny. Sora had on a similar necklace except it was a crown, and he wore black and dark blue gloves that only went up to his first knuckle on every finger.

"Ready?" He asked me after are shoes were completely on, I nodded, "If I have to go," I stood up and let out a sigh, "Oh come on, when was the last time you left the house?" it was rhetorical and even if I wanted to answer he pulled me along with him before I could reply. We didn't bring any jackets- which I didn't understand because it was still December, and we were walking down to the end of the road, "Okay, do you trust me?" I stopped walking for a moment, "Why?" I asked wearily, "Just cuz, now, do you trust me?" he also stopped walking and looked at me.

Hesitantly I answered him, "Yes," I was nodding my head like I was trying to convince him, "I trust you…" "Good, put this on," he handed me a bandanna, "What?" I looked back up at him, he rolled his eyes and grabbed it back from me; he wrapped it around my eyes and started tying it behind my head, "What are you doing?" I finally asked, "Hush," he said as he tied it tight. "Just trust me, we're going to get in a car and get driven to the party, okay?" I let out a sigh, "Sora…" I let out another sigh, "Alright… just make sure I don't hit my head on anything," he laughed and pat my back, "Didn't plan on it," he walked me forward and told me to wait, so I stayed still and he ended up walking away.

I heard him whispering to someone and then it sounded like he ran back to me and said, "Come on," he rushed me forward and now I was practically running, but I didn't want to- so my feet were kind of dragging, he stopped me quickly, "Okay, now get in the car," he turned me sideways and was trying to push me down so I would sit, but instead I was a little slow because I didn't know where the seat was.

When I found it I let him push me and just like he promised he wouldn't, my head smashed off the top of the door frame, I heard someone snicker as I grabbed my head, "Ah! Sora!" I dragged it out, "I asked you NOT to hit my head off anything," he was laughing when he responded, "I'm sorry, scoot in so I can shut the door," I dragged my other foot up and Sora shut the door softly. We drove for a while before someone opened my door and I was being pulled out, "You should tell me where we're going Sora, because this seems an awful lot like a kidnapping," I mumbled, and I heard Sora giggle, "Just a few more minutes,"

A few more minutes pasted and I was still being dragged around, except now there was loud music and I kept bumping into people, finally I was told to sit down and slide over a little. I sat on some sort of leather seat, with the same type of back, and a table in front of me, I scoot over like I was told till I scoot over too far and bumped into someone. Sora's hands were still on my arm so I knew it wasn't him, "Sorry…" I blushed as I looked where I assumed the person's face was, but they didn't say anything and now Sora was talking again so I was forced to look back over to where I thought he was, "Rox, you're not allowed to stand up OR move till you sorted through everything here."

I knew he was being serious and asking- well, demanding, as my brother, no getting out of it now. He said I could pull my blindfold off now but I was a little scared to, after a sigh I reached back and tried to untie it, but I couldn't. The person next to me tapped my shoulder gently and their fingers placed over my own and worked around them to untie it, they pulled the blindfold down and I was shocked to see who it was.

_**Who do you think the mystery person is?  
Please Review! Please Vote on my Poll! Please…. Yeah… I ran out of things… anyway, what do you think? **_


	12. Chapter 12: Perfections Cost

Turning to look at Sora I couldn't believe he was doing this to me, "Riku?" I questioned, behind Sora Riku was standing and looking at me the same exact way Sora was, he nodded his head like he knew what was happening, I looked back at the familiar red head. But when I opened my mouth to say something, the sad look in the red head's eyes stopped me; I quickly turned my head back to Sora and asked him, "What's going on?"

I was split, Axel had his arm on the back part of the booth- practically resting on my shoulder, while my shoulder gently pressed against his side, and it was where I wanted to be. But it wasn't where I deserved to be. I shouldn't be trying to fix things up because I would just crush him more when I left- he already proved me not talking to him gets him angry and upset- I don't want to make that any worse. "You need to talk to him, I'm not going to let you two just stop talking to each other," Sora started talking, "You did it for me and Riku, I'll do the same for you…" I shook my head.

"But that's different…" I mumbled, Sora rolled his eyes and sat in the empty space next to me, "How?" his question was simple but I couldn't think of a proper sentence to respond with, "Because it was me and this is you?" I nodded my head, that was exactly what it was- why was he asking me if he already knew the answer? "That's a bullshit excuse," Ouch. I opened my mouth to talk but Sora cut me off, "You didn't know what Riku would tell me when you called him over and put him in the same room with me," I cut him off, "Yes I did… for the most part…" I mumbled again, he looked at me like he didn't believe me, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," "How'd you know he wouldn't be mad at me or hate me?" before I could stop my brain from connecting to my mouth there was already a direct line, "You're Sora, happy, bright, out-going- he'd be stupid to be mad at you or hate you," I quickly looked up at Riku, "No offence…" he just shrugged his shoulders at me. And Sora had caught onto what I was saying and was quick to blow it up in my face, "Oh? Because I'm so perfect?" he looked like he was going to get mad for a second- which an angry Sora is the worst thing in the world, but his expression quickly changed.

"Granted the majority of the time I am happy, bright, and out-going," he started, "You're like that too, and right now you're choosing to be my sad, depressed, and pessimistic little brother that, while I love and would do anything for, needs to realize that there are people out there who would love you more than you think if you'd just let them." My mind paced to find some witty come back to wash his comment down the drain but I couldn't get one. "But," I started, trying to figure out something to tell him, "But nothing," Sora responded, pulling me closer so we were only maybe an inch apart, "You don't think I don't know what this is all about?"

Of course he didn't know what it was about, I'd kept it secret from him for months- there was no way he could know what was happening, "Sora… no you," he cut me off, "It's about Dad… I already know," my eyes grew to freaking saucers; how the hell did Sora know? "He's one man, Rox… don't let him control you like this…" I hadn't realized my gaze had shift down to the table till Sora pulled me that inch closer and kissed my temple, "Talk it out with Axel- no moving till you two kiss and make up," he stood up and walked away, Riku's hand in his own. Riku was definitely whipped.

Axel and I sat there like we were told, but the conversation didn't start as quickly as Sora's and Riku's did. I looked around, Axel and I were sitting in a dark red booth with a black table, a few feet from our table was a giant group of people dancing- this wasn't a party but rather a bar or something, the loud music vibrated the floor. Maybe twenty minutes pasted before I heard a deep familiar voice, "Is that why you stopped talking to me… because of your father?"

Looking over at him quickly my gaze dropped to the table, he sounded like he was pissed and disappointed, I didn't know what to say so I just nodded my head. "What did your father say?" he looked at me but I still couldn't look at him, "My father didn't say anything… he doesn't even know about you…" I realize once that was out of my mouth that it sounded awful, "That's not what it sounds like," I quickly added, mentally face-palming myself over and over to the point that I was more like mentally beating the shit out of me. Axel seemed pissed.

I took a deep breath, Axel wasn't going anywhere just like I wasn't, "My father… he's someone me and Sora don't really like… a lot of people don't like him actually…" I could tell I wasn't making Axel feel any better, "I hate him," I added, Axel demeanor changed a little, "We want nothing to do with him… but he won't go away…" Axel seemed less angry and more concerned, "He's your dad… he's trying to be in your guy's life," I scoffed then regretted it; "Sorry… just… could we not talk about him?" I wasn't going to come out of nowhere- after not talking to Axel for almost a week and say, "Yeah, he wants to be in my life but I'm utterly terrified of him because he raped and killed my mom and the only reason he wants me is because he likes messing with people's minds and for some reason only took a shining to me instead of Sora,"? Fuck no.

He was quiet for a while, "I just don't understand you Rox…" he muttered, I looked over at him and the sadness in his eyes ate away at me because I knew that he felt like that because of me. "I'm sorry…" I finally whispered but he didn't look at me. "If you don't like talking to me… just tell me, and I promise I'll leave you alone…" his voice was quiet, he still wasn't looking at me- his eyes were now blocked by the palms of his hands. I decided to be completely honest and not give a shit about hurting anyone. "I wanted to talk to you… I didn't want you to leave when you came over… but… I figured if I kept talking to you- I'd only make it worse…"

"Make what worse?" he was finally looking at me, but I was stuck staring at the table, "Everything with my father… everything in general…" I whispered and I waited for him to respond but I didn't understand why this was all so hard- I had so much to say to him when I couldn't talk to him, and now I didn't know what to say. "I hated it when you stopped talking to me…" he started, staring off into the crowd of people, "I thought it was because of what I asked you… so I gave you a day… but then you didn't talk to me the next day either… and when I went to your house and you told me to leave you alone… I figured that's what you wanted… I hated it." he repeated, "I hated it," over and over again until he looked over at me and caught my eye.

"I hated it because I was so happy to talk to you, I got out of bed and wanted to be around people because I knew you'd be there and I knew you'd talk to me too… and then that just stopped…" I hated that I affected him like that. "I'm sorry…" I muttered again, "I thought I'd be doing you a favor by dropping out of your world," before I knew it I was pulled into a hug, I gasped in surprise but it went unheard because Axel started talking. "Don't ever think that dropping out of my world- or anyone else's would ever be a favor, you mean too much to me to just not be there one day…" he pulled away and looked at me, holding me so I had to look at him.

"I still want to hear the full explanation as to why you thought it'd be a favor for me, just don't do me any more favor's in the meantime," he smiled, I couldn't believe it. Just like that he was forgiving me and letting me back into his life, I meant only to take a deep breath but it kept getting deeper and soon my vision of the redhead was blurry from tears. Quickly bending my head down I used my fishnet to rub the tears away before they could fall, "I'm sorry…" I mumbled again, I couldn't believe he actually cared that much about me to not hate my guts by now, I was going between weakly laughing and crying, and Axel just held me closer.

Minutes pasted and now I was leaning against him, my back against his side, his arm draped across my chest to hold my side, I was happy he didn't hate me, I kept inhaling his scent- something I had almost forgotten- to remind myself every few seconds that this was real. "So what have you done since we last spoke?" his voice was smooth and held no contempt. "I slept… went to school Monday… that's about it…" I quickly added, "Oh, and I cried… a whole lot… it felt like a break up without actually being together," I softly laughed, Axel's arm held me tighter, "I'm sorry…" he whispered, I was surprised that he was apologizing to me.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I quickly assured him, "No… I should've been more stubborn… I've should've known something was up," turning my head into his arm I continued to breathe in his scent, my fingers enjoyed the warmth of his arms- something I also missed. He was always burning hot while I was always freezing cold, "I'm just glad you don't hate me…" I finally whispered, holding his arm tighter, a gesture he returned when his arm tightened around me. We sat like that for maybe an hour- seriously, not talking, just sitting there, me breathing him in and him holding me, and then Sora and Riku walked over.

"You two made up now?" Sora asked, not sitting down but standing in front of the table, I felt Axel nod, but I was too tired to bother trying to explain anything to Sora- let alone say he was right. "Are you awake Rox?" I felt someone lean over me so I opened my eyes a little more, looking up I saw Sora, I yawned, "Yeah… just tired…" it looked like he nodded his head before standing back up. "You two can head out if you want, I'm going to be staying with Riku tonight," Axel was nodding his head again, "Yeah, if Roxas wants to," he wasn't even done with his sentence before I started nodding my own head, his deep chuckle echoed in my ears and reminded me of all the times I had made him laugh- and how I was utterly torn that I might never hear it again.

"Alright, we'll follow you out," Axel was moving before I could even let go of his arm, when he slid out of the booth I laid down in the spot that was now open, "I'm comfy…" I muttered to no one in particular, Sora laughed, "It's impossible to think that you slept almost a week straight and yet you're still tired," I shrugged my shoulders and finally sat up, yawning again in the process. We walked out some double doors and I saw the familiar vehicle that I knew as Axel's, we all stood in front of his car for a minute to say good bye, Riku and Axel nodded their goodbyes, "Bye," Axel and Sora said and Axel caught on that what I was going to say was a little more time consuming and held a lot more words.

Axel got into the car and blasted the heater; the sound reminded me how cold it really was in December with a wife beater, fishnet, thin button up shirt, and torn jeans. I pulled Sora in for a hug, "Thank you Sor… seriously…" I pulled away but our arms stayed on each other's shoulders, "I owed you… and I couldn't let my baby brother destroy himself like that… we'll talk about Dad tomorrow after school… stay at Axel's tonight, just don't do anything too crazy," he winked, "Way to make it dirty," I thought. "Wait…" my mind was awake again, "What if Genesis comes home and notices we're not there?" it was only really a problem because he hadn't been home in a few days.

"Relax Rox, I took care of it- I stuffed our beds with clothes," he had a devilish smile on his face, "If Genesis walks in- he'll think we're just sleeping. Don't worry about it," his tone was actually very reassuring. Another hug and a, "Bye," to both of them, with a warning specifically to Riku- something along the lines of if he hurt my brother or took advantage of him- I'd take advantage of the fact that bones broke really easily- and I was in the car and quick to get comfy.

We drove in silence for maybe five minutes before I couldn't stand being so distant from Axel- even though we were sitting barely a foot apart- so I put my hand out like he did ever since the movies. Palm up, fingers spread wide apart, reaching over to the halfway point between us and me looking at him with the question, "Want to hold hands," written all over my face. He glanced at my face quickly, and then at my out reached hand, a smirk spread across his face and his hands shifted on the steering wheel, his outer hand grabbing hold to the very top of the wheel while his now free hand gently grasped mine.

"You sure?" he asked me after a few seconds, "Sure about what?" "That you're really okay with all of this, that there isn't any other reason you didn't want to talk to me," I cut him off there, "I'm sure," I gave his hand a squeeze and he laughed, this was the first time I had gone first in the process of holding hands, normally he silently asked me- not this time. I didn't want to take the chance of losing what we had, or ruining it any more than I already had, no, I was going to do everything right now.

After almost an hour, it was now 12:50 in the morning, and right now- I sure as hell didn't hate Mondays. I walked in after Axel into his house, I hadn't brought anything with me to change into but sleeping in my clothes wasn't that much of a problem- it's what I did most of the time anyway, I unbuttoned the button down shirt and was quick to collapse on Axel's bed. I missed the scent, the feeling of being at his house the feeling of knowing I was only there because Axel loved me enough to let me in his room. He was chuckling under his breath while going through his dresser; I rolled onto my back, my eyes closed, because the light was so bright, I was ready to go to sleep anytime- especially in Axel's bed NEXT to Axel.

I felt a weight press into the bed, on both sides of my head and the same sort of weight by the outer sides of my legs, my mouth opened to ask what was happening but before the words could form and leave my throat something soft pressed against my mouth. I wanted to open my eyes but right before I did I realized Axel was kissing me, even though my mouth was just open there wasn't a tongue shoving its way down my throat. My eyes stayed closed blissfully, slowly he pulled away but remained a few inches above me, I slowly peeked open my eyes and looked up at him, his face was shaded dark from the light being behind him, but his eyes were glowing the most vibrant green I had ever seen them, his hair wasn't falling over his shoulders but his bangs created a wall around my face- blocking out everything but him.

He leaned back down and instead of kissing my lips again he pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, it didn't shock me that he had done it- sure it surprised me a bit, but it didn't shock me that he felt that way about me, but most of all, the only thing I really noticed- was that I wanted him to do it again. The same sweet, simple, I'll love you forever- kiss he had just given me twice now, but he was standing up now taking his shirt off and his socks and shoes, I sat up but my eyes stayed shut, reviling in the moment I just had with him. "Here," I heard him say to me, I opened my eyes to see a shirt and pj bottoms in front of me, "You can wear these if you want," I took them and nodded my head, he left the room- I noticed his hair was tied back into a loose ponytail, the reason his hair wasn't all over the place- and I stood up.

Taking off all my shirts- even my beater, I put on the shirt he had given me, which was a simple black short sleeved shirt that was probably just right on him but just a tad too big- mostly too long- on me. The pants he handed me were majority of black with some blue in a plaid pattern, too long for me but I didn't care, I pushed all my clothes against the wall like he normally did with them and pretty much trust fell on the bed. I heard a chuckle and assumed he saw my last display of laziness, I moved my head to look over at him but as soon as I opened my eyes he turned the light off and I couldn't see anything.

The bed groaned as Axel sat on it, I scooted up the bed so my head was on the pillows like it was supposed to be and Axel pulled the blanket out from under me, he threw it in the air and it softly landed back down over top of us. I was comfy just lying there like that, but I was even more comfy when Axel pulled me closer to him and intertwined his legs with mine. This night was perfect, I held his arm tighter, the lower part of his face was buried in my hair and I could tell he was breathing me in the same way I was at the bar and at the moment.

I woke up pretty peacefully. How so? Well, I woke up with Axel continuing to blow in my ear, "I'm up…" I mumbled and rolled over, he laughed but I was comfy, till he followed me and continued to blow in my ear. "I'm up, I'm up…" I mumbled again, the side of his face rested on the side of mine, I didn't move though, so he did and started blowing in my ear again, I rolled over towards him so I was facing him- my eyes still closed. I expecting him to keep pushing the air on my face or to move with me and keep blowing in my ear, but he did something else, his lips pressed against my own for a brief second before the bed shifted a whole lot and he spoke, "Get up, it's time to get ready," and he stood up and left the room.

How could I go back to bed after that kind of wake up? Impossible. I sat up and weaved the blanket around me, it was too cold to get out of bed, I grabbed the clothes from the end of the bed and threw them in the mess of blankets, hoping to warm them before I had to put them back on. I rubbed my face a good fifty times and yawned about twice as much, I decided just to change under the blankets, I pulled the pants off and pulled on my much shorter and tighter pants and I was about to take Axel's shirt off before I decided against it.

No, only Axel got to see me in my 'fancy clothes', fuck everybody in school, I did however put my wife beater on before throwing my other two shirts on the floor and folding Axel's pj bottoms to place on top. "You up?" he walked back in, I nodded my head, I was going to respond but another yawn cut me off. Burying my face in the blanket that I had temporarily claimed when I looked back up Axel was plugging a heater in, "What time is it?" I asked, but he smiled for a few seconds before replying, "If I told you that, you'd want to go back to bed," I had a retort planned but that went out the window so I just shrugged in agreement.

He jumped on the bed and I literally flew a few inches up, my eyes went wide- where did that come from? "You know… I never really pictured you as a morning person…" I lay back down; he was lying down so he couldn't tell me I couldn't. He laughed, "I'm only a morning person when you're around," "Oh dear lord," I whispered, a smile on my face, he chuckled before pulling me on top of him, "What're you," he cut off my question, "Believe it or not, the rooms still cold, and you seem to be tangled in all the blankets," somehow his arms were in the blanket and wrapped around me to rest on my sides, "This ways easier," he added.

I smiled, "I do know how to share blankets Axel," I started to unravel them but he held me tighter before quietly speaking, "And I like this position," I couldn't stop the blush that spread across my cheeks, I gave him my: don't be dirty, look but he only laughed more. "Here," he started to unravel the blanket from me- it wasn't as complicated as he said he thought it was, and now I was sitting back on the inside of the bed while Axel sat up to continue to get the blanket free. Once it was free he threw it over my shoulders like a cape, "Huh?" I looked up at him but he moved really quickly.

In an instant I was lying down again, the side of my head pressed against his chest, lying back on top of him like before, but this time the blanket followed behind me and draped over both of us, his arms hugged around me again and he gave a short squeeze before letting out a breath, "Much more comfy…" he muttered to himself, again I had a retort but that was stopped when the warmth of his body actually reached me. I snuggled into him, which must have tickled because he started laughing, "Why're you always so warm?" I spoke into his chest, my face absorbing all the heat there, he just continued on laughing and held me tighter.

"We should get up," his whispered to me a few minutes later, I just shook my head no, "I'll never be this comfy again," I muttered into his chest and tummy, he laughed and rolled over, making me roll onto the cold part of the bed, "I promise I can make you even more comfy, be we got to get up now," he was leaning over me, "Mhm," my eyes were shut again but I didn't plan on going back to sleep, "Come on," he stood up and I decided to get out of bed, lying in Axel's bed wasn't all too great when Axel wasn't in it with me.

I stood up from the bed and went and found Axel, he was standing in front of the fridge, my feet were cold on the floor and I cursed myself for not putting my socks on, he looked up at me twice, a double take, "You're going to wear my shirt?" his eye brow rose, "Umm… if I can," I didn't really think he would have a problem with it, but he started nodding his head, "Yeah, go right ahead, I just figured you wear something that actually fit you…" he closed the fridge, "And I kind of liked seeing you dressed up like that," again I was blushing but this time my retort didn't stop, "I only dress fancy for certain people- definitely not the people in school," we smiled for a second before I looked over at the clock, it was 7:10, we still had 10 minutes before we had to leave to get to school 10 minutes early and socialize with people.

Thinking of everyone I actually wasn't able to think of anything, what would they think when they suddenly saw me again and after I had hurt Axel like that- would they hate me? My face represented my mind and Axel was quick to catch onto my thoughts it seemed, "I'm sure everyone misses you, when was the last time you talked to them?" he asked it casually while he grabbed an apple- he offered me one but I shook my head, "A while before you…" I finally replied, I took the silence as a chance to ask, "You really don't hate me, for not talking to you?" he took another bite of his apple before responding.

"I could never hate you Rox… I was angry though… I thought I did something wrong and then I heard that you had cut off from everyone else too… I'm sorry I didn't realize something was bothering you Rox…" I was shaking my head; he had no reason to be apologizing to me, "But… I still want to know why you did it…" he was closer to me now, I didn't know what to say, "Just give me an idea…" his voice was calm, I bit the inside of my lip, thinking of something to say, finally- after a sigh I told him, "Well… my father says once I turn 16- he wants me to move in with him…" "And you don't want to?" nodding my head he slowly nodded his.

"Just tell him no then," I was shaking my head already, "Can't… if I tell him no he said he'd go to court and get custody of both me _and_ Sora… he's our biological father which means the court would favor him instead of Genesis…" "And Sora doesn't like him either?" I nodded my head, but it's more than that, "Our father treats Sora like Genesis treats me…" Axel didn't point out anything, didn't say anything but what he did do was walk even closer to me and wrap his arms around me; he leaned against the counter and pulled me with him.

"I am _not_ letting him anywhere near Sora…" I mumbled into Axel's chest, and what he did was the best thing in the world- he breathed. He didn't tell me, "You could have told me," or, "I won't let that happen," or, "I knew Genesis wasn't a nice man," or anything of that sort, he didn't apologize or signify that anything I had said was different from everything else I had ever said to him, no, he just held me tight and breathed calmly.

We got in the car after we had finished getting ready, Axel had on loose fitting black skinny jeans with a red and white Of Mice and Men band t-shirt, and a black jacket that was a hoodie on the inside with a sown on tough leather black work coat on top. Axel insisted I wear one of his sweatshirts or jackets but I didn't want to look too much like a dofus, so I said I would struggle through the cold. My shoes were cold from the snow and the fact that I hadn't put them on till we were literally walking out the door, I shivered in his car, he had turned it on a few minutes before we got in but it was still cold, "I offered you a hoodie," he started, I nodded my head, "Yeah- I know, we'll be in school all day anyway- so it'll be beyond hot there," he nodded his head, I was right and he knew it now, the school always cranked the heat way up.

Pulling into the school parking lot I waited till Axel was already waiting in front of the car before I sucked up any heat I could and quickly jumped out of the car and ran around to the front to stand next to him. He locked it while chuckling at me and I think he did it on purpose- but he walked so slow! I tried to walk his pace but it was too slow and I was freezing, "I'll leave you behind…" I warned, his chuckling faltered for a second and he sped up a bit, throwing his arm over my shaking shoulders he pulled me against his rib, his heat was radiating and I was surprise the snow we pasted didn't melt in the process.

We walked into school and everyone was looking at me and Axel, Axel just shrugged it all off though, we went over at sat at the table, Kairi and Naminé were already sitting there, they looked at us with wide eyes- I thought their eyes were going to fall out of their skull, "What?" Axel asked as he sat down, Kairi and Axel normally snapped at each other all the time and it was funny to watch but today Kairi just looked down at her yogurt, Naminé was looking at me though. I looked around and noticed everyone was looking at me, "What's everyone staring at?" I turned back around to ask Naminé and Kairi, they just looked at each other and their eyes grew again, they didn't say anything though.

I heard more people gasp and I looked behind me to see Sora and Riku walk in, Sora took a seat next to me and Riku on the other side next to Naminé, "What's everyone looking at?" Sora asked me, looking at everyone around us, "I don't know, they did the same thing when me and Axel walked in…" I turned back to Naminé and Kairi and they didn't say anything they just kept looking down at their food. We shrugged it off and went to first period, Riku and Sora hugging each other good-bye in the hall, Axel and I sat next to each other and Kairi seemed really distant, and Axel made a point to point it out every few seconds.

The teacher walked in, Zell seemed really distracted about something and stopped in mid stride, his eyes widened and he looked at me and Sora, "What?" Sora asked, bugged that everyone kept looking at us like that. "I just…" Zell started, standing straight behind his desk, "I didn't think you two would be here today…" I didn't think me missing school was that big of a problem but apparently it was, "Why not?" Sora asked, he was irritated and it looked like it was putting the teacher in a nervous state.

"Well… you know…" he scratched his head, "With your house and everything…" I spoke before Sora could, "No… I don't know," Zell seemed really put off now, like he thought we were joking, but the look we were giving him told him otherwise, "Your house… it… burnt down?" it wasn't really a question but he said it like it was. My eyes grew wide, and Sora turned back to look at me like I knew what Zell was talking, I stared at him for a second before Zell caught on, "You didn't know?" Sora was rambling; "No, we stayed at Riku's and Axel's last night," Zell looked like he was crushed.

Looking at Axel, the redhead was already standing, Sora jumped over a desk and was in the process of running out of the door when Riku showed up, and the stark look on his face told us that he had heard. We left. And no one told us it was a problem that we just left school- Axel sped all the way to our street, to our house, Riku close behind us, and I was shocked what I saw.

_**Uh-oh… I've been uploading a chapter every day recently- but I don't think there is going to be one up tomorrow- I have school and my… roommate… person is back so I'll have less time (and quiet) to type. But review- please, and vote on that POLL!**_


	13. Chapter 13: Fault

The house was black with soot, I tore through the Caution tape and pushed the door, it was still locked, I fumbled with my keys for a good few seconds before I finally got the deadbolt unlocked and pushed my way into the house, Axel was yelling something and Sora was yelling something at Riku, I turned back for a second to see the silver haired boy hold Sora back from following me in, Axel was close behind me, I felt his arms loop around my waist before I could even see the kitchen or living room clearly. My feet were lifted off the ground and I found the house door getting further away, Axel was grunting about something and as soon as I was able to get his arm off of me I took off for the house again.

This time they held me and they didn't move, they didn't try to carry me anywhere, but I still tried to get them to let go, I was whipped around and Axel grabbed hold of the front of my shirt, pulling me closer to him. "Roxas!" he finally got my attention, "The house is a few steps away from falling- you can't go in there!" "Watch me," I mumbled to myself and tried to take off again but he held me there and made me look at him, "You're not going back in there till you calm down." his tone was completely serious and when I took a look back at Sora he was standing there next to Riku- looking down at the ground like he agreed with them but didn't want to.

I let out a sigh, "Fine," I mumbled, Sora was oddly calm yet quiet, I brought him into a hug and spoke, "You and Riku should go over to Riku's…" he looked up at me, "I'll… salvage whatever I can here," "It's okay Rox…" "No, really Sor…" he seemed happy that I was allowing him to get away from the burnt mess behind me but he also seemed a little guilty that he was leaving it all to me, but that was okay.

Riku and Sora left for the silver head's house and I leaned against Axel's car, my arms covered in goose bumps from the cold air but that didn't really matter. What mattered to me was my house- the place I had been trying to convince myself was my home- was burnt to the ground, I looked over at the mail box- first things first, might as well get the mail while I was outside, I know no one had gotten it since Friday. It creaked as I opened it, looking inside I saw one envelope, I pulled it out but it wasn't sealed, and it didn't have a name on it. "Huh…" I muttered to myself, Axel was standing against his car, watching me like he was afraid I was going to take off running, opening the envelope I looked at the folded up piece of paper.

I didn't read any of the words, except to see who it was from, and when I could tell- bile raised in my throat, it was signed, "Goodbye World, Genesis," I closed it and stuffed it in my pants pocket, if it was a suicide note I wasn't going to read it anytime soon. "Can we go inside now?" my voice was feigning calm, "I don't know if you should Rox…" he uncrossed his arms, "It doesn't look safe…" "If it wasn't safe they would've had it knocked down right after the fire…" I tried to reassure him but it didn't sound like that, he let out a sigh and said, "Alright… but we gotta be careful," I nodded my head.

Everything was black with soot, the area leading from mine and Sora's room to Genesis was exceptionally darker, "I'll think about it later," I thought, inside our room our bed was pretty much entirely gone, all that remained was some board and the springs, the dresser was only partially burned through- the dense and polished wood kept the flame out it seemed. Going into the kitchen I was surprised to find garbage bags in one piece and not melted or something, the firemen must have really had a handle on the flames, Axel waited in my room and I returned with two garbage bags. Pulling out the lowest drawer first I grabbed out whatever wasn't burnt, photos and old papers- notes my mother wrote for me, almost nothing was burnt of them.

The next drawer up was the same- except everything inside was Sora's, I put his stuff in the other bag, he had some other things in his but I just put everything in his bag, I was surprised some of our clothes were in tacked, "Wow…" Axel was looking at a picture that sat on the top of the stand, it was one of our mother, "What?" "You look a lot like your mother…" he showed me the photo, it was burned, I took hold of it quickly. Not that I didn't have tens of pictures of my mom, this one was the only one I had of her before Shuyin ever step foot in her life, half of her face was practically burnt off.

"I guess you'll have to get her to pose for a new picture," He smiled; I looked at him shocked, had I really never told him that she was dead? I looked down, "What is it?" "Everything," I thought, but instead I said, "Our mom died when we were 5… almost 6…" I continued folding Sora's clothes, "I'm sorry…" he muttered, my movements became slower and slower, sure we had only been living in the house for about two months, but everything we loved was inside- which also wasn't much because we tended to get kicked out a lot and we lost a lot of stuff. But seeing that picture burnt really got to me.

"What's wrong?" Axel asked as he bent down next to me, through tears I spoke back sarcastically, "Oh gee, I don't know, how about my house is destroyed…" I wiped the tears out of my eyes- they were not going to be falling down my cheeks anytime soon. "Sorry…" I mumbled, he didn't seem offended by my sarcasm though, "C-could you… do me a favor?" I asked him quietly, he nodded his head, "Yeah, what is it?" "Can you… go with me to see if Genesis is still here…?" I looked up at him and he seemed shocked, "Seriously?" I stood up, he thought I was joking.

"No," he quickly added, "You think he was home when this happened?" I nodded my head, he walked beside me and we stood in front of Genesis' door, I held his hand tightly in one hand and we walked into his room. The soot and burns on the ground were disturbed by several foot prints, looking at them I saw lines pressed into the soot that only reminded me of gurney wheel marks and it was enough to make me want to hurl. I turned out of the room and ran straight out of the house, ready to puke up the food I didn't have in my stomach.

Axel unlocked the car and said he'd grab the bags, we had pretty much bagged everything, I grabbed some snow and held it in my hands, pressing my hands against my face- it was freezing but it was also nice because I still wanted to vomit. He came out a few minutes later with both garbage bags in his hands, he pushed them in the back seat, "Are you going to be alright?" he asked me cautiously, I shook my head no and looked back down at the snow, "Probably not," he sighed and wrapped his arms around me, at some point I ended up in the car and we were driving to Riku's.

We pulled up to Riku's house. Was this seriously happening? Was I seriously going to go in there and tell my brother that not only was our house not returnable to, but also tell him that Genesis was most likely dead- killed himself? Axel took my hand and led me inside, Sora was sitting on Riku's lap, his head buried in his shoulder and neck, the news was on but all they were talking about was the weather now. "Rox!" my attention was back at the people in the room instead of the TV, I looked over just in time to see Sora's face before he wrapped his arms around me and held me extremely tight.

"What'd the news say?" my voice was as quiet and smooth as I could make it, Axel went over to the couch and motioned for us to follow him, Sora sat back on Riku's lap in the chair while I sat in the empty space next to Axel, Sora looked at me like he wanted to say so much but he didn't know how to form the words, so instead he looked down and held Riku's arm tighter and played with his shirt sleeve, there were dried tears on his cheeks. "What'd they say?" I asked again, I really needed an answer soon because my mind was starting to assume things and that was beyond bad.

"I think we should call Zack and Cloud…" he finally mumbled, my eyes grew wider, it was sad that right then- what I wanted to do- was say no and be angry and stomp away, but I had nowhere to stomp to. I took a deep breath, "Sor…" I didn't know what else to say other than his name, he sat up more, his voice controlled but not calm, "Well… we don't have of us this pieced together… and…" "And?" so I was really bugged by now- not with Sora, just with the whole situations, I wanted answers and I wanted them right in that instant, "And… I don't think Axel would appreciate it if you went bat-shit crazy on him if the news turns out not to be in your favor," I grinded my teeth quietly for a second, "I don't go bat-shit crazy…"

"Oh yeah?" he leaned closer to me and was looking straight at me, not caring if I could look at him and see his soul or whatever- he was showing me all his emotion that way, not that he was tough or strong, "Yeah," I replied. "What did you do after…" he froze, he was stepping in very dangerous territory now and brother or not I was in the mood to emotionally explode and scream at everyone, "After everyone…" nice save, I thought, but then I thought deeper. "Are you saying Genesis did 'that'?" "I really think we should call them Rox…" I stood up and bolted out the door, leaving Sora with Riku and the phone he wanted to use to call Cloud and Zack, I ran all the way down to the end of the road I would have kept running but Axel had a hold of my arm now.

"Rox, wait," even though I didn't turn back to look at him- he knew I had agreed to wait, at least for a little while, "What's going on- I understand something may have happened with Genesis but we don't know that yet," I wiggled free of his grasp and turned to look at him, running my shaking fingers through my hair, "Yes we do," I practically yelled, he seemed shocked now. "What do you mean?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper, flashing it for him to see, "It's from Genesis…" "So?" silence took over for a minutes, "So what?" I thought, "Just give me a second," he nodded his head and I walked across the road to sit on a guard railing, I pulled the note apart and read it to myself.

I wanted to crumple the letter up and throw it in the river as soon as I finished, but instead I neatly folded it and put it back in my pocket, I looked at the river that flowed behind me and under the asphalt I stood on. Something warm wrapped around me- Axel's arms, he pulled me over to him and waited for me to say something, but I didn't- instead I stayed silent, I wouldn't let Axel read it and I sure as hell wasn't going to let Sora read it or even know about it. Sora would be crushed if he read the letter… and Sora didn't need those words driven into his head, I took Axel's hand and we started walking back to Riku's.

We walked in and sat down where we were before, Sora was standing with Riku in the kitchen, my brother walked back in and sat down, "Are you okay?" his voice was caring but not all that calm, before I could speak my lie of an answer, the news clicked in my head as it began talking about a fire. The lady's voice annoyed me- but I'm not sure if that was because of what she was saying or the self-righteous accent she had all the while. "One man has been confirmed dead, Mr. Genesis Rhapsodos- 40, was caught inside early this morning when a fire started from inside the house. Police have been unable to reach his twin sons, of 15, and have yet to comment on whether or not the fire was pure accident."

I stopped listening because what they started saying wasn't important anymore, I took a deep breath and lay back on the couch, how was I supposed to feel? Before I could think of anything to worry about feeling I felt someone next to me. Opening my eyes I looked down and saw Sora- his head rested on my chest while his body curled to my side, his arms were wrapped around my waist, "Genesis is really dead?" I didn't know how to say it so I placed my own arms around him and pulled him closer. "It'll be alright Sor…" I came to the conclusion- I was too shocked to deal with any of it.

Sora was crying enough for both of us, his tears damped my shirt and made it stick to my skin, and all the while I just stared off into nothing and focused on sweet talking Sora and concentrating on breathing. I stopped my brain from functioning- I stopped any thoughts from going through my head in fear that I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions; they always got the better of me. My mind was gone for long enough for Sora to fall asleep, I came back- Riku walked into his room to clean off the bed, while Axel sat next to me on the couch still, "You gonna stay here tonight?" I looked down at Sora- I couldn't stay with this blubbering child without crying myself- but Sora was calmed down enough for Riku to handle him, I shook my head no and Axel took the hint that I was going to go with him back to his place. After going outside he brought in Sora's bag and placed it in the chair.

Axel quietly shouted his goodbye and told me he'd meet me outside, "Sora… Riku's going to take you to bed, okay?" he opened his eyes a bit only to look at me and nod his head, Riku helped him into his bedroom and then he came back and looked at me- because for some reason I was still standing there. "Listen… Roxas… I'm sorry for what happened- and I promise I'll be here for Sora, but I'm not going to hold him back from calling you when he wakes up," he smiled, I nodded my head and offered a half smile. "I wouldn't mind you staying here if I had the room… I'm trying to get a bigger place, but… no luck yet," "It's alright, I'll stay with Axel…" we shared another awkward smile; I turned to leave but was stopped when Riku spoke again.

"Oh- and Roxas," I turned back, "… be careful…" I nodded and left, shutting the door quietly behind me, of course I couldn't stay with Riku- he only had a walkway- his kitchen, living room, and dining room where all one very small room and his bed room was small too and was connected to the only bathroom. I should've figured I wouldn't be able to stay there, his couch was even too small for me to sleep on, I opened Axel's car door and sat in the warmth for a second before completely settling.

We drove to his place in silence, I didn't even notice that he was holding my hand or when it had happened, but now we were walking in. The first place I went when we got inside was Axel's bed, Axel volunteered to carry the bag and the argument ended before I could start it so I let him carry it. I wrapped up in his blankets, it was already pitch black outside but it felt like only minutes ago I was in the happiest place I could be and now it all seemed crushed and dead. Axel was watching me, but I didn't want to seem like I was upset or hurt or sad so I started moving, I took off his giant shirt that he had given me, leaving me in my skinny jeans and black beater, and I laid down, ready to go to sleep.

Curled up on top of the blankets, I had a little bit of the blankets balled up in my fists, I wanted to scream and rip everything apart but I was too tired and I was to the point where I just wanted to cry. Axel continued sitting in his chair and watching me but I wasn't paying attention to him, what I was doing was allowing the letters words to sink in and burn me to my core. "I hate all of this," his letter said, "I hate you!" he killed himself because of me, it was my fault that he ended his life- I might as well have just murdered him, and now he was gone and never coming back.

He hated me and I was just something that tortured him, why did I always bring everyone down? I wasn't good enough for my sister to want to live for; I wasn't good enough for my brother to want to survive for why Sora thought I was a good reason to still smile I would never understand. I buried my face in the bed, everything would have just been better if my mother had killed me when I was in her tummy still, no one would have died- everyone could have kept their happy family. She could've not known about Sora and kept him inside her. They could've all just assumed Sora was Genesis' and none of this would've happened.

Genesis would never have turned into a drunk and be so mean and lonely, Leon would have graduated and gone off to college and they wouldn't have had the memorial at the graduation a few weeks later. Yuna would have married her boyfriend and never felt like she needed to keep him a secret, my mother would still be alive and well and she never would have suffered like she did. I fucked up everyone's lives and now I was just this walking black sludge- I slammed the side of my fist into the bed, "Fuck!" I screamed into Axel's bed, trying hard to muffle myself, I stood up quick and tried to run out his door but Axel grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled me back to sit on the bed and wrapped me in a hug.

"Let go of me!" I screamed into his shoulder, I wiggled with him the entire time- it was wrong of me to think I could ever protect Sora, it was wrong of me to think I could ever be happy, it was of me to push myself into other people's lives- like Axel's, I had fucked up his world and he had done nothing to deserve it, I had to get out now and not bother coming back- for the sake of everyone else.

Axel took hold of my wrists and let me swing my arms around and try to hit him, when my muscles began to hurt my wall began to break and I couldn't breathe right. Everyone thought I was this unbreakable force- nobody knew how bad I wanted to carve my skin off, to wither under a needle, submerge myself under alcohols and pills, but I never did! I was terrified to because I didn't want to hurt Sora or be unable to protect him because of it, I couldn't do any of while I tried to protect him- but that doesn't mean I don't fight with myself all the time about it.

I was thrown back on the bed gently- violently enough to get my attention but not enough to hurt me, Axel held my arms pinned at my sides, but I still struggled with him every bit of the way, "Rox!" his voice reached my ears, I just wanted to push all this pressure that was pushing into my heart away- I wanted to push all the agony away. "Look at me," I threw my head every which way and that, I couldn't take this, this raw feeling was too much for me to hold back, I couldn't lock it away like everything else, it was all building up on top of each other and pushing out of the tiny box I had made for it in my heart.

"Look…" his tone was calm, and I stopped moving, I tried to just breathe but I couldn't, he became blurry and soon there were tears in my eyes- falling back into my hair and over my ears, I tried to stop the tears but only choked on them, "It's okay…" I never really got those words- obviously it's not if I'm crying, but I interpreted it differently: It's okay to cry, but I didn't want to, I kept choking on the tears and everything began to hurt, Axel's hand was placed on my face and his thumb stroked my cheek. "I can't do this," my mind screamed over and over again and all that did was prolonging the tears by a few seconds, I was practically hyperventilating and I image must worse than Sora was about Riku.

I let Axel wrap his arms around me and pull me closer to him and the tears came more freely, I stopped trying to hit him and stopped trying to run away, I used my now free hands to continue wiping the tears away. It didn't matter how much I cried- my mother was never going to hold me again, my sister was never going to try and dress me up to make me look 'fashionable', my brother was never going to smile and hug me, and Genesis would never have the chance to be happy- and it was all my fault.

_**I got one up today :3 looky that xD  
This chapter ended on a sad note- I apologize. I don't know when I'm going to be able to get another chapter up so don't wait up. Again- I got a poll open on my profile- please vote. **_


	14. Chapter 14: A little more info

I turned my head into the bed, Axel's arms were wrapped around my waist- I wasn't sure if it was to comfort me or if he was afraid I would take off again, but I was laying on my side and his body shadowed mine tighter than my own shadow. "Are you awake?" his tone surprised me because I didn't know he was up, but my movements must have given me away. His breath moved the hair on top of my head around and if my mood wasn't completely depressed and self-loathing then it would've tickled, but it only reminded me right now I wasn't alone.

Squeezing one of his hands tighter was my signal that I was indeed awake, I didn't feel like talking, I didn't feel like moving, good thing was that he wasn't making me. He pulled me closer and held me tighter, he didn't talk but just continued to breathe calmly in my hair, we laid like that for a long time before I heard Reno shouting for Axel in the other room. "I gotta go see what he wants…" he whispered in my ear, I gave his hand another squeeze before I let go of him completely, he stayed there for another minute though.

Kissing the back of my head he pushed himself off the bed and went and found Reno, leaving me to my thoughts. I need to ask Axel if I can stay here or not, rolling onto my back I stare at the ceiling, I need to go through my clothes and my stuff, I need to go back to the house and see if there's anything else I can salvage, and I need to get Genesis' funeral and calling hours set up. I let out a heavy breath, just a few more minutes of peaceful sleep. "Sorry about that," Axel walked in slowly, I rolled over again to look at him, sitting up I watched him going through his dresser to get clothes, "What'd he want?"

"Oh… he was just asking if you were staying here… he heard what happened..." maybe I didn't have to ask, "I told him you were staying with Riku and Sora- Reno was worried about if you were going to stay here because he doesn't have the money to pay rent for another person," he continued talking but I stopped paying attention. "I can't stay here?" I thought, "Where am I supposed to go?" I tried to go through names in my head of people I knew that I could stay with, the only names that I could think of where Zack and Cloud.

Those names went out the window, I wasn't staying there… they weren't bad but the house brought back happy yet bad memories and Zack and Cloud probably already had too much on their minds without me there too. I'd have to figure something out soon, Axel was still talking but I was too lost in the conversation to be able to catch onto it now. We walked out and watched the news again, Axel tried to tell me no but I kept telling him ol' well.

There was a number people were supposed to call if they saw either me or Sora, they didn't have a picture though they did have our names- but they just called us 'Twins' and that was pretty much it, I punched the number into Axel's phone, laying on the couch- pretty much over Axel I sat up a bit to talk.

"Hello?" they talked awhile about why I was calling and finally I said, "Yeah, I know where Roxas Rhapsodos… yeah…" they talked about location and time I saw him and all this stuff, and I said simply, "He'll be with Sora at the park," I rattled off the address and the time and Axel took the hint to get the car started.

We drove to Riku's and we waited till Sora and Riku walked out and got in the car before leaving, we were quiet for a while till Sora asked, "So what're we going to tell them?" the question wasn't anything new- and just like Sora always thought- I had an answer, "We're going to say we're staying with either Riku's or Axel's parents, they have a spare bedroom that we're sharing and anything else we can make up on the spot," I mumbled out, playing with the condensation on the window.

"Tell who?" Riku asked, turning to look at me, "CPS?" he looked at me like he didn't know what that meant, "Child Protection Services… they have to make sure we stay somewhere 'safe'" looking back out the window I continued to draw on it. We pulled up early, I was hoping it would just be Sora and I there but Axel and Riku seemed determined to stay, so we sat on the jungle gym, me and Sora relaxing on the metal elevated part- our legs dangling over the edges between the pillar like things to hold up the railing. Axel stood in front of me and Riku leaned against the metal next to Sora.

Soon a car pulled up and a man and woman got out of the car, paper work in hand, they approached, "Sora and Roxas Rhapsodos?" they held out their hands but we didn't bother to shake them- normally I tried to be polite but I really didn't care. It was quiet for a while, "So… you found us now what do you want?" Sora was the one to bite the question out and Riku and Axel seemed like the only ones to be surprised, Sora and I knew what to do- acting soft and polite around CPS is an awful idea because they start thinking they can control you and you don't want them walking all over you- plus we just don't like them.

"We…" the man started but the woman was quick to take over, "We're sorry for your loss but we have paper work to go over to make sure you stay in a safe environment," I rolled my eyes at that. "Now," she continued, "This isn't your first time dealing with this situation, so we'll try to do this fast and simple," Sora slid his feet out of the metal bars and moved closer to me, not putting his legs back in the spaces but instead crossing his legs and arms.

"We're are you currently residing?" she was reading now, "With me," Axel spoke politely, "Oh, that just won't do," I thought, "Next question," I quickly added for him, "Right," she looked back down and wrote something, "And who are you?" "Great," I thought, "It doesn't matter," I spoke sharply, "Next question," she didn't seem on top of this anymore, normally she was probably called and able to go through paper work at her desk and go out whenever she was ready but now she was on a case where she was demanded to go out at a certain time and she probably didn't have anything ready yet.

"I understand your mother was," "She's died a while ago, no we don't have any family, no aunts, no uncles, no grandparents or god parents, we're staying in a steady home with running water and sealed windows. Sora and I share a bedroom but it's nothing new so don't read too far into it, the house is decent and family like and we still go to the same school… anything else?" I summed everything up in a few seconds and the man just stared at me while the woman began scribbling everything out.

"We know… that Genesis wasn't your biological father… would you consider living with him?" "Fuck no." Sora and I answered in unison, "We know he's a murderer even if the court refuses to accept that," my brothers tone was forceful and tough- the complete opposite of him, Riku looked like he didn't even know Sora in the moment. "Your father was tried and seen as innocent- it's only mandatory for us to ask," the rest of the conversation was them talking about Genesis' money- which was pretty much nothing, and how the government would help us make the funeral arrangements, she handed me a card, through the metal gaps and told me to give it to the funeral home of our choice to call them.

They weren't really that bad, but some people lost their want to help kids and worried more on money and easy things, and right now we were making their job easy and they were getting money. She told me to call her if anything happened and they would stop by when they needed to check up on house- I gave her a random address and she wrote it down- there was no way I was going to give her Axel's or Riku's real address or number. They left and I realized it was a lot easier than I thought, and I still had nowhere to stay, "I'll be back in a minute," Riku spoke to Sora and my brother looked at me- I knew something was up too.

"I'll go check," placing my hand on his shoulder I stood up and walked down to follow Riku, Sora nodded his head to me, "Thanks," running to catch up to him, "Riku," I called to him, he didn't stop walking though, he finally stopped when he got to his car, "What's up with you?" I asked, he looked down at the car handle in his hand but he hadn't opened the car door yet, he stayed silent, "What's wrong?" I leaned against his car.

"I… I love Sora," he looked up at me, I was a little surprised with his answer, I wanted and he continued, "I can't lose him," he rested his head against his door, it made sense now, "You're not going to Riku… he's not going anywhere… I promise," "You don't know that!" he looked up at me, he had never shouted at me or Sora but it scared me a bit, "I promise… I won't let anything happen to Sora… I'll do everything I can to make sure he stays here and stay safe…" "I can't lose him… he means too much to me…" I didn't know what to say, when Riku looked up at me I could tell he truly loved Sora with all his heart and the thought of losing him not only hurt Riku, but terrified him.

Pushing off of his car I looked him in the eye, "I promise I will do everything to make sure nothing happens to Sora, he isn't going to go anywhere… Sora loves you too much to just leave your life… don't worry…" Riku gave me a small smile and I could tell we were going to share something like a moment because Riku was opening up to me. "I haven't ever been with anyone like Sora…" there was only a slight pause and then he really started to open up.

"When I told my parent's I might be gay… they kicked me out, my father stood up and told me to get out of his house and never set foot in it again…" he gave a weak laugh, "I wasn't allowed to grab any of my stuff, or say goodbye… I was 16 and forced to stay with Demyx and Zexion who had just bought their own place… I got a job and was finally able to get my own place a few months ago…" he was keeping something darker a secret and when he told me I wasn't sure if I should really be listening.

"I had a boyfriend- he kissed me and that night I told my parents… my boyfriend… he stayed with me and… our relationship turned around… he was nice and kind and then he turned possessive and mean… when he wanted something- he took it… Demyx and Zexion found out about it and told me I needed to dump him…" Riku looked up at me, "He used me but didn't want me to leave him… I was in the hospital for a while after words because of it…" he was crying, "Sora is everything I ever wanted! And now that he's here- with me… I don't want to let him go…" I understood what he meant about not wanting to lose Sora but Sora wasn't going to go anywhere.

"Listen Riku… I'm sorry for what happened, but I need you to know- Sora isn't going to be going anywhere and I promise they'll have to go through me to get to him," he looked up at me in surprise and then smiled, "I know…" he gave a small laugh and I felt like he still wasn't comfortable but what was left for him to figure out- he had to figure out on his own. Axel and my brother walked over soon after and I could tell they had talked to, we got into our separate cars, the one time I looked over before we left I saw Riku leaning over the middle thing and into Sora's seat and practically eating my brother's face off, "Yeah…" I looked back to Axel who smiled and backed out of the lot.

"I love the park," Axel finally added after words, "Oh yeah?" "Yup," "Why's that?" Axel actually hadn't told me much about him, "Well, my mother used to take us there every day after school, Kairi, Reno, and me…" "Your mom?" he made a sharp turn, "Yeah…" there was a little silence, "Where's your mom now?" he was quiet, "She left," he finally said, "She gave all custody to her father… we grew up with our aunt- she's only a few years older than me, she took custody of Kairi and Reno took custody of me when our grandfather- her father died... that's why Kairi lives with her."

"Oh… I'm sorry…" he always seemed too happy to have a mom that just left one day, "Do you know where she went?" "Well… we have an idea, but we don't know for sure… one day we woke up and she was just gone. No note, no letter, no kiss goodbye, nothing…" he had a smirk on his face but I knew he was being serious, "What about your dad?" "That's where we think she went… Our family is from Italy… Our grandfather and grandma moved here before my aunt was born, they didn't speak any English… Our mother had Reno and me here- left a few days after we were born to go back to Italy, leaving our grandparents to raise us. Our grandmother died when I was one, my mom came back and had Kairi- he told her if she left again- she wasn't ever allowed back.

"She left when Kairi was five… hasn't been back since… she didn't even come to his funeral… Kairi likes to think she has some forbidden love in Italy that she was afraid people wouldn't approve or think it was for something other than love…" he gave a small chuckle, "Yeah… she used to take us to the park and we didn't share many words but we shared enough to know something was eating away at her where she didn't think she could raise a child- let alone three."

I was fascinated with his story- I knew it was his life but it seemed more like a story to tell, "Our aunt left with her though, stayed in Italy with her for a while I guess… she came back one day when she was 11- didn't know any English and still doesn't know it very well- but that doesn't change the fact that she loves to talk," he laughed, "I love my mom… but I don't want her back if she's just going to leave again." I nodded my head, I understood what he meant, "Our father is probably the man she's with right now…"

He looked at me after a few minutes, I had stayed quiet and he let me, "The park is the only connection we really had with her- the only moment when she was really our mother- not a mother who couldn't take care of us or a mother that couldn't understand us, she was our mom who loved us and tried to give us the best attention and the best life she could." He pulled into his driveway, "Sorry for rambling, feel free to tell me to shut up next time," I laughed, "I like hearing you talk," I pulled him into a hug as we walked inside, "And I like hearing about you," I didn't think about what I was doing, but I used my arm behind him to pull him closer, I looked up at him and jumped up onto my tiptoes- pressing my lips against his in an instant, trying to put everything in the kiss that he had the 2 nights before.

I returned to my normal footing and tried to walk in his house but he pulled me back to him and gave me a hug, "What was that?" his tone was smooth but not so calm, "That would be me trying to return the kisses you gave me a few nights ago," "What kisses," I looked up at him, "Oh, you know, the kisses that you surprised me with that felt like pure sweetness," I chuckled, he held me tighter to him, "Yeah, no, yours was just a pure tease," "Pshh," we shared a small laugh before we walked into his house and I went through my bag of stuff.

I would sleep another night at Axel's, but as I laid in his arms I worried about the next night, my worries came to a halt when Axel's phone rang. "Hello?" Axel was beyond tired and I could tell by his voice, he handed the phone to me, "It's Sora," "Hello?" I questioned into the phone. "Hey Rox… listen… I know it's stupid… but… I'm really worried… I just got this feeling," "Sor, it's okay," he cut me off, Axel was looking at me and I could tell he could see how I was feeling. Don't get me wrong- I love my brother with all my heart, but I was tired and I just wanted to sleep, it was barely even dark out but that didn't mean anything, I was tired of reassuring people and I wanted sleep.

"What if they put us in another group home- Rox- I can't go back there," he started rambling on and on- of course when you think about going in a group home you should be scared- it's worse than foster care because not only are the adults mean to you, you're stuck with kids who had or still have a lot of problems that don't know how to handle it well. Like sexually abused kids- they tend to abuse the other kids around them the same way- they'll do stuff to kids who're the same age it was when it happened to them and a lot of kids just like to torture the others. "I won't let that happen Sor… Where's Riku," "He's inside…"

"Where're you?" "On the sidewalk…" "Go inside and talk to Riku- I promise I won't let anything happen to you Sora, not now and not anytime soon, I'll make sure you don't have to go back there…" he was taking deep breaths like I taught him to do when we were younger, "Alright…" I heard a door open and shut and then Riku started talking, "Nothing is going to happen- they'll have to go through Riku and I before you get put in a group home I promise," "Yeah… I know… I love you Rox," "Love you too Sor," we hung up and Axel was lying next to me, "Is he okay?" "He's just worried…" I laid back down and Axel looked at me, "Are you okay?"

The question caught me a bit off guard, "Yeah… of course," he gave me another kiss on the cheek and stood up to turn off the lights. We slept somewhat peacefully. I kept waking up because I couldn't protect Sora in my dream and it was terrifying- whatever bad butterflies Sora had in his stomach he must have handed off to me.

_**I actually really didn't like this chapter! I don't know why… but yeah, you learned about Riku and Axel (and Reno and Kairi) but for some reason this chapter just… I don't know… this is just one of those… step chapters that no one likes- it leads somewhere interesting (either bad or good) but it's boring in the meantime….**_


	15. Chapter 15: Snapping

I mauled over everything that had happened- not so much of what happened with the CPS, more like what Riku and Axel had told me about themselves. Axel and I talked awhile after we woke up, mostly because I was curious as to why he suddenly wanted to tell me everything about him, his reply was, "Well, I just figured you should know that I may not understand everything down to the finest detail, but I do understand how you're feeling," he smiled and after a while I was too.

Visiting Sora was another relief, I told him about Riku had said and he had his own response- and I know I shouldn't be so nosey, or go around telling people that so and so said he was in love with you, but- come on- it's Sora. "Riku told me about his old boyfriend…" that's how the conversation started, "Yesterday?" "Uh-huh… not in total detail but in enough… how do you feel towards Riku?" my voice was calm as we sat in Riku's living room, Riku had to work and Sora had convinced him to go instead of sitting home and babysitting my brother. "I like him… a lot…" he had this doofey smile on his face, "I'm happy and I actually like what's happening," he said it like it was the first time anything good had happened to him- then I remembered his life was like mine.

So I didn't really tell Sora that Riku was in love with him, but I brought it up and Sora told me Riku had something like attachment issues, in my own mind it was more like this: Get disowned by parents, gets used all the time by abusive boyfriend, has no one that cares, sudden little brunet thinks the world of him- I'd say I loved him too.

We hung out like that for the next week. It sounds all nice and sweet and what not- we didn't go to school, we hung out every day, and talked about everything and it really was good- until he said he was tired and I had to think of somewhere to go and sleep. The first night after the fire I slept at Axel's, I slept with Sora in Riku's bed the next night because Sora wasn't feeling all too good, the next night I went to a 24 hour store nearby and just walked around the entire time, then went and took a nap at Sora's and Riku's later that day when Riku was at work- I did that twice, I slept at Demyx's once, I asked Naminé if she'd bring me my homework and take it back to school for me, she said yes but I did it at night and she ended up letting me stay there.

Tonight was a week since then, the government had paid for Genesis' funeral and calling hours, it was all a quick process- not a lot of people showed up for the simple fact that he didn't have any family and only one friend. Angeal didn't show up though. Haven't seen him in a while actually, but either way- it was all quick and over with before it even seemed like it should've been. Now I was sitting in Riku's living room while he was away at work and talking to Sora- like always, the dull question in the back of my mind of where I was going to sleep tonight.

Demyx called me, at 4 in the afternoon, me and Sora had spent most of our time talking about him and Riku and how he was doing- first it was a little sad but when I answered the phone we were both laughing. "Hello?" the number was new to my phone but when I heard the hyper voice and was looking right at Sora I knew it had to be Demyx, "Are you busy?" his tone was actually a little controlled, "Not really, why, what's up?" "Axel wants you to come over to meet his Aunt- but he's too nervous to ask you," he started laughing and I heard what sounded like an angry Axel in the background.

"Yeah, sure what time do you want me to come over?" "We'll pick you up," he was laughing and Axel was mumbling something, we hung up and in almost 15 minutes Axel's car pulled up. Hugging Sora goodbye I told him I'd call him when I was 'home'- which was really just a reasonable hour when I was alone. Jumping into Axel's car I was forced to sit in the backseat- which didn't happen often, Axel was driving, Reno had shot gun, and Demyx was sitting behind Axel- so I was behind Reno.

"Vanille hasn't even met Sora yet- every time he went over she wasn't home," Axel looked in the rearview mirror at me, I'd never heard her name before so I just assumed Vanille was his aunt, I nodded my head because I didn't know what to say, and because it was a little awkward with Reno in the car- not that he's an awkward guy, but he's the older brother of my best friend… we don't talk much. We pulled up to Kairi's and Vanille's house and yeah, it was a little strange because I didn't know either of them really well but Axel still wanted me to hang out- I mean I know his sister the way I do only because Sora is so close to her.

"Hi Roxas," Kairi smiled as she saw me, she pulled me into a hug and then held onto my shoulders as she asked me, "How're you?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Can't complain…" I replied- although I could, it's not like I was going to tell her that though. Kairi led me to a couch and told me to sit, she and her aunt were going to finish cooking dinner and then we would eat and her aunt could meet me. Axel sat next to me, Reno on the other side of him and I have no idea where Demyx went, so I asked Axel and he just smiled, "Demyx and Vanille are practically best friends," that explained why Demyx came.

"Kay," Demyx walked into the living room, "Dinner is done," he gave a small bow before running out of the room, Reno was the first to be out of sight and then Axel stood up and I figured he would just leave but he waited for me to stand up and follow him. The table was set with a bunch of food and Kairi explained that they went plain and did homemade spaghetti- with homemade noodles, and some name I can't say but it was bread and it was in the shape of an 'H' or 'X' or something. "I'm Vanille," I looked over to see a girl a little taller than me with pinkish red hair and a lot of accessories, her hand was outstretched so I carefully shook her hand, her smile was ginormous.

We sat down and it was pretty awkward- that might just be because I don't handle the traditional family setting all that well or because the only people I really talked to were Demyx and Axel, but I tried to be polite. Vanille talked a lot and it made me feel stupid. Not because she was using big fancy words, but because she wasn't speaking English and when she was it wasn't very well- everyone else seemed to understand her though, I looked at my food and focused on just cutting up the noodles into small pieces so I was shoveling long dangling noodles into my mouth.

Something nudged me so I looked to my side to see Axel looked over at Vanille, I followed his gaze and saw Vanille looking right at me, along with everyone else, she said something but I didn't understand her, so Axel clarified for me, "She asked if you were the boy she heard so much about from Kairi- or his brother," "Ahh," I whispered to myself, I looked back over at her, "I'm his brother," I figured someone would have told her that but it seemed like news to her.

She had a lot of questions she wanted to ask me, like how I was doing in school, where I lived before I moved here, what I thought of her nephews, what I thought about the food, and just a bunch of random stuff. Almost an hour later Axel was washing dishes, I was drying them with a towel, and Reno was putting them away. Sitting in the living room we talked for a while more- his aunt is a very nosey woman- I mean really, I thought I was bad, she wasn't even that must older than me- she didn't seem like she should even be called an aunt yet.

Axel whispered to me that he planned on leaving soon and I thought, "Thank god," it wasn't all that bad but I was tired of the Q and A and the not understanding half the things she said, then she told a story and I think it was funny but I didn't understand most of it, "So," she looked at me, I could actually understand her this time, "What do your parents like?" Kairi, Axel, Demyx, and Reno all got quiet, she rephrased the question, "What do your parents do for jobs?" they stayed silent but I wasn't about to ruin this girl's happiness- so I kind of used her terrible English to my advantage, "My mother was a kindergarten teacher, my step father a tracker trailer driver," it felt like everyone was glaring at me with daggers for eyes but I just pushed it off, she wanted to know what they did and I told her.

She didn't understand what a step father was- so I just clarified it as my father and that she understood, we left a few minutes after that, the car ride was exceptionally quiet and I didn't understand why. I didn't understand a lot of things it seemed. Axel's hands kept tightening on the steering wheel, "Are you okay Ax?" my voice was finally found but it was quiet and meek, he didn't look up at me and he didn't even acknowledge that I had said anything. "Ax?" he still didn't respond and it was really starting to get to me, so I turned to look at Demyx and he wasn't even looking at me or talking.

Finally Axel said something, "I'm fine…" he mumbled, "What's wrong?" even though he said he was fine I knew it was bullshit for the simple fact that he had to mumble it. "I just…" he started, "Vanille means a lot to me…" I was nodding my head to show that I was following along, "And… it irritates me… it irritates me that you were making fun of her and lying to her," "Wait, what?" Where the hell did that come from? I looked around the car and no one seemed to object to it- which meant the reason they were all quiet and looking out their windows is because they thought that I had fucked up too.

"Listen, I get that she has a bad accent- but I had to explain every question to you…" I was staring at him but he wasn't looking at me, "She felt like an idiot- and then you lied to her about your parents and… I just wish you wouldn't lie to her," he continued talking like this for about a minute more but I stopped processing his words, my mind felt like it was going to snap. My heart rate quickened, my palms started sweating- the whole car got about 100 degrees hotter, I couldn't believe he thought I was saying all of that to try and make her look like an idiot, everything crowed to get out of my mouth causing everything to get jammed in my throat.

Finally my voice decided to work, "I didn't lie," my voice was still a bit confused, Axel didn't reply but he did look back at me, "My mother _was_ a kindergarten teacher and my step father _was_ a tracker trailer driver." Axel rolled his eyes and looked out his window for a second, when he started talking it literally felt like my blood was boiling, the only words that really clicked out of what he was saying was, "Well- you didn't tell her the whole complete truth…" and my mind snapped.

"So you wanted me to tell her the whole complete truth," "That would've been nice," "Okay, fine!" I practically screamed, "This is how it would've gone if I told her the whole complete truth, 'What are your parents like? What do your parents do for a job?' 'Oh well you know- the usual if you take out pretty much everything!'" I was beyond pissed I didn't even know why. "'My mother and father never met- he raped her and that's how she had me and my brother, so he's not the best father figure- my mother was brilliant and beyond nice- taught kindergarten till she refused to let our father see us- so he kidnapped me and murdered her. That's all okay though because our stepfather was able to take care of us like he wanted- he wasn't the nicest guy around because he liked to get wasted every night and beat the shit out of me because he blamed me for my mother's rape and her death!'" Axel's face was surprised and something along the lines of sad- but I was still pissed.

"'But it's okay now because he killed himself a little over a week ago- he burned the house down, and not only was he trying to kill himself he was hoping he was going to burn Sora and I alive too- but hey it didn't happen because we weren't home!' So no Axel, I don't think the whole complete truth would've been 'nice'! You know believe it or not- I don't try to fuck everything up, all I want is to sleep in my own house in my own bed but for some reason I can't even do that right." everyone was looking at me, whether through mirrors or turning to look at me, "Pull over," I mumbled, Axel didn't so I said it again louder, he pulled over and I jumped out, walking around the back I stormed across the street and into the buildings, "Fuck you," I said to no one, I heard the car storm away but I didn't give a shit.

Who the hell was Axel to demand the complete and utter truth from me, especially when we were in a car with two other people? I wasn't trying to be mean to his aunt I just figured I'd simplify it so she'd understand and I wasn't trying to block her out but I don't have the best attention spans so if I can't comprehend 90% of your words chances are I'm not going to listen. Passing several streets I kept walking, my jacket was insulated but it was still cold- not to mention it was still snowing and the wind was blowing hard, I'd need to find somewhere soon because my anger was wearing thin.

I kept walking and before I knew it- I was ducking under 'Caution' tape and opening the front door. This place looked like it did a week after we moved it- till I opened my eyes and I saw the snow and soot all around, I went into my old room and thought about laying in the bed but there wasn't much of it so I walked back into the living room and laid down on the pretty much untouched couch.

Fuck everyone- I never asked for Axel to talk to me again, I never asked for anyone to talk to me, or to try and understand me, I didn't want friends and I don't need them. My knees were against my chest as I huddled into the cushions, breathing in deep all I could smell was cigarettes and alcohol, was it sad that I missed that smell? Sure it wasn't a happy memory- Genesis' whole being wasn't, but he was the last thing we had that was part of our family, he was the only thing that was still around that we knew and now he was gone and he ripped away everything we were used to with him.

Punching the cushion I bit my lip to stop from crying or letting my emotions get the best of me, I had been so cranky lately and it was getting to the point that I wanted to get in fights just so I could punch someone and they could beat the shit out of me. I wanted my life back, I wanted to know what was going to happen, I wanted to not care about anyone except Sora- not even myself, but Genesis ruined all of that. He burned down my life with the house and there was too much going on for my mind to understand it all, my mind raced and soon I forced myself to fall asleep- it was too cold to stay awake.

_**So hey- guess what- I'm not dead :D Shocker? Eh, maybe. ANYWAY- I've been in a funk lately and typing has just been a… no… yeah- it's been a 'no' situation xD sorry… so I'm not dead, this is a new chapter- which means I hope to get reviews BECAUSE I LOVE THEM and I hope some more people will vote on that poll…You know… that poll that I have open right now… the one the determines which story I'm going to type next… I mean- it's not a test but you've got about 30 choices and this story is drawing close to an end (Not Really. There's going to be about 30 chapters in total- I wrote the summary for each chapter out- that's how I know.) Don't plan on a new chapter tomorrow… later today? Because there will probably not be one. It's 1:26 AM, I've been sitting here since I got home at about 11 pm… so I'm a little on the loopy side… maybe that's because of the all the toxins slowly seeping into my brain or the not sleeping for a few days… BUT my point was- vote on that poll because I was thinking of pulling a strike type thing where I'm not going to upload a new chapter till I get a certain number of voters to vote- I got 3 voters so I'm going to ask for 12… mostly because I know I'm not going to get that far, but it's a long shot xD so yeah…. Don't make me pull that strike out xD… I think I should invest in sleeping pills or a treadmill to work out my 'I've been sitting still for too long so now I'm going to run around' loopiness… loopyness…? Yeah… something like that. **_


	16. Chapter 16: Hallucinations

I forced my hands in the gap under my arms while I pulled my knees closer to my chest, the sun had already risen- with no power I couldn't tell what time, but what I did know was it was on the verge of going down again. All the anger I had was gone now, it ran out after I woke up the first time- I woke up maybe a billon times because it was so cold I had to keep moving like my mind was yelling at me that if I didn't I was going to die. Sleep caught me again and again and I never stopped to fight it.

When I woke up again it was dark, the street lights shined in through the windows and the cold was just too cold. "Warm spot or possibly blankets?" my voice was quiet in the house and after a few more minutes of pondering I jumped up and walked through the house, checking mine and Sora's room first, but there wasn't any blankets there, slowly I walked to Genesis' bedroom. My fingers wrapped around the door frame, Sora and I knew better than to ever go into Genesis' room- which didn't change the fact that we liked to explore when he was gone for days on end, but right now it was still awkward.

Taking a deep breath I walked into the room and looked around. His bed was just a pile of metal like mine, everything was burned in his closet and dresser- the thoughts that kept running through my mind were just enough to block out the cold. There wasn't anything of use in there so I quickly turned around and ran out, even after I was calm again and sitting in the bathroom going through the cupboards my heart was racing. I wanted to pull out the towels- but instead I stood up and walked back to sit on the couch, if I was going to go all badass and storm out of a car there was no way I was going to be a baby puss about it and get so desperate to wrap up in towels.

It felt like I had just run a marathon- well I assumed how I would feel if I had just ran that far before I died because there was no way I would ever be able to run that distance all at once- my heart was racing and my breathing was fast but I just snuggled into the couch and thought about everything. A day had pasted since I was sitting in the car with Axel, Reno, and Demyx- and God was I an idiot, I shouted everything at him- at them, and it was none of their business and I couldn't believe I had just told all of my problems to them. The embarrassment took over the cold- I was so, _so_ stupid.

Sleep caught me again without me knowing, this time when I opened my eyes the sun was shining in through what was left of the curtains and blinding me. Once my eyes adjusted I let the heat from the sun get absorbed in my skin- the sun only shined through the window when it was rising so I must not have slept for very long… or I had slept for an entire day and not noticed- but I doubted it. Looking at my hands I looked at the backside then at my palms and finger nails, I started looking because I was picking at my nails but now when I actually looked at them I realized how pale my skin looked- it was probably just because it was winter and I hadn't been in the sun much.

Axel had been a jerk… but I was still the idiot that yelled out everything, I 'could've had a V8' smacked my forehead, "I'm so stupid," my voice was quiet- everything was quiet except my racing heart, the wind, and the occasional car driving through slush on the road a few feet away. "What's Axel thinking right now? What's Demyx… and I guess I wanna know what Reno's thinking too…?" mind and heart racing I realized just how much I was shivering from the cold- it was getting to the point that the cold air was burning, forcing me to huddle into the couch more.

I couldn't stay here forever… well I could- but I wouldn't last very long, in a few days I would probably die from dehydration, the thought made me get up and run to the bathroom, happy the toilet still worked. When I got back my spot was already cold but it wasn't warm when I was still sitting in it so what more could I expect? My mind was silent for a while, how could I apologize to Axel? Maybe if I called him I could just tell him I was sorry I snapped… could I get away with saying everything I had said was a lie? Never mind, Axel had probably already complained or something to Sora so he probably already knew it was the truth.

Standing up again my hand shook over the phone, slowly I picked up the phone and I wondered if my heart racing and hands shaking was because I was nervous or just plain cold. I waited for a few seconds with the phone against my ear only to realize there was nothing to hear- "Well duh," I said to myself, rolling my eyes I went back and sat down, why would the phone work when it needed power and there wasn't any of that. Could I walk to Axel's? It wasn't that far, it was further than from Cloud's house to Axel's but it was due able, just time consuming. Shaking my head I felt so stupid.

Why would Axel even want to talk to me? He had no reason to but every reason not to, maybe I could just walk to Sora's… and tell him what? I'm actually homeless? No. Me and Axel had a fight and I'm moving out? No- he would've talked to Axel by now… right? Damn it- I really fucked everything up for myself this time. Laying my head down I tried to relax but sleep violently pulled me away.

Sleep kicked me out of its domain but my eyes stayed shut, I heard giggling and slowly opened my eyes, the room was a pale yellow and bright, "What?" my voice was practically not there- actually I don't think it was. Looking around I saw a completely different room than I remembered the room I was in looking like, there was only one window and it was on the far wall, looking down I saw a couch, but there was a girl sitting next to me. "God Roxas, you're going to be a heart breaker when you get older," she laughed and instantly I knew who it was.

Yuna… she died soon after my mother- a few months later, I was still in shock about my mom's I think that her death never really reached me. She was my sisters- just like Leon was my brother, "Roxas," she spoke again, I looked up at her face but I didn't see her mouth move, I heard a familiar yelling in the background- Genesis' yelling, Yuna's smile faded as she rolled her eyes in distain, "I can't wait to leave here…" her voice was always so smooth- she was a natural born singer and she was beyond talented. "Will you take me and Sora with you?" it was my voice but I hadn't said anything, she smiled but again her mouth didn't move when she spoke, "No, you and Sora are going to get somewhere even better than me," "What?" my voice asked again.

Her small laugh echoed in the room, "You and Sora are going to go to college- fall in love with special people, get married, have kids if you want to, live a happy life far from here- you're going to live the lives everyone dreams about," her smile never faltered, "What about you?" my voice was concerned and I could feel it in my own chest, "Me?" her smile dimmed, "I'll be my own type of happy," her smile returned and the shouting was masked by mine and hers laughter. Blinking over and over again the image disappeared, looking around I saw the windows and the darkness from the absence of sun.

Memories hit me, what I just saw or thought of or whatever was what had happened a few months before she died- a few months before mom died. Yuna was sitting in my room with me while she waited for her boyfriend to come pick her up, she always hid away in my room, "Promise not to tell?" she'd ask every time she climbed out the window, Genesis never came into my room and mom thought it was mine and Sora's personal space- in other words, no one ever came in our room except Yuna and Leon.

"Promise," we would smile at her, she loved this boy but she was afraid to tell Genesis or mom so she had to keep it a secret, he was her comfort and love that she couldn't get at home. After another trip to the bathroom I sat down again, listening to silence- actual silence. No cars, no heavy breathing, no racing heart- my heart and breathing was actually really slow, to the point where I kept yawning. The room spun and was now the other house- the last one we lived in with Yuna, I was sitting on the couch but I was walking too- somehow. Walking down the hallways I had heard throwing up but Yuna told me she was fine, it had been quiet for a few hours now so I was worried, Leon wasn't home- he was with Cloud and Zack, Sora was taking a nap.

We should've been in school but mom had just died and I wanted to stay home to make sure Yuna was okay- I had fallen asleep by accident though, walking to her room that she shared with Leon, I looked around but she wasn't in there. I went back to the bathroom and knocked, I didn't hear anything, so I knocked louder, "Yuna?" my voice was high pitched compared to now, the door knob was a little above eye level to me at the time, I was only five. I walked to the living room and turned on the TV, time fast forward through various cartoons and now Leon was walking through the door with Zack and Cloud, "Hey Roxas," the room turned to look over at the door to see my brother.

"Where's Yuna?" he asked as he sat next to me, pulling me over to give me a hug as Zack and Cloud stood by the door still taking their shoes off before walking to sit on the couch and in the chair. "She's sick," my voice sounded again, Leon gave me a questioning look, "What do you mean?" I remembered him asking me this, at the time I didn't think to notice anything but now when I saw his face he looked like he was just indulging in a conversation with me- like I wasn't saying anything to seriously, my voice came out again- calm still.

"She was puking earlier… she said she was fine…" he nodded his head and stood up, walking towards their room, "She's not in there… she's been in the bathroom all morning," I looked back at the TV as it caught my attention before looking back up at Leon, "I wanted to see if she was okay but she wouldn't answer the door but she's not puking anymore," the TV caught my attention again. The sounds were more apparent to me now than before, Leon knocked on the door a while before saying he was going to break it down, Zack followed him down and Cloud sat next to me on the couch.

The door cracked as Leon broke it off its hinges, and in a few seconds I heard shouting and Zack raced back out, I turned to look towards the bathroom but Cloud started talking to me, "So I hear you're in Kindergarten this year?" looking back at him I smiled, "I've already told you that Cloud…" I heard Zack speaking into the phone, Leon and Yuna hadn't come out of the bathroom yet- she must have really been sick, "I'll be back," I jumped off the couch before Cloud could stop me.

Making it halfway down the hall I saw Sora standing in the door way, just standing there so I stood next to him, Cloud was trying to talk to me still but I wanted to see what Sora was seeing. The image didn't mean much to me at the time but now it meant so much more. The glass shower door was open and Yuna was lying on Leon's lap, he had his back to us but we could tell he was brushing the hair out of her face and he was talking about something. Sora and I stood there silently, Leon's sobbing reached us and Sora was first to walk into the room, "What's wrong Yuna?" Sora's voice was so innocent, Leon's head shot up, he looked back and shouted for Cloud and looked at us, "Yuna's sleeping…"

His tone was so sad that I knew something was wrong, "She's gonna be okay… right?" the room rocked as I walked into the room further and looked into the shower- the inside was covered in puke, but when I looked at Yuna she still had clothes on, it didn't make sense to me at the time why she was in the shower with clothes on and no water but it did the second time I saw it. Tears ran down my cheeks, leaving cold trails on my otherwise warm cheeks, in this past experience I remained oblivious, Cloud took my hand and tried to take Sora's but Sora fought with him, Cloud ended up picking Sora up and carrying him under one arm back into our room.

Sora's words never made sense to me before either, "No! Yuna, wake up!" he shouted over and over again, I thought he was just being mean, she was just trying to sleep, I told myself, but he was trying to wake her up. He understood more than I did, at least until we got into our room, Cloud made us sit on the same bed, "What's wrong?" my voice asked Cloud, tears were streaming down his cheeks, he looked up for a second, and everything made sense. "Yuna's going to wake up right?" Cloud didn't respond but Sora started crying, "Right?" I asked again, "Cloud, right?" still he didn't say anything, "She's not going to leave like mom," I stood up from the bed and tried to go wake her up but Cloud stopped me, popping open my eyes the dream was gone, the nightmare- the hallucination, whatever you want to call it was now gone.

But just as soon as it was gone a new one took its place. Sora and I were playing on the carpet in the living room, school would be starting soon but to Sora and I- not soon enough, standing up I ran towards the living room but Sora said my name and I ended up running into Genesis. Sora had said my name to tell me to stop running so I wouldn't run into Genesis but I did anyways, I heard the shatter as the glass hit the ground- a glass knocked out of his hand, then the room spun again as Genesis slapped me hard.

Blinking a few times I stared to the side while the pain spread across my cheek- heat scorching my skin, Genesis started yelling at me and tears started to weld in my eyes, "I didn't mean to… I'm sorry…" I said over and over again, I hadn't meant to run into him, I hadn't meant to make him drop his glass, for it to shatter on the ground, but he kept yelling at me. My muttering only made him more angry, he grabbed hold of my upper arm and pulled me up- I didn't even know I was sitting on the ground, whatever made me land there- me running into him or him hitting me, had made my bum hurt.

"You always say you're sorry- I don't believe you, otherwise you wouldn't have done it," I didn't even know what he was yelling about now but it made me cry more and harder, I didn't want to and each tear burned but his words hurt too much. I felt so stupid, so useless, so pathetic, but then my thinking turned around when he hit me again, "I hate you!" I screamed at him, he stopped for a second and my mother stopped yelling at him too, "I hate you! I hate you!" my whole body was posed just to help my voice become louder, "I wish Dad was here instead of you!" I shouted, "I wanna live with him, I hate you!" I kept screaming and surprisingly- everyone listened.

"Oh honey, you don't mean that," my mom tried to get me to stop yelling, I yelled back at her and I kept yelling till I felt another strong hit to my face, Genesis' palm stung my cheek, "You're lucky I'm letting you stay here- you're lucky I let you set one foot in my home!" Genesis started yelling about how lucky I was, about how much better my life was with them rather than with my father, Genesis stormed away and I was left crying on the floor, my mother wrapped me up in her arms and sat with me and Sora on the couch. "Shh…" she rocked us, "It's okay… Genesis loves you- he just gets angry a lot… he doesn't mean to hurt you- I promise… he's just angry…"

She continued that for a while till I stopped crying, "I'm sorry he hit you, but you don't honestly want to live with your father, do you?" I sniffled, and after a few minutes shook my head, no I really didn't, "Good… we love you here…" she kissed my hair and then Sora's and the memory ended.

Dreamland stayed long after that memory ended- long enough for another memory to start, this one was the first night Sora and I slept in the house with Genesis after Leon's death that felt normal. Not that anything ever would be normal again, but it was the first night Sora and I weren't thinking about Leon being dead or alive, but rather just going to sleep, it was the first night after Leon's death where we didn't feel shattered and alone- the first night we decided to survive only for each other.

"Roxas?" my brother's voice was quiet, I rolled over to face him in our dark room, "Hmm?" he was quiet still, till he took a deep breath, "Can you promise me something?" "Promise what?" my younger self pushed away all sleepiness, "Promise you won't ever leave… that it'll always be at least just you and me- I don't need anyone else, just promise it'll always but me and you…." I thought about his words for a while, "I promise." He hugged me before we fell asleep but before I could join them in sleep I heard shouting.

The shouting and talking I had heard weren't really all that solid, more like I could brush them away with any small sound I made, but this new shouting I heard _was_ solid, I tried to block it out but I couldn't, it kept making noises and soon my vision was fading, the room around me was changing into nothingness and my body began to shake more and more. "Roxas!" the deep voice said, my eyes were shut, meaning me seeing Yuna and Leon holding her for the very last time, my mother holding Sora and I, Sora asking me to make that promise were nothing more than a dream but I wasn't ready to push it away. It felt far too real to be just a dream- a hallucination I could believe but not dream. Slowly my eye pried open and the darkness of the room blinded me, coldness swept over my body and I realized just how freezing it actually was.

"Roxas," the voice screamed again, I saw a flash of colors, but the prickling cold was eating at my body and it was almost too strong a discomfort- too strong a pain for me to concentrate. "Don't go to sleep," they said loudly again, I felt something burning press against my cheeks and forehead, opening my eyes again I tried to push away whatever it was but by the time my arm started moving the heat was already gone. My body felt like it had been submerged in heat but the sudden onslaught was too much for my body and I handed myself over to sleep anyway.

_**It's 4:34 AM, I'm bored and tired and this chapter probably sucked but I got a lot I have to fix anyways… comment/review? How about voting on that poll? I got 4 voters now :D but… still not 12 –hinthintwinkwink-**_


	17. Chapter 17: Memories

Nothing felt real, somewhere in my mind I knew all that was waiting for me was the biting cold and pain in my head- so I allowed myself to sink deeper and deeper, the memories overrode my senses to the point it was fair to call them a replay of the past.

Genesis and Mom were arguing in the kitchen as Sora and I played in our room- it upset us that they yelled at each other but we did our best to ignore it, we also kept in mind that Mom always said all couples argue; some couples argue more than others. I hated when she said they argued because every time they argued Genesis would hit someone, but soon the shouting stopped allowing Sora and I to stop the forced awkward playing with toys and just sit there.

There was a loud slam as Genesis slammed the front door, Sora and I walked out to find our mother sitting on the couch, her face was red and her eyes were bloodshot, "Are you okay?" I asked nervously, she wasn't looking at either Sora nor I but her attention was quickly brought back as she looked at Sora and then me, "Of course… just a little sad right now- but I'm happy to see my two favorite boys," she had a fake smile on her face.

All her smiles were fake, her eyes were always sad and at moments I didn't know if she was looking at Sora and I with love or hate. Standing up from my spot on the floor I walked over to her and hugged her, kissing her temple, "It'll be okay," my voice was small but I tried to sound as comforting as possible, she didn't seem shocked and her plastic smile stayed in place but her eyes softened and the smile became a little bit real. "I know baby…" she whispered back, she brushed my hair out of my eyes, "I know…" her voice was always sad.

Sora came up behind me and gave me a hug, the memory changed to a few days later. Genesis and Mom had been arguing the entire week for some unknown reason- there was always a reason but this one was a big one. I tiptoed out from our room and stood in the dark hallway, watching as Mom sat at the kitchen table- her head in her hands with her elbows on the table, Genesis stood with his back against the fridge- looking at her, his arms crossed.

"Let him," Genesis said, their yelling had stopped now, I felt a small tug on the back of my shirt, I didn't turn around because I knew it was Sora, "I can't," our mother began shaking her head. Genesis uncrossed his arms, "You're fine letting him sneak around here and see them without our knowing- breaking into our house, but you won't arrange for him to see them?" Genesis sounded really pissed off but he wasn't exactly shouting, "No, no- I don't want him around them- no more, he's not allowed here anymore." Her head was still shaking.

Everything made a little more sense after Genesis had spoken, Sora's grip tightened on the back of my shirt when he realized what it was too. The memory swirled to a few days before.

We were really young at the time, our father was nothing but a fairytale to us, we were not even 5 when he showed up in our room one night. We fought with him as long as we could because- after all, he was just a stranger to us. "I'm your father," he told us, we stopped fighting but I started asking him a bunch of questions, but he didn't answer any of them, "I never knew she had twins…" he mumbled to himself like Sora and I weren't even there. He told us he never knew we were born and that's why we had never seen him before, he ended up coming over every few nights after that, he told us we weren't allowed to lock our bedroom window anymore so he could get inside easier.

The memories swirled quicker and quicker to the point I felt like I would be physically sick.

Feeling an almost searing hot pressure on my face my dreams were pushed down and my mind was brought back into reality, my eyes blinked halfway open to see something obscure half my vision, there was a lack of pain in my legs and arms but I didn't want to wait for the pain to come back, I forced myself back into dreamland.

Memories wash over me from every loss I ever experienced. The night my mother was killed and I felt obligated to tell my siblings that our mother was now dead- that she had died trying to save me from my father and that he had stabbed her to death. The last night I saw Yuna smile at me as she sat in our bedroom and read us a story, kissing us goodnight- once our mom was gone Yuna became our surrogate mother, she read to us every night and tucked us in. The hours before Leon took his life when we were left to suffer from the damage done by Genesis, the fight I had with Genesis- the last words I spoke to him before he was gone.

Opening my eyes I bought my hands up to wipe my eyes, I thought the tears were going to burn but they were only a little bit warmer than my cheeks, I rubbed my face into the soft fabric under my head and body, surprised to feel the fabric warm. "Roxas?" someone whispered, I felt their hand on my back but I didn't want to be awake yet. The thoughts of everyone I loved dying was still weighing heavily on my mind, it was a clenching pain that spread throughout my body- my stomach feeling sick as my head hurt and I felt so helpless, I just wanted to belong again.

But I ruined every chance of allowing that to happen.

"Roxas?" their voice sounded again, I sniffled and looked in their direction- seeing a pale face with deep purple tattoos, green eyes, and spiky red hair, I wanted to cry even more. I wanted him to forgive me, for everything to go back to the way that it was- to sleep over at his house, be around him and not have a care in the world; I didn't want to lose him. "Axel?" my voice was quiet and the pain in my throat became noticeable. "Yeah- it's me," he continued to rub my back, I pulled the blanket closer to my face and tried to slow my erratic breathing, I didn't want to be lonely anymore.

Axel leaned closer to me, one hand rubbing my back still while the other sat on the bed to help him hold his balance; I wiggled one hand free of the blanket and took hold of his hand, bringing it to my cheek, "I'm sorry…" I mumbled over and over again, I was sorry that I yelled, sorry that I had made him angry, that I ran away, that I didn't go back, and that I was now a blubbering mess on his bed.

"It's okay Rox…" he leaned forward and rested his forehead against my temple as I continued to try not to cry any more than the few tears that had already fallen- the thought of losing anyone else was too much pain for me to think about. "Are you okay?" he asked me, I missed hearing his voice, I nodded my head, wiping my eyes as I sat up, "I'm fine…" he moved to sit next to me, pulling me over to him to hug me, "You sure?" I continued nodding my head, we sat like that for a while- till I was able to push away all the bad thoughts and upsetting thoughts, I slowly pulled away from him and sat up on my own.

"Sora's here- so is Riku," he stood up from the bed and reached his hand out to help me stand up, my legs felt good to finally be able to work and move around, continuing to hold Axel's hand I walked with him to the living room. "Rox!" looking up I was caught in Sora's arms as he pretty much tackled me, "I was so worried," he held me tight and I held him back once I got my balance back. Axel sat on one side of me while Sora sat on the other, Riku sitting on the floor in front of us; I was still confused about everything.

Sora started talking, "Are you okay?" I told him about my confusion and he nodded his head before he and Axel started explaining. "I turned around to go back and pick you up but you weren't there," Axel started, "We drove around for almost an hour but we couldn't find you… we took Demyx home and he called Sora for me," Sora started talking after that. "We couldn't call the cops, you were gone for almost 3 days… it was getting colder, Axel pieced together what you said in the car… and he decided to check out our old house- thank god he found you," Sora pulled me into another hug.

"We were worried you would die of hypothermia or something…" Axel scratched his head, I looked over to Sora and I could tell they really wanted to say something, and within a few seconds they were both blurting out what was on their minds. "Why didn't you tell us you weren't staying with Axel?" my brother asked, while Axel asked, "Why didn't you tell me you weren't staying with someone?" I didn't know who to answer first or what to say, so I didn't say anything.

"Roxas…" I looked up a little to see Riku, I had been staring at the floor and my feet but never even noticed, "Why didn't you tell anyone that you had nowhere to stay?" I shook my head, I didn't know why- I mean, I thought of asking Axel but the went out the window- but I could've told Sora and Riku that or told Demyx or told someone but I didn't, it didn't matter now. "Rox," I looked over to Axel, "If you told me I would've talked to Reno and you could've stayed here…" "Yeah…" I mumbled back, I was happy they were yelling at me about almost killing myself in the cold or about my outburst in the car.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Sora asked again, I nodded my head, "I'm fine Sor," as soon as I looked over at him I felt a pillow smack me in the face, I brought my hands up to cover my face as he hit me over and over again with the pillow, "You almost died!" he kept hitting me, Axel and Riku didn't say anything or do anything even though I was practically laying in Axel's lap to try and get away from the pillow- Sora had mastered the art of making a pillow hit hurt. "Why would you stay there all night? You would've frozen to death if Axel hadn't found you when he did," he hit me with the pillow a few more times, "Sora…" I tried, but he didn't stop, "Sor- I," still didn't stop, "I'm sorry- Sor, I'm sorry," his hits got more spaced out and I took my chance to steal the pillow from him.

Throwing the pillow away from him I was shocked to turn back and see Sora crying into his hands, "Sor?" my tone was quiet, I didn't know he had been crying. "I didn't think I'd see you again…" his sobs got heavier, I scooted closer to him, tilting my head to try and see his face, "I'm sorry… It's okay…" as soon as the words left my mouth Sora slapped my upper arm, looking at me with tears streaming down his angry face, "It's not okay! I thought you were gone- I would've died if I lost you…" he kept his eyes locked with mine but I could tell he wanted to curl up into a ball or just scream at me. "I can't lose you Rox," I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him over to me, hugging him tightly as his cries temporarily stopped from the sudden situation. "I promised," I whispered, "I promised I would never leave you…" his hands tightened on the back of my shirt.

We sat like that for a while till Sora finally pulled away and wiped his eyes, somehow he got his hand on another pillow and hit me upside the head with it, "I'm still not happy with you," he sniffled, and I gave a small smile, we sat in quiet and believe it or not- Sora was the first one to fall asleep, I guess he hadn't slept really at all since Axel couldn't find me. I stood up to use the bathroom but when I went to walk back out into the living room Axel stopped me, "Can I talk to you?" his tone was quiet, "Yeah," I followed him into his room and sat on his bed, his face completely serious.

"Listen…" he sat down next to me, "I'm sorry about what I said… I didn't mean to yell at you or be angry… just… when it comes to the people I love I get really defensive… I've had a lot on my mind lately- and… I'm just sorry, about everything I said," he looked up at me, "Ax…" my throat hurt even more now, the coldness must have really gotten to me, "I'm not mad at you… but… could we take a nap? I don't feel too good," everything washed over me then, my head ached, my cheeks felt pressurized, my throat felt raw and my fingers and toes burned. My eyes drifted shut before I could realize, I would've fallen asleep then if I hadn't felt a hand on my forehead, "Yeah," Axel said, I felt the bed shift as he stood up, I stood up so he could move the covers, my body felt on fire so I slid off a ginormous zip up sweatshirt that had belonged to Axel off of me, along with a pull over hoodie that was on underneath that.

I continued to strip out of the layers of clothes till I was only in one of Axel's short sleeve shirts, my boxers, and a pair of Axel's black sweat pants, I even took off the socks that layered my feet. Finally I crawled into bed, as soon as my head hit the pillow and I felt Axel's body next to mine I was out.

Waking up again and again every time I did so Axel was awake, his hand rubbing my back while he sat up in the bed- his upper back against the wall, every time I looked at him he handed me a glass of flat Gingerale, I didn't want to drink it because I honestly wasn't thirsty but he said it would help me feel better sooner and he didn't want to drop it so I was forced to drink it. I woke up a lot but he never seemed to run out of flat soda.

I don't know how long I was asleep for, but what I did know is that every time I woke up I had to drink and I never once let go of Axel. If I got to hot I kicked off the blankets, if I got to cold- which I did, I found the blankets and covered back up, there wasn't really a middleman at all while I slept. Axel- after everything I had put him through, was still sitting next to me, was still talking to me, and still cared, that was more than anything I could ever hope for so there was no way I was going to let go of Axel now.

Sora woke me up at one point, I was too tired to really pay attention, but he had somehow gotten me awake and told me he and Riku were going home and that he wanted me to stay and sleep and get better- and I was damn well going to. After I started to sleep for longer periods of times and staying awake longer after I woke up Axel and I talked about a lot of things.

Finally I convinced him to go to sleep, when I woke up again like we both knew I would, Axel was snoring next to me, knocked out cold pretty much. I had gotten up a lot when Axel was awake- to walk around and use the bathroom and such, but now I just wanted to continue to lay next to him, I watched his chest rise and fall and I felt as his thumb continued to rub my back even though he was sleeping. Holding him tighter I was rewarded with the same action from him, I smiled into his side, Axel was one cocky sonovabitch but he cared and that was all I needed.

_**I typed this chapter 3 times- almost 9 pages worth in total, but I deleted it all because it sucked… so this is the final product, or at least what I decided to go with. Hey Peoples, you should vote on that Poll I have, I now have 4 voters which is a whopping 1 more voter :D but seriously, most of my stories are Axel and Roxas stories like this soo… anyway… thanks for the reviews- I hope to get more, thanks for reading, I hope to upload more, but right now I'm going to crawl into bed and pass the fuck out- I think I should just become nocturnal, it's almost 3 in the morning and I have school in a few hours… See ya :3  
Also- Sorry for the really short chapter- as I said... I had a lot of problems with this one. **_


	18. Chapter 18: Lectures from the Flame Head

Curling to Axel's side I listened as he talked, I'd slept awfully the past day and night and even though I tried to hide it from Axel, somehow he miraculously found out- just like how he found out about a lot of other things. I was tired and didn't feel all that good but I couldn't sleep, I started faking sleep because Axel was taking advantage of the fact that his bed was warm and I didn't want him mad at me- so he started asking me a bunch of questions and talking about some serious shit.

"Can we please talk about what happened in the car?" his voice was smooth and quiet, this was probably the billionth time he asked me, and that was probably a giant exaggeration but it was close enough. "What's to talk about- we were both angry, said some stuff and I threw a hissy fit." I wanted to roll away from him, but I wanted to steal his warmth more. Every time he had asked before I either- faked sleep, rolled away, not answered, or changed the subject- I could only avoid him so much longer and I was annoyed with myself for being a brat.

"Rox… Can we just talk about it?" I was silent so he continued, "I know you don't want to," I cut him off, "Then let's not," I sat up a bit to turn and roll over but Axel grabbed hold of my shoulders and pulled me back down so I couldn't turn away. "I know you don't want to," he said again, "But… I don't want you to keep secrets from me- in the car, when you said all that… that was some serious shit and I could tell you weren't used to sharing…" he stayed quiet as his words sunk in, "And I guess… I just don't want you to feel alone in this…"

"I'm fine now Ax," he picked up before his name was even completely off my tongue, "Fine now? I've seen you Rox, I was there the morning you were practically a crying heap- unable to move, on your kitchen floor, I've seen you when you were more multicolored than a paint tray, a few hours later you'd say you were fine, and I will admit- you held together pretty well... You hold together beyond what anyone could ask you- but when you have just one bad day, or one bad experience I don't want your fake foundation to crumble and you be a shouting mess in the back of my car again Rox. I want to talk now- before that bad day comes so when it does you can handle it, I don't want you to be inches from snapping again- or to fake being okay."

I really didn't want to have this conversation, "I'm not going to snap," he cut me off. "You're not going to snap? Because you have some power that allows you to control when you do or don't lose control?" my mind wanted me to be an ass back but I didn't. I wanted to fight and be angry- it was just the mood I was in, Axel was the unlucky person who was around, but then again it was Axel- I didn't want to push him away so I settled for biting my tongue. Axel was just trying to work through my stubbornness- which called for him to insert his- 'Tough Love' card.

"You have people that care about you Rox… you don't need to carry all your problems on your own- you may think you don't have any problems now but the ones from your past are still weighing you down…" looking up at him I saw the seriousness in his eyes, "You know what?" my voice was hushed only because my throat still hurt, "I think you need to hang out with Sora less…" I laid back down, "You're starting to go all shrink on me like he does…." Axel laughed softly, his hand rubbing my back, "And with good reason," his tone was smooth.

We were quiet for a while; my ear was pressed against Axel's chest to listen to his steady breathing and steady heartbeat, I listened as he took a little bit of a deep breath and knew that meant he was going to start talking soon, I was right. "Do you want to talk yet?" his voice was softer than I imagined it to be, he sounded like he was trying to keep himself awake, "No…" I mumbled, pulling him closer hoping he wouldn't get offended, "_Will_ you talk yet?" I thought about it for a while, I pulled him closer and gave a small nod- he knew it meant, "Maybe."

He took a deep breath, "Is there anything you want me to know?" my head stayed against his chest, "What do you mean?" he already knew I didn't want him to know anything. "I don't know… something that's on your mind- something that… I don't know… I want you to be able to share things with me instead of…" his sentence faded out and it pissed me off. "Instead of what?" I sat up to look at him, he seemed a little shocked by the anger I didn't try to hide, "I don't," he started but I cut him off, "No, really, what do you think I'm going to do?" he looked surprise still but now he was stuttering to come up with an answer.

He had no business to say I was going to do something if I didn't share my sob story with him, what did he think I was going to do- drugs? Cut myself? He had no right to think any of those things, "I want you to share with me instead of shutting yourself down…" he finally whispered, his hand gently pressed against my cheek while his thumb brushed back and forth, now I was the one that was shocked. "I don't want you to be sad or angry… I don't want you to get depressed or feel like you have to hide your emotions…" he pulled me closer and kissed my forehead, my anger was beyond gone now. I just felt awful instead- there was no way I deserved to have him be so nice to me, today wasn't one of my best days- I just woke up unable to read people's expressions like any other normal person, I was taking all the wrong hints.

I moved away from him and buried my face in the pillows and bed, nothing felt like it was working out and I just wanted everything to end- not as dramatic as the moods where you want to cry your eyes out, but pretty close to that. "I need to get away…" my voice said in my head, "He deserves to be around someone way better than I can give him…" the voice was sad- but it was mine, I thought about how I would leave, maybe I would pretend to get mad at him and tell him never to talk to me again. Again… "Already tried that," my thoughts said again, "It wasn't the best for him…" the more I thought about how to leave the more memories came back to me. It was like the happy and bad feelings inside me were fighting.

One of the first times we had hung out- Axel and I both wanted cake so we made one, we also made a giant mess. The mess really started when we started frosting, I accidently splattered some frosting and it got on Axel, and soon we were both face painted in it like we just came out of a war, we were both sitting on the floor for some reason- both laughing uncontrollably. That was one of the first times we had laughed so hard and it only happened more and more, but right now I was a sick and depressed mess on his bed. He didn't deserve to be around that.

"I'm sorry…" mumbling under my breath I turned my head to face him but my hair covered my eyes, I didn't want to make him upset, sad, or guilty but I was doing a bad job of that, I just wanted everything to be perfect so I wouldn't have to deal with this pain in my chest and head. Maybe if I went to sleep I would wake up better- maybe I could wake up a better person.

The bed shifted back and forth a few times and when it stopped I wiggled my head so I could look through my hair and see what Axel had done only to see Axel's shirt and feel his arms wrap around my waist and pull me on top of him- like the morning after I stopped pushing him away. laying like I had that morning I felt Axel do the same, "You've got nothing to be sorry about Roxas…" his voice was quiet and comforting, "Just talk to me." "I'm sorry I got angry…" I decided to start there, "I'm sorry I got angry in the car," "You had every reason to be mad at me- I was being a dick," I heard him let out a sigh- but not because of me.

I moved onto another reason, "I'm sorry I stormed off…" "I was being a dick, it's okay," he said softly, "I'm sorry I stayed away," "Do you like hearing me call myself a dick?" he chuckled so I couldn't help but giggle back, "Maybe," my tone was happy but not for long. "I… I'm sorry about getting mad at you a few minutes ago…" "Why'd you get mad?" his hand moved to brush through my hair. "I thought… I thought you were saying I was going to turn to… drugs- or cutting…" I felt stupid for even thinking about it so I tried to bury my face into his stomach, "It's okay… I don't want you to turn to that either, but I never thought you would turn to those- you care too much about Sora to do that, I'm not as shallow as you think," he laughed but my own laugh was only halfhearted.

"That everything?" his tone was quiet, shaking my head I wrapped my arms around him- not caring if they went dead because of it. "What else is there?" he didn't expect me to still be sorry- I could hear it in his voice, "Everything…" I mumbled, "I'm sorry for just… everything…" holding him as I tight as I could without hurting him. I hate being in this mood, where I feel guilty of everything I've ever done compact into the one moment when I can't do anything, now I wanted to cry. Axel pulled me closer to him and I was thankful that it was Axel- that it was someone who understood and didn't shun me or yell at me for the way I thought or worked, I fell asleep like that.

Waking up was a little better than the last time, I felt less sick and my mood was a little better. Axel was awake already and after a few minutes or hours of sitting there doing nothing Axel started asking me about what I said in the car. "How were you and Sora told about… what your dad did to your mom?" he finally asked after a while longer, I was quiet for a few seconds, not thinking of anything just enjoying the leeway room. "Genesis…" we were now sitting in different positions- we had moved while asleep, we were both laying on our sides- facing each other, but I was curled up more to hide my face, so I played with the hem of Axel's shirt while my mind slowly pieced together what I was going to say.

"Genesis always told us that our dad hurt our mom more than we could ever understand and that's how she had us… he had to be somewhat nice to us while our mom was alive… but when she… when she was killed he didn't censor it for us." There was a silence for a little, "Did your mom know him at all beforehand? Like did she work with him or see him a lot?" shaking my head I thought of how my mother had said it, and how my father had, "Mom said she'd never seen him before but he wouldn't leave her alone afterwards… Shuyin- our dad… said he saw her a few hours before… he said she led him on and that it wasn't really… that he hadn't really forced her… But I knew my mother and I know that she definitely did not want it." I could feel Axel nodding his head like he understood what I meant.

"I wish you could've met her- my mother would have loved you," looking up at him I saw his eye brow raise, causing me to give a small laugh, "My mother loved people who were different and didn't care what others thought… her name was Aerith, she loved people who made others smile," I smiled up at him, "And you're really good at that," he smiled back. I talked about my mother for as long as I could till I could tell Axel was started to get annoyed with me, the look on his face said otherwise but I knew if I heard some kid talk about their mom for this long I think I would be bored.

"Have you ever heard the song '_When I was Five_' by Clare Bowditch?" watching as Axel shook his head I was a little shocked when he jumped out of bed, he walked towards his closet and grabbed a pair of pants, reaching into the pocket he pulled out his IPod. Sitting down on the bed he pulled me closer to him as he typed in the YouTube search bar and clicked on the first actual song. The only connection Axel could make was to me and my mother, but the song also held meaning towards my sister. It soon started playing and I couldn't help but close my eyes and let myself fall back asleep- it was a lullaby after all.

When we woke up I didn't feel as bad, Axel put some clothes on the bed and told me to get dress so we could go out, then he grabbed his own clothes and on his way out told me, "I'll meet you out in the kitchen," looking at the clothes he picked out. My half and half skinny jeans- one pant leg being black and white checkered while the other side was solid black, my shirt was a black shirt that had a white smiley face with _X_'s for eyes, he also threw on the pile one of his zip up hoodies, along with essentials like socks and underpants.

After changing I slowly opened the door and peaked around to not see anyone, I quickly went into the bathroom- I was dressed and everything but I didn't know what I looked like and I was not about to get caught in a conversation while looking weird. My hair wasn't really all that bad- it was all over the place and wasn't like how I normally had it but sum splashes of water quickly fixed that, I rubbed the sleep off my face and fixed my shirt and sweatshirt before walking out and finding Axel waiting in the kitchen like he said he would be.

We sat in silence for a little while I struggled to breathe- there was almost no moister in the air because the heat was on and my throat hurt still from being outside in the cold for so long, I don't think Axel caught onto the air problem though. "Where're we going?" annoyed with the silence I decided to ask, "I figured we could go out and get food," he looked to his side of the car preventing me from seeing his face, "Is there a reason for the sudden need to go out?" I asked curiously. Axel chuckled, "Yeah, I figured you could get out of the house and get some food and… if you're up for it we can go see the guys- they're all at Demyx's," I couldn't stop the small smile on my face, as much as I wanted to sink into a lonely depression I missed seeing my friends. "I wouldn't mind," the smile stayed on my face.

Pulling up to the restaurant I looked from it to him, "You really like this place don't you?" Axel smiled, "Of course, it's the first place we went together," he smiled brighter and for some reason I blushed, "We're not going to bum a meal off your brother again are we?" Axel laughed, "No, no, I got money this time," we walked in and sat at a booth instead of at the counter like the first time. We ordered and we talked- we joked and I smiled and nothing mattered. Everything was perfect. Everything was this simple: I was sitting in a booth looking at Axel who had the widest smile ever on his face while my own face hurt from smiling so much.

Nothing else mattered, Genesis' death wasn't weighing on my mind, my worry about where Sora was- wasn't on my mind, where I would live- what was going to happen, all equaled nothing. We sat for hours and I wanted it to never end, but soon all our food was gone and the waiter kindly told us they were closing. "Off to Demyx's?" he asked me as he swirled his keys around his finger while we walked to his car, "Yupp," I nodded my head while still smiling like an idiot.

Not even 10 minutes later we pulled up to the familiar house and walked in to find Demyx, Zexion, Marluxia, Naminé, Saïx, Kairi, and Larxene, apparently Riku and Sora had been there earlier but Demyx made them go home because Sora was passed out pretty much. When I was with them it was like I was with Axel in the restaurant, nothing outside the moment mattered- none of their jokes upset me unless I dwelled on them, and everything was going good.

Later, when Axel was driving us back to his- _our-_ home- that's right, I was living there now- all I could think about was how good everything was going… and in my life- when everything good that could possibly happen happens, something is bound to go to hell. Just what?

_**Look- a new chapter! So, in my opinion, this chapter started out okay but just turned to BS xD  
I got 7 votes on that POLL- that's still open so if you haven't voted on it… please vote?  
I love your guys input and reviews- so please keep 'em up :D  
It's a few minutes shy 4, I got school in about 3 hours- so off to nuh-night and I shall reconnect with the inter-webs later :3**_


	19. Chapter 19: Fight vs Flight

"Go to school," I took the pillow I had been using to sleep and weakly hit Axel in the stomach, he only grunted and threw his arm over his eyes, "I'd rather stay here with you," he mumbled. The sweet sentiment went out the window because I knew he was only saying that because he was lazy, "Okay, well... I'm going to go to school- are you going to come with?" I started to climb over him, but his arm moved to no longer cover his face and he looked at me in surprise, "You're still sick," "Yeah, and you've missed a lot of school- you're a senior, I don't want you to be a super senior just because of me."

"Fine, fine, stay here," Axel mumbled as he gently pushed me back to the bed and stood up, walking over to his dresser, he pulled out clothes and started changing. The room flew up in temperature as Axel took off his shirt and pants- sure it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, but it was Axel I was seeing it on and that made me blush. I wanted to turn around and bury my face in the pillows and bed but I was stuck staring.

He turned around, his emotionless face turned to surprise for a second before his cocky grin spread across his face, "Like what you see Rox?" "No," I thought, he was still smiling as he walked closer to the door but made no signs of leaving, "Don't pout Rox it mixes far too well with that blush- I might just have to stay home if you keep it up," without thinking I picked the pillow up and flung it at him. He was already out the door before it could hit him, I realized I was pouting and blushing, I tried to rub the expression off my face but my face felt too tense afterwards so I just pressed my face into the blankets and the bed.

I was too tired to be awake, I let sleep take over before Axel had a chance to say goodbye.

After Axel got back from school we went to see Sora and Riku, Axel told me on the car ride over that he and Riku had never really clicked but with how much they were seeing of each other now Axel didn't understand why. Sora and I talked for a while about random crap like always, except this time Axel and Riku were present and able to give their opinions, before we left- Sora and I decided tomorrow we would both go to school and put everything behind us. It was something we always did- it was part of our talk that led us to move on from our loss.

No sooner had we gotten back to Axel's had his phone started vibrating unmercifully, like the ferocity of the vibrate mirrored the intenseness of the call, "Hello?" Axel answered after a few rings, he turned to look at him, "Uh-huh…" he looked down at the keys still in his hand, "Yeah, hold on," he said after a few seconds- I was a little lost, "Here," he held the phone out for me- hesitantly I took the phone and put it up to my ear, "Hello?" my voice was quiet. "Roxas?" of course it was Cloud, I let out a breath, "Hi Cloud…" Zack took the phone from Cloud and started yapping about all this random stuff, I followed Axel into his room and sat on his bed- the redhead sitting next to me.

Finally, Cloud took the phone back, he whispered something at Zack and soon the hyper voice became quiet- Zack could be serious but Cloud was serious enough for both of them. "How're you holding up? We tried to get a hold of you… but we haven't been able to…" I nodded my head even though I knew he couldn't see me. "I'm fine… I'm staying with Axel now…" "Yeah... we know… we know all about it from Sora- the one kid who felt the need to keep us in his life," that was Zack- I could tell his words weren't meant to sting so I didn't let them.

We talked for a while, mostly me getting asked if I was really okay and if I needed anything from them- eventually I told them I needed to get to sleep because I had school in the morning and they pretty much dropped it there. Sleep came quick soon after and I had no problem with that.

Axel tried to be as quiet as possible when he woke up because he for some reason didn't want me going to school, he was actually really determined. "I have to go back sometime Ax…" "I know, but why not tomorrow?" I laughed at his stubbornness, "Yeah, that's what I said yesterday," Axel spent the whole time I was getting changed to try and convince me otherwise.

"I'm going to school Ax…" I said once again, he was lying on his bed while I stood by his dresser to change, I waited for him to leave so I could but he only laid down instead- and then he started talking so I took the hint that he wasn't expecting me to go into the bathroom to change. Sliding the clothes on as quickly as possible I didn't even look at the fabric as I slid it on- instead I stayed watching Axel making sure he didn't try to steal a look.

A simple gray shirt with black pants later- I sat on the foot of the bed, my side to Axel, as I slid on my mismatch socks. "Why do you always wear those?" his voice got louder as he turned on the bed and moved so his face was only a few inches from me, I looked at him, "Always wear what, socks?" I didn't understand what he was talking about. "No," he laughed as he moved yet again so he was now sitting up like I was, but still only a few small inches away.

"These," he pointed at my 2 finger warmers, "What about them?" we made eye contact before he looked back down at my hand, "Why don't you ever take them off?" shrugging my shoulder I replied, "I just like wearing them…" "Can I see them?" I looked up at him and slowly moved my arm over so my hand was near him and he could better see my fingers. His hand moved up and his fingers hooked around the fabric for a brief second before I pulled my arm back to me, he looked shocked, but quickly got himself back together.

"So why won't you take them off?" standing up was my signal that I didn't want to have this conversation with him, but he only grabbed my hand before I could walk very far and held me there. "You don't have to hide anything from me Roxas…" his voice was soft and it made me feel like an ass, after a sigh I was sitting on the bed again, I made sure the back of my hand was out of his view and slide the fabric off. "Here…" I held them out for him, making sure to leave my scars out of his view.

"Can I see your hand?" he looked up at me, "Why?" "I wanna know…" his voice faded out but was kind still so my mind was fighting. "It's nothing to hide from him, he's not going to judge me," my mind started, "but if- when, he asks how I got them… will he still not judge me?" I took a deep breath before moving my hand over, palm up in front of him. I stayed staring at my hand while Axel kept looking up at my face and back to my hand before he turned my hand over.

On my pointer finger and my middle finger I had 2 deep distorted circular scars; they were a pinkish and brown color now- smooth to the touch but image wise- untouchable. Axel continued to stare at them and it was making me really self-conscious, he continued not to say anything for a while but when I tried to take my hand out of his he only held it tighter. "Ax…" my voice was quiet- the scars were so small and menial that I didn't fully understand his reaction.

"What happened?" his voice was still soft, so I didn't know what he was thinking, I stayed silent and when he looked up at me and I could see his mind click that I didn't know how to answer him. "When'd it happen?" "Umm…" I shook my worried thoughts out of my head and focused on answering him, "When I was almost 8 and again when I was 14…" Yeah, it happened twice- Genesis noticed the scars were pretty much gone so he felt like he had to give me a new set. "Did Genesis do it?" his guess was correct so I nodded my head, he took a deep breath before sliding the fabric back on my fingers.

"Come on," he stood up, holding his hand out to me, "We should head out soon since you want to go to school so bad," he had a small half smile on his face- taking his hand I returned the smile.

The conversation in the car was light- like Axel was trying not to get me depressed; he also made no room for silence like he didn't want me to think. Pulling up to the school, nothing seemed different- no one looked at me like they knew what had happened, everything had blown over in their eyes, I sat next to Sora and across from Naminé once we were inside the cafeteria, the four of us left for Zell's class- close together like we were a family or something.

We walked in and Zell seemed to be at a standstill, he felt bad about being the one who told us- that was obvious, but he didn't want to address it, that was obvious too. No one really said anything to us, till almost 3rd period, the teachers phone rang, he looked back at me and then at the phone- so I knew it had something to do with me, "Roxas," he said as he leaned down in front of me so he could whisper- I felt Axel lean closer too. "The office would like to see you; the guidance consoler's on her way down to escort you."

The teacher walked away and I turned to look at Axel, who also seemed shocked, he quietly started talking, "Call me- I'll be ready if we got to make an escape," I couldn't stop the smile on my face- even in this blindsided moment, Axel was joking but sticking with me none the less. I told him I'd find a way to call him if I needed to and as soon as he nodded his head in understanding there was a knock on the door and the guidance consoler was standing there, looking at me. Quickly I packed everything up and followed her to the office, I was taken into the meeting room- Sora was sitting at one end so I quickly sat by him, I looked around and saw the two CPS people from before, along with 2 police officers, the principal and the guidance consoler stayed.

"Roxas… Sora," the lady started, she nodded her head while she said it like it was a greeting- I already knew I wasn't going to like what they were saying. "Where did you say you were staying again?" her tone was leaking with false care, the two police officers behind her shifted their weight like they would rather be somewhere else. "With Axel… why?" she looked at the principal who nodded his head like they had already discussed something beforehand, "Axel lives with his older brother, Reno, correct?" "Yeah," I said hesitantly, where were they going?

"See… we've done our research," "Shit," I thought, "And it seems that Reno only makes 13,000 a year- on average… that isn't enough to support you and your brother along with himself and his brother." "We get checks from the government- 600 a month for each of us," the government paid us child support because we lost our mom. The woman only shook her head, "I'm sorry, but until Reno goes to court and files for custody of you and your brother- you're wards of the state…" she stood up, we all followed her lead, "We'll escort you to get your belongings and take you to a group home till a foster home can be provided or a guardian takes custody," "No." my voice came out of nowhere.

"I know it seems," she started but I cut her off, "We're not going to a group home or to a foster home…" I noticed then that Sora's hand was squeezing my own, "We'll call our father…" it blurted out of my mouth and I felt Sora shake at the sudden idea, he looked at me but I kept my eyes ahead. They were all silent for a few seconds before the guidance consoler stood up and opened the door, "Let's go to my office so you can call…" I practically dragged Sora there, we went into her office- it was simple, tranquil, she moved the phone so we could see it, she dialed some number and then handed the phone to me, "Type in his number," I started to type in a number, "Can we talk to him alone?" she was quiet for a second before giving a nod, "Alright… I'll wait right outside…" she quietly shut the door and I waited for the person to pick up, it rang a bunch of times before they finally did.

"Axel," I spoke as quietly as possible, "Roxas, what's happening?" he didn't have a confident attitude when he asked, "We're getting moved to a group home till they can find a foster home…" I said a little louder in case anyone was listening, "What do you want to do?" "Could you come get us?" my voice wasn't hushed, I was terrified someone was going to come in and say they knew what we were planning, "I'm on my way to the car now… find a way outside- I'll be in the bus circle, back car door open… give me a few seconds," we said goodbye and I hung up the phone, Sora was looking at me like I betrayed him or something.

Pulling him into a hug I whispered, "Axel's going to be outside waiting for us, we gotta run out and jump in his car," when I pulled away from the hug to see Sora's face I saw a small smirk play on his lips as he nodded his head. We quietly opened the door and walked down the small hallway to the guidance consoler's secretary's desk- but that's where everyone was standing, making Sora and I stop in our tracks.

"He's on his way…" I mumbled to them, the nodded their heads but then acted like Sora and I weren't even there, I moved to the door as casually as I could, opening it halfway before anyone noticed. "Where're you going?" the CPS lady asked, I shut the door a little, my heart was beating erratically, Sora could probably feel it in my hand, "I figured we could go back to class till he got here…" I was trying to hold my façade as well as possible but the small silence that followed my sentence made me almost positive they knew what we were up to.

"Alright," the guidance consoler said, "Make sure to stay in your classes- no wondering the halls," I nodded my "Okay," and tried to walk out of her office as casually as ever, I wanted to hightail it but I was trying to make sure I could actually get somewhere before they caught on. We walked towards our classes making sure no one was following us before we took off running the opposite direction and ran out the front door, "Roxas, Sora!" we heard someone shout behind us but we dove into Axel's car and shut the door- zooming off before I could look back to see who it was.

I met Axel's eyes in the rearview mirror, "Where're we going?" his voice was calm but guilt was starting to set in, "Can you drop us off here? We can walk the rest of the way and you should go back to school- I don't want you to get in trouble for this," "Roxas I," "Please?" Sora and I both asked. He drove further but didn't say anything, "Are you guys sure?" "Yes," we both responded, Axel let out a sigh and pulled the car over, but he didn't unlock it or put it in park, "I really don't think this is a good idea," he mumbled, I moved forward so I was sitting pretty much right next to him- in the gap between the driver's seat and passenger's. "Ax- you could get in trouble for this… just stay at school till the end of the day, Sora and I will get our stuff and meet you at Demyx's house, okay?" he let out another sigh before he unlocked the door.

He still hadn't moved the car, I walked around as he rolled his window down- I was happy that the weather was treating us nice today, there was hardly any wind and the sun was shining bright. "Ax?" my voice was quiet, I didn't really know what more to say but I didn't have to because Axel began talking, "I'm just worried… I care about you a lot- I don't want anything to happen to you…" he wasn't looking at me but rather at the steering wheel. Leaning into the car I gave him the best hug I could from the awkward angle, "Everything will be fine… I'll make sure of it," looking at his face I smiled at the half smile Axel gave me, I patted the side of his car as I stood up beside it and he hesitantly did a U-turn in the middle of the road.

Sora and I walked as quickly as we could to Axel's house, we got there within a few minutes- turns out Axel had dropped us off pretty close, I grabbed the photos I wanted and every personal item I had, before we headed out to Riku's. Once we got there Sora grabbed one of his unused bags, his school back was full of binders and notebooks because for some reason he liked to keep his classes all separate. Sora's bag had 6 of everything clothes wise for us to share while I continued to put Sora's valuable items in my bag, "You got everything?" My brother nodded his head and we left Riku's and his room, walking to the door when we heard a knock.

My heart skipped a beat, "Oh shit…" my mind raced, I looked back at Sora who was also frozen in his spot. "Roxas, Sora?" it was that obnoxious CPS lady's voice. "Shit…" I mumbled, I turned back to Sora who looked like he was going to have a heart attack, we stayed quiet hoping they would just leave, "If you don't open this door- we'll knock it down," I was shaking my head, trying to reassure Sora who was freaking out even more now. "They can't do that…" I whispered to him, my heart raced in my ears and I was terrified they would come in.

"We know Sora has been staying here, we have the warrant to knock this door down…" "Shit!" my voice was like a hiss yet again, I walked over to the door, looking through the peep hole to see all 4 of them- the two CPS people and the two cops. "Quick," I walked back to Sora and put my hand on his upper arm to pry him from his spot and lead him to the window in the kitchen. "Climb out…" as soon as the words left my lips I heard a loud bang followed by a loud crack. Spinning around we saw the cop regaining himself as the other cop made his way into the room, "Fuck!" I swore again. Sorry kids, my sensor was broken the moment we went into the meeting room at school.

"Go!" my voice was pointed at Sora as I looked at the people walking closer to us, looking around I found a knife, "At least to hold them back," I thought, reaching out to grab hold of the small fruit cutting knife, "Stay there," the cop said "That's not going to work Roxas," the lady told me, before I could grab it I found a hand on my wrist. Looking up at the cop I didn't know what to do at first, Sora was still standing next to me- shocked by what was happening, "Go!" I screamed again as I used all my force to push the cop away, he caught himself on the wall but before he could fully regain his balance I rammed my shoulder into his stomach. The cop wasn't that much bigger than me- he might have been a few years older but he didn't have all the much on me, he tried to wrap his arms around me but I wasn't going to let him, I struggled to get out of his hold but he wouldn't let go so I took a cheap shot- right at his manly man parts. He let go after that.

He was left on the ground as I ran towards the door, the other cop wrapped his arms around me as I tried to run out the door- his hand wrapping around my chest to land on my shoulder, I think he managed to pick me up off the ground- this guy had a lot on me. Wiggling my shoulders around I kicked my feet- trying to kick him and trying to throw his balance off, but he was only barely budging and the other cop was recovering from the blow. "Ahh!" the man screamed as I bit into his hand as hard as I could, pinching his skin between not only my front teeth but my molars also. His grip loosened so I was able to push him away and fall to my feet.

Before I was even standing all the way I was diving forward through the door, the two CPS people just standing there, I knocked the guy over with my shoulder, pushing him off his balance before turning and running as quickly as I could. I got to the end of the drive way, waiting for Sora to meet me there- the people were stuck inside and I hadn't seen Sora yet. The constant beating in my ears became louder even though I was gaining my breath, my hands shook as I pulled the backpack straps tighter, Sora still hadn't come out. In actuality it had probably only been a few seconds- I told myself, but he still hadn't come out.

"Sora!" yelling as loud as I could I hoped he would run around the house and be right there, but I heard nothing. Slowly I paced myself back to the house, taking the smallest steps ever- my body pumped full of adrenaline, thinking that someone was going to slam through the front door and see me and chase me. Just as I took a step the door slammed open and I jumped, wanting to run but I stopped when I saw the man holding Sora. The buffer cop had his arms under Sora's but pulled up and placed behind my brother's head as he walked out of Riku's house, my brother kicking his feet and throwing his body every which way, "Sora!" I screamed again, dropping the bag on the snow covered lawn and running towards the man, "Let go!" my brother screamed repeatedly.

Trying to pry his hands off my brother- Sora stopped kicking but continued to thrash around, the man wouldn't let go, I felt someone's hands wrap around my arms and waist, pulling me back. I hadn't even realized we were no longer in the door way but in front of the car- the woman opened the back door to the car and the man was trying to put my brother in it. Kicking my feet around I tried to pull my hands free, hating how I was being restrained, the man had his arms wrapped tight around the middle of my stomach- my arms were in that loop and being pressed to my sides, right above my elbows, preventing me from hitting him.

Sora kicked his feet up and put them on the door fame of the car, trying to push off of it, doing everything to get the man to let go of him while I kept trying to kick the guy behind me, shouldering him in the face over and over. "No!" my voice was loud but blended with Sora's as Sora was pushed into the back seat, one of his feet had slipped and now he was pushed into the car and pushing against the door to stop the man from closing the child locked door. The door was shut but my brother tried to climb in the front only to be pushed back as the cop climbed in the passenger seat, "Roxas!" my brother screamed, his emotions were written all over his face.

My brother was on the verge of tears, the life we had grown to love was being ripped away from us- we could possibly be ripped apart from each other and the next time we saw anyone here- or each other could be years. He was terrified and scared and I couldn't do anything but kick and scream at the man holding me, "They can't go in the same car," the lady said somewhere amongst my screaming. They didn't want to risk opening the door and Sora getting out it seemed, the male CPS guy got into the car and Sora began to try and grab the keys from him, trying to grab them and throw them away- trying to stop the man from being able to leave. But the man was able to turn the car on anyway and Sora was pushed against the back seat by the cop, "Don't touch him," I screamed again, I dragged my feet as the cop holding me tried to move me to the cop car- the only other vehicle they had.

"No…" my voice was quiet as I watched the man shift the car and began to slowly pull out of the driveway, "No!" I screamed louder, kicking more violently as I saw Sora sitting with his face against the backseat window, trying the break the glass with his fist as he screamed, the car was getting further away, "Roxas!" I read his lips, without thinking I whipped my head back and it collided with the man's face, he dropped me instantly to grab at his hurting face, I scrambled to my feet- grabbing the bag on my way to run after the car holding Sora. "Roxas get back here!" the lady screamed, but I ignored her and continued to run after the car Sora was in.

The vehicle looked almost within reach when it reached the STOP sign, but right when I thought I could touch it- my lungs burning from the cold air and shallow breaths while my muscles in my legs and lungs screamed at me, the vehicle began to turn. My balance was thrown off, I had almost fell face first into the asphalt, but when I finally regained my balance- the vehicle was too far away, I could barely see Sora now. Taking a deep breath I ran quicker, ignoring my body's protests, "Sora!" my voice was still screaming and I hadn't even realized, the car kept going- getting smaller and smaller and soon the burning in my lungs, aching in my legs, and cramp in my stomach hit me again and I dropped realizing that I couldn't keep running- I couldn't keep standing.

My eyes burned- I wanted to cry so badly but my mind was too confused to form tears, "Sora…" I mumbled, the salt on the road dehydrated the air and made it harder to breathe, hearing a car behind me I turned my head around- rather slowly... I was too tired to fight anymore, my whole body ached and I wanted nothing more than to know my brother was safe and to curl up in Axel's bed and forget the world. Staring blankly at the car I saw out of my unfocused vision the car door open and someone get out, they could take me, they could do whatever they wanted- I couldn't fight them now.

"Roxas?" looking up I saw a slate gray haired man bending down at my side, his eyes wide as he looked me over, opening my mouth the words were late to come out, "Zexion…?" he must have noticed no injuries because he grabbed my upper arm and led me to the passenger side, opening the door and pushing me to sit down. Sliding down in the seat I leaned my head against the door and stared off into nothing, Sora was gone now- for who knows how long, and I wasn't able to help him. Soon- nothing mattered, I shut my eyes to block out the world and shut off my mind to block out the thoughts.

"Roxas, let's go into the house…" the voice was familiar but I couldn't place it, I felt them grab my arm and throw it over their shoulder as they led me to the house, I wasn't much help to them because I barely used my legs. Feeling something surround my back and a little on my sides- I sunk into the comfort and let unconsciousness overtake again.

"Hey…" someone was extremely close to my face, "Hey…" they said again, and they said it again and again and again before adding, "Rox… its Axel- wake up…" I didn't want to though, but once they started saying "Hey…" again I decided just to open my eyes. Looking up I saw Axel's face only a few inches from my own, "Ax!" sitting up I wrapped him in a hug, my limbs aching at the process but I didn't care. Axel wiggled his arms free so he could wrap them around me, "Rox…" he whispered back, he didn't say anything more than my name for a few minutes till finally he pulled back and held me a few inches in front of him, "What happened Rox?" shaking my head I looked down, "They…" I realized my sore throat was even sorer now, "They took Sora…" "What?" there was a little pause to Axel's question, he added, "Where'd they take him?"

Shrugging my shoulder I looked up- suddenly finding the corner where the wall met the ceiling rather interesting, "A group home… a foster family…" I wanted to cry- I wanted to scream- I wanted to sleep. "Ah… Rox…" real interesting little crease- wonder why I never looked at it before, hearing a voice I listened- one of the voice's was Demyx, the other Riku's. "Riku's here?" looking at Axel he nodded his head, "You want me to get him?" I nodded my head, Axel stood up and walked to the kitchen, I threw my legs over the side of the couch and ran my hand through my hair- feeling a bump and a cut, I hissed in pain, "Roxas?" looking up to see Riku standing there awkwardly I stood up too.

"Riku…" "Where's Sora?" my throat closed like I was going to choke, "Sora…" my voice was quiet so Riku moved closer, "He… they got him," "What?" Riku cut me off, "How'd that happen?" "I… We were fighting and- and they got a hold of him, they got him locked in the back of the car," my balance was thrown off as Riku pushed me and I landed harshly on the couch, I looked up to Riku's face only to find him pointing a finger in my face, "You," he started, "You said _nothing _would happen to him- you promised me," his voice was even more terrifying because he wasn't shouting.

Standing up when he began pacing I tried to get him to look at me, "I tried! I tried to get the cops hands off him but," "But what?" he cut me off, "You decided to save your own ass instead?" he was standing in front of me now- a lot closer than I wanted him to be, before I could respond I was harshly shoved, half of me landing on the couch while the other side of my body hit the floor and the coffee table. My arm landing on an essence oil burner- the glass shattering against the metal of the burner and sending a reverberating smash through the room- the house, I heard people rushing into the room but my gaze stayed fixed on Riku who had his finger still pointed at me but he was speechless. He looked up before turning and storming out of the house, Axel was close behind him, the screen door closed in his face before he could throw it open- when he did he ran outside and I couldn't see him anymore.

"Shit Roxas, you're bleeding," looking over my shoulder at the two still standing in the kitchen doorway I saw Demyx turn back into the kitchen while Zexion walked towards me and moved me to sit up, keeping my arm over the coffee table so I didn't spread blood everywhere. Taking the wet washcloth Demyx had just given him, Zexion began to pat the area, I looked down at the puddle of blood that had formed, various drips splashing and huddling together on the table top. Hearing yelling from outside I stood up, about to see what it was but I was caught off guard as it felt like someone had grabbed the belt around my soul's hips and pull back, my vision cut off for a second before returning and nausea rising deep in my stomach.

Demyx placed his hands on my shoulders to force me to sit back down, the nausea quickly disappearing while the dizziness stayed. The blond left out the door- not as violently as Axel or Riku though, I watched the door before looking back to see why my arm was feeling so compressed at the moment. Looking at Zexion I realized he had my arm on his lap, a towel wrapped around my forearm while he pressed my arm against his leg with both his hands and arms. The dizziness began to go away. "Rox, you okay?" I turned to the noise to see Axel crouched down next to me; I nodded my head before looking back at Zexion who slowly lifted my arm to look on the underside while he gently pulled the towel away. "Shit…" he whispered, I blinked my eyes lazily, my eyes staying closed for a little longer than they should have. Axel moved to the side Zexion was on and Zexion moved my arm again to show Axel where I was bleeding from, Demyx left and returned with a new rag and a plastic bag for the rag that was now soaked in my blood.

"Don't want any blood on the rug," the blond weakly smiled at me so I nodded my head- understanding. "How bad is it?" my voice was quiet and hurt worse than I wanted it to. Zexion peeled the new rag off and I bent my arm to look- the cuts were scattered but followed the same pattern from a few inches below my elbow all the way down to right below my wrist band- the wound looking like it curled around because there was a chuck of skin that had peeled off and was bleeding. Blood quickly sprang from the wounds when I bent my arm- "When the hell did I take my hoodie off?" was all that crossed my mind. About 15 minutes later the bleeding stopped and Demyx left to come back with what I assumed was a first aid kit- it was an old school metal lunch box. When he opened it he started handing gauze and medical tape to Zexion- so yeah, it was the first aid kit.

Finally Zexion let go of my arm and I quickly pulled it close to me, he cleaned up my mess of blood, "Sorry Zexion…" he just shook his head, "It's alright…" "Sorry about the smelly burner thing too… I'll get you a new one…" I mumbled, Axel was sitting behind me now, pulling me close to him- my back laid against his side while his arm draped across my chest and smarting arm- gently and without harm. "No, it's alright; it was getting old anyway…" I felt bad for breaking it, while I had stayed there last Zexion had told me how much he liked the essence oil burners but he never really got to buying any.

"You guys can stay here tonight," his voice was quiet as he stood up and disposed of the rag used to clean up my blood and the Lysol wipes to disinfect the area, Demyx sat in the chair with a sad look on his face, "How you feel Rox?" "Tired…" "We can go to bed in a few," Axel quietly spoke into my ear as his other hand ran through my hair, I nodded my head but my body went rigid when Axel's fingers found the bump, "What's this?" his voice was calm but concerned, "We're going to go to bed now, okay? You guys try to get some sleep…" Demyx stood up, taking Zexion's hand and walking to their bedroom.

"So what happened to your head?" he asked again, "I head butt a cop…" my voice was sad- more upset than I wanted it to sound so I forced a small smile on my face, looking up at Axel he returned the smile. We sat in silence for a while, me still leaning against Axel's side and chest, "How's your arm?" "Fine…" "Riku didn't mean to hurt you, you know?" "I've had worse," I whispered before thinking, regretting it once I said it, "Rox," Axel started but I cut him off, "I know he didn't mean it… it's fine… just… can we go to sleep?" he was quiet for a few more seconds before responding, "Yeah, we can go to sleep."

We stood up so Axel could unfold the couch into a twin size bed, I walked over to the closet and grabbed some blankets and pillows with one arm, Axel took them from me one at a time as he laid them on the bed, making the bed quicker than I could with only one hand. Lying down on the side while Axel stood by the light silently asking me if he could turn it off- when I didn't object, out went the lights and Axel climbed into the bed with me. Without thinking, I rolled onto my side, my hurting arm pulled to my chest, and put my arm around Axel, his arm found its way to wrap around my back and hold me while the other arm bent so he could rest his hand on my own. Guilt fought with me but I gave up and sleep won.

_**Uh-oh… **_


	20. Chapter 20: Controlling Control

Cold- was my first thought, I used my uninjured arm to pat the space next to me- cold. Opening my eyes with random blinks I noticed there was no one next to me, sitting up slowly I looked around the quiet house to see no one, then I heard a mumbling from the kitchen. Sliding over on the bed I threw my legs over the edge and stood up- an ache striking below the back of my knees, my muscles felt swollen but I just tried to move with as little muscle use as possible.

"Ax?" my voice was quiet, my throat scratchy for some reason, the mumbling stopped for a second but continued right back up- now the mumbling was coherent words and I could easily tell what they were saying, even though I wasn't actually listening. "Hey Rox," he turned around in his seat to look at me, Axel was sitting at the kitchen table facing Demyx, Zexion was nowhere to be seen though. Looking over at the microwave I saw the green clock shine the time, "Why're you guys up at 5:30 in the morning?" rubbing the sleep out of my eye I walked closer, Demyx had a bright smile on his face even when the sun hadn't risen and normal people were still sleeping. "Zexion left for work at 5," the blond's voice was bubbly but it sounded forced, like he was trying to seem happy just to make me happy.

Nodding my head I moved to the chair Axel had nudged out with his foot, sitting in the chair between Demyx and Axel my muscles thanked me, "Axel's going to move the couch from the living room to the library upstairs," Demyx said like it was nothing- even though he had just told me that I was going to live with him. There was 3 rooms upstairs, Demyx and Zexion's bedroom which was pretty big, a bathroom connected to it, and a small room with a couch on one wall while every other wall had book cases that lined it- all of Zexion's books. "You don't have to," "Where else are you going to stay?" he looked at me with a serious face- something I don't like seeing on his face.

Shrugging his shoulder he gave a small smile, "It's no problem- you need somewhere to stay…" he looked at me while I stared at the table, Axel nudged my arm gently to get my attention, "I'll move the couch later while Demyx's at school," Demyx choked on his drink, looking up at Axel, glaring at him while he continued to cough, I watched as Demyx and Axel had a silent conversation before Demyx stood up and put his empty cup in the sink, "I'll go get ready for school- since it seems I'm going today," he slipped off into the living room and up the stairs.

We sat in silence for a little while, I leaned my head forward and rested it on the table, Axel didn't say anything but eventually his hand found its way into my hair and he rubbed my scalp gently, almost making me fall back to sleep. "Well, I'm heading out now," the blonds voice seemed tired now, he was no longer forcing it to be bubbly, "Bye Demyx," I watched as Axel turned towards the door and yelled out to Demyx. The door shut quietly and it was just Axel and me now, and I had a growing headache. "What's wrong?" his voice was quiet but I was surprised Axel had even noticed anything was wrong with me, "Umm… nothing… just a headache," I sat up slowly, my eyes still shut as I brought a hand up to my temple and tried to rub the headache away.

"I see if there's any Tylenol around here," his chair grunted as he stood up and began going through the cupboards. He came back successful and handed me 2 pills and a glass of water- I downed them quick and Axel began looking through my hair, "How'd you head butt him?" his voice was smooth, "I whipped my head back and hit him in the face," "Are you sure you didn't hit his teeth?" "I don't know what I hit…" I felt a gentle pressure on the soft spot of my head, and heard a kissing sound, Axel moved and sat down next to me again, "Did you just kiss my head?" my voice was quiet but the smile on my face kept the sadness away, "Yes I did," he chuckled as I slid down in my chair, "What?" I was still quiet, Axel was staring at me and I didn't know why, "You're blushing," he chuckled more, "Am not," I stood up, sticking my tongue out at him as I went back into the living room and sat on the bed.

"Don't get to comfy, I plan on moving that thing soon," his voice was a little cheery for so early in the morning, "You're going to start moving couches and beds around- at not even 6 in the morning?" my look was probably as disbelieving as my voice, Axel was not a morning person- and it was great because I wasn't either. I raised in the air as Axel plopped down on the bed, "Rather not," his hands found my shoulders and he pulled me down to lay on the bed, "Let's go back to sleep," he spoke through a yawn, I nodded my head in agreement. After a few minutes Axel's breathing was calm and I was pretty sure he was asleep, but I was stuck lazily staring ahead, I had tried to sleep but Sora was stuck on my mind.

"How can I just lay here when Sora's probably scared out of his mind…" my thoughts were getting the better of me- making me feel guilty for even being happy without Sora next to me. Sora had trusted me to watch out for him and I had let them get a hold of him and I was too terrified to go with him and make sure he was okay… tears started to form in my eyes but I quickly wiped them away- I didn't deserve to cry. Axel's arms were wrapped around me while Riku slept alone and Sora was who-know's where. Taking a deep breath I let my eyes close again but sleep waited awhile before it took me, my dreams were halted by my thoughts that continued to attack and guilt ride my mind.

There was a loud noise- said loud noise was what woke me up, and as I woke up I realized it really wasn't all that loud. I looked up, seeing Axel's face zoned out at something- I followed his eyes lazily and saw him staring at the TV, which really wasn't all that loud. My arms were still placed around Axel's stomach so I pulled him a bit closer and tried to let sleep wash over me but it wouldn't, "You awake?" "Sadly," I mumbled quietly, I didn't want to say it too loud and risk Axel hearing and getting the wrong idea- though there really wasn't any 'right' way he could interpret it, I nodded my head, "How you feeling?" "Like shit," I mumbled, hoping he wouldn't hear me again but he did, "Headache still?" shaking my head I pulled him closer- I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Your arm?" in truth I had forgotten all about it, I shrugged my shoulders and Axel began to move, "I was comfy," I wanted to yell at him, but I didn't- instead I just rolled onto my back and let him move around like he wanted to. He was now sitting up and holding my arm to look at the bandages Zexion had put on me. "Does it hurt?" shaking my head, he asked another question, "I tried to talk to Riku… he's just mad- he's not mad at you though so," "Yeah he is…" my voice was hushed, I looked down as Axel turned to look at me, "He's not mad at you," Axel said again, "He's just mad that Sora's not here…" "I'm mad too…" Axel sighed. I was putting him in the middle of my problems and I felt like an ass for it, I rolled away from him, "I'm gonna go back to sleep…" I whispered, hoping my body and Axel would let me- Axel let me, but my body wouldn't.

Minutes passed and still I couldn't sleep, I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling, "You okay?" Axel leaned over my face and looked at me with a soft expression, I nodded my head, I was just fine- I knew where I was, I knew who was next to me, I knew I could leave whenever I wanted, I knew I was safe, which was more than Sora could say. "Are you mad at Riku?" his voice was quiet, I shook my head- I had no reason to be, "Why?" Axel asked, I didn't want to tell Axel why, I didn't want to make him upset, "Just tell me… it's okay- and it's not hard…" he whispered while still looking down at me, so I opened my mouth and let the words flow out, "It's my fault Sora got taken… it's my fault he's there and not here, I should've let them take me instead, I should've done more," "It's not your fault," he was quick to cut in, shaking my head I responded slowly, "Yes , it is, I ran out of the house- I didn't know if Sora had gotten out yet, but I ran and if I had gone back for him sooner instead of waiting I could've gotten to him- I could've," "You don't know that," he cut in again.

That crease was really interesting, "Clearly what I did wasn't right- so I should've done something else," my voice cracked in a way I didn't want it too, "You did everything you could have, anything else you would have down might not have worked- you might be somewhere else too and we never would've known what happened," "At least Sora wouldn't be alone…" "Do you want me to drive you down to the police station so they can have custody of you too?" I was shocked by his sudden change in attitude, staring at his acid green eyes I wondered if he was just bluffing or being serious, slowly and without taking my eyes off his, I shook my head.

"Then stop saying that… I know you want Sora here but before you know it he will be back and he'll be fine- and Sora would not be happy knowing you were worried about him this entire time," "Back…?" it wasn't a question to Axel but I had voiced it anyway. The idea of Sora coming back had barely crossed my mind- I felt like I had lost him like I lost Leon and Yuna and my mom, and that was enough for my thoughts to start beating the shit out of me. My mom had gone out of her way to save me- only to be killed by my father, I sat in the living room unaware while my sister drugged herself up- I was too stupid to think anything was wrong other than the fact that she must have been sick. If I had been smarter or better able to get Sora to sleep I would've been in Leon's room and I could've talked to him before he killed himself- or at least found him sooner so the cops could save him. Everything that had happened to Sora so far was my own fault and anything that happened from yesterday till he came back would be my fault.

Standing up from the bed I didn't know what I was doing- all I knew was that I couldn't sit still anymore. "Where're you going?" Axel was standing in front of me, blocking me from the door, without thinking I started talking, "You can't say he's coming back," I hated saying it, Axel looked at me with wide eyes, "What?" I turned around and walked further into the house before turning back to look at him, "You can't promise that he's going to be okay- you can't promise that he's going to come back- that he'll be alive,"

Axel seemed genuinely confused and I didn't blame him, I turned back away from him and ran my fingers through my hair while wiping the tears that had formed out of my eyes. "Rox…" "You can't promise that…" his hand was gently set on my shoulder, he softly turned me around to look at him, but I hated how I was acting and I hated how I was seeming around him so I pushed his hand off my shoulder and allowed myself to fall on the bed. Burying my face in the pillow I pinched the sides of the pillow and tried to force myself to calm down, "Talk to me Rox…" pressing my face harder into the pillow I shook my head violently.

"Just open your mouth and tell me- don't sensor yourself… I know there's a lot that happened that I don't know about- but Rox, it's not going to change what I think of you." After taking a deep breath and Ax tried to convince me yet again to talk I looked forward and opened my mouth- blurting out, "My father promised me my mother would be right back before he killed her…" I could feel Axel's surprise- he shifted on the bed but before he could speak I continued talking, "My sister promised me she was okay- that she was fine while she was killing herself in the bathroom…" he seemed even more surprised by that, "My brother said the same thing… he promised me he was fine and I'd see him in the morning… he offed himself…," looking over at him I met his eyes, "So you can't sit there and tell me- promise me, that Sora's going to be okay," I was shaking beyond my own control.

Axel was speechless and I realized Axel probably didn't even know I had an older brother- or an older sister. My body was shaking even more violently, I didn't want to sit still anymore, after a few seconds of trying to suffocate myself, Ax grabbed my shoulder and tried to turn me around, but I didn't let him- instead I continued to focus on breathing, no of this was Axel's fault yet I was taking my own blame out on him. "Calm down…" he finally whispered to me, I noticed he was no laying down- half on top of me, half on the bed. At first I hated it, I wiggled my shoulders to get him to let go- his arms had somehow wrapped around me, but when the dull ache from my shoulders getting tired hit me I decided just to stop and let Ax do what he wanted.

He held me the same for a few minutes after I stopped trying to get him away, my mind's assault on me was weakening and I was becoming more and calmer, Ax pulled me closer to him and the pressure from his weight was adding to the calmness- making me even more relaxed. Of course this didn't all happen within a few seconds, more like tens of minutes, but finally I didn't want to scream and I didn't want to be angry. Turning into his embrace I was shocked when he still held me tight- if anything he held me tighter, slowly I brought my gaze up and met his acid green eyes. Most of what was there was concern, a little worry, a little angry, and a little of something else- but I couldn't place it. "I'm sorry…" I looked back down; my voice couldn't even be called a whisper, Axel just held me tighter and pressed my forehead against his neck and collarbone.

We laid like that for a while but I felt like I owed Axel an explanation for my actions. Working my way out of his arms I pushed myself up from the bed and found my bag in the corner. Setting it on the bed I unzipped it and reached in to pull out a bunch of things to lay on the bed- the photos and notes scattering on the bed. Pushing through the pictures I found one of Leon, Yuna, my mother, Genesis, Sora, and I- I held the small captured memories out in front of Axel and began speaking in a calm voice, "You can't promise me Sora's going to be okay- I was supposed to protect him, I let him down- I let all these people down."

The tears had long since dried, now I just stared at Axel- trying to make him understand, he stared at the photo before looking up at me, "This- and none of that was your fault," I dropped the photo in his hand and spun around, trying not to be angry again or laugh, "Yeah- because you know everything," my voice was calm other than the few laughs that escaped me, turning back around I looked at him, "You don't know everything Ax… You didn't even know I had a brother or a sister- did you? You don't know how they died," Shaking my head quickly I continued talking, "I'm supposed to be the strong brother- I'm supposed to do everything right and- I, I can't even keep my brother out of some cops hands!"

There was still a stupid smirk on my face, I couldn't believe just how pathetic I was, "Sora can't protect himself- he cares too much about other people's feelings- you know what happens in group homes or youth facilities?" I waited for him to speak but he stayed silent, "The kids try to mentally tear Sora apart- he's the new kid that's soft and still has a chance to be happy, they'll beat the shit out of him and hit him till he has to go to the infirmary- they'll try some other stuff now that he's older," my voice ended strong but my thoughts stopped, I realized what I was yelling and who I was yelling at, I allowed myself to fall to my knees, burying my face in my arms that were folded up on the bed.

He was silent for the longest while, once I felt like I had control over my mind I continued to breathe calmly because I knew I wasn't calm yet even if I felt like it. I wanted to show Axel that I had control over myself- that I wouldn't snap like I had before, so far- I was doing an awful job. "I'm sorry Ax…" pulling my arms to me- off the bed, I began rubbing my eyes as roughly as I could to keep the tears away as I sat stupidly on the floor, "I'm not trying to dump my problems on you… and I'm not trying to freak out like last time…" the bed squeaked as he moved around and was now with in arm reach of me, he set his hand on my shoulder as he slid down to the floor, "It's okay Rox- you're not dumping your problems on me just because you're telling me what's on your mind… and I can tell you're trying…"

Axel pulled me closer and kept his arms wrapped around me, with a small laugh I began talking, "Ax… you're awesome?" I knew I could regret saying it, but at the moment Axel deserved to hear it, he didn't give his normal response like I thought he would, "I try," even more reasons why Axel was amazing. We sat like that for who know's how long, "Okay, we should get up now and get your 'room' all situated," "What do you mean?" sitting back I allowed Axel to stand up, I took his hand when offered and he helped me up, "Well, we got to move the couch from upstairs down here and the couch from down here up there," I looked at the couch that was still pulled out like a bed, really not wanting to have to make it and then carry it upstairs.

"I think we should just leave it down here…" Axel raised an eyebrow, "Well… I don't know how long I'm going to be staying here… but when I leave they're probably going to want it back down here- that in itself seems like a lot of work," he nodded his head, "And," I continued, "I really don't think me unfolding and folding this bed back up is going to work out and it just seems like a lot of work for no real reason… so…" Axel nodded his head again, "Have you seen the one upstairs?"

We walked upstairs- which it turned out hurt my legs, and Axel opened the library door- the room was big but it seemed small because of all the books and book cases that went from ceiling to floor, the couch sat on the wall that faced the door. The couch taking up pretty much the whole wall- other than the- maybe a- foot's space where there wasn't a bookcase and the edges of the couch didn't stretch far enough- about a foot by foot gap in the corners. The couch was a dark blue and had three cushions to sit on, it was long enough for me to sleep on, and hell- it was even long enough for Axel to sleep on. "Yeah, we can leave this one in here," again he nodded his head, we walked back downstairs and I put all mine and Sora's stuff back in the bag before ripping off the blankets and pillows from the bed.

After the bed was folded back up and the blankets were brought to my new room, I brought my bag up and placed it in the corner, "I'll bring your clothes from my house…" I bit the inside corner of my lips, "What?" his voice had a small laugh in it but I sat on the couch that was now my bed and thought about why it felt weird. "It feels weird thinking I'm moving out of your house," he sat next to me. "Yeah… same here… I'll come over during the day- and after school if you want me to, but I'll have to go home at night- incase they're still watching my ass." Nodding my head was pretty much the end of that conversation; we sat in silence, but not bored- just silently enjoying each other's company.

I was laying with my head on Axel's laps- his fingers brushing through my hair as I stared up at the ceiling and- from the corner of my eye- him, "Are you okay?" "Huh?" I didn't understand where his question was coming from, "Yesterday- you didn't get hit or hurt or anything… did you?" thinking about it I wasn't really sure, "I don't think so…" there was a question to my tone and Axel decided to pursue it. "What happened… I mean- what exactly happened," looking into his eyes I wasn't sure if he wanted me to tell him everything that had happened or if he just wanted a summed up version, when I voiced it he confirmed it by saying, "Everything…" looking back at the ceiling I thought about how I wanted to phrase it.

"We went to your house… I took out my notebook and stuff and put all the photos and notes and things in it… then we ran to Riku's house so Sora could put his pictures and stuff in my bag and get a bag of clothes for us… but they showed up- saying they knew Sora was staying there…" Axel's fingers continued to work through my hair and other than the few knots in there- it felt nice. "I tried to get Sora to climb out the window… but they were already inside… I rammed one guy into the wall and," I had to say it with a small laugh, "I hit him in his jewels," Axel gave a small laugh, "I tried to keep the other guy back while Sora climbed out the window… I ran outside- all the way to the end of the driveway but Sora wasn't running around the house… he wasn't anywhere so I went to go back in for him and the cop had his arms under Sora's and then his hands on the back of his head," I looked at Axel to see if he understood how the man was holding him, he nodded his head so I continued.

"He forced Sora into the car and drove away… I ran after them and Zexion came by and found me in the road…" he kept nodding his head, then after a few minutes of silent he spoke, "I have to talk to Riku later…" I was the one to nod my head this time, "In the meantime, I think you should give Cloud and Zack a call… they'll want to know what's happening…" "Yeah…"

_**Chapter 20- WOOOH! **_

_**The polls still open- but I'm going to be closing it soon. I'm going to post a preview in the next chapter of the most voted for story- because it looks like it going to be an AxelxRoxas story.  
But then I'm going to make a new poll because I'll need another story to type after I finish the next one, and I'm going to keep opening new polls because I have no life. There's 2 new stories I made up and I want to type that are Kingdom Hearts- AxelxRoxas (like always xD) but I won't put them on my profile till I make the new poll. **_


	21. Chapter 21: Life Goes On

"Hello?" the blonds voice was surprisingly happy- I could hear Zack laughing in the background, and I was half tempted to hang the phone up and pretend that I had never called, instead I kept Axel's cell phone against my ear and sat on the closed toilet lid. The laughing slightly stopped, "Hello?" still I didn't say anything, Cloud and Zack were happy in their life- and I was calling them to tell them my problems, "Roxas, is that you?" "H… Hi, yeah… it's me…" I didn't know how he knew it was me but I didn't bother to ask- instead I let the moment go away to silence. "What's wrong Roxas?" my voice failed but my mouth was left gaping open like a fish out of water.

"Are you busy?" my voice finally caught on and I tried not to ruin their night any more than it seemed, "No, Zack and I were just sitting at home- why, is everything okay?" I looked at the ceiling to stop the burning in my eyes, I took a deep breath while my mind raced to find a right way to say it- a right way to tell them about Sora and not ruin anything more. "Ummm…. I guess… not really… no…" was my response, "What happened?" again I was silent after his question. A few seconds passed before I forced the words out of my mouth, "Sora got taken to a group home…" mighty fine ceiling.

There was no response for an even longer time- I wondered what Cloud was going to say, "Yeah, and why do you feel the need to tell me that, do I look like your babysitter?" he didn't say that- but I was terrified that he would, after all, he was taking such a long time to respond. "Roxas… where are you?" changing the subject it seemed, "Um, I'm at Demyx and Zexion's…" "Give me the address and Zack and I will be over soon," after my slight moment of surprise I raddled off the address and we spoke our goodbyes. Standing up I looked at myself in the mirror- I looked like crap, yet again.

I rubbed and washed my face, brushing my hair out and dousing it in water to help me style it the way I wanted, after I felt like it was good enough I fixed my shirt and pants to look better and walked out of the bathroom. Axel was walking around the kitchen, when I found him, I stayed silent as he was pacing with a rather serious expression on his face, "Roxas?" I must have zoned out because Axel wasn't pacing anymore and my eyes hurt because I had forgotten to blink, "Hmm?" my response was a bit delayed but that was only because I wasn't paying attention.

"So what'd you say?" his voice was rather panicked but I just shrugged my shoulders, "That Sora's in a group home… they said they were coming over after that…" walking into the living room Axel followed me and we sat on the couch, my knees pulled up to my chest and turned a bit to look at Axel while Axel sat normally. Axel may have tried to talk to me- but different scenarios were running through my head of what Cloud and Zack were coming over for and what they would say when they arrived, it felt like mere seconds- even though thousands of thoughts went through my head- and there was a knock on the door.

Axel answered the door as I stayed seated, before I knew it I had a face in my own, Cloud's, "Are you okay?" he stood up straight after he got my attention, I nodded my head slowly and let my feet slide to the ground so I didn't look so emotional about everything. But by unfolding my legs I provided Cloud with the chance to grab my arms and pull me to my feet and wrap me in a hug- his hugs were always very brief though. Zack's hand was on my shoulder in the meantime, "When did this happen?" "Yesterday…" Cloud took a deep breath while nodding his head, we ended up going into the kitchen where there was more places to sit.

Cloud and Zack and even Axel were prying for answers and for me to relay the event and eventually I did. I told them how I didn't think the cop people could get in the house, to how I tried to grab the knife, how I fought the cops, to being outside only to run back in and not be able to save Sora. The ceiling's intricate design was the only thing to really keep my mind occupied away from the words, I stared at that pretty much the whole time I was talking.

"Are you hurt?" was Zack's response, I looked down to meet his gaze, tipping my head to the side I bit I responded, "Um… I… don't really know… I don't think so," taking off my sweatshirt I had put on only a few hours before, I looked over my arms, "What's that?" Cloud was looking at the bandages on my arm from where Riku pushed me and I landed on that glass, "This?" I just wanted to make sure, he nodded his head so I quickly responded, "I fell outside," I rolled up the sleeves to my oversized shirt- it was oversized because it wasn't mine, it was Demyx's but it was big on him, and there was what everyone was looking for.

Dark but pale blue bruises planted on my upper arms like a poorly constructed Mosaic piece, I poked at them but they didn't hurt- and honestly I couldn't feel them, one was on the underside of my arm but the other arm had a similar bruise but on the top side and right above my elbow. Putting my sleeves down I was done investigating, looking up I saw that Cloud was looking at Axel- who was looking pretty much through me while Zack was looking at Cloud. Axel looked like he wanted to say something but he kept opening his mouth, basically licking his bottom lip, and then shutting his mouth again, while Cloud looked at Axel before closing his eyes then looking at me.

"Are you okay?" nodding my head Cloud let out a sigh before leaning back in his chair, "Do you want to stay with Zack and I?" freezing for a second I thought of how to phrase what I was going to say next, "Demyx and Zexion said I could stay here as long as I needed to…" I couldn't intrude on their lives- I already felt bad about doing that Demyx and Zexion, I couldn't thank them enough but I also couldn't just push them off and say "Yeah I found somewhere better," it just doesn't work like that.

"I know we haven't really talked to you in a while… but we want you to be able to come to us when you have problems," "I know- and I did…" this took a turn and for some reason this turn was making me irritated, "I meant before it gets this bad, if you needed to have somewhere to stay you could've called Zack or I," Zack started talking, "We just want you to know you _can_ talk to us before it's too late, so we have time to help you…" "Yeah…" I mumbled, trying hard not to show my anger, "We needed guardians- I didn't want you guys to have to worry about that…" Sora had asked them before if they would adopt us- but they weren't able too, and I guess nothing changed when we moved back.

They stayed silent after that, neither of them had anything to say I guess, Cloud let out another sigh before breaking the silence, "Roxas… we'll figure out how to get Sora back, okay? We'll figure something out…" nodding my head I stared at the table, not wanting to look up anymore, "Meanwhile, be careful and try not to get taken either…" and that was pretty much all they said before I got a hand pat on my shoulder from both of them as they left.

Even after Axel showed them out I was still sitting there, thinking- though it was all random thoughts, Axel sat back down where he was before and was looking at me, so I looked up at him and met his stare, "You fell outside?" That's what he was caught up on, I tried not to roll my eyes, staring at the table I waited for Axel to continue like I knew he would, "Why'd you lie?" "What- did you expect me to say something about _Sora's_ boyfriend?" looking up at Axel I could tell he was irritated now, "I'm sorry…" I mumbled, "I just don't see why it matter's if I say I fell or I got pushed or whatever," "Every time you came to my house, or when you came to school, when you _fell_ outside, or _tripped_ in the woods- was that all to cover someone too?"

"What does it matter now?" I didn't understand why he was so angry at me, sure I've done a lot for him to have a reason to be angry, I've done enough for him to hate me- but it shouldn't be about my wording. He sat forward and leaned his forehead against his hands that were propped up because his elbows rested on his knees, he sighed while sitting up, running a hand back through his red hair in the process. "You don't have to lie to protect people Rox," now I was even more confused- I didn't understand where all of it was coming from, I didn't see why it was affecting him so much, and I didn't understand why he was so content on me telling the complete and utter truth.

"What do you expect me to do then?" "Tell the truth," "And what if that ends up bad for them?" "Then they shouldn't have done it in the first place!" I was the one to rest my head in my hand this time, I closed my eyes and tried to get rid of all the annoying feelings building up inside me- since when did I have so much problems controlling how I felt?

Axel ended up leaving to go get pizza to eat, in that time I moved and went into the living room, turning the TV on to find nothing interesting on, I slid the remote across the floor because I was going to move over towards the couch- which is where the remote now was, but I got distracted by the hole in my sock. Needless to say- I didn't stand up to go to the couch, but the TV was annoying, so I laid on the floor in an attempt to stretch and get the remote but I was too far away, instead I rolled over and stared at the ceiling- trying to find the energy to get up and grab the piece of plastic.

Someone knocked twice and then opened the door, looking over I saw Axel walk in with a box in hand- the smell of pizza quickly filled the room. "What're you doing?" that was Axel's way of saying he wasn't mad, I shrugged my shoulders and ended up yawning- even though I wasn't really tired. Axel stepped over me and walked into the kitchen; I decided I might as well stand up and sit on the provided furniture. Walking instead into the kitchen my timing was perfect because as soon as I got in the room Axel was holding my plate out for me to take, "Thanks…" I whispered, grabbing my food and returning back to the living room, sitting on the couch, my knees to my chest again.

We ate in silence again- I don't know if Axel tried to talk to me again or not but basically I was too lost in thoughts. "How am I gonna get Sora out of this, how am I gonna keep my grades up in school- I'm not going to be able to get a job unless I graduate. How am I gonna support myself and him, will Riku talk to me again, what if he hurts Sora," the last thought was easy, "I'd beat the shit out of him… then probably apologize to Sora if he was upset about it." but in the end everything just felt too over whelming, not to mention the fact that I was being an ass to Axel for no reason, he'd put up with enough of my bullshit already.

Axel volunteered to take my empty and dirty plate, while I continued to sit on the couch and zone out, I was brought back when I felt a sudden warmth wrap around me, looking over I saw the red of Axel's hair. I went to ask him what he was doing but the question never came to life, Axel spoke anyway, his face was pressed against my arm and shoulder but he was facing the back of the couch so I couldn't see his face. "You know I care about you, right Rox?" his question came out of nowhere, I watched as he sat back and finally I could see his face, he looked really worried and it made me feel worse. He asked his question again and this time I nodded my head, never taking my eyes off his, he was being completely serious and I appreciated it but I wished he was the cocky bastard I first meant just to prevent me from thinking too much like I already was.

"Come on," he stood up, the cold hitting me hard, it wasn't cold before he hugged me, I looked up at him, "What?" "Come on, we're going to go out," I raised an eye brow at him; I didn't understand where all of this was coming from or where it was going but I was soon pulled to my feet and sliding my shoes on anyway. We were sitting in Axel's car when I finally voiced something else, "What're we doing?" "We're going to get ice cream," "Ice cream? Doesn't Demyx have ice cream in the freezer?" "Yes," he drew the word out, "But that's in the house- the purpose of this is to get out of the house," slowly I nodded my head- I didn't really understand but I went with it.

We stopped outside some retro store- when we walked inside the place was pretty much empty, which considering it was a school day and most kids were in school made sense. We stood by the coolers and freezers as Axel looked at the wall in front of us that had a list of all items in the freezers, "What do you want?" his tone was happy even though nothing good had happened, "I don't know… I don't have any money," "I'm buying," he continued to look at the board and soon he stopped- he'd obviously made his choice.

"What're you getting?" my voice was quiet but I don't know why- I didn't intend it to be, "Me? I'm getting a sea salt ice cream," "They have that?" my voice was loud that time, I was shocked- the last time I had sea salt ice cream was when I was five, I stopped seeing it so I figured they stopped making it. "Umm… Yeah, have you had it before?" nodding my head I saw the small smile grow on Axel's face, "Oh yeah? And you like it?" "I love it," there was a small smile on my face now. It was silently determined that I was getting a sea salt ice cream and in truth- I was a bit nervous.

I didn't want to have some weird flashback of me and my mom and Sora when we would eat it, especially not right now because it was the last thing I wanted to deal with, but I secretly wanted it to happen because then I could remember my mother's face and her voice. Axel grabbed the ice cream out of the freezer and walked to the register to buy it, we walked back outside and ended up sitting in his still warm car- the heat only semi blared as to not melt the ice cream.

Axel was quick to open the wrapper and begin eating it while I took my time- I tried to remember the taste before I could actually taste or smell it, and I honestly couldn't, I could only remember that I liked it. My first small half bite half nibble out of it and I was instantly reminded of my mother and being with her, so much so that I actually gave a small laugh at the memories. "Huh? What're you laughing about?" a small chuckle left his lips as he spoke, only pausing for a second from eating his own ice cream. "I used to eat this all the time, my mother would buy it for us and the three of us- her, Sora, and me- would always pretend we were the only persons in the world in that small amount of time."

When I looked back over at him he had a sad smile on his face, "You still miss her, don't you?" nodding my head I stared off for a minute before asking, "Don't you still miss your mom?" he slowly and a bit dramatically nodded his head, looking straight out the front windshield. Looking back down at the ice cream I wondered about Sora, was he okay, was he hurt or was he safe? Not only about Sora now but what would I have to do in order to get Sora out- how was I going to make everything right?

"What's on your mind," looking up I noticed he was no longer looking out the window but instead at me, "Umm… nothing much," I lied, he continued to look at me with the same look of something almost like derision, so I let out a sigh and decided to share my thoughts. "Well… I'm just worried I guess… they aren't going to just let Sora out- not till he turns 18, I could try to get us emancipated but the problem with that is I'd need a job- to get a job I'd need to go to school and show that I can finish school, by going to school I'm setting myself up to be thrown in with Sora- which will happen either way if I don't get a job or someone to take guardianship.

"I have to keep my grades up to graduate or I'm going to be stuck with some stupid job- if I can even get hired but I can't go to school… I can't keep mooching off people like I am now and sooner or later people are going to realize I'm staying with Demyx and Zexion and I don't want to be some kid that has to stay away from people like a fugitive… I just don't know what do to and how to do it…" my ice cream was starting to melt so I figured it was time for me to stop speaking and start eating it. "You want to hear what I have to say?" looking over at him with the Popsicle ice cream in my mouth I nodded my head, of course I wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I think you should stay at Demyx and Zexion's and not worry about paying them back right now, we may not know where Sora is but the governments keeping track of him so when we need to we can find him. You're right about the school though- you can't go because the teachers are required to call cps by now, but you still need to be able to graduate to get a good job- which you'll need…" my ice cream was halfway gone now but I was just focusing on listening to what he was saying- it was like he was giving me the right answer for everything.

"I still have to go to school- even though you're not there, I can ask Zell if you're still in the system and if he says yes, then- since we have all the same classes I can get a copy of the class work, homework, and extra credit so you can pass even though you aren't there- the only thing I can't help you with is gym but we can always figure that out." Nodding my head I waited for him to continue, I still wasn't completely sure about everything and a few things were still on my mind that he hadn't solved for me. "Well, since you'll be there alone most of the time- during school hours, you can always use the internet and figure out ways to get emancipated to see what you have to do. Find out what you can do to get Sora out and what has to be done, ya' know?"

I couldn't help but smile, "Damn Axel, you're pretty smart," he laughed at that and I laughed too because not only did I love his laugh but he had given me an answer for what I needed to do now so I could start fixing everything I had fucked up. We drove back to Demyx's- home for now, and Axel told Zexion and Demyx what the plan was, which meant he basically repeated everything he said in the car but for them to hear, since today was Thursday there was only tomorrow and then we went on Christmas Break for a week and a half- and Axel told me, "Since it's break, we aren't going to worry about school or money or getting a job- we can keep looking up ways to get Sora out, but we aren't going to worry about it all day, you aren't allowed to talk or even think about it till at least after dinner- okay?" he had a smile on his face so he didn't seem as controlling as his words alone stated.

But honestly I didn't find him being bossy really at all- he was trying to get me to enjoy the time we were going to be spending with our friends rather than worrying about a bunch of stuff. And with much guilt- I enjoyed the time I got to spend with my friends, Riku never showed up though, he texted Axel all the time now though- I didn't want to pry so I never asked Axel what they were talking about but Axel never looked happy when he read the messages.

Christmas came and I didn't have any money so instead I made cards by hand for everyone with something special for each and Axel took me out so 'we' (all his money though) could pick out a present for each of them, I picked it out and if Axel thought it was perfect we bought it. Demyx and Zexion's house had the tree- it was actually a stick we found outside that Axel and I decided to play swords with and the stick held through all the crap so it was our Christmas tree. It was actually a really good Christmas- even without considering the fact that I had never really had one, me and Sora normally just gave each other cards or something.

I was amazed, shocked, sad, and ecstatic that not only had all of our friends given me presents but they also all bought a present or made a present or whatever they did- for Sora, because they all said, "He'll be back soon, it's unfair he missed this, he's part of this group so of course we're going to get him something," I wanted to cry- I felt special for Sora, I was happy that Sora had people that cared his much about him.

After Christmas, we celebrated New Years, and after that- school started again and I was alone in the house till the afternoon, every day except weekends or days off, I used my time to search legal papers and definitions and it felt more like I was trying to become a lawyer- it shouldn't have been as hard as it was but I had to figure all these ways to get papers and add up the costs. My school notebook was being filled with definitions and costs and papers I needed and why I needed them- I started in the back of the notebook and worked my way to the front, more of the book was legal stuff rather than school.

In the afternoons when Axel got out of school he'd put all my work down on the couch in my room, where I sat and looked up stuff, and I'd put the legal stuff up for the rest of the day. Axel reminded me that I was still only 15 and that I still was hyper and liked to do things and that I wasn't much of a fan of staying inside all day long. Demyx loved having Axel over but feeding Axel's mouth as well as my own was a little cost worthy, so Axel always had to go home before we ate dinner- normally he left an hour before that because I always held Demyx make the food. After dinner- depending on the day, either Demyx or I would have to wash the dishes, unless Zexion had that day off- then he would wash the dishes and put them away.

After that I would sit and talk to them for a while- Demyx said he liked talking to me and spending time with me- after all, we were friends. When they got around for bed I would go up and do the school work I was given, which normally was homework sheets, note sheets from class I was supposed to copy, and extra credit, it always took me a while to figure everything out but once I was done I put it in a stack and set it on the floor next to my bed/couch, before going to bed. Sometimes Axel would accidently wake me up when he came upstairs, other times I hadn't been able to sleep, we would talk for a little while and I would either go back to sleep or go down stairs and help make breakfast or wash dishes or clean.

My life was based on these schedules, on the weekends my schedule was much like it was over Christmas break, sleep a whole lot, figure out new ways, and hang out with people- most of the time I was dragged to do the last one by a certain red head. Life continued on like this for a total of 4 months. 4 long, mostly sleepless months, and no matter how hard I tried I was hitting a dead end- though in school I was at least passing- I even had a higher grade than Axel.

Riku's birthday came about in February, and even though he wasn't talking to me I made him a card- I was a card master by this time. I made another card for Axel almost a month later when his birthday came about and he turned 18, it was weird to think Riku was only a month older than Axel.

When mine and Sora's birthday came around- that was the worst, it was the first birthday we hadn't spent together… so much for sweet sixteen. Sora got presents from everyone like he had for Christmas, and again I was happy for Sora, Sora had all these people that cared about him and it just fueled me to try and get him out of there faster.

Cloud and Zack checked in once a week to see how I was doing- mostly they just called, the conversations were always brief and not much was said other than they were trying and thinking of everything they could but they didn't have it yet. Axel started acting happier when he came over- like he knew something I didn't, at first he seemed the complete opposite, and he was quiet and tried to stay off certain topics- really anything that had to do with Sora. He was probably tired of hearing me talk all the time about Sora so I tried to stop talking about him as much- not talking about him, but talking about getting him out and about everything I was worrying about.

One day, near the end of April- when it was almost May, Axel asked me a strange question, "Do you like Zell? I mean as a person, not a teacher," it came out of nowhere but I decided to answer it truthfully, "Yeah- he's a good guy… why?" he shrugged his shoulders, "He told me he was friends with your brother…" I never really told Axel how my brother died, or how sister died, or how I knew my father killed my mother, so it worried me when he said that, "Did he say anything else?" "What? No, he just said he grew up with your brother, that he was sad when he died… that was pretty much it…"

The next day I was surprised but I couldn't say it didn't make sense, but Zell was at the door, asking for me, Demyx tried to say, "He's not here- hasn't been for a while," but Zell started talking over him, "Axel told me he was here, I know he is… I'm here to help him," Demyx let out a small breath and opened the door wider so I could be seen from the doorway sitting in the chair.

"I need to have a conversation with you Roxas… it's important," he looked at Demyx then back at me, "Well… you see… first off- do you remember me at all from when you were younger?" I thought for a moment- my memory was insignificant because I could only remember him before his tattoo and I only remembered him opened a car door, so I shook my head, "Are you sure? Nothing at all- even if it's the tiniest of memories, I want to hear." We moved into the kitchen, Demyx sat next to me- I bet it was weird having a teacher from a school he was known to get in trouble at- sitting at his kitchen table.

"Well… I think I remember you- but it might not have been you because you didn't have that tattoo… all I remember is you opening a car door though…" he gave a small smile, "Yeah, I didn't get this tattoo till after your brother passed…" he paused for a minute, "Would you rather talk in privacy?" he wasn't trying to sound rude, and even if he did Demyx was content on staying in the room, because all he did was cross his arms. It was strange how every time the moment was serious it was like a completely different Demyx- I almost seriously thought he had a split personality.

"No… Demyx already kind of found out a lot about me," I spoke quietly, "Because I freaked out in a car," I continued on in my head. Zell nodded his head and continued talking. "Do you remember why I was there? I came over a lot- not as much as Zack and Cloud though…" I shook my head; I didn't remember at all why he was there. "Well… it was when Genesis was getting pretty bad… Leon got Cloud, Zack, and I to come over while Genesis and Angeal were at work… we were trying to get you and Sora out of the house- permanently… Cloud's parents were going to try and get custody… but before we could get you in the car- as luck would have it, Genesis had forgotten something and returned…"

The memory came back. It was after my mother's death, and Yuna's, Genesis was drinking more and hanging out with Angeal more- all of those negative things added together didn't make staying home all that safe. Leon told us to get our stuff packed as quickly as possible, Cloud put some clothes in my bag, while I put my photos and stuff inside; Zack and Sora were doing the same thing. We were rushed outside, Zell was standing by the car, Zack and Cloud put our bags in the back while Leon came out behind us, he had two bags though, Zell turned and started to say something to Cloud, Zack and Leon, and that was the part where Zell was behind the car door.

Everything was unpack and messily put back, Sora and I sat on our bed, Sora was holding my hand tightly- though I was probably holding his just as tight, Zack shut the door on his way out and soon all we could hear was shouting. Genesis didn't catch on that we were leaving, he was just angry that we had skipped school and that we had Zack, Cloud, and Zell over. They never tried again.

"I remember now… yeah… but what does that have to do with anything?" looking up at him he was serious too and I wasn't really glad about that- I wanted him to be making jokes in the front of the room about him smelling like he was the first day Sora and I went. "I… we- were trying to save you… I was having my own problems though… I couldn't try to help like Cloud and Zack were and I've hated that I didn't for a while now… and I was wondering if you would let me help you now?" raising an eyebrow at him was the only thing I could do- I didn't want to jump to conclusions and be wrong, so I let him continue.

"I moved into this district, I'm renting to own a somewhat newish house- it has three bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, all one floor… I took the liberty of getting it approved by the state- I'm allowed to take in children- to foster or to adopt if I chose to…" he took a deep breath and I wanted to smack him for the suspense he was making. "And I was wondering if you would allow me to adopt Sora and you?"

_**This is pretty much a first- a chapter that turned to end in a good place! Oh my- xD anyway, I ended that one poll… and I'm going to post a preview for the first chapter here- It's an Axel Roxas story, and it was the most voted for on that poll- Cigarette Burns. I'll start typing this story once I finish re-doing One Day- which I am working on… a little bit… but anyway, here's that preview. **_

_**Cigarette Burns: **_

I was singing quietly to myself, "No one knows what it's like to be the bad man… to be the sad man… behind blue eyes…," I rolled over on the heated floor so I was now lying flat on my back- staring at the yellowish white ceiling, "And no one knows what it's like to be hated… to be fated- to telling only lies," My voice stopped as I heard the door being unlocked, I tipped my head back slowly, my blond hair rubbing against the carpet in a way I was sure would cause friction and be a very useless weapon upon the imposing intruder. But as the door opened I saw a silver haired man poke his head in, "Damn…" I said quietly as he walked in and shut the door behind him.

"And here I thought I could use my newly discovered weapon of mass destruction in a fight for my life… way to ruin it Riku," he knew I was joking even though I wasn't smiling, I hadn't moved- I was a very lazy person and this was not news to him. He didn't humor me with a smile like he normally did, "What're you doing Roxas?" he didn't seem very happy at all, I stopped craning my head back and continued to stare at the ceiling, not gracing him with a response, I hated talking to him when he was grumpy and he knew it- and I wasn't his boyfriend so I didn't have to put up with it. He sighed and walked over to the long pale yellow couch that was beside me- it's comfy cushions and arm rests made up for its ugly color, "Roxas…" he was doing something but I still didn't bother to answer him- he was annoyed, not at me, but I still wanted nothing to do with it.

I have my own emotions to deal with, I don't like dealing with other's also- I'm selfish like that, "Did you know," I started, but he cut me off, "Roxas- no more facts," "that," "Let's get going, you're not staying up here by yourself any longer," He leaned down and grabbed hold of my upper arm and hauled me to my feet- all I did was act like dead weight and make it even harder for him to move me, "Me and the carpet are getting further acquainted though," "You and the carpet don't need to get any closer," I looked at the ugly couch, "What if I make friends with the couch?" Riku let go of my arm, but my feet were still dead so I fell back to the ground, folding my legs and crossing my arms- looking much like a child throwing a tantrum.

"Roxas… I have to get back downstairs," "Then go," "You're not staying up here- you think I haven't caught on to how you act- I leave you up here by yourself for a few hours and you turn into a depressed- 'kill me now' mess and I'm in no mood to have that on my mind," He made it sound like I stayed up here all the time by myself- I only did it maybe a few times a month, nothing serious- and hell, it was my house too, I kept my arms crossed- his little tone hadn't slipped by my ears, "Don't get snippy with me just because your grumpy…" he fell back onto the opposing couch and took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I know… I'm just worried about deadlines…" "That's what you get for thinking you can run a bar and strip club when you're only 21," of course I never said that because it would just make things worse but that doesn't stop me from thinking it. We sat in silence for a while, I laid down slowly hoping he wouldn't notice but of course he did, "You're going to bring me into a depression with you if I stay up here any longer," I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking around the flat. It was our shared apartment- one bedroom, one bath, the dining room and kitchen were one small room all together while the living room was a long rectangle, and there was hardly anything in the space to show that someone even lived here. All above the place- the bar, he decided to run.

"Come on…" he stood up again and offered me his hand but I didn't take it, "I'm comfy though… and it's too much work to sit up…" he took his hand back, "I don't see why you can't just sit on the couch like a normal person," I turned to glare at the couch, "I don't like it… it tried to eat me with its nasty yellow teeth," "Just because it's yellow it has yellow teeth?" Riku tried to argue but stopped himself, "Why the fuck does the couch have teeth?" he asked himself instead, feeling stupid for listening to what I was saying- we often went through this scenario. I was dragged to my feet and moved out the door to a set of dark red carpet covered stairs that went down from the side of the door only to turn almost 10 steps again so you couldn't see where the red tongue spit you out.

"Stay down here till we closed- start waiting and work off some of that money you owe," "What," I started, "You always owe someone money Roxas," he continued to walk down the stairs, I tried to open the door but he locked it and I was that one stupid kid who had a key but always left it inside because I never really cared. I just got off my shift- which is why I retreated back to the apartment, I was tired of dealing with people today- so I sat on the steps and thought. I could settle for the stairs sinking me into my depression- it didn't have to be on the living room floor, I wasn't _that_ picky, resting my chin on my palm and my elbow on my knee I listened to the vibrations that spread up the house from the bar below. My hearing was still intact even though I grew up in bars like this- with the concert loud music, the half-naked women and- on special select nights- men, the shouting from drunken fools- it was a sickening and tiring way to spend the rest of my life, wasn't it?

_**Every chapter will have a POV of Roxas AND of Axel. It'll start out with one- but I'll make it clearer as to whom, and then the POV will change- the events wont replay, but instead just continue on- get it?**_

_**Since this is a preview of the preview- I'm not including Axel's POV- just Roxas'. Still happy you voted for it?**_


	22. Chapter 22: Home Away from Home

I was shocked, "Umm…" I blinked rapidly- I didn't know what to say, I wanted to scream yes, I wanted to thank him, I wanted to tell him he didn't owe us anything, but I also wanted Sora out of where ever he was and have him back safe with me. Zell waited for me to say something but I was still unsure of what to say, till I finally choked out, "Are you sure you want to do that?" he had a small smile on a very serious face, "I'm sure," I tried to file though everything that I had researched up until that point but everything was gone from my mind.

"Umm…" shaking my head I pulled back a little amount of the information I would need to ask, "You got it certified and all that?" he was nodding his head, "We need some papers saying you're taking custody of me and Sora," "Already got them, I just have to get them notarized and set up a court date and I can file for custody of both you and Sora." He did his research too, we settled everything and I was pretty much still in shock, "I'll come by again soon, after school, and tell you when the court date is," nodding my head, he said goodbye and I slowly shut the door behind him.

Instantly I was wrapped in someone's arms and I almost fell forward, "Oh my God Roxas- this is amazing!" finally my face changed and a small smile slipped onto my lips, "Yeah," I chuckled out, Sora would be back home anytime now, and I couldn't wait.

Axel came by not too long after and I pretty much tackled him as soon as he shut my bedroom door, "Axel!" I yelled happily, I had been packing my stuff and getting everything organized for if Zell needed my help, but when I saw the red head walk in all the papers flung to the floor as I jumped up and ran to him. "Whoa- Rox," he chuckled, "What's got you so happy?" "Zell- he's going to take in Sora and me!" when I pulled back from the hug and saw the smile on his face- but no questions where coming out.

"You knew," my eye brow raised in question, he looked a little shocked that I said that but he didn't deny it, "Why didn't you tell me what Zell was planning," I hadn't noticed he was holding me in the air- even though we were eye to eye, till he set me down, "Well…" his hand went back and he itched his head. "We weren't sure if they would let him… or when everything would be approved- I didn't want to tell you and make you wait months… or tell you and have it turn out he couldn't…"

Sitting on my bed, Axel sat next to me; he was looking at me like he was concerned, but I didn't understand what about, "What's wrong?" I finally asked, he looked a bit shocked by just shook it off, "Nothing's wrong- I just… thought you might be mad at me," I laughed softly, "I'm not mad- I get it, it's okay…" he smiled with something like relief and then he looked shocked again, "Can I ask you something?" "Yeah, anything," I meant that- Axel could ask me anything and I would give him an answer- that's how close we were now.

"Well…" he was looking at me when he started talking but now he was looking away, "Actually… can you promise me something?" I moved a little closer to him, he seem really quiet and serious about whatever was on his mind. "Promise that no matter what happens- we'll still talk, and see each other if we can… I just- I care about you a lot… I don't want you to just fall out of my life like it's nothing…" he seemed really upset about it all.

Putting my hand on his back I tried to look in his eyes but he kept looking forward, "I promise- you mean a lot to me too…" he finally looked at me and I smiled softly at him in hopes to reassure him, but I was surprised when I was tackled into the couch behind me by him. By the time my mind connected and made sense of what had happened I looked down to see him still tightly wrapping his arms around my stomach, his face halfway buried against my ribs and halfway against my stomach.

I wanted to ask what he was doing but it seemed like he was having a moment and I didn't want to interrupt, I wasn't sure how long it actually lasted- I know I wanted it to last hours, but I'm sure it only lasted a few minutes. He loosened his hold on my stomach and pushed himself up so we were face to face again, and ever so slowly his lips pressed against my own- I imaged it would feel a little strange, because we were friends, but it didn't.

His lips felt soft and sweet against my own and when his tongue pressed against my lips my first reaction was to open my mouth. Wrapping my arms around the back of his neck I pulled him closer- I wanted to feel the pressure of him laying on top of me and I didn't want it to go away any time soon, his tongue left an indescribable sweet taste anywhere it touched. I heard a knock on the door but I didn't want to acknowledge anything other than Axel, soon he pulled away slowly and looked over to the door, I followed his gaze to see Demyx standing in the doorway.

The door was open and his knuckles rested against the door, his other hand covered his mouth as he snickered, I might have been blushing before but I was definitely beet red now, "I didn't know you two were going at it yet, but hey, I'm not one to judge how quick a relationship moves, just as long as it's safe and you don't contaminate my couch," the blush was burning my whole face now.

Axel quickly jumped up and was running towards the door, the movement was playful even though he was trying to act threatening, Demyx yelped before turning and running out and down the stairs, I could hear Axel yelling at him the whole way and I could hear Demyx yelling back- it all stopped when Zexion began yelling back. I smiled at the mental images of Demyx and Axel misbehaving and then stopping with puppy dog faces because Zexion had yelled at them, I decided I'd go downstairs and see what Demyx had wanted.

Downstairs I found Axel sitting on the floor, Demyx on the couch and Zexion wasn't in view but I knew he was in the kitchen. Axel and Demyx seemed to have been having a stare down and before I could say anything they were throwing pillows back and forth, I couldn't stifle my laugher but once Demyx heard me laughing he took his ammo and threw a pillow at me. The pillow bounced off my head and landed next to Axel who quickly grabbed it and threw it back, I watched the pillow hit Demyx upside the head as I was pulled down.

Axel had pulled me onto his lap sideways, one of his arms wrapped around me almost like I was a baby, he held a pillow up to block Demyx from our view, and in an instant his lips were against mine again, I could hear Demyx complaining in the background. We were both smiling through the kiss and as soon as it ended I opened my eyes and looked at Axel who kept eye contact with me for a moment before closing them to smile.

Demyx was still complaining in the background, finally I decided to join in with words of my own, "Dem, why're you complaining- don't you have Zexion?" I smiled at him but he only pouted, "No! You guys are teasing me now and Axel knows I pissed Zexion off so he's not giving me any!" trying not to laugh only made me laugh more, Axel was doing the same except he was hiding his face against my shoulder and chest. After our games on Demyx were over Axel and I were just lying on the floor while Demyx laid face down on the couch, Zexion walked in not too long after that and the last of Axel's and my laugher was let out.

"Okay, let's eat," Demyx stood up, giving his boyfriend a one sided hug and trying to get a kiss from him but the slate haired man just crossed his arms and looked at Demyx, Demyx turned his head to the side like he was ashamed for trying and loosely held onto Zexion till he turned around in his grip and walked back into the kitchen. I whispered to Axel, "What'd Demyx do to piss him off?" Axel snickered a bit but whispered back, "Demyx was bragging to Marluxia, Naminé, and me about his and Zexion's sex life," again my laughter returned.

Surprisingly we didn't eat in silence, Axel and Demyx had a lot to talk about that was random like all the other things they talked about- till Demyx was denied Zexion's hand to hold, so he got quiet. Zexion started talking instead, "So I heard about what happened today from loud mouth over here," I was trying to hide my grin from Demyx's new nickname, I nodded- a giant piece of food in my mouth so I was unable to speak.

"How do you think it's all going to work out?" Zexion was actually friendly- he was just distant, most people didn't know that unless they were in the group of our friends. "Hopefully good," I smiled before thinking a bit deeper into the thoughts, "I'll have to get taken into a group home or something so Zell can get custody… hopefully it'll be the same one with Sora and I can tell him everything that's happening," "He should be there- there's only one group home this town turns too," Zexion added. "Then hopefully I'll see him as soon as I get there and everything will just work out."

Axel and I washed, dried, and put away the dishes as Demyx ran off with Zexion somewhere, I didn't care to ask where they were going because knowing my luck they'd be making up or something and I didn't care to hear about that. We went upstairs after we finished, I shut the door behind me as Axel threw himself on the couch, "So what do you think they're doing?" So much for the not being nosey, "Umm…" I sat on the floor and looked for the book I had been reading- Zexion had a leather book full of all the Grimm's Fairytales, and it was actually pretty interesting, way better than Disney's version of everything.

"Well… in Demyx's favor- they're doing the dance with no pants… in Zexion's? He's probably beating him over the head with one of his thick college books," I laughed at the mental image I created for myself, I heard Axel laugh too but then everything turned quiet and I could tell Axel wanted to say something but he wasn't saying it, finally, after a few minutes he started talking. "You're going to have to go away, aren't you?" slowly I looked over at him, closing the book quietly, "I mean- you're going to have to if you want Zell to adopt you, right?" he looked over at me after a few minutes because I hadn't given him an answer.

"I don't know… my father's still around… Zell will have to get custody before our father does…" he sat up and kept his eyes on me, "He's not on your birth certificate- is he?" shaking my head I kept my eyes locked on the books, "Our mother left our father part blank… since she was married to Genesis that was why he got custody- but if our father goes to court demanding to have us, then we'll have to go with him… I know he's waiting for this too," I looked up at Axel, not hiding the fear in my eyes.

"He said he wanted me to live with him when I turned 16- I'm 16 now and I have no legal guardian," my voice was starting to become panicked, in all truth, I hadn't thought about my father except at night when I thought about everything in general- he made me lose even more sleep. "You haven't seen him around, right?" I stayed quiet; Axel knew I hadn't, "He doesn't know where you are, which is why he hasn't tried to get custody of you… Zell has a house and a better credibility than your father does… the court will favor Zell," his words only slightly reassured me, there still was that other part in the fibers of my being that said none of this would work out.

Axel scooted to the inside of the couch and I slept with my back pressed against his chest and his arm over me, his thumb brushed back and forth against my other arm, rubbing the tip of the scar I had gotten when I fell on the coffee table. Since both me and Axel were afraid any one of these nights would be our last before I had to go away- he stayed over, and the next day he continued on with our schedule and went to school, he came straight back and did that for the next few days- it was Saturday when Zell stopped by to tell me when the court date was.

"I've got all the paper work done… the court date is set for this coming Tuesday, early morning, Axel you're free to come if you want, Riku already said he would be there," Zell looked at Axel to see him nodding his head, he looked back at me with a serious expression, "You'll have to offer yourself up to be taken into a group home till then… if they can't find you- I can't get custody," nodding my head I looked back up at him, "I know... you'll be able to take us in though, right?"

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "I do everything I can, if for some stupid reason I can't- I'm sure Axel will break you out," I smiled at another one of his lame jokes, Zell left a little while later and I went up to my room, everything on my mind. Lying on my floor I stared at the turned off light bulb, thinking everything through. They were going to take me into custody, take me to a group home because they most likely already got Zell's paper work file- so they won't bother putting me in a foster home right away.

I'll be able to see Sora though- for the first time in 4 months… for the first time since we turned 16, I can't wait- but I'm also nervous. What if, at the last moment, they won't let Zell take us; what if I get moved into a separate foster home from Sora- what if I can't get out of the system till I turned 18? There was a knock on the door that broke me out of my thoughts, "Rox?" Axel's voice was soft as he opened the door and walked in, quietly shutting the door, "You okay?" I nodded my head, "Just dandy…"

He sat down next to me, "What's on your mind?" "A lot…" he waited for me to continue but I didn't, "Hey," he leaned closer, "It'll all work out, don't worry about it…" "I hope it will…" I put my arm over my eyes, Axel laid down next to me and pulled me up to him, I turned my face into him and breathed in till I was pretty much asleep- the only reason I wasn't was because of everything running through my mind. Axel's phone quietly started going off, he shifted only a little bit to get it out of his pocket, "Foods done," I didn't move.

"You going to come down and eat?" shaking my head I tried to keep Axel next to me, I wasn't hungry and Axel and I had argued about this a lot- after Sora was taken eating and sleeping were random- the eating was the only one that he was really concerned about because every time I was around him I felt at peace enough to sleep. "Come on, let's go get food anyway… have a decent home cooked meal to last you the next few days," he chuckled, I smiled back because of his effort but nevertheless I was being pulled to my feet and led down the stairs.

Zexion dropped me off at the police station the next morning, I felt like some wanted criminal when I walked in, Zexion went just to make sure I had a friend there- for as long as I could anyway. I had to tell the secretary lady that I was Roxas Rhapsodos, she called some guy back from an office and pretty soon a bald guy was walked towards us. "Roxas?" his voice was deep, I nodded my head to signify that I was Roxas, he waved me over with his fingers, Zexion tried to follow me but the police guy told him to wait in one of the chairs.

I followed him into his office, "Take a seat," I took a seat and he stood in front of a filing cabinet and began going through papers till he found a folder and pulled it out, setting it on his desk. I looked at his plaque- all it had written on it was, "Rude," he took a seat and started to flip through papers. "I'll drive you over to Castle Oblivion- a group home, my assistant is already calling them to tell them you'll be over soon…" I nodded my head, but stayed silent. "I know what you're doing boy… Reno is-… a close associate of mine," slowly I nodded my head- like I understood what he was saying, but I really didn't.

The lady from the desk knocked on the door and told Rude that Castle Oblivion was waiting for our arrival, soon we were walking back out the door, before I got in the back seat Zexion pulled me into a hug, "Be safe," he whispered, pulling away and shutting the car door behind me. I really hoped Zell would pull through for me on this; I don't want to be stuck in a group home for 2 years.

We pulled up to the average looking house, Rude opened my door and I got out slowly, he walked me to the doors- it looked like a normal house, "This home holds a maximum of 6 kids- you'll be the 6th kid here." He pulled open the doors and I was gently pushed inside, I was greeted by a big round man with pitch black hair, "I'm Pete, I'm in charge around here," he leaned back to look around a door frame, "Hayner! Come show this kid around," waiting silently I saw a boy my age walk out of the room he had been yelling into and look at me, "Want a tour?" shrugging my shoulder's I decided to follow him.

Once we reached the end of the hall- we were in a small kitchen, taking a few steps to the side so we couldn't be seen by Pete or Rude, "So why're you here?" I was caught off guard by his question, "What?" I started but he gave a small smile and continued talking, "My aunt and uncle had custody of me for a while- but I'm told I'm a 'trouble child,' so my aunt gave me up," he held up his arms, "I'm here till they find me a foster family or till I turn 18," he paused slightly, "So- why're you here?" "Umm… everyone who was given custody of me died," "That sucks- okay, I'll keep showing you around," "Actually, my brother's supposed to be here," I blurted out.

"Oh really, what's his name?" "Sora, he looks like me but he has brown hair," "Sora's your brother?" he seemed a little surprised, "Yeah, he's my twin actually… can you tell me where he is- I haven't seen him in a while," my heart was racing now, I was so excited to see Sora, everything was becoming real and I just wanted to hold my brother in my arms and make sure he was okay. "Yeah, I know where he is… but you can't see him…" "What?" my world halted. "Come on, I'll show you upstairs," he looked over my shoulder and I followed his gaze to see Pete walking closer to us.

Quickly I followed him through the other kitchen door, through a dining room and around so we were by the front door again- but this time we went up the stairs. Upstairs there was a hallway with 5 doors, "Girls bathroom," he pointed to the right, he pointed to the left, "Boy's bathroom," he gestured to the other two doors on the left, "Boy's rooms," gesturing to the right at the only remaining door he spoke, "Girl's rooms," he opened the second door on his left and walked in, I followed him and he sat on a bed with a comforter, the other bed had a similar comforter on it but it was more neat, "You can sit there, Pence won't mind."

Sitting face to face with Hayner he crossed his arms and looked at me, "Sora isn't here…" "What?" I stood up, Sora had to be here- there was nowhere else he could be. "Sora was here- for the first 2 months… he kept trying to run away, but Pete has rules- you break any of his rules three times and he sends you off… Sora broke a lot of rules…" "So where is he?" Hayner stayed quiet for a second, and if I had known this kid at all I probably would've smacked him out of his silence, "Port Royal… that's where everyone gets sent," I turned to walk downstairs and start breaking some of the rules- I had to see Sora.

"Hey!" he yelled, closing the door before I could storm out it, "What're you doing?" "I have to find my brother," "He's not going anywhere! Calm down… Pete's not going to just kick you out right after he gets you- that's why Sora was here for so long…" sitting down on the bed I ran my fingers through my hair, "What the fuck Sora…" I mumbled, I looked up at Hayner quickly, "Can he still get adopted even when he's in Port Royal?" "Huh? Yeah, he's only there because a normal group home was seen as too much freedom till he got adopted… why, are you getting adopted?"

"We're supposed to, that's why I let myself come here…" I couldn't believe Sora was in Port Royal- a juvenile facility, a kid prison pretty much. "When's that happening?" "Umm…" I sat up, brushing my hand through my hair while I tried to remember what I was told by Zell, "This Tuesday- early morning," "Okay… so you won't be here long…" I could hear the hurt tone in Hayner's voice, so I pushed away my own thoughts- Sora wasn't going anywhere, he was somewhat safe in Port Royal, in a few days we would be living under the same roof, the plans still the same, just the day Sora and I see each other will be pushed back is all.

"How long have you been here?" "Well… I was given up by my aunt when my uncle died- so going on 4 years…" before I could ask how old he was he answered it, "I'm 15, I'll be 16 in a few months… then only 2 more years- right?" sadly I nodded my head. "I'm not the longest one to be here though- the longest one that I got a chance to meet is this guy name Seifer, he acted like an older brother to me when I first got here, he was put in here before he started school and he didn't get out till almost 2 years ago… he still calls every once in a while, he got adopted by a distant friend of his father's I guess- Seifer tells me he's more of a hard ass than his old man." "Oh shit," I thought.

"Sora told me about how he kept picking on you and how you punched him…" I really hoped he wasn't pissed at me, "Seifer seems fine about it now- he never even told me about it, I think you might have knocked him down a peg- good for you," he smiled at me, "Rai and Fuu aren't going to be as happy, they're Seifer's best friends- Rai gets out next week and Fuu's birthday is after mine and then she's free to go to." "Hayner, Roxas!" a deep voice yelled and I automatically associated it with Pete, we moved downstairs to find everyone in the one room I didn't go in before- the room Hayner was in before he got called, the living room.

"This is Roxas Rhapsodos," Pete said, Hayner continued speaking, pointing to a plump Hawaiian looking kid, "That's Pence," he pointed to a brown haired girl next to Pence, "That's Olette, that's Rai, and that's Fuu," Rai had a tanned skin and dark haired the total opposite of the girl named Fuu who was pale and had silver hair. Pete held out a paper for me, "This is a list of all the rules- break any of my rules three times and you'll be sent to Port Royal," "Like my brother…" I mumbled, Pete didn't seem happy about me mumbling, "What'd you say?"

"My brother- Sora… he's in Port Royal," "Oh yeah… Sora Rhapsodos- damn, well, I get so many kids through here I never remember their last names," taking the paper from him he continued talking, "Don't cause me any trouble like your brother did and we'll be fine." And with that he walked away, I looked over the sheet, scanning it pretty much- no reason to remember any of these rules since I wasn't going to be here long.

Reading in my head I skimmed over some of the ridiculous rules, "No bathroom after 10 pm, bed time is 10 pm, must stayed locked in bedroom between the times of 10 pm and 6 am." That one was clearly illegal, he couldn't keep us locked in our rooms- that was a hazard right there, "Must complete chores, no boys in girl's rooms and no girls in boy's rooms, must go to school every day, must be inside house by 5 pm, bathroom access for only a max of 30 minutes at a time, bathroom necessities must stay in bathroom, kitchen necessities must stay in kitchen. No phone calls for more than 30 minutes, no friends over for more than an hour, must keep a passing grade average, break any rule once and phone privileges are lost," I was done reading them- there was still a bunch more, but they were just stupid rules.

"So Sora is your brother?" the voice was kind but a little deep, turning around I saw Pence looking at me, slowly I nodded my head, "Cool, when you see him again- tell him to call sometime," "Yeah… Alright," though I was a little distant, Hayner, Pence, and Olette were the only ones that wanted to talk to me and by the end of the day it was safe to call them my friends, they told me random funny stories about what had happened there and even though one of the rules was that girls weren't allowed in boy's rooms- Olette sat with us in Pence and Hayner's room.

"How long have you guys been here… if you don't mind me asking," they were all completely different from each other but they all seemed to be the best of friends- Hayner, I could see how someone would consider him troublesome, wasn't afraid to share his opinion or whatever was on his mind but he had decency. Olette seemed like a caring mother figure but could stand her ground just the same, and Pence was peaceful and seemed resilient even though I hadn't seen him encounter anything difficult in my hours at the group home.

"Well… I've been here for almost 3 years," Olette said, "My parents died in a car accident and my sister was forced to take me in… but she got fired from her job and money became a problem- CPS took me away from her… I've been put in a few foster families but I keep coming back here," I wanted to tell her I was sorry but I figured she heard that enough from everyone else, Pence picked up talking where she stopped. "My mother died when I was born, I've moved around from foster homes to foster homes, this is the 2nd group home I've been in, but I've only been here for a little over a year." Nodding my head I didn't know what to say, I felt bad for them but I felt like they might get angry if I told them I was sorry or something.

Looking over to Hayner I could see the semi hurt look in his eyes, "What happened to your parents?" he gave a small crooked grin, when he started talking he smiled though, "My mother was an A class druggie, didn't know who my father was, she ODed a few times, after the 4th time they decided to take me away and my uncle took me in- his wife, my aunt, is the stuck up… reason I'm here…" his smile was forced, but I didn't say anything. "What about you, Sora didn't tell us really anything about him… he stayed quiet the entire time he was here…" Pence looked at me and after he finished talking everyone was looking at me.

"What do you want to know?" since I had asked them their life stories I figured I could return the favor, they would understand, and if they didn't I would be gone soon anyway. "What happened to your mom and your dad?" Hayner asked, looking suddenly interested in the conversation way more than he was a few minutes ago, I was silent for a little while, I'd never really chose to explain this to someone. "When I was 5- when me and Sora were 5, our father was denied the right to see us by our mother… he killed her a little while after that…" my gaze had shifted to look out the window, there was a tree blocking any long view but I noticed the window had screws a few inches about where the middle was, meaning the window could only slide up a few inches before the screws prevented it from going further.

"So your father's in jail?" the Hawaiian boy's voice was soft even in the silence of the room, shaking my head slowly I looked back out the window, "No… they didn't have enough evidence to convict him…" "You've lived with him this whole time?" "No, no… we lived with our mother's husband, Genesis…" "What happened to him?" her voice was interested too, my own voice was shaking, "Umm… he killed himself a few weeks before Sora came here…" Hayner crossed his arms, his legs were already crossed, "That sucks man… well, hopefully you'll be out of here soon and that person can adopt you," "Yeah… hopefully…"

Hayner, Olette, and Pence were all around the same age as me, Hayner was a year behind me in school, Olette a year before, and Pence was a year behind by he was taking some advance classes. I was given a schedule, Hayner copied it down and told me he'd help me find all my next classes- which I was really happy about, the school was 3 floors and there was a lot of kids, no one even noticed I was a new kid. The four of us walked to the park after school, "So how was your first day?" Olette asked, a small smile on her face, "I don't see how you guys do it, going an hour and a half without moving, if it wasn't all so new I would've fallen asleep."

Each class was an hour and a half long, except lunch and gym- lunch was 30 minutes and gym an hour, but Hayner explained you only take gym for half the year, and then you get the whole hour and a half lunch. The reason I was so tired wasn't because of having to sit still for so long, but rather- I was unable to sleep at all the entire night, Hayner volunteered to sleep in Rai's room, seeing as how both he and Rai were friends with Seifer, and I slept in Hayner's bed with Pence in the bed next to me.

But I really didn't like sleeping in such a new place, I was homesick and I didn't even have a home. It wasn't the couch, or Axel's arms so sleep was almost impossible… I just wanted to get back and be around everyone I knew- to the life I knew, a few tears leaked down the side of my face as I stared at the ceiling but I blamed it on the cold. I wonder how Sora felt after his first night, or how he feels after 4 months?

"Yeah, they're long, but tomorrow's a new day," Olette continued, "You'll have completely new classes tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that," "Yeah, and hopefully I won't be here too long to get used to it," I felt guilt for some reason, I was only dealing with this new life for a few days- 2 nights, they'd been living it either their entire life or most of it, it seemed really unfair. School ended at 2:30, meaning we had 2 and a half hours to do whatever till we had to walk back to the house or risk getting in trouble, good thing the house was only half a mile from the school.

We stayed around the train tracks at the train station, messing around- and it felt strange, when I look back, it was like we had been friends for years- we acted like any other group of kids, there was never a quiet moment but even though there was a lot of emotional baggage for each of us- we were all smiling and enjoying ourselves. "Alright, it's 4:45, time to head back," Olette spoke, looking up at the clock on the brick wall at the train station, "Man!" Hayner complained, "Why can't it stay 4:40 all the time- then we'd never have to go back…" he said it with a little humor but the depth of it was still there. None of us wanted to go back.

Rai and Fuu walked in the door behind us and followed Hayner and the rest of them into the living room to check in with Pete who was watching TV, "Check your chores," he spoke around his hand that was holding some kind of candy in front of his mouth. I followed Hayner into the kitchen to find a white board on the fridge, "Fuu and Olette got dinner," he shouted around the corner, "Rai and Pence got dishes," looking at the chart I saw my name next to Hayner's, "What do we have to do?" my voice was quiet compared to Hayner's.

"These are weekly chores, me and you have cleaning- but cleaning is only done on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, which means we don't have anything right yet." He waved his hand and we left the kitchen, letting Fuu and Olette start getting stuff ready for dinner, once we got upstairs I questioned Hayner, "Hey, I'm sorry, but is there any smaller shirts?"

Hayner looked at me with a smile on his face, I hadn't thought to bring clothes or anything with me, but one of Pete's rules were we weren't allowed to go out in public with the same clothes on from the other day. There was a closet downstairs, between the living room and kitchen- right next to Pete's bedroom door, that was full of hand me down clothes, the only shirt I could find that was close enough to my size was a large- when I wore small, the major problem was it was hard to wear my sweatshirt with the shirt.

"Nah," Hayner started, "Just do what I do, it's summer now, you won't freeze," Hayner had collected the smallest of beaters from the closet- mostly black and dark brown, and just worn his hoodie over top of it, "You can borrow some of my beaters," he walked over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer, which was full of beaters, "Just make sure I get em back before you leave," I took off the oversized black shirt and pulled on one of the beaters right away, pulling my hoodie on afterwards- feeling much better in my clothes.

My clothes I had worn were in a bag, I'd wear them tomorrow when I went to court, and finally be able to get out of the pants that were also Hayner's- this kid was the same size as me but all his clothes were bought for him because none of Pete's closet clothes would fit him. The phone downstairs started ringing; I sat on Hayner's bed as he pulled out a small calendar and took a sharpie to it and crossed off the day. "Roxas!" the voice wasn't Pete's but rather Rai's, standing up I went downstairs, "Hello?" "Roxas," it was Zell, probably calling to tell me what time the court hearing was for, "How're things going?" I shrugged even though he couldn't see me.

"Eh, it's alright… can't wait to get back though," there was a silence on the other end, "Zell?" there was no response but quickly a voice came back, "Yes… well…" Zell started saying into the phone, "The judge it seems has to reschedule the trial date…" "He what?" practically yelling, I saw Olette at the end of the hall hold her finger to her lip, telling me to quiet down. Nodding my head I turned around and basically hissed into the phone, "What do you mean reschedule, for when?" he let out a sigh, "That's the thing… the earliest he can reschedule for is not for 4 weeks," "What!" my whispering wasn't really doing any good because now I was just shouting in a hushed tone.

"I'm sorry Roxas," "No," I hissed into the phone, "You said the court date was Tuesday and then I could see Sora again," "Sora- he's not there?" "No, he's not- they moved him to Port Royal 2 months ago," he let out a sigh and I wanted to strangle him, he said I would only have to be in a group home for a couple of days, not a couple of weeks. "I'm sorry Roxas, this is the best I can do till then… I'll still be able to adopt you- the court dates just a little further away…"

Everything ran through my mind and I tried to push it all back, "This is fine- everything is fine," I thought to myself over and over, letting out a sigh I closed my eyes, "Alright… call back when you know the date and time…" "Of course," before he could hang up or say his goodbyes I blurted out, "Zell?" there was a slight pause, "Yeah?" I didn't want to get off the phone but my time was running short and I didn't want Pete to come over and hang the phone up on me, "I... I really do appreciate all of this… thanks…" he was silent for a few seconds, "Of course Roxas…" we hung up and I trumped back upstairs, falling face first on the bed next to Hayner, "What was it about?"

Bending my knees I slid to the floor, kneeling on the ground with my face still in the bed and my hands above my head now, "The court date got moved… which means I have to stay here for at least another 4 weeks…" "Hey," Hayner's voice was a little offended, "It's not that bad here- I mean, it's not home, but at least it's safe and you got a bed to sleep in every night," I turned to face him opening my eyes to barely peek out, "I know…" I mumbled, feeling ungrateful, "I just hoped I could see Sora soon… I just miss him…" Hayner didn't say anything after that.

Fuu and Olette called us down for supper, I told Pete about the court date- although he didn't really seem to care, Olette, Pence, Hayner, and I ate in the dining room while Fuu and Rai went upstairs to eat, and Pete ate in the living room. "So what, you're stuck here for another 2 weeks?" he asked when I told him and Olette about what Zell had said, I nodded my head, "Man, that sucks… well… at least you'll be able to get out at all," I nodded my head, Pence had a good point, a sad point for him.

I helped Hayner stuff his bed in Rai's room, he then snuck into Pence's and my room- hiding so Pete couldn't see him, when Pete shut and locked us in I moved off the bed to sleep on the floor in between the two beds, we stayed up and whispered to each other about how everything was going to be okay, how nothing bad was happening and it worked- I mean, if I could call the place where Genesis beat the hell out of me every few nights a week a home, then I sure as hell could call a place where I don't get hurt home.

A week went by, every day we got up and went to school, Hayner helped me find all of my classes, and after school we went to the train tracks at the train station, every day we went back at 4:40 and did our chores and held onto our friendship to get over how annoying Pete was and all his stupid rules. My second Friday there, when we were at the train tracks I decided to ask a strange question, "Why do you guys always come and hang out at the train station? I mean, isn't there a lot of other places you want to hang out and visit?"

Hayner was the first one to answer me, "Nah not really, you go anywhere else in town and everyone just knows you as the 'group home kids,' which for some reason means were going to cause trouble." "Plus," Pence started, "It's between school and the house, so we don't have to worry about getting back till at least 4:45…" I looked at Olette, wondering why she liked to come to the tracks, "Well… I like to come here because I know if I really wanted to I could jump on the train at any time and I could leave and no one would be able to know where I ran off too… this is the portal that can take me anywhere in the world I want to go…"

A week later- the 3rd week I was there, the four of us walked through the door at 4:56, and Fuu walked in a few minutes after us- Rai had turned 18 and was free to leave the weekend after I showed up, leaving Fuu all by herself pretty much. Olette had taken it upon herself to hang out with her as much as possible, she told us that since they share a bedroom they talk a lot- and they're friends, but it more for support rather than anything else. Hayner and I started to cook supper- shells and cheese and peas, when there was a knock on the door.

Pete stood up from his chair and opened the door, I was shocked when he opened the door and a kid with black hair was pushed in and a tall man with silver hair followed her in. The man talked to Pete for a while, I was too far away to hear what they were saying- till Pete called my name, "Roxas!" I thought he was yelling at me for watching them, but instead he waved me over, so hesitantly I walked over. "This is Xemnas, he's your social worker," looking up at him I wasn't all that happy to see him, I didn't need a social worker and he didn't look like a very kid friendly kind of guy.

"Zell has been informed to call me- not you, from now on… same goes for your brother," the man started talk to me, but I was looking at the kid in front of me, they had black hair but they also had a hood pulled up and zipped up the front, with baggy pants, I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, whoever they were- they were my age. "This is Xion," he said, the name didn't help me tell the difference though, "She's troublesome," so she was a girl- okay, "so watch out for her Roxas," Xemnas continued, "Why don't you go show her around," Pete mumbled to me, I nodded my head back and she made a face before following me down the hall, we went into the kitchen where Hayner was still cooking.

"What'd Pete want?" the blond asked me while he drained the pasta- Hayner had his back to me otherwise he would've seen Xion next to me, "New kid," I mumbled, taking the peas that were boiling over off the burner while turning it off. He set the pan down and turned around, "Heh…" he weakly laughed, "All new kids get the grand tour- do you remember it all Roxas?" "How could I forget," Hayner spoke with sarcasm but my own answer was pretty much the straight truth, I walked out of the kitchen into the dining room.

"There's no need for a tour- I'm not staying for long," "Yeah, that's what I said too…" it really wasn't that long compared to everyone else but it was longer than I preferred, I brought upstairs, Xemnas had already left and Pete was already back in his chair. Upstairs I stopped and did the same as Hayner had done for me, pointing to the first door on the right, "Girl's bathroom," I pointed to the first door on the left, "Boy's bathroom, these two doors are the boy's rooms, and the one on the right is the girl's bedroom." Looking back at her she was nodding her head like she could careless, "The girl's room has a bunk bed, you'll probably sleep on the top bunk- above Olette," "You go in the girl's bedroom a lot?" she had something like a sick smirk on her face- trying to say I slept with the girl's.

"Only when my best friend is having a mental break down and wants someone to talk to," pushing open the girl's bedroom door I allowed her to walk in, "Olette's bed is right there," I pointed to the slightly messy but Brightside of the room, the right side, "That bed is Fuu's," her side of the room was more plain than Olettes's, but cleaner. "How old are you?" I asked, standing there while she looked around, "I'm 16, turned 16 a few weeks ago, why?" "Just wondering, how long you plan on staying?" "Not long…" "Yeah, you said that… Where do you plan on going?" "Anywhere but here," she jumped up onto the top bunk, she sat up, "How long you gonna be here?" "Hopefully not long either," she sat up and looked at me.

"So why're you here?" "What is this, 20 questions?" "If you want it to be, I just figured since we're under the same roof you might feel less singled out if you can open up to someone," I sat down, signaling that I wasn't going anywhere quick, all Hayner had to do downstairs was melt the cheese on the noodles and mix the peas in. "Ran away from home…" "They wouldn't send you to a group home for running away, they would send you to a youth facility," "They were going to… but I had good reasons to run away," she shrugged, "I'm gonna guess," she nodded her head, "Not a very nice life?" "Not in the slightest."

Xion and I hit it off and I was happy that I could offer the same kind of help I had been offered when I first came to someone else. Pete gave her the rules and it was pretty much the same kind of greeting I had- just there was no Rai this time. I joined Hayner in the kitchen to help split the food up on the plates, "So how's it feel being old school?" Hayner asked, I smiled, "What do you mean 'old school'?" he laughed, "Well, you're showing some new kid the ropes- guess that means you're really part of the family," I chuckled but my heart's temperature warmed when Hayner announced I was part of the family. After dinner, while Pence and Olette did the dishes, the phone rang and Hayner yelled for me, "It's for you Roxas," I walked over somewhat quickly, "Hello?"

"Hey, how you doing?" it was Zell, "Good, okay, what's up?" "You're court date is for tomorrow, Saturday, early morning, okay? But you're not supposed to know yet, you're social worker called me about it," "Yeah I met him today… well… okay, tell Axel I miss him." Axel continuously called the house and I continuously talked to him- but Pete told me Axel wasn't allowed to call anymore because I was on the phone with Axel for more than 30 minutes.

"What'd he say," "Good news," I mumbled, hoping Pete wouldn't hear, I walked up the stairs and went into my room- Rai's old one. Falling on it I looked up at the ceiling, my eyes drifted up to look at the head board- Seifer's name was carved into it and I laughed- I had noticed the carving the first night after Rai moved out. I almost didn't want to leave. This was becoming my home- as much as I hated to admit it, hanging out with Hayner, Pence, and Olette every day after school, feeling like it was us against the world- nothing matter except the moment.

But when I thought about my brother- my brother who I was born just a few seconds after and spent every minute with pretty much for our whole lives- it made me sad to think I forgot his voice. It made me feel worse that I had forgotten Axel's, it all seemed like a lifetime away and I didn't know if I wanted to go back. Here I'm Roxas, the younger twin of the trouble making Sora, who has no legal guardians, but back there I'm Roxas- the protective younger brother of the happy go lucky Sora, whose mother was killed by his father, his step father, sister, and brother killed themselves and nothing he could ever do could change anything.

Rolling over I faced the wall, I had grown used to this life- hoping every day that I might get a call from Zell and he'd tell me to pack my stuff because I was moving in with him, but now that it was actually happening I was facing a sad reality. Sure Hayner, Olette, Pence, and even Fuu and Xion would still be around but chances are I wouldn't talk to them again, we'd never be as close as we are now, but I would be able to hold my brother again- which is all I wanted, right?

There was a knock at the door but I didn't answer, "Roxas, you okay?" Olette shut the door while she was talking; I felt the bed rise the tiniest bit as she sat next to me, "What'd Zell say?" I sat up and looked at her, "The court date is for tomorrow…" there was a brief silence, "Then why do you seem so sad?" "I don't know… I just… I guess I kind of don't want to leave- my old life was full of so many problems and pain… I feel happy here and I don't want to go back and be sad again…"

She nodded her head in understanding, "I get it… I got asked if I wanted to be adopted a year after I came here, I asked if they'd give me a day or two to decide… I chose not to because I was scared… I didn't want to go into a life where everything was new all over again," she moved up on the bed so she was sitting closer, "But Roxas, who you are here is who you'll be there- this is you, you're not being changed into someone else by being here," she poked her fingers into my chest, "This is you, whether you're here or there, you're the same person, you can't let places or people dictate who you are or how you act."

I nodded my head, Olette was always really smart even though most of the time she chose to be childish (though she was still mature), "You haven't seen your brother in a while, I'm sure he's going to be happy to see you," she smiled, "And I know you miss him, you can see your boyfriend too and have a bed of your own," I felt the blush rising up my cheeks, "He's not my boyfriend!" she laughed, "Whatever you say Rox," she stood up, "Come on, let's get your stuff ready for tomorrow," she still had a bright smile on her face and I couldn't help by smile back.

_**Oh my fuck. I really didn't mean to make this chapter this long- do you guys like long chapters? Or would you rather have the chapters be shorter? I try to keep my chapters around 4 thousand words (Try- keyword- I do an awful job at it). **_

_**I feel like there was something I was going to say in this A/N but I don't remember what it was…. Anyway- hopefully I get some Reviews! :3 **_

_**Oh, and hopefully I'll have another chapter up tomorrow- but I doubt it, but hopefully.**_


	23. Chapter 23: Together

I started going about my day like I normally would- I didn't want Pete to notice that I knew something because he would tell Xemnas- who I knew would be coming by in a little while. Xion was rather quiet around everyone else I realized, she still wore her hoodie but at least pulled the hood part down, her and Olette talked a little but I think that was just because they shared a bunk and room that they got closer.

Trying to get Xion to talk to them like she talked to me was actually pretty difficult, but by the time there was a knock on the door- she wasn't as distant, just quiet, "Roxas!" Pete yelled, I walked through various doorways- that I had now memorized to walk through with my eyes closed, and found Pete standing in the doorway with a tall, tanned, silver haired guy by the name of Xemnas.

Waiting for Pete to tell me what he wanted- though I already knew, I was surprised when Xemnas was the one to start talking. "Get your stuff together, you're hearing is in an hour," I nodded my head and began walked up the stairs, grabbing my already packed bags- I came to this home with nothing by the clothes on my back yet now I was leaving with a bag full of things. I change quickly into the clothes I had arrived in- glad to have the fit of MY clothes back, I heard the patter of people coming up the stairs, followed by a knock on my soul bedroom door. "Come in," I threw the beater and pants to the side- they were Hayner's and needed to be washed, though I doubt he would take the time to wash them.

"So?" the black haired girl said in a happy tone as she jumped on my bed, "My court hearings in an hour," I gave a half smile at her, she was happy I was getting out- just like everyone else, but her intents where to follow me shortly. "Well… we'll miss you," Pence said as he leaned against the wall, "Here," I grabbed a piece of paper out of my bag, tearing off the corner, and taking a pen out of my bag, I wrote Axel's cell number, along with Demyx's house number in case something had happened.

"I'll call as soon as I get settled in, I'll give you the number for the house- but if I don't call, here's the numbers I know where you can call me," I handed the small paper to Xion, who was nodding her head, "You better not forget to call," Hayner said I could hear the smile on his face as he sat on the bare bed across from mine, I turned around to look at him with a smile on my own face, "Course not, Hell- I might even come back to visit you," Hayner started laughing, "You're finally free of this place- don't torture yourself by coming back," slowly the laughter died and he continued talking in a more serious tone, "But hey, you know where we are every day after school."

"Roxas, we need to head out," Xemnas called up the stairs, before I could respond I was surprised to find someone hugging me, Xion pulled away and had a small smile on her face, "Hopefully I'll be free soon too," I smiled back before she backed up and Olette gave me a hug, when she pulled away I was handed my bag, Hayner and Pence both just nodded their goodbyes before I walked out and down the stairs.

"All ready?" he asked me, I looked up at Pete then to him, "Yeah," Xemnas opened the door and I headed out, I was told to sit in the back but I didn't really mind because I feel like having to sit up in the front with Xemnas would just be even more awkward. We drove for maybe 15 minutes before showing up at a court house, I looked around as soon as we pulled up, hoping I'd see Sora, but he wasn't outside.

We walked up some steps and through a giant door to stand at the end of a green marble and silver swirled covered hallway, "This way," Xemnas started walking towards the security guards with their metal detectors, his dress shoes clicked on the marble- the only sound in the empty hallway- or building it seemed. He threw his keys into the basket and walked through, I on the other hand stood there like a fool, I didn't know what I had on that was metal and what I didn't, Xemnas stood there looking at me- I was terrified the thing was going to start screaming at me and the people would think I was trying to bring weapons in.

Hesitantly I took a step forward, Xemnas just smiled at me as I looked at the cops, I didn't have a knife on me, or any sort of weapons but I wasn't sure what was metal on me- not to mention in my bag. Holding my breath I stepped through the detectors, and instantly they started blaring, my face felt like it was going to melt off, the security guard next to me told me to move to the side, he pulled off my bag and set it down to the side, before telling me to stand with my arms out and my legs apart.

The weird metal thing he had in his hand started buzzing louder as he got to my waist, "Belt," he muttered, I didn't understand but when I did I quickly took off my belt and set it on the tray thing, he then told me to walk back through it, as soon as I stepped in the empty doorway it started beeping again, causing me to jump. He waved me back over, and continued with the weird buzzing thing.

I had to take off my necklace, my hoodie, my shoes, and my earrings before I could freely walk through the metal detectors. Demyx walked in with Zexion while I was trying to put my hoodie back on- the entire time Xemnas just stood there smiling and chuckling, "Hey Roxas!" Demyx screamed, walking freely through the metal detectors only to tackle me in a hug, "Why are you half naked?" Zexion asked as he peacefully continued walking through the metal detecting doorway, Demyx was standing at arm's length away now while I jumped on one foot so I wouldn't fall while trying to get my shoe back on, "The damn metal detector hates me," I muttered, jumping on my other foot now.

I slid my belt back on and my necklace, I went to grab my bag but Xemnas began to speak, "It be best to just leave it there, we're already running low on time… and hearing," he chuckled at his own joke and I was left making a funny face at my bag, "I'll put it in my car so no one steals it," Zexion mumbled, setting the bag on the conveyer belt beside it while he walked out the frame, grabbing it and walking out the front door.

After putting my earrings back in I followed Xemnas further down the hall to a desk, Demyx threw his arm over my shoulder as Xemnas stood outside big wooden doors, Demyx looked over his shoulder- no doubt at Zexion, "Ready?" Xemnas asked me, I nodded my head and he pushed open the door. As soon as I saw the mess of spiky brown hair I wanted to run and tackle it- but I was stopped when Xemnas stepped in front of me- like he knew I was about to run in the court room and probably use my not so smooth ninja moves to jump over some of the benches.

Demyx's arm slid off my shoulder as he sat with Riku and Axel a few rows back, I hadn't even noticed Axel was in the court room yet, but once I did it felt like he was sitting miles away, I wanted him to move up but- like he was reading my mind, he gave a small shake of his head. Finally we were in the first row, behind the door things that led to the tables the attorneys and Zell were sitting at, Xemnas motioned for me to slid in and I did, Sora was zoned out for a minute before his eyes snapped up at me and he reached his hand out. Grabbing it as I sat down next to him, our fingers interlocked tightly but we stayed quiet, Zell sat in front of us but he didn't turn around.

Xemnas sat down on the other side of me, successfully blocking the only way out for Sora and I, but that was fine, I just held Sora's hand tighter and he did the same. A few minutes later one of the guards in the front of the room opened two big doors and we waited, a couple minutes later two people walked in- one wearing a long black cloak while the other was just dressed professionally. We were told to stand up as soon as they entered the room, but I didn't know why, the fancy dressed one girl stood to the side allowing the judge to walk up to his seat, they stood there for a moment before the girl started talking.

We were told we could sit down but the two attorney people- one next to Zell and the other at the other table, and Zell himself didn't sit down. The girl spoke some more she was asking if Zell was present, and then she asked if Shuyin was but there was no response. "Where's the defendant?" the judge asked the attorney on the other side of the room. "He hasn't shown up quite yet," he seemed nervous, "You're client has five minutes," the judge told him, I looked over to Xemnas, "What happens if he doesn't show up?" he whispered back, "They'll send out a warrant for his arrest, and you two will temporarily be placed with Zell," he put his finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet.

A few minutes later and the back doors opened, Sora whispered to me as he looked over our shoulders, "Look who it is… dear old Dad…" he muttered. I didn't bother to look, a few seconds later and he was whispering to his attorney, "So glad you could join us," the judge spoke to our father. The girl then told the four of them to follow her, I had no idea what was going on- we had just shown up and now the girl was telling them both to leave the room, I watched the attorney gather all his belongs and the four of them walked out the big doors the judge and girl had entered through before.

"What're they doing?" whispering to Xemnas again, he turned to me, talking quietly, "They're trying to see if Zell and your father can agree to terms without having to talk to the judge," slowly I nodded my head, hopefully they couldn't agree to anything- otherwise our father wouldn't have shown up in the first place. Again- a few minutes later they walked back through the door- finally taking a look at our father told me he wasn't in the happiest of moods.

The girl told the judge something and he nodded his head, this was all getting really boring- it was annoying and long, the judge asked the attorneys, Zell, and Shuyin questions over and over and after about half an hour of proving how much Shuyin couldn't be a custodial guardian- because of his drinking and criminal history and lack of a solid home foundation, they Judge asked everyone if they had anything final to say. They both said no and then I realized- this was the moment where everything mattered, the next words the judge would say would dictate where Sora and I were going to go and what was going to happen to us.

"In the case of Zell Dincht vs. Shuyin Bevelle," the Judge started, "Custody of Sora and Roxas Rhapsodos is given to Zell Dincht, Shuyin Bevelle will be allowed supervised visits if the children wish- they're old enough to decide for themselves," the judge looked at Sora and I and I was doing all I could to not jump and start hugging people. I didn't have to see my father if I didn't want to, Sora didn't have to have anything to do with him if he didn't want to, I'd be able to go back with Zell and pick up my life where it left off- and Sora would be with me the entire way.

He banged his hammer, "Case dismissed,", but before Sora and I could even react the judge continued talking, "Zell Dincht- a word in my office, if you would," he waved Zell and his attorney toward him as he stood up and descended down and out the giant doors he entered through. I followed them with my gaze till I heard my father start yelling, "What!" his tone was in complete disbelief, as he looked at his attorney and watched the judge leave, "They're _my_ kids!" before the judge was completely out of the room he turned back and spoke, "Control your client," before he was out of view.

Shuyin was told to calm down by his attorney, eventually he stormed around the table and opened the aisle door, "You are _mine_," he hissed at us, pointing his finger in our direction before giving a murderous look to Xemnas, he then fumed out of the court room. Once the door was shut and his attorney was gone I looked over at Xemnas, "What're they talking about," he stood up, moving to let Sora and I out, "Adult things, Zell will tell you if he sees fit," as soon as Sora and I were standing up I was engulfed in a hug.

The smell and the feel hit me hard and I was almost about to cry because of everything added up- I was away from everything I wanted to be, I had my brother back- I squeezed his hand at the thought, and now Axel was hugging me and I no longer had to think about missing him because he was there. Axel was laughing quietly, he pulled away and I could see the bright smile on his face, "I missed you so much Rox," "I missed you too," I heard something similar next to me- except with different names I looked over and saw Riku hugging Sora in something like a death grip.

We went outside to wait for Zell, sitting on the giant court house steps, Sora's hand still in my own, there was no way in Hell I was letting go of it right yet- and I could tell Sora felt the same way, anytime my grip loosened even the tiniest bit he was quick to squeeze it again. "I'll be by later to drop off yours and Sora's stuff," Axel said, hugging me, "We got to go somewhere- but we'll see you later, okay?" it saddened me slightly to see Axel leaving so soon after I had seen him, "Yeah…" I whispered anyway, he hugged me again and kissed my forehead, a smile on his face, I was waiting for him to say some cocky come back or line as he pulled away but his mouth only opened for a second before it closed and he continued smiling.

Again Sora and Riku were doing the same thing, except Riku was pulled away when Axel threw his arm over his shoulders and pretty much dragged him away- it was a little strange to see but I didn't bother with it too much. Suddenly there was a shoulder in my face and blond hair in my vision, my eyes went huge at first at the surprise hug, "Finally! Those two were hogging you both," Demyx pulled away, his arms stretched wide to hug both of us as Zexion stood a few feet away with a bright smile on his face, Sora only smiled back before Demyx was hugging us again.

The front doors opened and out walked Zell and his attorney, as soon as Zell saw us he gave a small smile, "Okay Dem, I think it's time to go…" Zexion said as he pulled Demyx back, Demyx only waved by before he continued walking with Zexion- as soon as they were by their car Demyx kissed Zexion and I could tell Zexion must have stopped being angry months ago. "Wanna see the newish place?" his voice was a little panicky but it was understandable, Sora looked at Zell and then to me, "Did you guys have something planned… or…?" Zell nodded his head but motioned for us to walk to the car.

We sat in the back seat- still never once having let go of each other's hands, "So what were you and the judge talking about?" I decided to ask, Zell looked in the rearview mirror at me before looking back at the road, "Just wanted to go over some stuff… I'll show what we talked about once you guys get settled in…" I nodded my head before looking out my window and allowing the peaceful silence to fill the air. We pulled up to a light blue one story house a few minutes later.

Slowly climbing out of the car we stood next to Zell who was still standing by his car door, "I have to go to something real quick…" he pulled off two keys from his key chain, handing them to me, "House keys, you guys can look around and get settled in, I'll call the house when I'm on my way back," I nodded my head, Sora was still tightly holding my hand, Zell opened his car door, "Zell," I murmured again, "Hmm?" "Thanks, again," he nodded his head before climbing in and closing the door, "Your rooms are at the end of the hallway- you each have your own."

Walking towards the light blue house- it looked pretty nice from the outside, slowly I opened the door and when we found ourselves inside we were shocked. The house was pretty neat and clean, and it actually looked like a home, the floor was all dark hardwood but there was light beige fluffy rugs that took up a majority of the space, the walls a cream color. The kitchen was to our left, a counter that wrapped around with several bar stools tucked underneath visible from our side, in front of us was living room, a long dark couch with 3 cushions, another couch with only 2 cushions of the same color, and a single chair from the matching set sat on the far side of the longest couch.

There was a pretty big tv- not a flat screen, but equally nice- that sat on an entertainment center along the wall, "I think our rooms are down that way…" I whispered to Sora, we began walking to the right- through the edge of the living room down a hallway, the hallway went down quite a ways before turning, now we were faced with three doors. The hallway was lined with windows before we turned so the new smaller segment was still well lit, I opened the door in the middle first. "Found the bathroom," I looked back at Sora to see a small smirk on his face, "K, so these too doors are our bedrooms," "Which door you want?" he thought for a moment before going to the left of the hallway, "This one I guess."

"Let's see your new room then," he slowly opened the door, a blank look on his face as we looked around his room. The floors were still hardwood but not covered in fitted rugs like the hallway and living room, to the far end was two massive dressers built into the wall connect by a desk- the whole thing painted a blue. A window lined across the top of the dressers across the gap from the desk to let in a massive amount of light, there was also another window on the far wall a little ways from one of the dressers. Looking at the other end of the room- which was beyond decent size, there were two doors- in the middle of them was a queen size bed (with still enough room on both sides to open the doors all the way), Sora walked over to them and opened the doors to confirm that they were both small closets, then the smile came to his face, "This room is amazing."

We walked to my door and opened it just the same, the floor was the same again but the walls were a silvery blue, there was a window on the far wall in the middle- so by standing in the doorway I was looking at the window head on. To my left there was the same solid dresser-desk-dresser- the only difference was the color they were painted- the window stretched across the top just the same too. Looking to my right I found a piece of the wall jut out with two doors, following the wall down I was met with a bed turned into the wall- also a queen sized. Opening the doors I realized they were like the ones in Sora's- except one instead of two, but otherwise just the same. "This is pretty cool,"

Sora jumped on my bed, looking around, "So this is where we're going to live?" I sat down next to him, still looking around, "Yeah- at least for the next 2 years…" my vision turned sideways as I was thrown into the bed by a bone crushing hug, "Roxas…" he mumbled into my side, his arms squeezing me tighter and tighter, "I missed you… so much…" I pulled my hands free so I could hug him back, "I missed you too Sora," "Really?" "Of course," I gently pushed him so he would sit up, "I researched everyday ways I could get around the system, ways I could get you out and not have to be away… Zell came to me a little over a month ago to tell me what he wanted to do."

I spent the next few minutes explaining to him what had happened- with the idea and how the idea went wrong but how it was all okay now, after I finished talking there was a silence, Sora was glancing off to the side at the ground. "I was scared…" he finally whispered, "I just wanted to get back… I didn't know what to do…" I waited for him to say more but he remained quiet, I gave his hand a squeeze, "It's alright now Sora…" "I know…" we were practically sitting on each other's laps while we sat on the bed, Sora leaned against me and by the time I realized anything- I was laying, my feet still over the edge, with Sora curled up to me, our arms wrapped together. And in all honesty- it was the best sleep I had in months.

Sora was back here, with me- I knew where he was, I knew he was okay, I knew he was safe and I knew nothing bad would happen to him. I pulled his sleeping from closer to me, holding him tight, the months away from him left me wondering and worrying- with no answer and no way to comfort the feeling enough to ease my mind. There was no way I was going to fail him again, I was going to do everything to protect him and never let him out of my sight, I couldn't risk losing him a second time- it'd kill me.

Sora woke up not too long later, there was a pan dropped towards the kitchen gaining both of our attentions, "What was that?" "I don't know," I sat up, taking Sora with me, we stood up and walked through the now dark house with a vague memory of the outlay of the house. Sora's hand was in my own the entire time, even after we saw the glow from the kitchen and a Zell standing rigid in the kitchen, we walked in to the counter, Zell now had his back to us as he did something with the stove. We both stayed quiet though, Zell turned around and jumped, his eyes growing wide, "Ahem…" he nervously coughed, "You two scared the hell out of me," I let a smile slip on to my face, waiting for Sora to say something- but he didn't.

"So what're you doing?" picking up the silence for Sora I sat on the barstool, my legs dangling off the ground- Sora followed me. "Trying to make something to eat- did I wake you up?" "Nah, we were already awake," he nodded his head, "So, I know you two aren't ecstatic about it- but I got you signed back up for school, you'll go back to your classes that you had before on Monday," he had a small smile on his lips, "I know it's probably really earlier for you to worry about going back to school but I figured the sooner the better."

Zell had made macaroni and cheese with hot dogs, "I'm sorry it's not gourmet- I haven't really tried cooking before," he nervously laughed, "It's fine, anything cooked is good," I smiled back, it was really obvious Zell was nervous- whether about us being there, us messing something up, or him messing something up, he was clearly on edge. Watching TV wasn't actually as awkward as I thought it would be. Zell sat in the solo chair- I didn't want to seem like we were trying to distant ourselves by sitting on the love seat couch, so Sora and I sat on the long couch in the middle.

Life in Zell's house was actually pretty nice- Zell wasn't asking anything of us, but he wasn't babying us, he also wasn't constantly asking us about things that happened while we were away- he acted like today wasn't different from any other day and we hadn't gone anywhere. He said he was going to bed, Sora and I followed his lead by going into my room, we had spotted the bags at the end of the bed when we woke up, and now was the time we were going to go through it.

Pulling one of the bags up onto the bed I opened it to find it was our clothes, I dumped all of the clothes on the bed, finding a trash bag full of clothes I opened it to join it to the pile. "Well," I looked at Sora, a smile on his face, "Let's sort our clothes," we sat on opposite sides of the bed, making piles of pants, shirts, boxers, beaters, hoodies, socks, and other random cloths- like bandanas. When we finished sorting our clothes Sora picked up some of his pile- which was the same size as my own, I grabbed some of his clothes also and followed him into his room; we set them on the desk in between the bureaus, pulling out a drawer on the left to start putting the clothes away I stood there, looking around his room, "I feel like we're going to have different clothes in our dressers after we do laundry," I smiled.

Sora smiled back at me, his smile the same one I remembered, "Yeah- because we've always shared, none of these belong to just one of us," he even laughed a little. "How about we put all our clothes we don't mind sharing into the bureaus on the left and put the clothes that are ours alone on the right?" I asked, motioning to the dresser that was still unused, Sora nodded his head, a small smile on his face. After he finished we walked back into my room and I put my clothes away- keeping in mind the designated uses of the left and the right dressers.

Finding two black clocks- identical in every way, looking at Sora he nodded his head and went out to the living room, looking at the stove clock for the time, he came back and told me and I put it in my clock, Sora took his clock into his room and did the same. "Is it just me," Sora started, "Or do we have more stuff?" "I think we have more stuff," I grabbed another full white trash bag, seeing my name clearly written near the top, "I guess this is mine," I ripped it open to find a giant comforter blanket, I pulled it out and Sora helped me lay it flat on the floor, it was black on both sides, except one side had dark gray crowns lined on it going diagonally across it, I loved it.

I pulled out matching dark gray pillow covers, three black sheets, and a checkered fuzzy blanket that wasn't as big. We dressed my bed- I loved everything about it, except for the fact that I didn't have pillows yet to go in the pillow covers, taking the identical garbage bag that clearly had blankets and stuff in it into Sora's room, Sora ripped it open, to find a black comforter the same size- this one had pale dark blue antique keys going diagonally on it, his own dark blue sheets, black pillow cases, and a dark blue fuzzy blanket with a giant black crown on it.

Sora had to test out it's comfyness by jumping on it and laying there for a moment, "Yupp- I could sleep on this," he laughed, sitting up and running into my rooms- for some reason it had turned to a race to see who could get there first, "I wanna open a bag," Sora laughed, grabbing a black garbage back from the end of my bed, placing it on the new dressed bed, he ripped it open to find a piece of paper with his name written on it, "Mostly from Riku," he read, a smile still on his face, he moved the note out of the way to continue ripping it apart to find it packed with even more clothes, "Looks like you already got something to put in the right dresser," I laughed.

He did his best to carry the bag into his room and set it on the desk, I followed behind and picked up all his clothes that fell, once we got in there we pulled out each of his clothes individually to look over each one- and all of them Sora loved, as I showed them to him he folded them and put them away, now it was time for a new bag, before I left Sora's room I saw Sora put the card that said, "Mostly from Riku," on it- on his dresser.

Sora opened the next black bag to find a note in that one also, "For Roxas- From Axel," he handed me the note and I smiled, placing the note on my bed as we repeated the process we had in just done is Sora's room, except this time Sora held up the article of clothing to see and show off while I folded and put it in the right dresser. Soon we got to our backpacks, the old ones from when Sora was taken months ago and we tried to escape. Slowly we pulled out the photos and notes from my bag, I glanced at the clock to see it read 11:14 pm, then looked at Sora as he sat with a giant pile of photos in his hand, a small smile on his face.

"Do you remember this?" he asked as he held up the photo, it was a picture of me and Sora with our new backpacks on for the first day of school, Sora was smiling at the photo, a cheesy grin on his face while my attention was called at the last second because I had been walking away so I was looking over my shoulder with the most surprised face. Leon was the one to take the photo- our mother had already left because it was also her first day back to work; she told us she would see us there. "How could I forget?" smiling back at him he went to the next photo, which was of us and Yuna, Leon having took the photo again, I smiled again at the memory, I didn't like my picture being taken so Yuna had to hold me in the photo with a bright smile on her face and on Sora's.

He continued to go through the pictures, I was pretty much looking over his shoulder, smiling at the memories, finally there was a photo of Leon and Yuna smiling- Sora and I took the camera from them and took a photo of them when they weren't paying attention, Leon was sitting on his bed while Yuna was standing going through her dresser- it was our sneak attack. They both had surprised smiles on their faces, Leon was blurry because he was trying to take the camera from us, but after the photo was taken he didn't succeed.

"Look at this…" Sora mumbled as he looked at another picture, one from only a few minutes after our sneak attack, Yuna and Leon were holding Sora and I as Leon stretched his arm out to take a photo, I had a pout on my face, Yuna was laughing because of my face, Sora was just smiling because he was happy, and Leon was smiling because… well… I don't really know why he was smiling. I noticed then that Sora's voice wasn't happy anymore, and from my laying spot on the bed and his sitting on the floor with his back against the bed- I could see he wasn't smiling.

"They looked so happy…" his voice was quiet- and not happy, "That's because they were…" my voice was as gentle as I could make it, I watched his finger trace over Leon and Yuna's face, "No they weren't… they wouldn't have killed themselves if they were happy…" "Sora," "You know they couldn't have been happy… they hid so much from us- and I don't even understand why they thought suicide was the best way to go…" I watched his face for a second before speaking, my gentle tone still intact, "Sora… there're a lot of things we don't understand… but it was there choice… we can't change it…" "I know…" he whispered, hesitantly I slid my arm around his shoulders, holding him tightly with one arm, my elbow bending around his neck as he buried his chin into my arm and leaned his face against my upper arm.

We stared at the photo for a long time before he took a deep breath and went to the next picture, it was of our mom standing in the kitchen doorway and Genesis sitting in his chair, "Do you know why Genesis did what he did?" Sora asked quietly, instantly I became nervous, "You mean with the house?" "I mean with killing himself…" I paused, of course I knew why, was I about to tell Sora why- hell no. "He must have had some reason…" Sora didn't say anything to that but instead continued going through the photos, every happy photo we passed I commented on, trying to get Sora to be happy again- and by the time we finished one handful of photos he had a smile on his face.

Soon the conversation turned into, "Oh, Do you remember this?" and "I remember this," and laughing at stupid faces and funny moments. By the time we got done going through all our notes, whether they were small notes from our mother- just saying that she loved us, suicide notes from our brother and sister, or notes they wrote to us- we had notes that were pretty pointless that just said, "Gone out with Cloud and Zack, be back at 6," from Leon, we never through away any notes from anyone. The notes made me remember Genesis' note. I had never once taken the note off my body- it was always in my pocket and I always kept it safe, there was no way I was going to mess up someone else's world and be the cause for another suicide.

By the time I looked up at the clock again, after we had gone through everything and everything was put away- including school stuff, the clock read 4:58 am- the sun shining brightly already, "I think we should go to bed…" I mumbled, rolling over on the floor that I had migrated to so I was now laying on my back. "Yeah," Sora stood up and stretched, "I went over to the dresser and slid off my pants as Sora left the room, I quickly slid on a pair of black cotton pj bottoms with blue X's- a new pair that Axel had bought me, and slipped off my shirt so I was wearing only a beater.

It was early may so there really wasn't any reason to dress warm, I put my dirty clothes on top of the dresser and walked over to my shut door, flicking off the light switch and then feeling my way to MY bed. I crawled under the blankets and curled up, unable to sleep for some reason, lying with my eyes closed for the longest time didn't bring me any sleep, I peeked up at the clock seeing it read 6:01, turning back into my bed I heard a soft tapping on my door. Looking at it I watched as it slowly opened and a brown haired kid peaked his head in, looking at me with questions in his eyes.

Scooting over to the inside, Sora quickly shut the door behind him as he practically ran and climbed into bed with me, he sank low under the covers so the only part of him that was visible was a mess of brown hair. His back was towards me so I scooted closer- I wasn't really surprised when he reached behind him and grabbed my hand, pulling my arm to wrap around him and hold me tight, "Night Sor…" "Night Rox…" Sleep finally came.

_**How you like this chapter? I know the last two chapters might seem a little off the original story line- but they're not, I promise. And hey, what happened to commenting/reviewing? It makes me sad when I don't get a review- but then again I don't really have self-esteem so that could be why, I really do appreciate reviews- even if it doesn't seem like it (:**_

_**I pretty much blared Apex Predator by Otep this entire chapter xD just felt like sharing that because that is a badass song.**_


	24. Chapter 24: Agreements

_**This story is officially 4 months old :D**_

"Wakey, Wakey," I heard someone speaking loudly, I turned to my side, burying my face in my pillow, "I'm glad you like the pillows and bed spread I bought you," that caught my attention. Rolling over I peeled an eye open and saw Axel standing by the bed, I squeezed the pillow under my head- since when did I have pillows? But I was too tired to further think about that, "Come on, get up," Axel spoke again- his voice was far too happy for the morning, I grunted in response.

He sat on the bed next to me, moving the blanket so it wasn't covering my face anymore; he brushed hair out of my face before he began talking again, "What time did you go to sleep?" "Early…" I mumbled, loosely holding his hand. He laughed in response but remained quiet, "It's almost 8…" I could feel his breath moving my hair, meaning he was really close to me, I rolled over, taking his hand with me so I was now facing the other way- his hand wrapped around me while still holding my own. Laughing yet again I wondered since when did he become a morning person, "It's time to get up," "Time for a nap… take one with me?" holding his hand tighter so he couldn't escape my pride was given a boost as he chuckled before sliding his legs under the blanket and his other arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him.

"A short nap," he whispered, I made some sort of affirming noise before I fell back asleep.

The next time I woke up I felt a little better- Axel's arms where still wrapped around me like they had been when I fell asleep, "You awake?" "Uh-huh…" I whispered, almost wishing I wasn't- but then again, once the thought hit me sleep was unreachable: Axel was holding me, I was in the same bed as him, I was in the same house as Sora. Pulling him closer to me as if to prove to myself that this was real- I couldn't help but smile when Axel added on by holding tighter, rolling around in his arms so I was facing him I looked at his face and again he looked far too awake.

"Did you even take a nap?" quietly I asked him, watching as a grin grew on his face, he replied in the same hushed tone, "Couldn't, I'm too happy to sleep," I smiled back before I hugged him tighter, "Well… we should get up then…" Axel didn't move after I spoke, so I sat up first, looking around the room, "Where's Sora?" he rolled onto his back, but remained looking at me, "Riku came by early this morning- they went to sleep in Sora's room, I think they're still in there," nodding my head I tried to push back the worries about the relationship between Riku and I.

Climbing over Axel was a little more difficult than I thought because not only my body still a little asleep and not functioning 100 percent, but Axel took the chance to wrap his arms around me and pull me down. With my ear against his chest I listened to the deep vibrations of his voice, "I missed you… so much…" "I missed you too…" he finally let go of me and I slowly stood up, walking over to my personal side of the dresser, finding the clothes I wanted to wear for the day.

Ultimately I ended up choosing a pair of loose fitting black pants, and a tight-ish gray and black speckled t-shirt, a beater and boxers were also added in there somewhere, "Don't look," I spoke to him, and of course as soon as I said it he went out of his way to look at me, "I said don't!" my laugh and his soft chuckle echoed in the room, "Hey, I never was one to do as I was told," "Yeah… I know," I mumbled back, he only replied by laughing, quickly I took my chance to change.

Putting my dirty clothes with the rest on top of my dresser was the last thing I did in my room before I walked out into the living room, not knowing what to find- and to be honest, it felt weird, not staying in my room. "Hey Roxas," someone spoke, instantly I connected the voice with Zell, "Hey…" I said nervously, "Finally decide to get out of bed," "Yeah," Axel continued for me, walking to sit on a barstool, looking so casual while he did it- like this was his house instead of mine, "After a short nap," looking at the clock it read only 9:30, apparently it really was a short nap.

"Your brother up yet?" he asked, I shrugged my shoulders, but again Axel was the one to speak, "Don't know- he's been locked in his room with Riku all morning." The blond haired man let out a sigh, "I feel like I should have gone over some rules before I just let you two come over." I don't know why but that made me smile and actually give a small laugh. Nobody acted like it was a big deal though- and that made it feel like it was natural. "Well, either way, we have to go over them sometime today," I finally realized that Zell had a cup of coffee in front of him, it looked a little strange seeing Zell outside of the class room but it made sense because he was- after all, a human being.

Axel and I sat in the living room, on the big couch while Zell sat in the chair again, he looked relaxed but then again so did Axel and I- Axel was laying stretched out with his head on my lap as he watched TV, I too was laying down, just not as out stretched as Axel- I was more like slouching. Hearing a door click open and then quietly shut I watched the hallway to see who walked out, I had a small smile on my face when I saw the mess of brown hair as he rubbed the sleep out of one of his eyes, still dressed in his pj's. "Morning," my response was a little bubbly, when did I become a morning person? "Mornin…" Sora yawned out, sitting on the smaller couch, looking like he was going to fall asleep right there.

Zell suddenly sat up, "Oh, I almost forgot, I have to go get some stuff signed, do you guys want to go?" and guess who was first to respond. Axel and Sora both looked at Zell- sudden eagerness to go somewhere, "I wanna go!" giving a small smile I looked back at Zell, "I feel like just staying here…" he nodded his head but stopped when Axel began talking, "Riku's here…" "Riku's sleeping," I mumbled back, "Yeah… but still…" I guess Axel and Riku really hadn't got as close as I had thought they did while I was away. "What's wrong with that?" my brother asked, I shook my head but as soon as I started I heard another voice.

"Yeah Axel, what's wrong with that?" we all looked up to see Riku standing there at just the end of the hallway. Tapping Axel's shoulder lightly was my signal for him to sit up, "There's no problem…" I mumbled, standing up, Riku asked another question, "No, really Axel?" I turned to Zell, ignoring their conversation, hiding my question behind Axel's response, "Is there anything to drink?" "Yeah, bottom of the fridge," nodding my head I walked out into the kitchen and opened the fridge, grabbing a water as Riku and Axel continued to bicker in the other room.

As soon as I shut the door my heart almost stopped when there was a person standing right next to me, "Why're they fighting?" my brother asked me, I didn't answer but instead walked further into the kitchen, behind the small bar part, Sora walked around to the other side, standing next to the barstools. Brining the bottle up to my lips I continued to listen to their voices- not much caring what they were saying but just hearing the raw voices as they were, "What's that?" stopping from drinking my water I slowly put my arm back down, "What's what?" Sora seemed really serious all of a sudden- more than when he was hearing Axel and Riku fighting.

I found Axel in the kitchen a few feet from me, leaning on the counter while Riku stayed on Sora's side of the counter, "On your arm," I pointed, when I didn't move fast enough he practically jumped over the counter to grab my arm and bend it to look at the scar that was now months old. "Is that a scar?" he paused for a second, "How'd you get it?" "Listen, Sora, it's really old, and it doesn't really matter," before I could even get the "It's really old," part out, Axel began talking, "Why don't you ask your boyfriend…" "What?" Sora snapped looking at Axel then turning back to look at Riku, who didn't look like he regretted a damn thing.

"Sora," making my voice sound strong wasn't really something I was used to but I quickly remembered how to do it, once I gained Sora's attention back I looked at him, "It happened a while ago… it's fine now," "Fine now?" Axel piped in, looking up in a half attempt to roll my eyes I quickly looked back down at Sora, but he wasn't looking at me anymore, "Just tell me what happened," Sora finally said looking around the room at all of our faces, "Why don't you ask him, seems he knows everything." Axel pointed to Riku, "Axel- knock it off," I snapped, he seemed surprised but didn't say anything, "It happened the night you got taken away, Riku was angry and one thing lead to another- it's not a big deal, really, it was just a push gone wrong and I'm sure it was an accident- okay?"

Sora looked at me in surprise; he slowly looked back down at the scar that stretched my forearm before putting his feet back on the ground and letting go, "You and Axel should go with Zell…" he mumbled, "Sor…" "Really Rox…" after taking a moment to let my head clear I nodded my head, "Alright, but walk out with me?" he gave a small nod. He didn't bother getting shoes on, Axel and Zell went out to the car while Sora and I stayed about halfway between the house and car. "Don't do anything you might regret Sor…" his face was set hard, "I won't, don't worry… I'll see you when you get back," I was pulled into a tight hug by my brother, slowly we pulled away, "Alright… bye Sor, love you," "Love you too Rox…" he waited there till we drove off before he stomped back into the house.

Sitting in silence didn't help clear my mind much, Zell sat in the front seat while Axel sat in the passenger, and I sat behind Zell. Watching the scenery pass by helped calm me down a bit, I realized Axel was still quiet- as soon as I made plans in my head to apologize he began talking, "You okay Rox?" "Yeah," letting the word come out with a sigh caught Axel's attention, "I know I didn't really help… but why didn't you just tell Sora the flat out truth?" "I did," "You sugar coated it…" "Ax…" I warned, "You didn't tell him the whole complete truth…" his words faded out quickly after he bit at the end of truth.

He turned around completely in his seat and stayed silent, so did I, Zell had run into a few buildings having a bag full of papers follow him in every time he went inside. The first time Zell disappeared into a building we continued to not say anything, the second though, I was the first to speak, "I'm sorry I snapped at you…" he let out a sigh, "It's alright Rox… I'm sorry for being a douche dick," all seriousness was slipping from my grasp after his comment, I tried holding the laughter in but by the time Zell got back in the car I couldn't hold it in anymore, "What's so funny?" Zell asked with a smile on his face as he headed back the way we came.

"Oh, Roxas is just enjoying me insulting myself," the redhead laughed, "No one told you to insult yourself," I laughed, "Yeah- but it made you smile again," he had the cockiest grin on his face as he turned around and looked at me, I rolled my eyes but the smile stayed on my face. The ride back to the house was silent; the seriousness was slowly slipping in, "What do you think they're doing right now?" Axel asked me, I shrugged, "What do I hope they're doing or what's most likely happening?" "Both." "Umm… well, I hope they've patched things up, but Riku doesn't seem like he really gives a crap about it so they're probably still fighting…"

"What exactly happened that they're fighting over?" the only other blond in the car asked, Axel decided to answer him, "Riku blamed Roxas for Sora getting taken and pushed him into something glass- Roxas still has a scar from it and Riku refuses to apologize for it or to Roxas," "He's not like that with Sora, is he?" "He better not be…" I mumbled, the car became quiet again. When we pulled up to the house it was quiet, I was the first one to walk into the house, "Sora?" I called, walking towards the rooms when I didn't see anyone in the kitchen or living room, "Yeah," the response came from Sora's room, I knocked on the door before opening it, not knowing who I'd find inside.

Sora was sitting on his bed, hugging a pillow and staring at pretty much nothing, "Hey Sor… what happened?" I moved into his room slowly, seeing no Riku, "Nothing really… we had a fight, Riku went home…" "He didn't hit you or say anything bad to you did he?" Riku could consider himself a dead man if he had, Sora shook his head, "And didn't really do anything… I yelled at him and when he told me to calm down I told him to leave…" "So he left," I finished for myself, "Are you guys still good?" there was a pause, "I think he might hate me now…" That was not what I wanted, "What?" "Well… he hasn't tried calling or anything… I don't think he really cares…" "Sor- he obviously cares about you, while you were gone he could've cheated on you or broke up with you, but he didn't because he was going to stay with you till he could be back with you, he wouldn't stop caring after a simple argument…"

He sniffled in response, sitting up a little straighter, "Yeah…" "Hold on," I walked out into the living room, "Do you have a house phone?" I asked Zell, he nodded his head and pointed towards the TV, which had a cordless phone setting right beside it, grabbing it I brought it back into Sora's room and handed it to him, "Call him, fix things up- talk it out, but don't shut him out of your life or push him away." I then walked out of the room, listening for the beeping as Sora dialed the number, and soon I heard those beeps, "Riku? Yeah… it's Sora…" that was all I needed to hear before I walked into my own room, looking around it- I had no idea what I wanted to do. Suddenly I figured out what that was.

"Hey Zell," "Yes Roxas," "Would you mind if I put photo's up?" he looked up at me, "Not at all, but I don't have any tacks…" I thought for a moment, "Isn't there a store at the end of the road?" it was maybe a little over half a mile but really not all that far, "Yeah, you want me to drive you?" "No, I can walk," Axel stood up automatically, "Let's go then," he said, sliding his shoes on, I followed him out the door, "I hope you got money," I smiled at him, I was broke, "Not much but definitely enough for tacks," he laughed.

About 20- 30 minutes later we were at the store, we bought four 80 packs of tacks before heading back, it was peaceful, there wasn't a serious conversation but the conversations weren't set, they were just random things we decided to talk about. When we got back to the house there was a car in the driveway- Riku's car, we entered the house as silently as we could, hoping Riku and Sora wouldn't hear us, and disappeared into my room. I pulled all the photos and notes of mine out for the dresser drawer and set them on the, starting around my bed I started to put photos up, I put a group of photos of Yuna in a bunch, her suicide note in the middle, and I did the same for Leon- though I didn't have his note.

They weren't all separated into people, they were mixed together- between photos, notes, and small pictures drawn there was now a collage on my wall, it was time consuming because not only was I trying to be really careful with the photo's but I also was trying not to get tack holes in them. I made sure the needle part of the tack stuck only into the wall and the surrounding plastic was what kept the photo still against the wall.

By the time I finished it was late- I had no idea where the time went, putting them up wasn't really difficult but I stopped a lot to talk to Axel and I stopped just as much to explain what was happening in certain photos. "I smell food," smiling at the wall because of what Axel had said I turned around and looked at him, "You know there is a fridge- with food in it…" " Yeah, but that would take too long to make, I'm gonna go see what he's making," Axel smiled as he stood up and opened the door. And as luck would have it- as soon as Axel opened the door Riku opened Sora's door, and now they were staring at each other for a second before Axel turned and walking down the hall while Riku turned and walking into the bathroom.

A few minutes later and Axel told me to come get food; he knocked on Sora's door and spoke through it the same thing. Axel and I sat on the small couch- Zell in his chair, and Sora and Riku on the couch, they looked like they had never even fought. Time passed, Sora insisted him and Riku do the dishes, and Axel didn't seem to complain and neither did Riku so I let them have at it. When they had finished Zell chose then to speak. "Hey… I know I'm not really parent material, but I have to go over some stuff with Sora and Roxas tomorrow… and it would just be easier if it was just the three of us…" he sounded really nervous.

"It's no problem," I smiled at Zell, everyone chose to not answer him and I could see that he wasn't really comfortable telling Sora and I what to when he wasn't on job as our teacher. Axel and Riku spent the night, I was out as soon as I slipped into my pj's, and Axel just stripped down to his boxers so he was clad in nothing else. My alarm blared, I don't remember setting it- meaning Axel probably had. I changed into my clothes before I woke Axel up, I felt like wearing a lot of black and white for some reason.

Half and half pants- half black, half white and black checkered, with a black beater and my hoodie over top that- not bothering to put a shirt on made me remember Hayner and everyone. "Axel, it's time to get up," I tried for about 10 minutes to get him up before finally he budged and was moving around, knocking on Sora's door I listened but I didn't hear anything, "Sora… Riku, it's time to wake up," and within a few seconds I heard a mumbled reply of: "I'm up… Riku," my brother whined, "It's time to get up," I smiled before walking back into my room and putting on socks, grabbing a bag that had a notebook in it and walking out to put my shoes on.

Axel, Sora, and Riku were soon up and moving about, fully dressed and fully ready. Sora must have been in the same mind set as me because he came out wearing a pair of dark blue pants, and his blue and white hoodie zipped up to hide his shirt. "Ready to go to school?" the redhead asked, he drove me to school while Riku drove Sora. When we got to school it was strange- it was like we had just spent a weekend away, there was nothing new and it was like nothing had changed.

The school day was the same as usual- Axel and I messing around all day, enjoying the company of our few but close friends, then the day ended, "Guess I'll take you back now," he smiled at me, we walked to his vehicle, talking about random things that had happened throughout the course of the day, now we were saying our goodbyes because we had hung out at my house but Zell was now back, meaning Riku and Axel were supposed to leave.

Once they were out, Zell asked if we'd sit with him in the kitchen, I hadn't even noticed the small table in the corner of the kitchen till he asked as to sit there. "There were some conditions… when it came to me becoming your guardian," "Like what?" "Well… I'll just go through the list," he pulled out that bag he had in the car yesterday and pulled out a folder, neither Sora nor I could read it. "This just recommends I give you curfews… and I was kinda hoping you two would just ask me before you went somewhere… so I know where you were going and who you were going with," I didn't really like that rule, it seemed a little strict.

"A bunch of things I'm recommended to try if you begin to fail any of your classes…" he handed us the sheet, we briefly looked it over, we wouldn't have to worry about failing. "This is the one I was really worried about…" he pulled out a few papers at once and laid them on the table, setting the folder in the empty chair next to him, "They insist, it's in my best interest, and we all agree it's good for you…. But they want you to see a therapist," "What?" Sora and my own voice sounded like one as we gaped at him.

"I know you might now want to," "We're not some disturbed case…" I mumbled, not feeling very happy with this. "I know you're not, neither of you are, but there's nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. You've both gone through a lot… this isn't to make you seem like a disturbed case Roxas, it's meant to help you deal with things that you might now know are affecting you. If he doesn't see anything not at ease then at least you'll have someone to talk to in general…"

"I don't want to go…" I muttered and Sora agreed with me, "I'm sorry, but you have to- it was in part of the custody papers, you'll both go twice a week, you'll each get a session to yourself one time a week and then the other time you will do family therapy- where it'll be both of you together." We stayed silent, we really didn't like this.

"That's what I was doing yesterday, setting everything up… your psychiatrist, wants to see Roxas every Monday- a few hours after school And every Wednesday- again, a few hours after school, Sora, you'll have your own session with the same doctor. And on Friday's, the both of you will go in and talk- a family therapy session…" "And what if we refuse to go?" I asked, he licked his lips before talking, "Well… I don't really know… I agreed to these terms when I became your legal guardian's…" the message was clear in my head, "Okay…" I mumbled, "Well… your sessions will be backwards this week because of it being your first time there, group session today- Wednesday is Sora's day and Friday will be Roxas, then it'll go back to the way I said before… okay?"

"Yeah…" we slowly followed him out to the car, on our ride over to the place Sora and I stayed silent, "I know you don't want to go but it's not going to hurt either of you in anyway if you go, it could help if you let it…" he looked in his rearview mirror at us, "Then again, you can sit there and not say anything- just as long as you go…"

We pulled up to a brick building, the cement steps outside were crooked off the ground and crooked on their own- but they were solid. We walked through a mostly glass door, and then through another. There was a hallway straight to the right, I looked down to see a door at the end and a few doors on the walls of the hallway, straight ahead was a corner that created the illusion that this was a room, wooden chairs with a purplish red lined both walls, along with some tables with magazines. There was another hallway that ran in an opposite direction from the hallway to my right, I couldn't see down this one though.

There was another row of chairs- these ones back to back that weren't against the wall but rather in the middle of the room- as if they were leading off the wall that would be there if the hallway wasn't there, pretty much where a wall should be. We walked to the left to see a woman sitting behind a sliding glass window; a circular metal piece occupied a small part of the window where she talked out of. "Sora and Roxas Rhapsodos are here for their appointment," Zell spoke into the metal piece, she started writing and typing, "Dr. Valentine will be right out to see you," she smiled. I sat against the far wall, the seat closest to the door, Sora followed my league.

A few minutes later a man with long black hair, and a causal black suit with a red tie walked out, and looked around the room, "Sora and Roxas Rhapsodos?" he asked looking at us, I looked at the door before I stood up and walked towards him, he walked us down the hall, and opened a door for us. We walked in and stood awkwardly, his room was elongated, favoring the door, there was a couch and a two chairs, "Please sit," he said as he sat in his own chair, I sat in the couch as close to the door as I could get while allowing Sora the seat that was actually closest.

"Well…" he said after a few minutes, "I guess we should get started," I imminently looked out the windows that were on the opposite wall of the door, looking at the trunk of a tree, waiting for the hour to be up so we could back to our lives that held no worries for us.

_**I really wanted to update a chapter today- for the whole 'this story is officially 4 months old' thing. So I just started typing this chapter at around 8/8:30 pm and it's 11:50 pm right now **_

_**I LOVE YOUR GUY'S REVIEWS and don't ever doubt that :3 seriously, they mean a lot to me**_


	25. Chapter 25: Reactions

Chapter 25

The session was pretty quiet, I figured Sora would have been the one to keep talking with _Vincent_ but he didn't say anything and I was in no mood to say anything for him, and Vincent let us just sit there in silence the entire time. We passed the time by either looking out the window- what I was doing, and looking at the door- what Sora was doing and what I was also doing a few times, as well as both of us staring at the clock. As we walked out to the hall, down the way we came, Vincent told us he wanted us to send Zell down, "Zell," I started, thinking Sora still wasn't in a talking mood but Sora finished my sentence, "He wants to see you."

Zell gave us the car keys and went down the hall to meet Vincent- who was just standing next to his open door waiting, and I'm not gonna lie- he looked a little like a creeper. When the tall blond got into the car he didn't say anything about what he and Vincent talked about, but rather asked us what we thought, "It's okay… but it's not like we said anything while we were there," Sora mumbled from the back seat, I looked in the side mirror at him. He huffed against the glass and was now lazily drawing on it, "Zell," I began while still looking at my brother before snapping my attention to the man driving, "You're not paying for this, are you?"

He looked at me a bit surprised before looking back at the road, "I pay about 30 percent of it… why?" "It just…" thinking my next words carefully before I spoke, "Seems like a waste of money…" "It's not a waste," he quickly countered, but he knew what I meant so I didn't bother to say anything more. Driving straight back to the house didn't make the silence seem any less deafening, finally pulling up and filing our way inside behind the house behind Zell he asked, "So what do you guys want for dinner?"

"It doesn't matter to me…" Sora mumbled behind me, when Zell looked at me I shrugged my shoulders, "That doesn't help me know what to cook," there was a brief silence, "What do you want?" my voice was quiet and that's when I finally took notice to something. There was this small tingle in the back of my head, ever since I had gotten back from the group home, that was telling me to be afraid, telling me to act calm so I don't start anything, stay smart so I don't get Sora hurt, and I was finally paying attention to it.

Slipping into the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror, the low starting mirror made me look taller, but looking taller just made me look more like a piece of board, my hair was still swept to one side- I think it was permanent now, and my face was set. Leaning closer to the mirror to better inspect my face, I didn't look like I was afraid, I didn't look how I felt I did- like my emotions weren't reaching my face. Pulling away I looked at myself like I was a stranger- I had a frown in place, my eyes were gently set, and my posture was a bit on the straight side, my hoodie- which looked like it was a short sleeve over top a long sleeve shirt just made me look like I was trying to be tough, and I decided then that I was done looking at myself in the mirror.

Washing my hands I walked back out into the kitchen to find Sora standing in the kitchen and Zell nowhere to be seen. "Wanna help me cook?" my brother asked, I gave a smirk, "That depends," leaning on the counter I looked at him, "What is it?" he gave a small smile back, "Nothing too challenging to make, just some microwaveable frozen chicken strips and some mash potatoes." "Sure," I smiled, moving around the counter to find the chicken strips, setting them on a cookie tray and sliding them into the oven- it was easier to put them in the oven then in the microwave.

Zell came out of his room, while Sora was getting the stuff ready to make instant mash potatoes, I leaned against the counter with my arms propping me up on my sides as if I was going to push myself up and sit on the counter. Watching Zell fill up this glass with grape juice, I was intrigued by the cup not only because it was a thick glass and reflected the dark purple color through something like mirrors, but because on the thick glass was a detailed mold of what looked like a wolf's head with a bull ring through its nose.

Staring at the cup- I knew I had seen the detailed wolf somewhere before but I couldn't place it, "You like it?" I heard Zell ask; looking up at his face I hadn't known he was paying attention to me, "Oh… Yeah, yeah, where'd you get it?" "Believe it or not- I have friends and it's actually a gift from a very close one of them; I've had this glass for a very long time," he had a smile on his face, he was on the other side of the counter but I still had my back to him while looking at him as he set his glass down a little far in from the edge, "I almost forgot," he took one last sip before setting the glass back down, "I gotta work on something for class tomorrow," he gave a smile as he disappeared into his room.

I wanted to ask Sora if he thought the wolf looked familiar but I couldn't stop staring at it, trying to place it in my own mind, minutes passed as I heard the beeping of the microwave go off to alert me that the chicken was done, but before I could react, Sora was already on it. Everything happened in slow motion- watching the cup as it sat precariously on the counter, I saw Sora place a heat matt thing on the counter to set the cookie sheet on, I could hear the oven door squeal as it was opened and suddenly I heard a curse word from my brother. Before I could look at him I watched in somewhat horror as the cookie sheet was thrown onto the counter- sliding off the matt to ram into the glass cup I had taken so much interest in, the heavy glass gave way to the force and slid to jump of the edge.

My body twisted in reaction as if I might be able to catch the glass, but the heart shocking crash and ear splitting shatter as it hit the ground reverberated through the kitchen- through the house. My toes and legs tingled- like I had slipped but managed to get my footing back before I fell on my butt, I ran around the counter to look at the broken mess on the floor, Zell would be pissed about his cup, I looked up at Sora to see him clutching his hand but looking at me with the same wide eyes. It was like I could hear his heartbeat from more than an arm's reach away- and it matched mine, we both jumped as Zell's door flew open, Sora tried to hide his smarting hand as he stared up at the blond.

Before we bother to turn to look at the blond though, my mind reeled with a strange question, "Did I look like that right now?" were my eyes wide with panic, my heart beating out of my chest, my body completely still as if the slightly movement will alert Zell of our presence if the broken glass hadn't already, did I look that scared? Looking up at the blond that had just entered I felt like I was frozen right before I could jump- that moment when someone scars you, before relief settles over you when you realize it was them, I was frozen right before that relief could settle in. "What happened?" he finally asked, I could see Sora starting to move his mouth- no sound came out though, he was terrified and I could even think to get my mouth to work, I must have looked worse off.

"I broke your glass," quickly choking out the sentence, all eyes turned to me, I had practically shouted it to get it out, Zell seemed confused for a minute before I quickly bent down to clean up the mess. Taking in the shattered pieces, I picked out the still mostly together base and put the smaller pieces into it, cutting my finger while I tried to place the piece of glass inside the other glass but I didn't react. I could see Sora for the most part- he remained standing in front of me, my heart sped up in pace, and once someone placed their hand on my shoulder I practically threw myself to the side. The glass clattered the small distance to the ground, the one sound in the house as I fell back on my hands, one of my hands landing in the grape juice, I stared at the hand.

The hand seemed to remain there an eternity as it stayed stranded in mid-air, I waited- watched in stock terror to see when it would turn into a fist, trying to brace myself for impact, my heart made no noise- like it knew what was about to happen. My body tingled as if it was trying to use all its senses of feeling in fear that in a few seconds I would have feeling ever again, my breathing wasn't even there- it stopped along with my heart. Suddenly everything picked up, the hand shot up into the air, the body in front of me backing up; I watched the hands even though they weren't near me, air quickly finding its way into my lungs as my heart began to race in my ears.

"Woah…" the voice said, the look on his face was different, it wasn't right- it didn't look like it should, "Relax Roxas," he backed up, my temples felt like they were running past their power as they tried to figure out why he was acting this way. This wasn't how he would normally act, his face wouldn't look like that, his hands wouldn't be held in the air like that, he wouldn't be backing away, and he wouldn't be speaking calmly like he was speaking to a baby. Sora ran behind Zell, I felt him grab my upper arm, pulling me to the side as my feet continued not to support my weight but instead stayed bent in front of me, my eyes stayed locked on the man now a small distance next to me.

Clinging to Sora's arm I pushed my mind to work and my feet to function, tripping a few times to get my feet to work properly, once they did I was practically running away, still clutching Sora's arm as we sped up to get into the bathroom. Locking the door behind us, I was sat on the closed toilet, looking up at Sora I saw him take out something from beneath the sink, a white box. Shaking my head I stood up, taking Sora's hand in my own as I looked at the burn that stretched across his palm, it didn't look too bad but it was red and already turning a bit brown, I grabbed his shoulders and made him hit down.

Making a mess of the small organized box, my hands pulled out the gauze and medical tape, throwing them into the sink while my other hand continued going through the now messy box till I found a small white box with a little bit of red. Holding the box in front of me I scanned over the words, having to turn the box in my hands a few times before I found the front, seeing the letters that instantly triggered my mind into reading "Burn Ointment", I peeled open the box and struggled to open the ointment before squeezing the containments onto Sora's palm, gently rubbing it around his palm.

Looking up at Sora's face briefly I saw his eyebrows draw close together while he took in a deep breath, I moved back over to the gauze package that still lied in the sink, ripping the paper to pull the fabric like material out, placing it gently on Sora's palm. Reaching in blindly, my eyes locked on the gauze, I pulled out the medical tape- rolled into a small plastic container like a yo-yo, sliding off the shield around the edges I struggled to get the tape out, wiping the small amount of ointment still on my hand off on my pants.

Trying to get the end of the tape my hands would hold still enough to clearly grab it, finally I got a hold of it and pulled the tape out, holding the un-ripped tape above the gauze, trying to line it up right before I placed it against the material. I noticed then how much my hands were shaking, not only my hands but my whole body, the tremors spread throughout my being like my body wanted to flinch but couldn't agree on which way to flinch. Sora noticed my dilemma and placed his unburned hand on my wrist, gently holding my arm while he looked up at me, "Roxas… it's okay," he finally whispered, he seemed completely fine and I realized how much more terrified I was than Sora, forcing myself to take a deep breath I closed my eyes.

"We're in a bathroom, nothing's wrong, I'm just helping Sora patch up his hand, there's no problems," I ranted in my mind over and over again, opening my eyes a few seconds later to slowly place the tape against Sora's bare skin around the outer edge of his palm, running the tape around the outer edge of the gauze across his palm, around the backside of his hand, and then around the other outer edge of the gauze. Instead of wrapping around his hand against with the tape I wrapped it around the whole palm of his thumb, across the back of his hand under his thumb- pretty much to his wrist, then back up along the pad of his thumb, crossing the end of the gauze before ripping the tape and pressing the end into his skin gently.

Sora moved his fingers and his thumb, the gauze staying in place, he looked up at me, I still felt panicked and I couldn't tell why, "Rox…" Sora started, placing both his hands on my lower arms/wrists again, "It's okay," he said again, I nodded my head, I knew it was okay- but for some reason I just couldn't get my body to calm down. He stood up and moved me gently by his hold on me so I was now sitting on the closed toilet, he pulled out a disinfectant wipe and began to wash my hand, I noticed then the gash in my finger- wrapping around the tip of my finger, just around the edge of my finger nail all the way around to the middle of the pad of my finger, the cut deep, blood covered my finger tip and nail, some streams of blood having dripped onto my other fingers.

Sora cleaned and bandaged me up; telling me everything was okay before he signaled his leave- after cleaning up, and shutting the door behind him. I don't know how long I sat there, how long it took before my body calmed down enough so just my hands were shaking. Standing up I closed my eyes, walking to the door so I had no chance to look at myself in the mirror, I walked out through the living room and through the kitchen, bringing my hand up to knock on Zell's door. I didn't know what I planned on saying- I wanted to apologize for breaking his cup, and for how I acted, but I heard him talking; the small shrill sound after he spoke told me he was on the phone with someone.

I listened, I don't know why but I couldn't move, my hand stayed up to the door like I was about to knock, "I don't know Vincent, he looked like he was terrified," I heard Zell speak, I could hear the rhythmic thumping and pattering like he was pacing his room. "Yeah, I touched his shoulder and the look he gave me," the shrill voice continued to speak whenever Zell wasn't, "It was like he thought I was going to kill him over a cup," the shrill voice responded, talking an awful lot this time. "Yeah… well, I understand… yeah… okay, yeah, and," before I could hear what Zell said next my heart stopped beating.

A hand slid around my face to clamp over my mouth as hand shadowing my own, wrapping around it so I couldn't knock on the door, "Shh Rox…" they whispered into my ear, I instantly recognized the voice, turning around in his grasp I wrapped my arms around his waist tightly, holding onto the redhead like my life depended on it. The hand that was once covering my mouth was now buried in my hair, running through it softly while the hand that had been covering my own was now wrapped around my back to hold my shoulder.

I didn't want to let go- but we couldn't stay outside Zell's door much longer or he would come out and find us and I was not ready to deal with that. We walked into my room, Axel flipped the light on even though I entered the room first, I on the other hand blindly found my way to my bed and laid face down, picking up a pillow and placing it over top my head, my hands forcing the cotton object down. Feeling the bed dip beside me made me strengthen the force I was applying to the pillow, he placed his hand on my back and slowly began to rub between and over my shoulder blades.

"Are you alright?" the redhead asked, I turned my head to the side, moving the pillow a bit so my words didn't come out muffled but having it so it still covered the side of my face that wasn't in the bed, "I'm such an idiot…" I mumbled back, hating myself for how I acted but still unable to get rid of the shakes in my hands. The pillow was gently pulled away from me, managing to swipe my hair across my face; I could feel Axel looking at me, "You are _not_ an idiot," "You should've seen his face when I looked at him…" I mumbled, "I acted like he was…" I turned my head into the bed and attempted to hide my face, embarrassed and ashamed at how I acted, and who I was comparing Zell to.

"Like he was who?" he asked, I felt his hand on my shoulder gently lifting up like he was trying to get me to face him. After a little bit of a fight- mostly me just being dead weight and quickly going back to the way I was before, he repeated, "Like who Rox?" finally I came to a quick decision, sitting up I looked at him and stared him in the eye, "Like he was Genesis," searching his surprised eyes my mind remembered. When Zell stood straight in front of me, his hands up at his sides like he was saying he wasn't going to do anything, his eyes wide like he was afraid, his face full of concern, and his voice gentle as he tried to calm me down. I pictured him as Genesis- that's why everything was wrong, Genesis would've had his hands clenched into fists, he would've been shouting, his face full of anger and hate, he would've been crushing me with his weight as he slammed his fists against anything he could touch. What Zell had done seemed wrong, like it wasn't the proper response.

Axel letting out a sigh brought me back to what was actually happening, "Rox," he began, not looking at me but rather off to the side, "Zell isn't Genesis…" "I know that," I mumbled back, still looking at his eyes even though he wasn't looking at me, "So you know that no one is going to hit you anymore?" I was shocked by the simplicity his voice did his statement, "I wasn't…" my mouth started moving, "It wasn't like that…" I finished, I wanted Axel to see it from my point of view, but I could tell by the way he scoffed that he wasn't- nor ever going to try. "Fine, whatever it _was_ _like_, you know it's not going to happen again… right? You know not all people are like that, right?"

No longer able to look him in the eye I instead looked at the ground, his eyes felt like they were burning my skin, so I decided that it was time for bed, I pulled the blanket out from under me and curled up under the blanket. As soon as I settled down completely under the blanket I felt it get pulled down and the light bulb glowed in my vision even when my eye lids were closed. "Rox, look at me," I felt a comforting pressure on both sides of me and on top of my upper half, slowly I opened my eyes to see Axel's face inches from my own, "You know that," he said again, "Right?" I stayed silent I didn't know what to say- but the moment my mind decided to react I didn't have time to filter it from my leaving my mouth.

"You can't say that…" he seemed surprised by that, "You can't promise that..." he stayed where he was, he didn't move, he didn't say anything, he just continued to stare into my eyes, "No…" he finally said, "I can't promise you that... but I can promise I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening…" we stayed silent, him being nice only covered what I did to Zell for a little while, "Okay… but, I'm still an idiot," I brought the subject back, hoping he could give me answers of how to make it up to Zell. Instead I saw a smile light up his face, "You can be an idiot all you want- I'm smart enough for both us," he had the cocky smile on his face and I couldn't help but smile along with him.

"You're such a dork," I laughed, he feigned hurt but when I leaned up the small distance and kissed him on his cheek he smiled back. As he sat up, the smile still on his face, I sat up too, looking at him, "How'd you end up behind me when I went to knock on Zell's door?" I decided to ask, curiosity getting the best of me, he looked at me the smile slowly diminishing, "Sora called me… he told me I needed to come over… when I got here you were still locked in the bathroom… Sora told me what happened, I went into your room and figured I wait for you… but you didn't walk straight in here…"

Nodding my head it all made sense, we didn't say anything for a while, "So," Axel started, "You ready to go to bed?" I nodded my head, sliding out of bed and finding my pj's on top of the dresser from the night before, I slide them back on- the fabric now familiar, I slid out of my hoodie and then turned around, taking my shoes off in the process, sitting on the bed to take off my socks as Axel stood near the door, already stripped down to what he planned on wearing his finger waiting on the light switch till I got all situated in the bed, I nodded my head before laying down. I flew up in the air, a gasp leaving my lips as there was suddenly nothing underneath me for a second before the bed came back up and hit me.

Axel was laughing next to me, smacking him lightly I couldn't stop laughing, "You know- you jump on my bed too much and you might break it," his chuckling stayed the same as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled over to him, "I've got a better way to break it," I faced palmed, "Really?" I asked, unable to hide the laugh from my voice, his hand moved up from my waist to my cheek, tilting my face so I was facing him as much as I could from how I was laying. Feeling his lips press against my lips gently he pulled away and spoke, "Really," I smiled, "You're a perv," he buried his face in the pillow next to my head as he chuckled, turning so he had his arms wrapped around me, "Wouldn't be any fun if I wasn't," the smile stayed on my face, till dreamland took over and everything from the day came back.

The next day went by quick- mostly because I used every second to think about what to say to Zell, worrying about what he would think and what he would say, school ended and Axel drove me back to the house while Sora went to Riku's. We sat in the living room from the moment we got to the house till almost 6, waiting for Zell to show up, but he never did, I ended up going into my room, deciding to do some homework. Finally the front door opened, Axel talked to him for a second and then I heard another door shut- it was Zell's bedroom door though, I could already tell.

My door opened and I looked to see Axel walking through, I turned from my desk as Axel sat on the bed, "He had parent teacher conferences all afternoon… and he probably had to go to yours and Sora's also- that's why he was so late…" I nodded my head, a little disappointed but also relieved, I really didn't know what I planned on saying to him but I thought maybe when I got to see him I would be able to tell him- be able to come up with something to tell him. Axel waved his hand, asking me to come towards him and I was not going to deny him, once I was by the bed he pulled me in a hug, pulling me to lay on the bed next to him, my arm looped around his side. Needless to say I went to bed early that night- hugging Axel tight and hanging half off the bed.

When I woke up I felt wide awake- not I've been scared shitless and now I can't go back to sleep but rather I've slept enough and my body can't take anymore sleep- but in a revived way not sluggish way, looking around I saw Axel's sleeping face, his arm wrapped around my waist as he laid on his side and I laid on my back. Looking at the clock it was only a few minutes before my alarm would go off, I sighed- not wanting to get out of bed but knowing my alarm was going to scare the shit out of me if it went off while I was awake. I climbed out of bed and flicked the alarm off, looking down to see my sweatshirt and shirt had been taken off- leaving me in my beater.

"Axel," I started pushing his back, nudging him to wake up, "It's time to get up…" he grunted, rolling over on his back, "Did Sora come back last night?" he grunted again and it sounded like a no, but just to be sure I walked across the hall and knocked, when I got no answer I opened the door and found it empty. Back in my room I found Axel pulling his pants on with his eyes closed, "Tired Ax?" he shook his head, waving his hand like he could physically wave the question away. He pulled on his socks and found his shirt, "Hey," "Hey what?" he asked, his eyes still closed as he fell back on the bed, "We should throw a party for Sora this afternoon, you know- have everyone give him is presents that he never got at the holiday's or his birthday, we still have to give him all the gifts but I think we should do it today- after his therapy session."

I had already explained the therapy session nonsense to Axel in school yesterday- first thing I did when he asked what Zell wanted to talk about. "Yeah, sounds like a plan," pushing my school stuff into my bag I looked at Axel, "Do you think you could ask Zell for me?" there was a silence for a few seconds, "Yeah… I'll ask him," I smiled, "Thanks," not too long after that we headed out to school.

Zell said it was fine so Axel started texting everyone about the plans, Zexion couldn't make it but he was the only one, they would all surprise Sora after the therapy session at the house, I pretty much had to force Axel to text Riku. The school day was over and we went back to the house, Riku lied to Sora saying he had to go somewhere and couldn't give him a ride- so Sora was riding with me and Axel, Riku was actually going to help get stuff for the party. "Hey Rox," he asked me while we were sitting in the car, "Yeah Sor?" "Are you gonna go with me to that place today?" he seemed upset about something, "Yeah- I'll just wait in the waiting room when you're in your session, I won't be able to go in with you though," I saw in the mirror as he briefly smiled on for the smile to soon vanish and he looked even more sad than before.

Zell pulled up not too much after us, "Ready to go?" he asked Sora, "Can I go for the ride?" I hesitantly asked, Zell seemed shocked that I was actually talking to him but he didn't say anything about that, instead he said, "Yeah- the more the merrier," "What about Axel?" Sora asked, but before I could come up with a lie Axel spoke, "I plan on taking a nap, and copying most of Roxas' homework," I gave him a look because I knew he was being serious, "What?" he asked with an innocent look on his face, "I already know you finished it all," that innocent look turned into something that said, "Did you expect anything different from me?" shaking my head I laughed at him as I filed out the door, "Bye!" Axel shouted.

We stayed quiet in the car, I undid my seatbelt when we pulled up, but Sora spoke as he was already halfway out the door, "No, it's okay Rox, stay in the car," "Uh…" I said surprised, "Okay," I relaxed back into the seat. Zell yawned and I realized this was the moment I could talk to him- we would be sitting here for at least another hour with nowhere to go and nothing to say, so I figured I could talk to him about what happened a few days ago. "Hey… Zell…" "Hmm?" I stayed quiet, thinking of what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.

"Well…" I started, itching my nose, "I'm sorry…" I decided to start, "About how I acted a few days ago… and about your cup…" "Roxas…" I heard him say, I heard as he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I scared you," "You didn't scare me…" I mumbled, not liking that idea. He only let out a breath like a laugh, "And the cup- was just a cup, it would've broken eventually…" "Yeah," I thought, "But it broke sooner than it should've because Sora and I are now invading your life," if I had said that I think it would've started trouble, so I stayed silent not knowing what else to say.

"Roxas," he started, looking at me, "You know…" I was staring at my fingers and my palms that laid face up on my lap, "You know I wouldn't… hurt you… or ever _do_ anything to hurt you or your brother… don't you?" I stayed silent, biting my lip, looking off to the side away from him. He let out a sigh, I could see out of my peripherals him rubbing his forehead, "Roxas… can I tell you something?" looking up at him I waited for him to continue, this time he didn't look at me. "You know I was really close to your brother, him and I were always together- as much as Cloud and Zack are now," I was a little surprised, I didn't think he was that close to Leon.

"Yeah," he saw the look on my face, "We were that close… you know how I wasn't really around all that much… Well… the reason for that was something only a few people know," I waited for him to continue but I could tell this was difficult for him. "While the three of you were going through that… I was going through something like it myself- it wasn't as bad as your guy's home… but I know Roxas…" he looked at me and my reaction was too slow to be able to look away without looking like I was avoiding him. "I know what it's like," he looked forward again, out the front of the parked car, "To worry for minutes outside the front door about who's inside, if they're drunk, if they're angry or upset, if you're going to get hurt or have to lie your way into your room to make sure you don't end up dead…"

I didn't care if he saw me looking at him this time, "It started to get worse that was near the time you stopped seeing me… I had seen you so much when you and Sora were babies and little kids, but once you got a little bit older… I couldn't be around as much- I talked to Leon, Cloud, and Zack still but only briefly, soon it was just too much… I moved away, moved in with my grandfather and life turned up for me but I was too far away to be able to help you and Sora…" he took a deep breath, keeping eye contact with me.

"I know what it's like, so don't for a second think I would ever do that to someone else, I would never hurt you or Sora, I can promise you that…" it was weird seeing Zell so serious and uptight, to think about it- before all this happened he was laid back and easy going, like Axel, and now he was being serious to reassure me. We sat in the completely silent car, both of us thinking about something, "Zell… thanks…" he gave a small laugh, "Of course," "And I'm sorry about the cup- again," "It's alright… besides… I know you didn't break it." I gaped up at him, he tapped his temple as if to say he was smart and could actually use his brain, I slid down in the seat, felling slightly embarrassed that I might have sorta played Zell as a fool.

Crossing my arms across my waist I held myself tight, finding myself to be cold now, I hooked my index finger on each hand around the front belt loop, relaxing into the seat and trying to keep warm. Hearing a knocking on the window I looked up to see Sora standing there, and with a tall dark haired man behind him. Quickly I sat up, unlocking the doors so Sora could jump in the back, "Zell…" I whispered, "Zell," Sora spoke louder, the man raised his head off the window and turned to look at us, he must have seen Vincent's face in the window because he quickly scrolled down the window to my door. "Hey," "You still want Roxas' appointment for this Friday?" Zell nodded his head, "Alright, the schedule for next week is already set, it was nice seeing you Sora," he nodded at me, "Roxas," he looked up at Zell, "Bye Zell."

As we drove back to the house I looked at Zell when Sora asked, "Do you and him know each other?" "Yup, we went to school together," the rest of the car ride was quiet; I wondered if that was before or after he moved in with his grandfather. When we pulled up to the house we started walked towards the house, Zell and I walking slower to make sure Sora would be the first one to open the door. He opened it slowly, not really in a hurry to get inside, and as soon as the door opened the lights were flicked on to help with the lighting- and a group 7 or 8 people all yelling "Surprise, Sora," was enough to make my brother gape.

When we got in and shut the door Sora looked all around the room, noticing everyone standing around, "Hi guys," he had a toothy grin on his face, "What's the occasion?" Kairi was the first to speak, standing in front of Saïx- who for once had a smile on his face, "It's a makeup holiday," Sora raised an eyebrow, "Well… since you were gone for a few major holiday's," Marluxia began, "Like Christmas," Naminé butted in, "And New Year's," Demyx added, "Valentine's day," Riku smiled, "A birthday," I put my hand on his shoulder, "We put all your presents in a room so we could give you your gifts when you got back," Marluxia finished.

"R-really?" he seemed surprised, "Really," I smiled, placing a hand on his back to push him into the room further, getting him in reach of everyone else who made him sit in the middle of the couch. Zell stood by the door as everyone took their seat, I wanted him to come over and watch Sora open his presents, but before I could ask I was grabbed my wrist and pulled over. Hands were placed on my hips and those hands pulled me down, I _meeped_ in the process, not knowing what I was sitting on but knowing it wasn't a soft cushion on the love seat couch.

Looking behind me I saw Axel smiling, but not at me, at Sora, who already had a present shoved into his hands. I turned to watch, seeing Demyx was sitting on the two person couch with us, across the room Saïx sat in the chair while Kairi sat on the floor- deciding to be the one that was going to hand Sora all of his gifts. Next to Sora was Riku, and on the other side of Sora was Marluxia on the end and Naminé between my brother and her boyfriend, Sora looked around the room, looked at the giant mound of presents and then back at everyone.

In total Sora had 41 presents to open (including cards), most of them small trinkets like necklaces and bracelets- mostly homemade, he got 13 cards in total, everyone had given him at least one card- except for me, I gave him 4, one for each holiday. Most the cards were for Valentine's Day though, he also got a gift of photos, pictures of him and Riku and Kairi and Marluxia on the daily adventures they went through. By the end of everything, when all the trash had been put into trash bags and the cards back in their envelopes, Sora looked like he wanted to cry.

He had said thank you personally after every gift he opened, but after the 5th one Axel told him to stop saying thank you and just wait till the end, it was the end now, and Sora was looking around the room, "Thank you… thanks you guys- you're the best," "No problem," almost everyone said back, "You're a good friend, you deserve to know we care about you," Kairi smiled. The whole sentimental thing soon turned into any time you have several friends in one room, complete and utter ridiculousness. I had moved off Axel's lap to sit in front of the TV though I was still facing everyone, Axel followed me down- alone with Demyx, Marluxia and Naminé moved to the now free couch and everyone just moved closer to the table so we could see each other's faces and move about as we liked.

Somehow in all the childish laughter Demyx and Sora were having a stare down, trying not to blink and they were surprisingly getting very far, Axel winked at me as he moved closer to Demyx, looking him in the eye, inching closer and closer, Demyx only slightly moved away not wanting to lose. Axel slowly brought his finger up and pointed at Demyx's face, moving his finger closer to his cheek every second, Demyx saw out of the corner of his eye and pushed Axel's hand down. When the redhead tried with the other hand Demyx only pushed that hand down too, so Axel leaned closer and closer and then began to slowly blow air into Demyx's eye.

We all watched as his eye began to twitch, "Axel," Demyx warned, but Axel kept it up, and soon Demyx was blinking, his eyes crying a river as he swatted at Axel, who was in a laughing fit. Everyone in the room seemed to be laughing but Axel seemed to be laughing the hardest, he sat up, holding his sides as he laughed, and soon he began falling, and keeping his body bent the way it was while he was sitting up he was now laying with his head behind me, laughing into the carpet.

"You guys suck," Demyx whined, a small smile on his face, that only made everyone else laugh harder, Axel on the other hand had gained back some of his composure and was now sitting up. Instantly I felt hands on my thighs and hips, before I could react Axel pulled me up to sit on his lap, "Axel," I probably sounded like a two year old whining but I didn't care, he crossed his arms over my chest and held me tight, I looked up at him, unable to see his face even though I was trying. I huffed and let myself rest against his chest, looking around the room I saw Riku wiping Sora's cheeks where a few tears had fallen.

Kairi and Saïx were talking, Naminé and Marluxia were laughing about something and within a few minutes each one of them kissed I looked back over at the lonely Demyx, "You guy's suck!" he whined again, gaining everyone's attention as to why they were getting yelled at this time, Axel smiled, "It's okay Dem, you can kiss Roxas," I glared at Axel wondering where that came from, he had a shit eating grin on his face, "They all made out," Demyx countered, I could tell he was seeing how far he could go with this, "You could try with Rox, he tastes delicious," he smiled.

"Oh, 'cuz you know how I taste?" raising an eyebrow I looked at him and he just continued to smile, "I speak from experience," "You can't get experience from dreams Ax," I quickly countered, seeing the small look of shock on his face, everyone was laughing hysterically around the room, he whispered in my ear, too low for Demyx to hear, "If I dream about it enough it does," my face felt on fire, I froze, the blush spread across my face and Axel stopped me from moving away from him when he tightened his hold around me and buried his face in my neck.

Everyone left around the same time, leaving Sora, Riku, Zell, Axel, and I in the house, Zell smiled when Sora thanked him, thanking him for allowing it, Riku and Sora said they had it handled with taking everything into my brother's room so Axel and I went into my room.

_**Hiya. :D **_


	26. Chapter 26: Wanting Help

I forced Axel to go home, he still had a brother there- and while I liked him always over, I didn't want him to stop being with his family just so he could constantly come over to my house. The next day, I woke up restless, feeling angry about nothing in particular, Sora had his own alarm set and I was left in my room- feeling pissed off about everything yet nothing at the same time. Staying locked in my head I was quiet as we got on the bus and headed off to school, my knuckles itched as if they just wanted me to get in a fight.

Even though I was angry- it was a normal Thursday, nothing eventful had happened so far, till between second and third class, Axel and I were taking our sweet time, the bell to signal the start of class had already chimed and the halls were now empty. Axel said he'd meet me in class and walked down the hallway towards the bathroom. Taking the longest way to the class room was my way of trying to get control of my mind, I dragged my knuckles against the lockers- banging the bones against the metal, but it didn't make me feel better- it didn't even hurt. Closing my eyes I tried to reveal in the feeling, in the small tingle of pain, but I was caught off guard as I walked full force into something.

Opening my eyes I was a bit shocked to see Seifer standing there, an annoyed yet content look on his face, "You should watch where you're going Chicken wuss," I rolled my eyes, "Maybe you should watch where you decide to pop up," the lip came out of nowhere but I didn't regret it. Feeling a tingle down my back and down my arms I looked up at Seifer who had just thrown me into the lockers, his hand pulling the fabric of my shirt into his fist in an attempt to have a hold on me. "What'd you say to me?" he seemed pissed but there was also a small smile there, "I said," I leaned a little closer, "Fuck you," he brought his arm up quick and a pressure spread across my cheek bone and eye socket.

Before the pain could register, before I could really even get my balance I was punching him back, aiming for his eye but instead hitting his jaw, my fist felt on fire like it was full of energy and nothing could stop it. As he went to punch me again I rammed my shoulder into his stomach, I felt the same pressure explode on my spine, my legs tingling at the feeling, I stepped back while pushing him away, getting a good look at him. In only about 2 running steps I was close to him again, my arm wound back while my other arm remained blocking my front, and just like that I snapped my fist forward and hit him square in the face.

I could feel his nose bend and snap under the pressure of my fist, the content smug and taunting smile he had been wearing was now on my face instead, he shook off the pain and drew his fist back as I tried to regain my balance and made no move to block it. But the fist stopped, it stilled out of nowhere and Seifer was now looking behind him. "That's enough!" the voice behind him spoke; Seifer yanked his arm out of the man's hold and stepped to the side, giving me the full image of a very pissed off Zell.

He looked at me; I still had my hand curled into a fist, then he looked at Seifer before continuing to look all around, "To my room, now," he pointed his finger and Seifer was first to roll his eyes, using the back of his hand to wipe the blood from his face, and march down the hall to Zell's room, Zell continued to stare at me as I looked at his feet and the ground. Finally I started walking towards his room, he stayed close behind me and once we were in his room he shut the door and I stood at the opposite end of the room from Seifer.

Seifer had already taken the liberty to fold up a piece of tissue and shove it up his nose, stopping his nose bleed but his nose was still broken, "What the hell is this?" Zell hissed, looking at both of us, when neither one of us started talking he continued. "Seifer- you just got out of a week suspension for fighting, you're not even back a day and already about to get suspended again?" then he turned to me, "And you, you haven't even been here an entire week- again, and you're already getting into fights."

He let out a sigh but didn't say anything for a while; he folded his arms and leaned against his door, "Neither of you need another suspension…" "Then don't report us," Seifer spoke back. Zell acted like he was actually thinking about it, and after a few minutes when he hadn't spoken Seifer began talking, "I don't know why you fucking teachers always go and report it- the kid was hitting me back, he didn't need your sorry help," "This is a place to learn- to learn things to use in the future!" Zell's voice rose as he spoke back, "Yeah- and in the real world there's more fighting then your stupid math problems!"

I could tell Seifer wanted to storm out of the room, but the only door to the room was blocked by Zell- who let out a sigh, but stayed quiet. "Zell…" my voice was quiet in the room, "It's really not that big of a deal…" I whispered after I had gotten his attention. His fingers pressed against his forehead as he squinted his eyes shut, after a few minutes he spoke in a troubled voice, "There's not even a month of school left… do you think both of you could refrain from fighting till then?" he looked up at Seifer and then me, Seifer looked like he was really thinking about it, with a roll of his eyes he replied, "Fine." And in turn I weakly nodded my head, not really sure what was going to happen in the future.

After a few more minutes of quiet, Zell finally spoke, "Fine. But no more fighting- either of you, neither of you need to miss more school, and if you do get in a fight one more time, so help me..." his threat drifted to silence, he opened his door for us to leave but before I could even take a step towards the door Zell gave me a look that told me to stay right where I was standing.

I stayed next to a student's desk, watching as Zell shut the door behind Seifer, "What was that?" he asked me, his arms folded once more except this time he was leaning against his desk, I leaned against the desk next to me and shimmied onto it with my feet bent up onto the seat. "Starting fights?" he asked again, still haven not given an answer Zell let out a sigh, "Roxas, I'm not stupid- I saw the whole thing, what're you doing trying to get into fights?" I shrugged my shoulders, looking off to the side, my hands hidden in the shared center pocket of my hoodie now. Zell shook his head, "I'm telling Vincent about this," slowly I nodded my head, it figured.

Everyone was kept in the dark about the whole situation, till I got back to the house and Axel said he wouldn't leave till he knew why my knuckles where bruised and scraped, or why I had a bruise on my face. "Nothing important," my response was every time. He plopped down on my bed, "Rox, just tell me," he all but whined, I wanted to smile but something was keeping me back- thinking only briefly about it while I stared down at my desk top, I turned around rather quickly, "Ax…" I started, I wanted to tell him but the thing was- I didn't know what to tell him, "I think I'm going to go to bed…" I decided to mumble. "What, this early? It's only," he turned around to look at the clock, "It's only 5:30…" he looked back at me like he expected to see that I was joking but he looked a little disappointed when he learned I wasn't.

Putting my school stuff back into my bag I let it drop to the ground before proceeding to take off my shoes and hoodie, not caring about anything else- I dropped on my bed. "Are you sure?" he asked, turning my head to look up at him he looked a little shocked, and a tad bit sad, "Yeah…" he stayed quiet for a while but he didn't move, "Are you sure everything's okay?" "No," I thought, but I knew if I said that then I'd only worry him more, I couldn't tell him why nothing was okay not until I actually figured it out for myself.

"Well…" he let out sigh before standing up and walking out, shutting the door softly behind him, I really didn't want him to leave but I didn't want to bother him by asking him to stay, sighing to myself I rolled over, "Oh well…" I said quietly. I remember hearing knocking on my door- several times, Sora was there once and another time Zell was, they both said something when they were standing in the door but I wasn't paying enough attention to listen, and what I couldn't hear I didn't strain to, I really didn't care. Around 3 I couldn't sleep anymore, but I continued to lay in bed, listening to the sounds from outside, hearing voices outside I wondered who it would be that was awake at this hour.

Slowly I found my way to my window, being able to see clearly outside because my room seemed even darker than outside, I saw two figures walking. The features I could see told me they were someone I knew but I couldn't see anything other than dull faces, I watched a little while longer- till they were out of my view and I was left just standing in my window. Sitting back on my bed I was bored, what was I going to do for another few hours before I had to go to school? I thought about calling Axel, but he was probably sleeping and he'd probably think it was some emergency if he got a call this early in the morning… I found my discarded shoes and hoodie, sliding my shoes on while I opened the window and jumped out, landing in the wet with dew grass. Walking in the direction I saw the two men coming from, I didn't know where I was going but I just wanted to move, slipping my hoodie on before I had even gotten to the sidewalk it was actually a little too warm for me.

Looking at the inches before my feet as I walked I zoned out, watching as the dark cement glowed and sparkled- reflecting the streetlights at different angle's while I walked to make it look like it was breathing and moving like a treadmill. That's how I felt- I decided, like I was walking on a treadmill and never reaching the unmoving ground just ahead, but the only way I could get the peace my mind wanted was if I could stand still. If I stopped walking I'd slip behind and retreat further and further into the past till I wasn't reachable anymore and no one could ever think of finding me again, but right now I was on this endless cycle of moving forward but I was unable to take in the scenery, leaving me overwhelmed and with the feeling of being hurried.

I didn't want to walk anymore, I wanted to run. After my lungs screamed at me and ached for me to stop running I decided to go back to walking, but when I looked around I found myself far away from where I wanted to be. Where I wanted to be, I didn't know, but I wasn't anywhere I knew of. The sun was over the mountain in the distance, meaning it was probably well past 4 now, I turned back, walking straight till I knew exactly where I was and was able to freely get back to the place I was currently staying.

Somehow I was on the opposite side of the house- my window was on the other side of the house, not until I was almost in front of my house did I worry that maybe Zell was awake, and maybe he would see me. Hearing keys jingle on the other side of the door I quickly ran, the door squealed open as I was opening my window, I dived inside and kicked my shoes off while running to my bed, jumping into the unmade mess and feigning sleep. The car out front drove away without hesitation, sitting up I let out a sigh, hoping that Zell hadn't seen me and that if he had, that he wouldn't say anything about it. Looking at the clock I realized it was way past 4, it was almost 6, meaning Sora would be getting up soon, I decided to get in the shower instead, I wouldn't be able to fake sleep if Sora came in and I didn't want him to think I wasn't sleeping, so I could just tell him I woke up early to get in the shower.

It was Friday, I had completely forgotten about the appointment with the therapist I was supposed to go to till Axel reminded me during breakfast in the cafeteria, "Damn…" I mumbled, abusing my forehead against the table in the process, "It's not that bad Rox, don't worry," Sora smiled at me, I sat up and let out another sigh, everything seemed like a bother now more than anything. Looking at my brother I saw an arm draped over his shoulders, following the hand I found Riku, he was staring at something Sora was doing and I was stuck staring at Riku who hadn't really said anything to me since him and Sora fought. He didn't give me that icy glare anymore- well he hadn't really even looked at me at all, but when I was near him I couldn't feel the hate radiating off him anymore, so I assume everything Sora said to him must have saved my own ass.

The whole school day I was worried about the meeting I was going to have with Vincent, I decided I would act like a dick and hope Vincent would understand what I was getting at and make it so I didn't have to go to the sessions anymore. Sora told me all Vincent did was ask how his day was- he would most likely ask me the same thing, and when he did I would respond with something like it was terrible- it was seasoned well and it was a bit bland. The more I thought about it the more I realized I was a complete idiot- I tossed that idea out of my head.

The end of the school day came and Axel offered me a ride back to my house, by this time I had completely forgotten about Vincent and my lame sarcasm. "So what do you wanna do?" he asked me as we walked into the empty house, Sora was somewhere with Riku while Zell was still at work, I dropped back onto the couch, bouncing a bit, "Preferably something," I shrugged. He chuckled as he sat down on the couch, turning the TV on; "Is there anything interesting on?" he asked the air. We ended up watching reruns of Scrubs before the door opened and I saw Zell standing there. "You ready?" instantly I remember what I was supposed to be ready for, "Oh yeah…" I mumbled, "Yeah," I stood up, Axel followed me as I found my hoodie and was sliding it on, Zell said he'd meet me in the car and shut the door, Axel gave me a hug before I left.

I got to the office and slowly made my way inside, walking to the desk lady and nervously telling her who I was, "Umm… I'm Roxas… uh, Rhapsodos…" she smiled like she was used to talking to nervous people. "Hello Roxas," she was still smiling, nervously I smiled back and scratched my cheek- the healing tissue underneath was taking effect to me, "I'm here to see ummm… Vincent…." It sounded like a question when I said Vincent's name, I didn't understand why I was so nervous, there wasn't anything to be nervous about, but when I heard a deep and smooth voice behind me suddenly speak I jumped and turned around.

"Hello Roxas," he said softly, staring at his cheek I waited for him to say something, he was really pale and had really dark hair- his dark hair left his face in shadows- his eyes shined in shadows and made his presence just a little eerie. Even though I wasn't looking at his eyes- from my view at his cheek I could tell they were glowing and bright. "This way," I realized he might have been waiting for me to respond but I didn't say anything, he motioned for me to walk ahead of him but I waited till he started walking and followed him into his room just down the hall.

"Have a seat," standing in front of the chair closest to the door I waited for him to finish shutting it and sit down in his own chair, nervously I sat down, staring past his face at the wall behind him, waiting for him to say something, "How was your day Roxas?" Every smart ass remark I had thought of was gone, swiped right out of my head, so instead I didn't say anything, "Sora tells me you and him are attending a new school this year… how's that going?" after a slight pause I replied with a simple, "Good…" there was an awkward quiet, I didn't want to move because I could tell he was watching me and it made me feel like I was under a microscope.

Being under a microscope might have not felt as bad if the guy looking at me wasn't a psychiatrist and studied human behavior and what not- I didn't want to move the wrong way and say something I didn't mean. "So," he shifted in his chair, "Do you like school… in general…?" shrugging my shoulder I lightly chewed on my lip, picking at the dry pieces of my lip with my teeth, we stayed quiet a little while longer, "Do you have any… hobbies?" his voice was so laid back even though his demeanor was serious- he almost sounded like he was high.

Shaking my head I chewed on the inside of my mouth, "Nothing at all?" this time I shook my head while shrugging my shoulder, I didn't really do any sort of hobby- I mean, I love music but it's not like I could play it or sing. He was quiet for a while longer, I began counting my heartbeats- I didn't see a clock right in front of me and I didn't want to make it look like I was looking for the clock so I really couldn't look. Instead I counted my heartbeats, about 60 beats in a minute, my hands where in my pocket- using my fingers to mark each minute before I started at zero again.

After about maybe 4 minutes Vincent spoke up again, "Do you want to be here… at a counseling session?" shaking my head quickly, Vincent gave a small airy laugh, "Most people don't Roxas…" he shifted in his seat again but this time he bent forward and rested his arms on his knees while his body leaned forward. "Now… we both know you don't want to be here, but there is no harm in showing up at a session…" he moved in front of my vision I looked at his cheek, knowing he wanted me to look at him.

"You're sitting here, that tells me you still care- about something… you don't have to need help or want it… but it's being offered- not to make you look weak or like some test subject… the hopes of these sessions is to help you deal with things in your mind." He moved to get my attention before continuing, "It's to get a second voice on your thoughts… a chance to let someone in your head whose only purpose in your life could be for just simply that. In these sessions I can only be here to listen to what you have to say, I could only help you make sense of thoughts you don't understand, help you deal with something haunting you- problems, or help you set up what you want to do for your future…

"I can help you with _all_ of these things… my job is to help heal wounds or scars that can't be seen by the naked eye…" we sat in silence after his little speech, and the sad thing was- his words wouldn't leave my mind, it was like my heart was trying to tell me to take him up on his offer and my mind was telling me I didn't need his help. "I don't have any problems…" I decided to mumble, "I didn't say you did…" he softly responded. He sat back in his chair, like somehow he knew what I was thinking before I even did, "We don't have to talk about anything important right now... if you want, you can ask me anything and we can talk about me for a little while, I know it's hard to trust people you don't know anything about."

I nodded my head, a few sixty heart beats later I decided to open my mouth, breathing in and trying to make sure I had his attention, "How do you know Zell?" he looked up at his wall behind the couch that was next to me, "I think that question would be better if you asked Zell…" "Zell already told me about him…" my voice was quiet- I wasn't really curious about how they knew each other but I still wanted to know. Vincent nodded his head, "I knew him before he moved in with his grandfather…" "Do you know Cloud and Zack?" I was suddenly really interested.

He gave a small smile, "Yes, my sister Tifa was very close to them…" "Was?" "She was close to two other people… their deaths hit her very hard… because of that she moved away… started life over far away…" "I'm sorry…" I hadn't expected this conversation to go anywhere dark, "It's alright…" the conversation ended there it seemed, at least for a little while, "Tifa is my only sister… she is 2 years younger than me… we grew up close… we keep contact with each other still… our father died in an accident when we were teens… our mother lives with our aunt a few towns over…" nodding my slowly I didn't say anything I didn't want him to think I was ignoring him.

"I'm not going to force you to talk Roxas… but, the more we talk about in these sessions… the more we talk about you- the sooner I can help you… the sooner everything can get better…" looking up at him I thought about it further. While he was talking I was asking myself if I seriously wanted his help- to which I said, right now- hell no. But I knew there would be certain moments when I was alone in my head that I would want someone to speak my thoughts to, and that couldn't be Sora or Axel. Then I asked myself if I needed his help- to which I thought most likely, even though I blocked out my thoughts most of the time and was able to shut my memories up- the more that happened the more I was facing problems.

I didn't want anything more to happen because I knew if I was forced to face something intense then I wouldn't be able to hold together- the time I freaked in Axel's car would be nothing compared to this upcoming time. Not only did these screaming thoughts cloud my mind in serious moments, but even when I was happy now- the more I hung out with Axel the more upset I became. Genesis loved my mom… he lost her and all the love he had for her meant nothing it seemed, Genesis went through a lot of hell and when I smiled it only made me feel guilty. I felt guilty that I got out of that life with Genesis and Yuna and Leon didn't, I felt guilty for living with Genesis- another human being- and acting like it was something I had to leave, I had to get out of.

Vincent stood up and I quickly followed suit, he opened his door and I walked through, out the front doors and into the car, my mind still reeling with the seriousness and opportunity I was being offered. I had to go to the sessions- that wasn't the question, the question was- was I going to take the help that was being offered me or was I just going to blow it off, because it's not like I really needed all that much help. By the time we got to the house Axel was leaving, saying he was sorry but his sister said she really needed to talk to him, I was okay with it- though I would've loved his company, I also wanted alone time.

The next few weeks consisted of- me going to sessions on Monday and hardly saying anything, Seifer and I pushing each other in the halls like it was some sort of game and in truth I could tell he didn't get angry about it and I didn't either. Sora went to his sessions on Wednesday while Axel and I stayed at the house, and when Axel stayed the night I was quick to fall asleep- when he wasn't at the house I wouldn't go to sleep. Pacing my room, looking at photos, thinking, homework, or walks occupied my midnight hours, and come Friday Sora and I would go into session together- Vincent would ask about our day or week and Sora would have a giant smile on his face as he babbled on and on about random things happened.

Finals and regents came for school, Sora and I both passed with flying colors and now the school year was over- Axel, Riku, and Demyx graduated and no longer had to worry about school, Naminé was now a senior and Kairi was now a sophomore- 10th grade. Today was Monday, I asked Zell how long the sessions were supposed to go on for, "For as long as you want," he looked at me while his hands rested on the steering wheel, he could tell I wasn't asking because I wanted them to end- and I didn't, if I had time then today I would tell Vincent that I wanted to start talking.

Every other time before I didn't talk much, Vincent would ask me things- like how he asked me about the fight I got into- and I would shrug my shoulders or not give him an answer, it was all short but not because I didn't trust him. I felt like I could tell Vincent anything if I wanted to, but I was tired of wasting his time- if I was going to have to see him then I might as well try and make the most of it. "Hi…" my voice was quiet to the receptionist she smiled back, she pressed a button and then nodded her head, I turned around to see Vincent waiting with his door open.

Sitting in my usual spot in his office Vincent watched me, most sessions we didn't even talk, "Umm…" I started, making sure I had his attention- wanting to ask for this to become something like a session is supposed to be but I was nervous to ask. "Yes?" "I um…" I looked out the window, "I kinda… wanna talk now…" I was still looking to my left, out the window, but I could see Vincent shift a little in his chair, "We have been talking…" lazily I rubbed my eye, still not facing him, "No… I wanna talk to make stuff better…" quickly I glanced at him to see him nodding his head.

"Better how?" shrugging my shoulders my attention was brought back to Vincent after he said my name, looking through my hair at him I waited for him to continue talking, "You can't expect me to help make things better… if you don't talk to me…" taking a deep breath I rested my elbows on my knees, rubbing the palms of my hands into my eyes before dropping my head and letting my hands run through my hair- my short hair automatically springing lose to cover my downward looking face. "I know…" I mumbled out, "I just… I dunno…" Vincent nodded his head, "It's alright… so how do you want to make it better?"

My natural response was to shrug my shoulder, and I did but I realized I wasn't changing anything to let him help, "I dunno… just make it less bad…" he sat back in his chair; I could hear him writing now, "Can you tell me how it's bad?" "No- it's not bad…" "Then what is?" I began chewing on my lip, my shoulder jutted again to a shrug, "Me?" my voice was quiet, I didn't want him to think I was some self-pitying person or something so I quickly added, "I dunno, my thoughts I guess…" "What about them?" I didn't respond right away, I forced my shoulder to stay down- I didn't want to shrug my shoulder anymore.

"I can't be happy about anything… or else I end up feeling worse," I took a deep breath- my mind yelled that I was just bitching and moaning now, I was complaining in a way that was just encouraging what I was complaining about. It was like Vincent could read my mind; he leaned closer when he spoke, "Just remember… this isn't you complaining… this is just voicing your thoughts… if you must- imagine you're talking to yourself alone in this room…" I nodded my head. And then I realized I really didn't want to talk about this, "Does Sora talk to you?" I decided to ask instead, changing the subject, Vincent sat back and continued quickly jotting things down. "He does… he talks to me a lot… about a lot of random things too," I gave a small smile- that was Sora.

The clock- I had learned, was right above the door, and I glanced up to see there was 5 minutes left before the session was over, Vincent stood up, "Here," he said as he began going through a filing cabinet, he pulled out a blue and black composition notebook and handed it to me, "Take this… do whatever you want in it… write your thoughts, draw, write lyrics, write about something that happened… whatever's weighing heavy on your mind… I want you to use this- you don't have to show me if you don't want to… but I want you to use it."

"Thanks…" taking the notebook in hand I rested it on my lap, he began scribbling on something and then he held it out for me, "This is my cell number… in case something ever comes up- you can call it whenever you wish…" slowly I took that too, "Thanks…" I mumbled again, the session was over a few seconds later, before I left though Vincent told me, "Talk… socialize- babble about something… it'll help," and when I got in the car I explained to Zell what the notebook was for, normally I felt bad that he waited for me outside and I never really talked to him- you could always see the slight frown on his face.

But I smiled when I saw this energy wash over him and he smiled brightly, like this was his favorite conversation in the world, we talked the whole way home, the conversation somehow turned to random facts and was now on the subject of the movie _The Mist_ which we both hated. The conversation never stopped, and it actually did make me feel better- Zell was smiling when we entered the house instead of his not very normal serious demeanor. I set the notebook on my desk and walked back out into the living room, not sure what I was going to do out there, but I saw Sora sitting on the couch so I decided to sit next to him.

"How'd it go?" he asked, "Pretty good," he smiled at my response, he moved closer and laid down again, placing his head on my lap as he laid on his side, looking at the TV still as he searched through channels, "Good," placing my hand on his shoulder and the other bent on the arm rest so I could chew on my thumb nail I thought. Ever since Sora got back he's been different… no, ever since he and Riku fought he's been different. Not a bad type of different, but he doesn't come in my room to share a bed with me, when we fold our shared clothes he always makes sure we have the same amount of clothes. When he had trouble with his homework I would try and help him and- come to think of it, he would kind of tell me no.

Moments like this weren't bad and actually happened a lot, he would lean against me or we'd fall asleep on the couch, but rarely would he talk to me about things that upset him- like he used to, when I could tell something was bothering him he would just tell me, "No, I'm fine," maybe it was because he had someone else to talk to now. Whatever it was, as long as he was okay and he still showed that he cared for me- then I'd be fine, hours passed and I fell asleep, my head in the crook of my arm that rested on the arm rest.

"Roxas," I heard, "Wake up…" they continued to gently speak and I opened my eyes to see Axel standing in front of me, I gave a smile, "Hey," his own smile grew, "Hi," he quickly spun and sat next to me, pulling me over to him so he could give me a one armed hug, "What chu watching?" "The back of my eyelids…" I yawned, he chuckled, "What're we going to watch now?" shrugging my shoulders I looked around, "Where's everyone?" "Zell and Sora went to get pizza- _Fragile_ looks like a good movie, wanna watch it?" "Sure," I scooted forward and stood up, stretching my arms above my head, listening to my arms and back crack in the process, I let out another yawn and walked to the bathroom.

Rubbing my eyes and washing my face I woke myself up further, after a few minutes I walked back into the living room to see Axel leaning almost completely off the couch, he had on a pair of black skinny jeans that just made him look taller and a short sleeve black and white Green Day shirt that just made him look skinnier. Looking to the TV I wondered what he was looking so intently at to see the face of this lady with a dragged out face- like she was on the mini game on the old school Super Mario for Nintendo 64- Face Lift; where you have to drag Bowser's face out to match the original deranged face.

"That's creepy," I mumbled out, walking the rest of the way to the couch, the woman's eyes were wide and her face was a dark blue, "What's this about?" I asked, unable to take my eyes off the screen, "I dunno, some haunted child's hospital or something," "Oh shit," I jumped, automatically throwing my face behind Axel's shoulder and cupping around my face, "That's fucked up…" Axel muttered as I recomposed myself to look back at the TV only to see the Bower game gone wrong lady's face.

"Nope," I stood up and walked into the kitchen, looking in the fridge for something to drink, grabbing a bottle of water, I nearly had another heart attack as Axel quickly grabbed my sides for a moment, I spun around quickly to his amused face before he began laughing, "Did I scare you?" "Yeah," I glared, "I thought you might actually be someone threatening," I smiled when his laugh paused for a moment, sticking my tongue out at him I walked back into the living room, but before I could sit down I heard a knocking on the door.

Looking into the kitchen I saw Axel standing there, a smile on his face, he shrugged his shoulders to his knowledge of who was knocking. Pulling the door open I saw a flash of blond hair, blue eyes, and a tan complexion before I was quickly trying to slam the door in his face, but he threw his body against the door, "Go away!" I hadn't paid much attention to it at the time but Axel had practically jumped as he ran over to me but by the time he was over to me the door had been flung open- succeeding in dropping me on my ass.

"Who the hell," Axel started but I'm pretty sure he caught on who the hell it was, "What're you doing here?" I asked, my father had no right to be here- Shuyin had no right to be here, "To see my sons," Axel helped me up, I had almost forgotten that I even had a father and of course something like this would happen- the moment everything goes good something has to go bad. "Where's Sora?" he looked around like he was expecting Sora to just pop out, "He's not here," "Well where is he?" "Out." He looked down briefly, his movements transacted swiftly but then almost stilled like an uneven tempo. "Roxas," his head darted to the side while his eyes stayed glued on something, "Don't give me attitude, I just came to see how things were going…"

"What'd else you come here for?" there had to be more, there- most of the time- always was. He let out a sigh, "Roxas… you haven't kept your promise." "What?" he looked up at me, his finger pointing at me while he shouted, "You promised me once you turned sixteen you would come live with me, and in turn I wouldn't bother Sora," "I know what I said…" I looked down and off to the side, at that my father took a deep breath and his finger lowered, "I just don't understand… did you expect this to happen?" looking up at him I couldn't help but stare, my mouth hung open while my mind raced but before I could say anything he began talking.

"You're my son and I want you to live with me- not under some stranger's roof," "He's not some stranger," "He sure as hell is to me!" he took a deep breath, "Pack your stuff," "What?" "I said pack your stuff- you already told me you would live with me, you can't back out now- even if you don't tell me where you're living or that you're letting your teacher adopt you- or even that you're guardian died." He moved towards me to I quickly moved to the side, practically running and jumping to get out of reach of him, Axel stood there motionless- watching.

"I'm don't have to tell you anything," I decided to say back, my voice getting louder than when I first started talking to him- excluding when I yelled at him to go away. "I'm your father! I have more right to be in your life than your teacher does! I had more right than Genesis- I had more right than your mother!" "Don't…" I whispered, "You know it's true- she didn't want you, I did," he yelled, "I was the one who wanted you and Sora to be born- she didn't want that, she wanted to kill you and Sora!" I was so off set by his words I didn't notice him moving.

His hand wrapped around my upper arm as he pulled me towards the door, when I thrust my shoulder out of his grasp he pushed closer to the door. Axel was snapped out of whatever trance he was in and he was now standing in front of me, between Shuyin and I, "Move out of my way," "No," Axel countered, "He doesn't want to go with you so he's not- but you need to leave!" his voice was louder than I had ever heard it- his voice was so angry I almost felt sorry for Shuyin.

Before Shuyin could respond, Axel placed a hand behind him on my arm and led me to stand behind the smaller couch, I watched as he told my father to leave again, and when my father stepped towards me in an attempt to grab me again Axel was on him quick. Shoving somewhere against his shoulders and chest, Axel pushed Shuyin towards the door, "Don't touch him," Axel yelled, "He's not going with you so I suggest you leave now." before my father could respond Axel cut him off, "You're only allowed Sora and Roxas if you are supervised- you're not supervised right now, I'll call the cops and they'll have your ass in cuffs," Shuyin didn't even seemed fazed by it.

He ran his hands through his hair, when he looked up I could see his dilated eyes- I could tell just by how he was acting that he was on something, but then he spoke again, "Roxas… I'm not here to fight with you… just get in the car," his voice was calm. "I'm not going…" I whispered back, my father took a deep breath and looked around the room, "Roxas…" it seemed like he was going to start telling me to get in his car again but he didn't, "I'm not in the mood for this- I'll be back sometime," and just like that he turned around and walked out the door, pulling it shut behind him.

A shiver ran through my body as I stood there, thinking, I noticed Axel hadn't moved so I silently and slowly walked around the couch to look at him, his eyes looked venomous- if Axel had ever looked at me like that I think I might die. "Ax…?" his head snapped down before he looked up at me while he walked closer, "You okay?" "Yeah," I grabbed his arms that were grabbing me, looking up at his concerned face, "I'm fine Ax… thanks…" he pulled me into a hug, before holding me while he looked into my eyes, "You sure?" "Yeah… everything's fine…" a few seconds passed before Axel spoke, "Not everything," I looked up at him, the question of "What's not?" written all over my face, "I'm still hungry," I smiled, a small laugh escaping me, "I can't help with that," "Well," he stood up straight, "You could- I know you're an awesome cook, but Pizza should be here any minute."

As we walked back into the kitchen I let the smile stay on my face, Axel helped the seriousness go away and I was thankful for that, I'd show my thankfulness to him by trying not to be down about it. Sitting on the barstools, Axel pinched his face and dragged the corners down, "Do I look like that psycho lady?" I smiled, "Almost- you definitely have the psycho part down," I laughed and he let go of his face, a smile on his face as he stuck his tongue out at me. The door slammed open behind us, both of us whipping around to see who was there.

"What's wrong?" my brother asked, two giant pizza boxes in his hand as he grabbed the door with his heel to close it without the doorknob clicking into place, "What happened?" Sora asked as he walked into the kitchen and slid the pizza's onto the counter, "Nothing really… just a scary movie with a messed up Bower lady," Sora seemed confused for a second but after twitching his head as if he was trying to shake his head he looked at the pizza and began talking, "One's got just cheese, the other's got pepperoni and sausage," the door quietly opened as Zell walked in, a two liter bottle of soda in his hand.

"We're back," he said as he shut the door- his tone a bit sarcastic, "The food's all that matter's to Axel apparently," Sora smiled, I had to laugh at my brother's words that seemed to knock Axel out of his staring contest with the pizza box. "Hey, I'm glad your back…you feel like you matter yet?" Sora smiled while he grabbed out plates, and placed them on the counter. We ate dinner while watching _Fragile_ again, this time from the beginning.

Axel had to go home that night so I was left in my dimly lit room staring at the composition notebook on my desk- thinking of something I wanted to put in it, knowing there was a lot I wanted to and that I did want to use it. Instead I ended up going to bed, turning the light off and making sure my window was locked before I crawled into bed and curled up, glad I had another night in this bed, with my giant and fuzzy blankets and my sheets.

_**New chapters = :3 **_

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_**Sorry if you were expecting a smutty scene because of the end of the last chapter xD**_


	27. Chapter 27: Just Friends

The sun shined brightly through my window, groaning as I rolled over I tried to block out the sun to no avail. After a few minutes I got out of bed and went into the bathroom, washing the sleep out of my face before returning to my room to see the clock read half past 4 am, I groaned again, face planting into my bed. But sleep wasn't on my side, finding discarded baggy gray and black light polyester pants that were too long for me and my short sleeve hoodie to slide over my beater was all that really crossed my mind as my shoes were on my feet and I was jumping out my window.

Walking about two streets in complete and utter quiet my adrenaline began to pump as I jumped when an arm encircled my neck from behind, holding me in something like a sleep hold. Thrashing my arms around I managed to slip away as I heard laughter, spinning around I found Seifer and Rai standing there laughing- Rai seemed less interested than Seifer though. "Jumpy?" he said through a smile, I shrugged my shoulders, "Why on Earth would I be jumpy- I only just had a random arm grabbing around my neck," his smile turned smug.

"What the hell are you doing awake at this time- ain't your daddy gonna get mad you're out at this hour?" rolling my eyes I continued to look at him, for some reason- from my perspective, Seifer really didn't hate me, at least not anymore- we fought but not out of anger towards each other rather just to mess with each other, "And what about you?" I asked, wondering why him and Rai were always out at this hour walking around- I'd never even thought about the possibility of running into them till that moment. "Sleeping's for the dead," he smiled, nodding my head obviously; I looked to my side, getting antsy that I was still standing there, "So yeah… I'm gonna keep going," I turned around and began walking the way that I had been before, a few steps later and I found Seifer on my one side and Rai on the other- Rai was still distant though.

"My company not good enough for you?" he asked through a smirk, "Nope," I continued walking, not bothering to see if he was offended- because I already knew he wasn't. His laughter stopped for only a moment and the note of his laughter hit me- I stopped and looked at him, looking up at his eyes, searching them before speaking what I newly observed, "You're high." Watching his face I wondered if he would show remorse- or if he would laugh more, but instead his face turned serious as he gazed down at me, "So, what's your point?"

Staring at him for only a little more I continued walking- Rai probably wasn't on any drugs and that's why he was acting so weird, Seifer was by my side again, "What, so now I'm not worth acknowledging?" slowly I stopped walking, my gaze on the sidewalk, I turned to look at him, he seemed angry but the look on his face wasn't just of anger- but rather a mix of anger, shame, judgment, hurt, and offence. Tipping my head to stare at him I waited for him to say something, "What do you want?" I finally asked when he didn't say anything.

Honestly I wasn't mad or angry at him- who was I to tell him what to do with his life, it didn't really matter to me, but when Seifer saw that on my face he only smiled again and looped his arm over my shoulder, "You should hang out with us, Hayner was telling me about you," I seemed a little surprised about that- but it made sense, him and Hayner were close. "So that's why you don't hate me as much…" I mumbled, he laughed, "No, I just like fighting you- you're like a fuse Sparky," of course that's why he stopped hating me.

We ended up under this bridge in town, a few recliners and couches scattered around along with a dirty mattress. There had to have been at least 4 or 5 people there- excluding Seifer, Rai, and myself. I leaned against one of the cement pillars, waiting to get out of there, I don't know why I even chose to hang out with Seifer but I soon realized he was waving me over to him. Sitting on the couch between Seifer and Rai I sat on the very edge of the furniture- not really wanting to touch it because I don't know what else happened on it, plus- I didn't want to be so close to either Rai or Seifer.

Seifer was smoking something, I had seen it before but I really didn't know what it was- he had what looked like a normal house hold straw to drink with, but he was using it to inhale some small compact white thing that stuck to the foil in his hand. As he held a lighter to the back of the foil the white blob raced down the foil before he turned the foil to keep it from falling off and kept going, I watched as he started to take quick breaths like he was going to puke or something but he wasn't letting the breath back out.

Soon Rai was doing the same thing, leaning over the arm of the couch rather than Seifer who was just relaxing on the furniture like he didn't care that he was taking up a big amount of room or that his leg was pushing against mine. Rai also didn't have the piece of foil flat like Seifer did- though the foil was free of all creases; he had it bent like a deep and thin bowl- the straw at the opening with the lighter underneath. "Want some?" Seifer asked, he could tell I was watching him, I shook my head, "Aw, come on- it's not that bad," "What is it?" he smiled- like he thought that meant I was saying yes.

"It's special," his response didn't give me the answer I wanted so I just continued to look at him, "It's oxycodone." He finally muttered, he motioned to hand me the straw but I shook my head, "Come on, I'll do all the work you just got to inhale it," "I'll pass," "Why?" looking from the straw and lighter to his face a few times over I finally stopped and looked at his eyes, "Sora would be pissed if he found out," "He doesn't have to know," "Just… I'd rather not- at least not right now," I have no idea why I added in that last part, I didn't plan on using drugs ever- so why did I tell him not right now?

I didn't want to stay there for too much longer for a few reasons. One- I didn't want to get a contact high in some way, shape, or form because that would be hard to explain. "Oh Roxas, are you high, how'd you get high?" "Ran into Seifer and for some stupid reason walked with him to sit and watch him do drugs," that wouldn't go over okay. Two- I didn't want someone to walk into my room and figure out I'm not there and get concerned about where I might have run off too. Even if I showed up right after they found out I would have to explain why I wasn't in bed and why I was awake at not even 5 in the morning.

"Well Seifer…" I stood up, looking at him, "Have fun… you too Rai," he spoke around his straw with words that sounded like they were supposed to represent "Bye," but before I could take too many steps I turned around, "Seifer…" I waited till he stopped inhaling like a fish out of water and was breathing somewhat normally, "What?" "Does Hayner know you do this?" Seifer froze and I waited for him to respond but it seemed like minutes before finally he blinked again even though he continued to stare ahead. "No… he doesn't…" was his simple response; I knew if Hayner knew he would be disappointed and angry at Seifer, I walked away with that thought of putting Hayner in Seifer's mind.

Finding my way back into my house I stared at myself in the mirror- my eyes looked fine and I couldn't smell any drugs on me, but I sprayed some Axe anyway to cover anything that could be smelt. Taking everything I had put on that morning off and changing back into my pj bottoms, I pulled the covers back and fell into bed, flipping the blankets back over me, closing my eyes- ready for sleep to come any second.

The comfort was swimming around me, pulling me under little by little, but before I could be pulled completely under- there was a knock at my door, I let out a groan as it opened. "Hey Rox," Axel walked in, "Hey," I mumbled back, "You okay?" "Yep, just tired…" he chuckled, "Well, it's time to get up, come on, you wanna go with me over to Demyx's later?" "Sure," I sang out, curling further into the blanket, I felt Axel at the end of the bed and soon he was crawling up, his knees on either side of me, he stopped when I could feel his breath moving the hair around my ear.

"Don't go back to sleep…" "But I'm tired," I whined, he breathed a laugh and fell behind me, he wiggled around before he was under the blanket with me and had his arm draped over me with his hand on my upper arm, rubbing. "Are you okay?" "Hn?" I really didn't want to be awake, "After yesterday I mean…" groaning at the fact that he wanted to have this conversation right now I rolled towards him, my eyes still shut. "I'm fine Ax, nothing all that much happened..." "Did you tell Sora yet?" "No… if I tell him he'll only worry…" "Maybe he'd like to know…" "Are we really going to have this conversation right now?" I finally asked, "What?" he seemed offended.

"I mean… if we really need to have this conversation right now then so be it- but if this conversation can wait… till I don't mind being awake- then I'm not going to bother opening my eyes and I'm just going to go to sleep…" Axel didn't say anything. Slowly I opened my eyes, looking up to find his green ones staring lazily back at me. "That sentence woke me up too much…" as soon as I stopped talking I realized I had done too much to fall back asleep at the moment, "Sora should know," Axel said- as if he just ignored everything else I had said.

Letting out a sigh I looked up at the ceiling, "I don't want to worry him," "He's Sora's father too… he holds the same problems against Sora…" I stared at the ceiling while Axel waited for me to give an answer. Slowly I began talking, I decided to tell Axel the whole truth, "When we were little we didn't know him… our father was just a bunch of everything bad- Genesis never explained him in detail… when he showed up for the first time Sora was terrified. He was afraid Shuyin only came back at hurt our mom… when Shuyin said that he just wanted to get to know us- and after a few times of proving that, Sora warmed up to him.

"Sora looked up to him- every time our father left Sora would talk about how happy he was that _I_ finally had a father… when Shuyin began to fuck up- Sora was quick to forgive him…" "How'd he mess up?" Axel's voice was quiet; his body moved a little closer till he was pressed completely against my arm while his thumb continued to gently swipe across my other arm over and over. "Shuyin told us we should say certain things to Genesis and our mother… they weren't very good things to say but to us at the time they didn't mean anything, Sora kept lying for him saying our father must not have known what would've happened- because every time we said what he told us to, at least one of us would get hit.

"And when he took me away for a while… without permission…" "You mean like kidnapping?" Axel interrupted, and slowly I nodded, "Yeah… Sora just kept defending him, making up excuses… to us- Shuyin was just the man in shining armor who was gonna offer us the chance to have a real father… when I told Sora what our father did… when I told him that Shuyin had killed our mother- he didn't want to believe me." taking a deep breath I continued to stare at the ceiling, glaring up to my left at the glow of something being reflected onto the ceiling. "And when Sora couldn't deny it any more- he was so heartbroken! Not only did he lose his comforting father, he lost all hope of living with a loving parent in a safe home, his idol was a sham and his dreams were crushed- all on top of the death of his mom."

Turning my head I looked at Axel, "Sora is reminded every time he even hears Shuyin's name of all the emptiness he felt after it happened, of everything he was denied, and just the knowledge that he's our father- a stubborn fuck, who _is_ still around, and plans on never going away… he finds peace when he isn't constantly reminded that his father killed his mother and that his father is a possessive sadist who wants nothing more than to ruin him." Meeting Axel's eyes I held the gaze, "Shuyin is going to go away at some point- and I'm not going to worry Sora in the meantime with worthless encounters with the man."

The redhead let out a sigh, closing his eyes in the process, "If I hadn't been there… you realize Shuyin might have just kidnapped you again… right?" looking back up to the ceiling I thought about it, "He could try… but I'm not some little kid he can just throw over his shoulder anymore." "Well," Axel smiled, I looked over at him, not understanding the tune in his voice, "You _are_ pretty little," I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my smile, "I'm not that short," he laughed at me so I stuck my tongue out at him, rolling away so I could climb out of bed and find the clothes from earlier.

"Where'd you go this morning?" I froze, keeping my gaze straight ahead at my dressers, "What?" how did he know I wasn't in bed this morning, "Well… I got a text from a friend… they said they saw you walking with Seifer and Rai at 5 this morning." "Oh really?" the bed creaked as Axel moved, "Yeah really… they said the only reason they asked was because they saw you going down under the bridge with him- to their drug spot." "I'm not on any drugs," I was trying to play it safe without lying to him, feeling a hand on my shoulder I was turned around as Axel stood against me, his fingers gently pinching my chin to make me look up at him.

His eyes shifted from looking at one of my eyes to the other and I kept that gaze- I wasn't high so there wasn't anything there for him to see, before Axel could say anything- which I could tell he wanted to, the door opened. "Rox, I made pancakes! Do- oh… umm… I'll be… out… there…" the door shut behind him. Raising an eye brow at Axel I could tell he was trying to find something- trying to find something to hold against me but there wasn't anything there so I took the clothes in my hand and walked out of his hold. When I shut the door behind me I could see Axel standing there, his head still down as if he didn't notice I left though his hands now rested at his sides.

From changing in the bathroom to going straight into the kitchen I grabbed a hot pancake and folded it up, eating it with my hands, "We have plates," Sora smiled, I smiled back as to not upset him, I don't know why but Axel questioning me like that and then staring at me like that- really hit something inside of me and I really didn't like it. Axel came out not too long after with a fake smile on his face, and I don't know why but for some reason that made me both angry and upset, "You made me pancakes, God Sora- you're so nice," I looked over my shoulder to see Axel reaching for a pancake like I did but Sora slapped his hand away, "I don't know where your hands've been- and I didn't make you none, if there's any left over after Zell and Riku eat- then you can have some," my brother had a smile on his face and I softly smiled too, wanting to smile at the situation.

Axel stuck his tongue out at Sora while he was walking towards me; he sat down against the arm rest, his legs taking up the space between us. My knees were brought up to my chest still, one arm wrapping around my legs to keep them close while my other hand held the pancake away from me, three bites taken out of it. I could feel Axel's eyes on me but I didn't say anything- I just continued to stare and think, what I was thinking about I'll get into later. I held the pancake out to Axel, no longer hungry, I could feel his gaze on me even when he took it and rested his hands on his lap, not bothering to eat it, I stood up and walked to my room, the thoughts in my head were really getting to me.

Quietly I shut my door, I grabbed my empty bag and began throwing a few pens and pencils into it and the note book Vincent gave me, along with his number and as I slipped my shoes on and my hoodie and jumped out my window before anyone came in my room. I ran as far as I could- trying to push all the thoughts out of my head and get as much distance between me and the house- with Axel, Sora, and Zell, as I could. And soon I found what looked like an abandoned park, I sat on the swing- trying to catch my breath, there was a sickening feeling in my stomach like I needed to puke to get rid of the discomfort.

I pushed myself on the swing, trying to rock the feeling away, but it didn't go anywhere. Dragging my feet in the dirt caused the swing to slowly come to a halt, hopefully writing would help. I opened a few pages in, I always hated the first page of any notebook, and I looked at the blank page and put a pen to it, trying to describe the feeling I was having.

"There's this rotting feeling in the pit of my stomach," I began scribbling, "Like I'm a pumpkin that's being carved to be a Jack o' Lantern- my insides are being scrapped out into a mush that a small child squishes between their fingers. The face being carved into me is one I don't like but no matter how I try to feel- the face is becoming permanent. I've been feeling like this for a while… ever since what happened to Genesis- I feel like that was just the last straw, everything used to have color and depth- everything felt alive, now everything just feels like it's black and white and doomed to be replaced and forgotten like black and white movies themselves.

"And it feels like- no matter how hard I try, there's this empty feeling inside of me, like that little kid just keeps pulling more and more out of me so they've almost scrapped all the way through and are now scrapping against the outer skin again. Everything seems hopeless. Nothing matters. Every smile hurts and just feels like it's crushing me more and forcing me to face that all that smile is- fake and a reminder that all of them will never smile again. My thoughts are eating away at me, reminding me over and over that I am just a nobody- something that will never matter and one day cease to exist but that's not going to mean anything...

"I don't want to get out of bed in the morning because I don't want to deal with the pain of having to fake my emotions and _keep_ facing every one just to keep up fronts. I want to stay hidden away- the closest I can get is staying in bed and never getting up, but the longer I stay away from everyone the worst I feel. Every morning I sleep in I feel like crap- I don't want to sleep because I feel like I've never completely woken up, but once I fall asleep, even though I'm awake every few minutes I don't want to wake up. It's like this strange tug a war between sleep and being awake- they can't be shared, one has to win and one has to lose."

My thoughts were becoming a jumble in my mind, rubbing my eye I continued writing- a few lines down, "I'm guilty," I put simply, looking at the words for the first time. "I could've saved my mother, I should've realized my father was up to nothing good. I should have checked up on my sister- I knew she wasn't okay but I never even bothered to tell Leon that, I didn't tell him how weird she was acting I didn't tell him what she was thinking. And when he died... I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM," my pressure on the paper increased, "I should've gone into his room, I could have saved him, maybe if I ran to his room instead, maybe if I had gotten Sora to sleep faster. Maybe if I hadn't started the fight with Genesis that day Leon wouldn't have been pushed to do it.

"Genesis was acting weird before he died. I noticed he was distant and it reminded me how Leon and Yuna acted- but still I didn't do anything." running my hand through my hair I took a deep breath, trying to focus on still writing and not venting my thoughts onto the paper. "I'm guilty for how Sora grew up- if I had been happy and out going like he is Genesis wouldn't have hated me so much, he wouldn't have hurt Sora all the time for me constantly fucking up." I forced myself to take another deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts so I could write them out- hopefully this would make the next session easier or at least make my brain hurt less.

"The only reason Sora suffered was because of me- hell, if I had been born with brown hair too then I'd probably would've caused Sora less pain. I was too weak to protect him- Genesis and Shuyin had managed to get to him and hurt him because I wasn't strong enough to help and protect him. Sora was always smiles and fucking giggles and it's like every year he smiles less and laughs less and less and I know it's my fault- I could've made everything better for him but instead I ruined everything and fucked up his life.

"No matter how much I try to oppress these feelings they're never going to go away and I don't deserve them to go away. My mom, Leon, Yuna, and Genesis are rotting in that hell right now because I couldn't save them, because I couldn't get it together enough to be smart and use my brain. But every time I see Sora smile… all those thoughts about guilt and fault decline to the back of my mind and I feel just a little bit better, like I can accept the blame and pay it off with the rest of my life. Knowing I've helped at least Sora means the world to me, knowing I mean so much to Axel makes my heart swell- but not in the painful way it was a few seconds ago, but rather like this warm blanket is surrounding my insides. Like Axel just smacked that little kids hand and told him to back the fuck off, and that makes me truly smile."

Looking around I wonder how long I've been writing, I decided to put the last of my thoughts into the journal before I head back, "Axel means so much to me- more than a friend, everything he says and does affects me and that's good because all Axel does is good. I can face tomorrow knowing Axel and Sora still wanna be around me and still care enough to say they care about me, as long as they care I will do all I can to never fuck up. I can stand the thought of growing the fuck up and paying back- or just suffering as payment because I'm happy to have these small moments of good even if I don't deserve them- I'm happy to feel and observe. I can handle these thoughts." Closing the book I stood up, the empty feeling still inside me, but I'd talk to Vincent about how to get rid of that.

Turning onto the main road from the playground I looked up at the clouds- I'll take in as much memories as I can till I die, I figured. "Rox!" jumping I looked down to my normal level to see a familiar car stopped in front of me, Axel looking at me, a smile spreading on his face- fake again, but once I smiled back it became real, he waved and I jumped in the car. "Where'd you go?" "Here, the playground," I kept on smiling, enjoying the feeling- the smile may have started out fake, but it turned into something real the longer I held it. "You're a weirdo," he laughed, "What? How am I a weirdo?" "You were just hanging out in an abandoned playground for probably over an hour… you're also Roxas," he glimpse over at me with a smile on his face, "Psh," I playfully shoved his shoulder, "You're the one with bright red hair and face tattoos," "Yep- and you're still the weird one, how does that make you feel?" rolling my eyes I repeated my journal words in my mind, "I'm happy to be here."

"Zexy," Demyx sang as Axel and I sat on the couch, Axel's arm draped over my shoulder and holding me close, "No," Zexion replied, I had no idea what they were talking about- Demyx just kept saying Zexion's name and Zexion just kept telling him no, ever since we showed up. "What're you trying to get him to do Dem?" my redhead companion finally asked, I watched Demyx as a giant smile grew on his face, "Zexion got glasses," he giggled, "Come one- I think they look really good," he continued, "Fine," Zexion grumbled, opening a door and walking into view. He had on a long sleeve baggy shirt- the sleeves a dark grayish blue while the body of the shirt was a gray, his pants looked like skinny jeans a few sizes too big, his arms crossed as his eyes closed- his brow drawn down to tell he was clearly unhappy.

His glasses were thick black frames- a mix between 'emo' thick black frame glasses and 'nerd' bulky glasses, and honestly they did look really good on him. "Damn Zexy's sexy," Axel whistled, and I could help but smile, Zexion literally looked like a fuse had burned somewhere in his brain, but before he could say anything Demyx was talking- adding in to the conversation about how 'sexy Zexy' was. After the initial shock and newness of Zexion's glasses wore off we watched TV, finding nothing really good on, I leaned my back against Axel's side as his arm draped across my chest, I zoned off to the end of the couch, not really paying attention to the TV, just as long as Axel's warm arm stayed in place I was good.

"So you two dating yet?" the hard body I was leaning against lurched forward and began to choke, I turned to see him holding the drink he _was_ drinking now a foot in front of him while he tried to organize the liquid traffic in his mouth and throat. "What?" he finally asked, looking over to Demyx who had asked, "What?" he asked, not bothering to answer Axel's question, so Axel just rephrased the question, "What do you mean are we dating yet?" "Honestly Axel," Zexion started in, "It's not that hard of a question- are you and Roxas dating?" "Oh not you too…" I heard Axel mutter but Demyx only smiled.

"We're not dating," he finally told them, and my heart hurt a little but I didn't want Demyx- who was looking straight at me- to see my face, so I turned and further buried my face in Axel's arm. "Why not?" the blond sounded extremely angry- his voice wasn't as carefree anymore, but rather really serious- out of nowhere. "Um… Cuz I don't know… we just never talked about it before…" I could feel all eyes on me but this was a conversation I was staying out of- they could discuss it among themselves even though I was part of who they were talking about.

We left not to long after that because Zexion and Demyx had somewhere they had to go I guess, we got back to my place and Axel was quick to fall on the bed, his face buried in my pillow while I sat in the chair and watched him. "Rox…" he began, catching my attention, "Come 'ere," slowly I made my way over to him, taking my shoes off in the process, he rolled onto his side while he held his arm up in the air like he was trying to give me some weird hug. Sitting next to him I laid down, wanting to keep looking at him because he seemed like he was thinking about something rather serious, his arm wrapped around me and managed to push me onto my side and pull me flush against him.

"Rox…" he began again, I wanted to see his face, I wanted to understand what was bothering him, "We're… friends… right?" I didn't understand where the conversation was going, "Of course…" I turned, ignoring how his arm tightened around me as if to tell me no, I turned till I was on my side and looking straight at him. "What's wrong Ax?" he didn't respond, his eyes didn't bat, his body made no reaction, and it seemed as if I hadn't even asked him anything, "Please… tell me?" he took a deep breath at that, closing his eyes slowly and opening them just as slowly- staring me in the eye.

"You mean a lot to me Rox…" nodding my head I waited for him to continue, he'd already said that before and I knew it. "I love hanging out with you and being around you… whether its laughing and making fun of you about your height- or being there to help you with problems you face…" his hand pressed tighter against my lower back, "I love this," he emphasized by holding me tighter, "I love being this close to you and not having to let go… I don't want to let go…" he moved closer to me so our foreheads were touching, "I don't want to lose this… but I want to get closer," searching his eyes I tried to find something to point me towards what he was saying.

When I didn't answer he continued- this time without words, he tipped my head up and ever so slowly his lips pressed against mine, it was simple but loving and when he pulled away my eyes opened again to continue searching his eyes. And then it hit me- I was a little slow, I'm not going to deny that, but when it hit me it was a little bit of a shock. Sitting up Axel's arm stayed around my lap but was loose- barely holding on, his body curled around me gently like he was afraid to touch me now, and my mind raced. So Axel had just asked me out- Axel, the sarcastic- a bit flamboyant, loveably egotistical tall ass redhead, asking me to be his boyfriend- did I want that?

Turning around a bit I looked at Axel, he was staring off into the corner of the room, his eyes half closed like a sadness hit him, gently I placed a hand on his cheek, tipping his face so he'd look at me, his eyes looked hurt. Hesitantly I leaned down, returning the soft but sweet kiss as well as I could to his own lips, his loose hold around my waist roamed up my back to wrap around me tightly as he pulled me down on top of him and rolled us over on the giant bed till his upper half was over top of me- without our lips ever disconnecting.

Slowly he pulled away, "You… you do know what you're doing… right?" I might have blushed- I didn't want to be the stupid one that agreed to something that wasn't what I thought it was, I shrugged my shoulders- not wanting to kill the moment with my stupidity. "Rox… I'm asking if you'll be my boyfriend." A smile found its way on my face, I leaned up and quickly kissed him- pecking him on the cheek, "Then yes, I know what I'm doing," "And you're sure?" he sat up keeping eye contact with me as I followed suit, I nodded my head but he didn't seem convinced, "Rox- we're friends and I don't want to push it and have it end up something less than that. If you don't like me back we can just stay friends," "Ax," I cut in, trying to get him to pay complete attention to me, "I like you too…" "You sure- cuz if we start dating it'll make being just friends weird."

"So are you sure you wanna ask me out?" finally I asked, watching him, his head dropped and he began to rub his eye with the palm of his hand, "I want to… I want to go out with you- yes… but I don't want to fuck something between us up…" "Well… if you look at it… how we act now is pretty much plutonic dating without the title," he chuckled at that, inhaling deeply as he looked up at me, "Yeah, I guess it is… so… will you go out with me," I smiled, "I thought I already gave you my answer," Axel smiled right on back, "I don't speak kiss," "Well isn't that just a shame, I had so much I planned to tell you," I jumped off the bed and walked out of the room, "You could try, I'm a quick learner," he called from my room and then he proceeded to laugh before he followed me into the living room.

Before I knew what was happening I was picked up and then tackled into the bigger couch, my initial fear wore off after I noticed the red head above me- but the evil glare in his eye caught my attention, "A-Axel?" his smile grew even wider as his fingers started attacking my side, the evil smirk still on his face, "Axel!" I couldn't stop laughing, I threw my body every which way to get away from his tickling fingers but I was stuck, "Tha-that's not-t fair!" I cried, laughing so hard my lungs felt like they were going to fall off, "It's completely fair- it's payback," before I could ask him what for he was already telling me the answer, "For being such a tease," his fingers worked up and were now poking and ghosting over my underarms and I couldn't do anything but squirm and laugh my ass of while trying to get away.

There was another voice in the room, "Roxas- oh… um…" I could make the words out barely over mine and Axel's laughter but I could tell the voice was Zell's, not two seconds later I heard Sora, "What's wron- oh… they're at it again," They were both out of the room in a few seconds leaving me to continue to get tickled to death by Axel. "Oh ow, it hurts," I started laughing harder as my lungs began to ache, "I show no mercy," Axel declared as he tickled me more and showed no signs of going easy on my lungs or my sides, so I did the only thing I could think of to get him to stop.

Wiggling my hands free was a little more difficult than I planned, but once I could move my arms I placed one hand on Axel's shoulder and the other on the back of his neck and pulled him down. His lips hit mine in a way that was a few ounces of pressure short from bruising, but as the kiss grew to open lips the tickling slowed to a halt and soon Axel was too distracted by the kissing and meshing of tongues to continue to assault my sides. Axel pulled away to give himself only enough room to speak, I kept my eyes closed and I could tell he was too, "You're such a cheater Rox…" he mumbled.

"Ah-hem," Zell coughed and Axel and I turned to look at him, he raised an eyebrow and I followed his gaze, somehow in the mesh of the kiss Axel's body was no longer sitting on mine but rather on the couch with my legs wrapped around his waist and his hands holding him above me on either side of my head. "Are you two sure you're just friends?" Sora asked as he sat in the chair, I pretty much giggled and rolled my eyes, looking up at Axel who was now looking right back at me, "Well…" I drew out and I could see Sora's mouth drop from the corner of my eye, "You guys-… seriously?" Axel shrugged his shoulders, "Just to see if it can happen… if it can't- we'll go back to being friends," Axel spoke softly, "Won't that be a little hard to go back to being friends?" my brother asked and I was amazed at what Axel said next.

"We're not having sex- not all relationships grow as quickly as yours and Riku's," looking over at my brother I saw his mouth drop- a smile still in place somehow, next thing I knew Axel's face was in the side of the couch as a pillow hit him upside the head. "Hey!" my brother yelled, "That stuff's only a need to know thing," I looked at his face to see him redder than Axel's hair, "And you don't need to know that," the redness of Sora's face and the conversation led my mind to a place I didn't want to be, "Axel," I whined, grabbing the pillow off the floor without looking before I continued to hit him with it, "I don't want to think about my brother having sex!"

He sat up straight, blocking his face with his arms as he continued to laugh and I continued to beat him with a pillow, "What," he continued laughing, "I'm sure me and Riku will have a ton to share about you too- just to see if you really are twins like you say," my mouth dropped as I looked at him, imaging everything boyfriends do together and him telling Riku- or another person in general, "First things first- you both turn the same shade of red when embarrassed so I bet you both turn the same red when you're," I began planning his murder as his continued laugher and sentence was interrupted when he began to get hit by another pillow, so I continued my assault, there was no way in hell he was gonna finish that sentence and no way in hell he was going to talk about me to Riku or anyone else- and I think those were Sora's thoughts exactly.

_**Oh my indeed.  
So when I first wrote this- Roxas' journal was a lot longer and I personally picked at my own feelings to write it so it just made me ubber depressed D:  
But it got off topic a bit so I just deleted it and kept it short and sweet :3  
But yay! Chapter update on a Monday! :D  
And uh… just a warning… nahhh- I'll keep the warnings to myself**_

AND an even more off topic side note- I pretty much blared 'Into the Ocean' by Blue October and 'Built for Sin' by Framing Hanley when typing this.


	28. Chapter 28: Violence makes a Statement?

We sat down to eat left over pizza while watching yet another scary movie, "So… I was thinking…" Zell began, looking at the TV as he took a bite of his pizza, "I think we should have a fam… a group day- just me and you two on Sundays…" "Like a family day?" Sora asked, Zell could blush and act like he hadn't tried to say it but both Sora and I knew the only reason he didn't was because he didn't want to seem like he was pushing the 'family' issue on us. "Yeah- it could be called that," I smiled at his response before giving my own, "We could do a family day once a week- sounds good to me."

Zell was really trying with us and we could tell, he didn't want to boss us around or make us do stuff because he didn't want to seem like he was trying to take over our lives and just insert himself as 'Father Role,' but that was just the role he had to take on. And honestly just happy and thankful that he even bothered to try for Sora and I- I had no problem if he turned into someone who modeled after Genesis towards, he tried and as long as I didn't fuck that up hopefully he would continue trying.

"How about every Sunday?" he asked as, finally looking over at us, Sora and I nodded our heads and agreed that at least every other Sunday but we would try for every single Sunday. "Aw- come on, now I'm never going to see Rox," Axel grumbled, looking over at Zell, who just had a curious look on his face, "He's got sessions on Monday's and Fridays, now I can't see him on Sundays. And! In a few months he'll be back in school," as Axel pouted all I could do was laugh.

Soon it was night and Axel had to leave, "See you tomorrow- hopefully," he smiled as he hugged me, as he walked out the door he bid his farewells to everyone else too. "So," my brother drew out, sliding closer to me on the couch, "You and Axel are a thing now?" I knew he was up to something, "Just to see how it goes," I tried to act casual, "Looks like- as your superior, I'll have to give you the conversation about the birds and the bees," instantly I could feel my face heat up, looking over at him I saw him smiling wide.

"Or… the bees and the bees- or would it be the birds and the birds…" he zoned off a bit as he continued to talk to himself, "Probably should've been given this talk before I tried giving it to someone else…" after a few silent and weird moments he glanced up at me and spoke, "Anyway- you know, safe sex, condom, don't want to get _Roxy_ preggers now," he smiled and all I could do was hit him with a pillow. "If you want I could give you a better version… let's see…" he thought for a quick second before talking, "You see- when a man gets really excited with his boyfriend somehow the clothes go missing and then he's going to stick his fingers," shoving the pillow in his face I held it there, practically pinning him into the couch with the pillow to muffle his voice because he just continued to talk.

"Nope, nope, no," I pulled the pillow back when he stopped talking and instead was left laughing, "Let's not have this conversation," "Oh but Roxy- I wanna make sure you're well aware of what sex is… unless you want Zell to give you the lecture," slowly I turned around to see Zell still standing there- eyes slightly wide, blush quickly rising up his face, "Let's not," I said again, smacking Sora with the pillow while I jumped up and ran to my room, trying not to laugh to loud as Sora chased after me, "You sure," I ran into my room, Sora following me before he tackled me into my bed.

His hands on the back of my shoulders as he pushed me down, bouncing as we landed on the bed, his forehead rested in the area between my shoulder blades as the rest of his body was off to the side of me. Sora's laughter was all that I really heard, I hadn't heard him laugh like that about something I had done in so long that I missed the sound, but when the laughter subsided seriousness began to settle in. "Rox…" his voice was somewhat quiet, "Do… do you ever feel bad about being happy?" his voice sounded so tiny, but I stayed quiet myself- I always felt bad for being happy but I didn't want to tell him that.

"Do you… ever feel guilty that we can be happy and they can't?" pressing my face into the bed I stared at the dark fabric, "Yes…" I mumbled, "All the time…" somehow his arms had moved so they were wrapped around me in a loose hug but after I spoke the limbs pulled tighter. I felt guilty when I was bored, when I smiled, when I was angry, and when I smiled: I felt guilty for being able to be those things when they couldn't. "You know it's not your fault… right?" my own voice disappeared, "Rox… right?" still I could find it, before Sora could say anything more, Zell was knocking on the frame of the open door, "Ahem… Sora- you might want to go to bed early, your session has been moved to the morning so you'll have to get up early," I could feel Sora nod his head while he looked to the door at Zell, "Alright…"

Zell walked away as Sora continued to sit up, he sat up the rest of the way before speaking in a soft voice, "Rox… I…" he didn't say anything after that, he took a deep breath and tapped the back of my ankle before he stood up and left my room. Breathing in my blankets and sheets for a long while I stood up and walked out to the living room only to see that both my brother and Zell were asleep and in their rooms, the only light on in the house was in my room. Slowly I retreated back into my room, feeling awkward about being in the living room while everyone was asleep.

I tried to go to sleep, but I ended up getting distracted- I began to go through my clothes, matching clothes and trying on new clothes that Axel and everyone had gotten me- at one point I had enough of clothes and put them all back, dressed completely up in new clothes I sat on my now clean of clothes floor. I had on a pair of black slightly skinny jeans, near the center of the front of my leg going down the black faded to a light grayish white, my shirt was a short sleeved black shirt with Rise Against written sideways on it next to a red heard with a stencil fist in it- the band was a favorite of mine. Alone with the necessities I wore my usual bracelet and finger warmers along with about twenty more bracelets, a few chains on my pants, and a spike collar choker and some other necklaces.

I looked around my room, finding that it wasn't really dirty because there was nothing to make a mess, I sat up to organize my desk, putting all the pencils and pens in a cup holder while I put the papers and school books in organized piles- the books standing up so I could easily get to them. Looking over at my clock I realized it was only about 2 in the morning, but I still wasn't tired, I pushed my chair in as I walked over to my bed, pulling everything off it and then making it again- making it look perfect in the process, I was out of breath as I fell on the newly made bed, but even the comfy bed didn't make me sleepy.

I regained my breath and took out some school work- I knew I had something I could do, but once I started doing it I didn't get tired- I just got really bored, so I put that right back up. Walking into the bathroom I silently closed the door, looking at myself in the mirror- first thing I noticed was my hair was all over the place which wasn't anything new, it was just longer. Walking back into my room I pulled on a hoodie and jumped outside my window real quick- I pulled out a shaving razor that I had grabbed from the bathroom, a pair of tweezers, and a lighter, silently and by street light I began to melt the plastic off the razor till the razor was free of the plastic confines and the wind carried off the burnt plastic smell only for me to jump back in my room and go back into the bathroom.

Looking at my hair I brushed it over like I normally did- but not spiking it, pulling a piece of hair tight I began to sketch the razor over my hair and trim away at the blond scratch by scratch. Soon I could swish my hair to the side to grow longer in length to the longest point where I would spike it, if my hair was black I would look emo- I made a face in the mirror, I never thought of my hair style like that, but I shrugged my shoulders and left the bathroom, my head feeling just a little bit lighter and cooler. Looking at my clock it read almost 5- and still I wasn't tired, so I decided to go for a walk, and it figures I ran into Seifer and Rai again.

I don't know why but I hung out with them anyway, I followed them under the bridge- even though I turned down all the drugs they offered me, I still bothered to stay around them and it confused the fuck out of me. Practically running home I kicked my shoes off and jumped in bed, not bothering to take my hoodie off but instead faked sleep. Sora came in not ten minutes later, "Hey Roxas, Zell and I are leaving," "Mmkay…" I mumbled into the pillow, Sora shut my door and I waited till I heard Zell's car drive off before I got out of bed. Sessions were an hour long and about 20 minutes away, so I had about an hour and 40 minutes at least till they got back.

And what did I do with said free time? I went out to the couch and passed the fuck out.

Hearing the door spring open I jumped and sat up, turning to look at the door to see Sora storming in and Zell walking in behind him and closing the door behind him. I watched as Sora turned down the hallway and immediately walked into his room, his door shutting a bit loudly- definitely on purpose, I looked over at Zell who sighed and closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair before walking into the kitchen. I stayed on the couch when I heard Zell's door shut too, no reason to get up since nobody was out where I could talk to them, hearing Zell's door open a few minutes later I heard the chair at the small dining room table slide out, slowly I walked out to see Zell sitting there, he looked over at me and I waited for him to speak.

"I guess today's session was really hard for Sora…" he sighed as I nodded my head, scooting to sit on the bar stool, we sat in silence for a while before I heard a door open silently only for another door to shut, then water sounded. "What'd they talk about?" finally I asked Zell, hoping he would know and soon he was talking, "Vincent didn't want to give me details- you know how that all works… I guess Sora was asked to talk about what happened at Port Royal and his stay at Castle Oblivion… some touchy things got brought up…" I nodded my head as I heard the water click off, and soon the door opened.

My brother walked out, dressed in a simple short sleeve shirt and a pair of dark baggy shorts a towel in his hair, "Oh… hey guys," he had on a fake smile but I didn't say anything and I didn't know if Zell could tell or not, "That reminds me, I have a gift for you guys," Zell stood up and walked into his room, his door shutting almost all the way. Sora gave me a questioning look as he sat next to me but I just shrugged my shoulders, he came back out with a drug store bag and set it on the counter, reaching in he pulled out two boxes. Sora seemed surprised like he might have known what it was but I was clueless.

"This one's yours," he slid it to Sora after looking at the front, which had a sticky note with numbers on top of it, Sora grabbed it and began inspecting it before I even had mine- but quickly I opened the one I was given to find a smooth dark blue flip phone. "Phones?" finally I found my voice, Sora already had his out of the box and opened, turning it on, looking up at Zell I saw the smile on his face, "Consider it a present for being the easiest kids to ever adopt," I laughed at his weird joke before pulling my own phone out.

"I've already added my number- and Vincent's, into both of your phones, you can add whoever else you want to," hearing clicking to the side of my I looked at Sora's phone to see he already had 5 contacts in his phone, "Holy Hell Sora," I mumbled but he was too sidetracked trying to remember numbers, I shook my head before I started adding numbers into my own. After Axel's, Demyx's, Sora's, and Zexion's numbers were also in my phone I had only 6 numbers but that was all I really wanted. "Thanks Zell," I said as he took the boxes back, giving us our chargers, "No problem- it's got unlimited text and talk, but that's about it," Sora smiled at the phone and then at Zell, "This is awesome," Zell only laughed while he brought the bag back into his room.

Laying on the couch I sent a text to my four new contacts- including Sora, saying this was my phone and what not, but somehow I ended up getting about ten texts back. Axel was with his sister and brother- they felt left out or something, so I had Kairi's and Reno's number plus Saïx's numbers, and Demyx was with Marluxia and Naminé so they texted me their numbers and then Zexion was at work so he didn't give my number to anyway- which I was happy about. I wondered if I should have Riku's number in my phone, sitting up I walked to Sora's room without taking my eyes off my phone. Knocking on his door he didn't respond so I just walked in any way to find him lying on his bed like I was just lying on the couch.

"What's up?" he asked without looking up, sitting on the edge of his bed I looked from my phone to him, "Do you want me to put Riku's number in my phone?" Finally he looked up at me, he seemed a bit surprised but stayed quiet for a little while, "If you want…" he shrugged, "I put Axel's number in my phone- in case you're with him and I can't get a hold of you or something…" nodding my head I asked for Riku's number and typed it into my phone. Sora stayed quiet but he wasn't looking at his phone anymore but rather just down, "Sora… are you okay?" he quickly glanced up with a fake smile, "Yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?" "Well…" I didn't want to upset him more but I didn't want to just drop it as it was.

"Really Rox…" "But…" I started but quickly stopped that thought before continuing, "You'd come to me if you weren't fine… right?" Sora seemed surprised by what I said, "I mean… we're still brothers- I still care what happens to you," I smiled at him, and soon he gently smiled back. I quickly began texting, having a bit of a problem because I wasn't used to where the keys were or anything, soon my brother's phone started going off a soft somewhat high pitched piano playing, he smiled when he saw the text before he replied, and now my phone went off- my ring tone being much more depressing, a lower key but piano playing none the same. Reading the text I replied out loud, "Yes really, I wanna be that lame kid that texts the person right next to them," he smiled again and we continued to send bullshit texts to each other.

Friday came in a blink of an eye- the two nights before consisting of sleepless nights and hanging out with Rai and Seifer under the bridge and just doing random things since Axel had to do something and wasn't able to come over. Sitting in the back seat while Sora sat in the front with Zell, I watched out the window at the scenery that I had almost commit to memory- Zell needed to learn more ways to get there if we were going to be going to Vincent's office for a while. When we showed up Sora seemed a little hesitant to go inside while I- I'll admit it, I was eager.

Vincent was talking to the receptionist when we finally got inside, even Vincent seemed ready to start the session, he lead us to his office and Sora sat down before Vincent had even shut the door, so I decided I would too. "So… What do you want to talk about today?" my brother asked in a not very nice voice- it wasn't mean, it just wasn't friendly. "Well…" Vincent started, "I was wondering if maybe, Sora, you'd want to talk with your brother about what we talked about in our last session?" my bother seemed a bit shocked but didn't reject Vincent's idea.

Sora sat back with his arms crossed, staring off at something before he took a deep breath, "How?" that caused Vincent to rest in his chair as he began writing against. "What caused you to be placed in Port Royal?" he asked, Sora looked out the window as he mumbled out, "Got into trouble too much…" "How?" my brother shifted as he sat up straight but still rested against the back of the couch, "Running away… skipping school… skipping chores…" "Why?" the psychiatrist asked yet another question. "Cuz I wanted to get back," my brother looked over at me, "I didn't want to be away… I hoped I could get back to where you were- me getting in trouble was only because I hadn't been able to…"

My mind zoned as Sora began talking- not so I didn't hear what he said but rather the opposite, I heard everything he said and that was the only thing that seemed to reach my body- my sight, feelings, smell, taste, and some sound cut off. "I was moved to Port Royal," another voice asked something but only Sora's voice mattered to me, "It wasn't that bad there… I wasn't watched all that much because I wasn't really in trouble like everyone else…" the other voice, "Yeah… I hung out with a few people- I fought with them just as much as I fought with everyone else… Physically fighting, punching, kicking, and shoving… I don't know- it was always about something stupid… like someone would say something and keep pestering someone till they started fighting… No, they didn't really pester me… Well… they were just blunt… How? I don't know- they were blunt!

"…Yeah… I just didn't like what they had to say…" hearing my name fall from the other persons lips brought me back to the world and out of Sora's voice. "Did they talk about Roxas?" "Not by name…" looking at Vincent I saw him write something quickly, "We'll talk more about it in individual." My brother nodded like he was thankful but the conversation didn't end, "How many fights did you get in?" "Physical or just… arguments?" he asked Vincent who shifted to the side in his chair, "Both," "About the same as Roxas," my brother smiled looking over at me, it was my turn to speak, "And what's that supposed to mean?" there was a laugh in my voice so I knew Sora wouldn't take it as I was offended because I really wasn't.

"I wonder? You always get in fights, I'm surprised you haven't gotten in another fight since we got back to town- legally." Instantly I felt guilty for keeping the fights between Seifer and I a secret, but he was still talking and not asking so I wasn't going to pop his bubble yet. "Like that one time when we were younger- it was our first day and you got in trouble for pulling the chair out from under someone- and you managed to smack their face off their desk," my brother was giggling as I smiled at the memory.

Again it had been in order to get pay back for Sora, the boy had stolen Sora's seat while my brother stood up to get something, so if Sora couldn't have it- no one could. "We were in what, 4th grade?" nodding my head I added in, "Yep, I got in so much trouble too," "I remember, Leon stood there for about twenty minutes just shaking his head because he didn't know what to say- if he should laugh, yell, or just walk away."

"Did you often get in fights Roxas?" he asked me but I just stared at him, knowing he was trying to get somewhere when he asked so I didn't know what to say- before I could formulate a truthful but not as bad as it seems sentence Sora was speaking. "He got in fights so much- he was smart most of the times though, he mostly only did it when Genesis wasn't home for days- so he wouldn't get in trouble," by the look Vincent gave me I could tell what Sora had said set something off in his physiatrist mind.

Vincent only nodded his head in understanding though and said nothing more, "So, when Genesis wasn't around… who would watch you?" that made both of us get a bit quiet- but Sora was in a really good mood so this little question didn't dampen his mood too much, "Ourselves- each other… but well… Yuna would… when she… left… Leon did- but he hung out with his friends a lot- especially near the end…" his tone was soft but not completely sad. "How would they act if either of you acted out or got in trouble in school?" "When Yuna was around we never got in trouble… well… Roxas did because he always slept all class- but that was understandable so Yuna never got mad at him…" "And your brother?" "Leon would talk to us… he always asked Roxas why he did what he did and what he thought his actions did- when he got in fights in stuff…" then my brother laughed.

"Leon had this way- whenever we did something really bad… something Genesis would want to kill us because of- Leon would pinch the bridge of his nose and say, "I love you but I need to think, go to your room," and then later he would either talk to us again, or he'd drop it." Vincent was nodding his head the whole time while writing on his notepad and it was getting me pissed, "Why are you asking?" that seemed to surprise the raven, I hadn't spoken much that session but it was about the same I spoke any other session- except this time he could hear the anger in my voice, "About your brother?"

"About how they treated us," he didn't say anything right away so I did, "Are you trying to judge them, or compare them to Genesis- because they were nothing like him." "I wasn't trying to," he started but I cut him off, "Then why're you asking? They weren't bad people so stop trying to set us up to say something bad about them," Sora cut me off, "Rox, he wasn't trying to say anything bad about them… he was just asking," I bit my lip while my brother spoke and once he was finished I continued to rant, "He keeps writing in his little notepad like he's taking notes on how 'unfair' Leon and Yuna were- why else would he ask how they treated us?" my brother listened but didn't say anything so I turned to Vincent.

"They treated us amazing and that's all you need to know so stop trying to make them come off as a typical brother and sister and stop trying to make it seem like they _treated us wrong_ in some fucked up psychotherapist way," I mocked the words I had hear so much- and Vincent repeated them in a question, "What do you mean "treated you wrong," like the way Genesis treated you?" shaking my head I didn't want to say it with my brother right there- not that it was bad I just didn't want him to take it to heart so I added a few more words as I began to rant. "Genesis didn't _treat us wrong_, he was a dick to Sora but that's just because he was pissed off at me," "Why would he be angry at you?" "Like it was said- I get in trouble a lot," no sooner had the sentence left my lips than the small watch on Vincent's desk began to beep- alerting us that the session was over in a quiet and easily ignored two beeps.

Standing up I left, Sora was a ways behind me but before we could get down the sidewalk and around the building where Zell always parked- he pulled me into a hug. He pressed my forehead against the gap between his shoulder and neck, forcing me to stay in his hug, "Rox… Vincent wasn't trying to say anything bad about them… he was probably just trying to remember things for individuals next week… he was just curious…" he held me at arms-length while I looked down. "We know they were good people… everyone who knew them knows it- he didn't get a chance to meet them, he has to ask about them because that's the only way he can figure anything out about them- blowing up in his face like that isn't a very good way of showing how awesome our brother and sister were though," he had a crooked grin on his face when I finally looked up, "Yeah… I know," I returned his grin- mine was sadder even when I tried to make it better.

"Okay… well… you know he'll probably want to talk to you Monday now," my brother chuckled as he threw his arm over my shoulder while we walked to Zell's car, Zell was on his phone about something but the phone call ended before we opened the car doors. I slouched in the backseat, I don't know why I was so pissed at Vincent- he hadn't done anything wrong really and I knew that somewhere in my mind but I still snapped at him. My phone buzzed in my pocket, Axel seemed to have the best timing, "Hey love, how'd the session go?" his message read, I began clicking away at the number pad- already slightly used to the typing system.

"I snapped at Vincent. He's probably going to nag me next individual -.-'" once the text message was sent I didn't really think to see what Axel's response was- not that I didn't care, but as we started to drive and Axel hadn't texted back I zoned out the window, thinking about anything and everything that popped in my head. When we got back to the house I told Zell I was going for a walk, I'd be back later- he seemed like he wasn't very happy but I was already walking, "Leave your cell on," he called out instead.

"Hey, how's it going shorty?" the voice was familiar and even though it wasn't Axel's I was happy to hear it. "Seifer- how many damn times do I gotta tell you… don't fucking call me shorty," the blond only laughed as he threw his arm over my shoulder and leaned on me, Rai was close and I was a bit surprised to find Fuu there too. "Well…" he pulled me to a stop and stood next to me, he put his hand up to his head like he was measuring his height before he slid his hand over my own head- a giant clear gap between our heights. "Probably till you hit a growth spurt," he slammed his hand down on my head- not too hard but hard enough to push me into a fight.

Smacking his hand off my head with my own at first I then used that same hand to push him back, and Seifer almost fell off the broken sidewalk- he still had a huge shit faced smirk on his face, he tried to push me once he got his balance but I turned away so instead his hand somehow got wrapped around the back of my neck. His inner arm pressed against my windpipe as he stood over me, I shot my elbow back a few times to hit him in the ribs he only laughed for a second before standing me up by the use of his arm choking me and proceeded to choke me but while holding me so only the tip of my shoes could touch the ground.

A choking sound was all that left my throat as I fought with Seifer in the middle of the sidewalk, "Seifer," I started, "You better… knock it… the fuck- off," I forced out, but Seifer only huffed and dropped me- pushing me forward a bit in the process. "Or what chickenwuss?" he asked with a stupid smirk on his face, "I'll break your goddamn nose again." The threat was anything but empty- it was already proven I had the ability to fuck Seifer's nose up- and finally Seifer's stuck up smirk turned into a serious frown, "What's eating at you?" "Nothing," I turned away and began walking- not wanting to discuss my problems with Seifer of all people, "So you're fine with me beating the shit out of you but when I try to act like a sensible person and ask you wants wrong- no, that's just crazy to think…" I didn't bother to give him an answer and instead I kept walking.

"Fuck off Seifer!" finally I yelled when I found the blond was _still_ following me, "Fuck you, I do what I want." He responded, looking over my shoulder I found Seifer a few steps behind me, his hands in folded behind his head as he looked down at me. I hated the look in his eyes as he tried to stare me down; quickly I raised my fist and used all of my upper body weight and strength in the punch aimed at his chest. He took a few steps back making me hit plain air- my balance was thrown off and as I began to fall I felt Seifer push me back, countering my set motion so now I was falling backwards. I managed to catch myself in a few steps back, I tried again to hit Seifer- this time I succeeded, hitting him in the side of the face but he pivoted as my fist connected, making the blow softer and his balance intact while throwing mine off yet again.

A pressure exploded in my face as Seifer extended his arm so his fist hit me both in the nose and in the eye, my vision spotted and shined for a few seconds only for me to realize my next punch was again avoided and again I was being punched in the face. I could tell there would be a bruise in the last place Seifer punched- his fist hit dead center on left cheek bone and along with the bruise I knew was going to be there I could also tell it was going to be stiff and swollen. While the pressure exploded in my face Seifer pushed me back so now I was falling back on my ass- rolling onto my back, I hit the grass rather softly but my muscles hurt more as I refused to completely fall down from the force.

I kept my neck craned so it wouldn't hit the ground and my knees were bent while my elbows pressed into the ground and my hands stayed in the air, I tried to jump back up but was stopped when I saw Seifer standing practically on top of me. "You good chickenwuss?" his fucked up grin was back, I relaxed onto the ground, letting my body go limp for a second, I stared at the bright and blinding sky for a few seconds- feeling blood running out of my nose and a wound on my cheek before I looked at Seifer to see his hand out stretched to me. Taking it slowly he helped me to my feet so once again we were standing on the sidewalk- his arm over my shoulders while Rai and Fuu were far behind us.

We walked under the bridge, my phone began going off but I didn't answer- by the time I got to it it was on its last ring. It was from Axel, but before I could call him back I noticed he had texted me almost 5 times. "Where are you?" was his first message, the rest were like this, "Are you home? Are you okay?" the last text message was what really got to me, "My friend said they saw you fighting with Seifer- call me." taking in a deep breath I looked around. We were sitting in the underpass yet again, I sat on the end of the couch with my leg propped up on the coffee table, I didn't bother to see if I had anything on my face or not because I knew I had blood. Seifer was the only one sitting next to me though- he was leaning over the coffee table doing something- drug related but I didn't give a fuck, I just wanted to go home and sleep.

Zoning out into the under beams off the bridge distracted me for almost an hour- I was pulled out of my trance when Seifer gently hit my leg with the back of his hand, "You normally leave by now…" he mumbled, I pressed a button on my still open phone to see it light up and read almost an hour and a half later. "Shit!" moving as fast as I did was a bit stupid but I stood up quick, "I gotta go- see you around," I climbed out of the underpass and began walking home. Looking at my phone I noticed I had almost 5 missed texts and 9 missed calls, and right on cue my phone began buzzing, "Hello?" I answered, "Roxas! Where the fuck are you?" my brother yelled into the phone, "I'm on my way home… I'll be there in about 15 minutes." I hung the phone up and continued walking, I could already tell this wasn't going to be good.

I froze in front of the door, hoping they weren't all crowded in the living room or some stupid shit like that, I took in a deep breath and pushed the door open. "Roxas!" people yelled as soon as I opened the door, Zell, Sora, Riku, and Axel stood and sat in the living room, I shut the door behind me, "Hey…" I mumbled, "What the hell happened to you?" my brother yelled, Axel was standing up behind the smaller couch but he was looking at me with wide eyes, I looked at him before looking at my brother, "I lost track of time…" "No," Zell started, "What happened to your face?" I had forgotten all about that. Looking at Zell's face I could already tell he knew what happened, "Oh… I fell…" "Bullshit…" Axel mumbled- my eyes widened as I looked at him but Sora didn't seem to hear it because he quickly walked over to me and pulled me into the kitchen.

I was told to sit up on the counter- which was easy enough, and then Sora took after my face with peroxide, paper towels, gauze, and some tape, "What the hell Rox…" my brother mumbled when he was dapping peroxide on my cheek just under my eye, then my brother got really quiet. "What happened?" "I was walking and trying to text… I fell…" "It looks more like you got in a fight." He said firmly, before I could think of something to say I heard the door slam behind me, turning around I found that Axel had been the one that slammed the door. Riku was quick to open the door and be after him.

"Sora, do you mind going in the other room so I can talk to your brother?" slowly my brother nodded his head at Zell and walked down the hallway- he closed a door behind him and I looked back to Zell when he began to speak. "You got in another fight," his voice was so matter of fact that it irritated me, "Gee you seem to know everything," he didn't seemed happy about my sudden found humor. "How do you think this affects Sora?" "Sora doesn't know… unless you told him," "No, but you're going to have to, he doesn't deserved to be kept in the dark like this." I rolled my eyes, and looked out the small window above the sink, I could see Axel and Riku talking- I hadn't seen Axel in a few days but I realized that my boyfriend was getting thinner than usual and he also didn't look like he was getting much sleep but before I could comment on that I was brought back again by Zell speaking.

"Vincent will hear about this- and if you keep getting in fights you're going to lose your phone?" "What?" "I'm sorry- getting in fights is illegal," he said rather loudly, "You're lucky they haven't taken you away yet and put you back at Castle Oblivion or ship you off to Port Royal." I looked away from the window, away from my boyfriend that was clearly distressed about something that I was too distracted to realize and looked into the small table in the hidden corner that was supposed to represent a dining room table. "Stay here," Zell said calmly as he walked into his room and softly shut the door behind him, I could hear him talking- most likely on the phone with someone, for quite a while.

Finally he came back out and spoke to me, "Vincent will talk about it with you this time… he wants your individual to be an extra hour," "What?" "So he can talk to you- are you okay with that?" I thought for a few seconds, "Yeah…" I said weakly, "Fine…" "Okay." I jumped off the counter- cringing at the pain that jolted my face, "I'm going to bed," but before I could get very far I was stopped, "Did you eat anything yet today?" in truth I had forgotten to eat for the past few days- food wasn't really on my mind and when something was cooked I wasn't hungry, "Grab an apple or something," Zell murmured, I really wasn't hungry but I didn't want to fight with him, "If you don't eat it'll take longer for you to heal," he said softly as I walked to my room, I threw the apple on the bed and turned on the light, stripping out of my clothes so I could sleep in a beater, boxers, and pajama bottoms.

Sliding under the covers I laid on my stomach, holding myself up on my elbows, the apple in front of me while my phone was in my hand, the blanket practically fell over and covered my face but for some reason it stayed poofy and wrapped up to not fall down. I sent a text to Axel asking if he was okay, while I waited for a response I eyed the apple, it did look pretty tasty, as soon as I bit into the apple my phone buzzed from a text message. I held the apple in my mouth with my teeth while I used both hands to text Axel back.

Axel didn't give me a straight answer like I wanted, he only told me that he'd be fine so I better phased my question, "What's wrong?" taking a bite out of my apple I rolled over, kicking the blankets off- I continued to eat the apple till it was pretty much gone, setting it on the floor by my bed I realized Axel still hadn't texted me back. Growling at my phone I shoved my face in my pillow- hissing in pain but quickly ignoring it when I could smell Axel in the pillow, it was the pillow Axel always slept with but the smell only made Roxas realize he really missed Axel.

"I miss you…" he finally texted Axel when the redhead still hadn't replied- quickly his phone buzzed, "I miss you too, hopefully I can come over soon and we can hang out," I didn't want to bug him too much more because I knew he was probably pissed about me getting in a fight so I just sent him a smiley face. I slept fine- and for a long time, without waking up- for the first time in a long time.

_**I'm not dead… I can almost promise. **_


	29. Chapter 29: Things are Different

"Roxas!" suddenly I was literally jumped from my sleep. My body sprang up in the air- a tingling shiver jolted down my spine all the way to my toes as the sudden lack of a soft compression on my back gave me a startling feeling of falling. "Roxas!" again I heard someone call, my body sprang up when the warm and poofy covers were stolen off my body, "What?" I cried, my eyes wide as I sat almost terrified on my bed, I saw my brother kneeling at the far corner of my bed, a giant smile on his face as he held the blanket in his hands, "It's time to get up," Sora laughed.

"Why'd you wake me up like that?" my voice came out a little rushed- it was quite a wakeup call, he only laughed more, "Your face…" he started, he continued to laugh about my face between gasps for air before he formed a slow and somewhat coherent sentence. "You… I was trying… to get you up… You were so scared!" he began laughing even more, "I tried to get you up… but.. but you just kept snoring away," "I wasn't snoring," I mumbled while he laughed, he fell over on the bed, holding his sides, "Oh ow," he laughed more, "You- I should've recorded that!" I glared at my brother but his eyes were closed tight and leaking as he slightly rolled around at the end of my bed- causing my evil glare to go unseen.

Sliding my foot straight I pressed my toes against his upper arm as he continued to gasp and laugh, I stretched my muscles to allow me to push him off the bed but I only managed to move him a few inches before he rolled over and sat up again. "Heh… anyways," he chuckled a little more, "I tried to get you up but you just ignored me," he sighed, "I asked Zell if it was really important you get up- he told me to dump water on you if I had to but I knew that would just get you angry…" he began to chuckle again, "I'll have to remember that next time though- and to video tape it," that's it. I grabbed a pillow and knocked him upside the head as I threw it, his body fell backwards as he landed on the floor- laughing his entire fall down.

Slowly I climbed out of bed, walking over to my dressers before turning to ask my brother a question, "What did Zell want?" my brother was sitting back on his hands with his legs slightly bent in front of him, "Huh? Oh… um… I think he said something about him being busy tomorrow- so I guess he wants to hang out with us today instead," nodding my head I looked at the dresser again- I didn't really feel like getting dressed. "What does he plan on doing?" "I don't know, I'll go ask," he stood up and ran out of the room, running to where ever Zell was, "Roxas," I heard my brother call. Crossing my arms for a little more warmth I slowly walked out into the other room.

"It's up to you where we go," Sora said with a smile on his face as he spun around in the barstool, I sat one away from him, not wanting to get hurt if he fell or decided to kick. I sat against the cold chair and scooted back before pulling my knees up to my chest, my bare heels hooking on the edge of the seat, I continued to watch Sora in amazement before looking at Zell- who was looking at my brother over his coffee mug with the same amazed look I had. "What do you wanna do today?" my brother laughed as he spun back and forth in the chair- no longer around in circles. I continued to look at him before asking, "Did you have sugary cereal this morning?"

My brother stopped instantly and looked at me with a very serious look on his face, like he wasn't sure if he should believe whatever I asked or something. "Maybe…" he finally mumbled, I smiled and my brother's giant grin returned before he began spinning again, I looked over at Zell, "You didn't give him coffee… did you?" Zell looked at me like I was insane, he started shaking his head, "No… even I know better than to do that," I began nodding my head- Zell did know my brothers hyper side, "He helped himself," he quietly said before sipping his coffee.

"What do you want to do?" the older blond asked me as Sora stopped spinning and jumped up, almost falling but laughing the whole time before he began walking and opened the fridge, "I'm hungry…" he mumbled, "Yeah," I started, "Me too." Zell looked at me like he was shocked before he smiled, "We could order food later or go to a restaurant or something," he said as he put his cup in the sink. I nodded my head, I'd like that a lot, "Roxas!" my brother cried, I jumped and looked over at him in panic only to find him now standing in front of a closed fridge and looking at me with a huge pout on his face, "Zell got doughnuts and didn't share," I smiled, "It's Zell's money…" I started but my brother cut in, "You're a teacher, aren't you supposed to be the epitome of sharing and stuff?"

Instinct told me to tread carefully- Genesis would've gotten either really angry or start laughing if Sora made that comment to him, Zell's face only looked a little shocked before he raised an eyebrow, "Is that your way of asking if you can have one?" Sora shrugged, "If I did ask would it be a yes?" "Most likely," "Then- can me and Roxas have a doughnut please?" Zell smiled before nodding his head, he walked over and grabbed the box from up top a cabinet before holding it open for Sora, instantly grabbed a jelly filled doughnut, Zell took a few steps to stand in front of me on the other side of the counter. "Do you want one?" "Hmm… maybe, what do you have?" I leaned closer, letting my feet hook on their intended place on the barstool.

"Can I have that chocolate and glazed one?" "You can have any of them," Zell voice sounded like it was trying to negotiate with me or something. Slowly I reached towards him and pinched the chocolate ring doughnut that was also glazed. I wiggled my hand to get the other doughnut unstuck from it, I pulled my hand back slowly and glanced up a few times to find Zell staring at me intently. "Thanks…" I said quietly, unsure of why is was staring at me and hoping it was just because he wanted me to thank him but he continued to stare at me a little while longer before his eyes moved over and our gazes met, a giant smile on his face, "It's all good- if I had known you guys like doughnuts I would've bought them sooner. "

I began picking at my doughnut while Sora's was pretty much gone, "Sora, how did you know he had any doughnuts?" "Huh?" he said with doughnut filled cheeks, "Oh, I saw him bring them in and I forgot all about them till just now." nodding my head I continued to eat it, Zell was leaning against the counter with a serious look on his face but he was zoning out and I didn't want to get him angry or something by asking him why. Sora also noticed Zell's change in demeanor but he spoke up, "They're old…" he mumbled to Zell, who snapped his head up to look at Sora in surprise. Looking from one to the other- I was so confused, what was old? "Some were accidents… but most of them only happened when he was hanging out with Angeal."

Suddenly I realized what they were talking about- it wasn't all that sudden, I mean, Sora had just pretty much told me flat out what they were talking about. My doughnut was gone now so I stood up, "I'll be back in a minute," I mumbled as I walked to my room, finding my short sleeve hoodie on the ground before walking back out and walking into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, there wasn't anything really all that bad to be shown where my beater didn't cover, but I stretched my arm across my chest and turned around a bit, looking at my shoulder blade and arm in the mirror. And just like I thought, scars.

There was a few dark circular ones- cigarette burns, but they were scattered, it's not like he planned them out, and it's not like there was very many- I could only see two. But there was also some thin and short scars that shinned white in all random directions- just small little scars like I landed on glass or something- which is probably what happened except the word 'Landed' was something more like 'thrown' and something was more like 'pushed against' .And then there were a few dark and thicker but not bulging or deep marks- also scars, except these were from fingernails. And nothing sexual, just, "Oh let me 'catch you', oops only my nails made contact," sort of thing.

And when I moved Zell saw a few, I let out a sigh- I never thought about scars, except the ones on my fingers… I wondered if Axel saw them every time I wore a beater- I wonder what he saw in those rare occurrences I changed my shirt in front of him. Well that was never happening again. I pulled on the hoodie and zipped it up 3/4ths of the way, before opened the door and walking back out into the kitchen room and sitting on the barstool I was before, "What?" I asked when they were both looking at me with something like concern, "It's too cold for my liking," I bluffed- it was a little chilly but that was because I wasn't really awake, _awake_, yet.

Neither of them said anything, Sora's face looked sad before it suddenly lit up and he looked at me with a huge smile on his face, "We should play stories," my brother smiled, I looked at him a bit shocked, shaking my head a little, "We haven't done that in years Sor…" "I know Rox… I miss playing it though…" his smiled continued. "Stories… I don't know that game," Zell started as he looked from Sora to me, my own eyes stayed on my brother. "It was a game Sor and I used to play all the time- almost every day, sometimes more," "We played whenever we were upset," my brother said matter-of-factly, our eyes stayed locked the entire time, Sora was trying to open up in front of Zell and he was bringing me with him. "Well… how do you play?" the older blond asked. "It's sentence for sentence, usually- Rox would start with a really long sentence and then I would add a sentence…" Zell nodded his head like he understood and was waiting for my brother to continue but Sora was gently staring at me.

"It would always turn into something more than that though… we would start have these big ideas about what the place would be like and it'd turn into a discussion…" my brother continued. "Yeah," I started- deciding to add in, "And usually there would be something wrong with the place or something wrong in the place and for some reason I'd be captured or taken and Sora was always the hero that saved me and the world in the end." "I'm an underdog," my brother shrugged with a carefree look on his face, "Underdog?" I asked curiously, my brother's tone was so neutral I didn't understand what he was saying. "Yupp, I can never do jack shit for you in real life, so in some make believe world _I_ come through for you," he smiled.

Before I could say anything- before this whole moment could become even more serious, Zell spoke. "Okay… so you two want to play stories?" My brother nodded his head quickly, that smile still on his face, Zell looked at me and I nodded my head while shrugging my shoulder. We moved to sit in the living room, I sat on the big couch, Sora on the floor looking at me while Zell sat on the smaller couch- we were all pretty close together considering any other time.

"So how do we start?" the older blond asked, he looked out of place- like he had no idea what we were doing even though Sora did a pretty good job at explaining, Sora smiled, "Normally Roxas starts with describing the scenery and stuff," Sora looked at me expectantly. "Umm… okay…" I began, thinking, looking up at the ceiling instead of their faces like it would help me in some way. "In the far future the world will split into many tiny planets that look like nothing but stars, on one special planet- the world is made of water," I looked down at my brother's eyes, which were wide as he imagined what I was saying. "There is a few islands in the water, small enough to walk around a few times in a day- and yes, people soaked and bent the trees to make homes and shops, and it's beautiful to look at, but the real beauty of the planet is found much, _much_, higher.

"Floating among the lowest of setting clouds- rests the floating islands. These islands spot all across the planet- looking at the masses themselves is breath taking, the dark earth from where the land was once attached below still remains- the roots of the trees and plans stretch far down to dangle and be seen where the soil was now solid enough." Sora was smiling as he zoned out while looking at me. "As you can imagine, cars have no use- and planes are too big, so each person owns a specially tuned bike. Said bike looks a little funny to us now- instead of round wheels it has something like little slabs all lined up back to back with a few inches between. And somehow- the small contraption attached to the core allows it to float, allowing people to travel around their islands in the sky and allowing them to travel even greater distances to other islands.

"Technology on this planet has excelled amazingly, to the point where things like cell phones and computers were pointless- people will return to their simple way of life, tinkering with steel and steam while still respecting the greenery around them. Even auto people have been created- not robots, and not in masses, but rather, a body that was built by tens of people with a purpose. This purpose had to be _so great_ it had to spark interest in the metal men and create life and wanting inside them. But with their responsibility came a physical heart- that beat and pumped and allowed them to care…" I let my voice fade as I could tell Sora was thinking.

My brother instantly began speaking, "All said iron metal men had completed their responsibilities and now, only one remained." Sora turned to look at Zell who looked like a deer in the head lights, "Umm… the one that remained was special though…" We watched him to make sure he was done before I continued. "His job was to protect everyone from outside harm, he often sat at the highest point- to see over the trees and sheet metal houses to watch over everyone, never sleeping or resting because all that mattered was to protect everyone." "He was also very special because unlike others before him, he came to life at the hands of one," my brother held up a finger for emphasis, "person, his life was sparked by the simple needs of one child."

Zell looked like he was getting the hang of it as he began speaking, "And because he was created by a child, the metal man was nothing more than a child himself- a few years older than the little boy to be like an older brother." I turned the story dark, "But tragedy stuck, in the calm of night- when the boy rested in his soft bed with the stars and planets shining through his window, an evil dark smoke filled the streets." "The normally happy and colorful fog that rested around the ground- because it was in the clouds after all, disappeared from the black smoke," Sora always got so into the stories.

"The man of metal was quick to notice this, he watched, trying to think of what it was and how to get rid of it." "He would've continued to panic but he noticed that the trees and flowers and even grass had not died where the smoke touched- meaning no living thing was harmed." I was always into the story telling, I'll admit. "But- he learned that wasn't the real problem, as he watched the smoke he saw a dark figure with glowing eyes walking towards him." "The metal man watched from a distance as the man walked the roads getting closer and closer."

My turn came again, "As he watched the man he noticed that he wasn't looking anywhere- what the man was doing was keeping eye contact with the metal man." "The man stood in front of the metal man, "I'm the ringmaster of nightmares," he said in a calm voice, "And you've been blocking my nightmares from the townspeople," he said to the man of metal." It was Zell's turn but Zell looked surprised and didn't know what to say. We waited for him to start but he seemed like he was dumbfounded- Sora began speaking, like he always had when we were younger he took over, and I don't mean that in a bad way, I loved with when Sora got so into it.

"The Ringmaster told the metal man, "You've killed many of my best nightmares- my remaining minions want revenge- I've been holding them back, but only because I've been waiting for something…" the metal man didn't know what to say but he knew if an army came he wouldn't be able to fight all of the creatures- _and _if there was an army then the townspeople would hear about the nightmares that had been attacking them. And he didn't want that." My brother was so into the story already.

"What'd the ringmaster want?" I asked, "Hmm…" my brother began, "The metal man's heart!" he said it like it was brilliant, "That's it, the metal man panicked, "What do you want?" and the ringmaster laughed because that was what he wanted, "I small thing, nothing bigger than my fist… your heart," the metal man was not at all happy with that but he was desperate. "But… if I give you my heart I won't be able to protect the village," "That's okay," the ringmaster said, "I promise to stop all nightmares from ever setting foot here again… all I ask for is your heart."" Zell looked rather intrigued when I looked over at him, "Then what happened?" he asked like a little kid.

My brother smiled, "Well, the man of metal gave up his heart," Sora's tone started happy but it slowly got darker, "He opened his chest and stared at the man, "But if I give you my heart, you have to promise that you _won't_ attack the people," and the ringmaster promised. He walked over and pulled the heart from the metal man's chest, the metal man fell to kneel on the ground- his chest compartment still open. And the ringmaster laughed, "I won't attack tonight… but I've never been one for restraining." And he left, just like that, the ringmaster walked back out- taking the smoke with him and the few minions that followed to watch."

"What's going to happen to the town now?" I asked, not wanting my brother to stop but not sure how it should continue. "When the boy wakes up- he sees that his friend is heartless, he doesn't know why but he hears from a caring neighbor of the deal made the night before, the man was too scared to step in the night before but he wasn't going to make that mistake again." "What're the people's names?" the other blond asked, "Names?" my brother looked up while thinking, "The metal man can be Vanitas. The boy can be called Ventus… and the evil nightmare guy can be called Xehanort," I smiled, I was used to Sora's weird names but I knew Zell wasn't so I looked over at him, he had a strange look on his face.

"Where'd you get these names from?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, "I dunno." "What about the man that saw but was too scared?" "His name can be Zeru," my brother had a huge childish smile on his face, "Ventus didn't know what to do, he thought he was too weak to go after the ringmaster, but the next night everyone was plague with terrible nightmares- Ventus couldn't even sleep at all, so him and Zeru left and tried to find help. Zeru told Ventus about a man on a high island- much like a mountain, they traveled for days, nightmares following them all the while, before they reached the top. The man- who didn't have a name," my brother gave me a look saying he couldn't think of another name.

"He told them where to find the ringmaster's island- far south to a burning hot place."

Sora continued in detail how the island was in a place much similar to either Hell or the equator, he talked about the journey they went on and the battles they had to fight. Finally Ventus and Zeru stood in front of Xehanort, "Ventus started talking, "Give us back Vanitas' heart!" but the ringmaster only laughed, "I don't have the heart, the heart was not mine to take." That confused Ventus and Zeru so they asked, "What do you mean?" but that only made the man laugh more. "The heart was simply not mine to take- it's in its true bearers hands," again that only confused the two more." My brother took a deep breath and was quiet for a little while, thinking.

"The ringmaster said the heart was in a man named Ansem's hands… he was the man of ideas- but began to cling to the dark where nightmares were and stuff, but he was basically the creator that granted Vanitas life." Sore gave a small smile before zoning out at the ground, "Ventus was ready to show Ansem that he couldn't have Vanitas' heart and that he never would be able to because even if the nightmares haunted him- even if he suffered, he wouldn't let Vanitas' remain cold and heartless." My brother's voice was getting more and more depressed.

But Sora stopped talking soon, "You normally keep adding in Rox…" he mumbled, I could tell he wasn't very happy about something but I didn't understand entirely. "I'm sorry… I thought you were doing good…" "Yeah…" he scoffed gently. My phone started blaring with a blare of Breaking Benjamin's Dear Agony, "Someone's calling…" I unfolded my legs and walked hurriedly to my room, by the time I got there it stopped, meaning I had missed the call. Axel had called me but before I could call him back I got a text, "I'll talk to you later, I love you." I found it really weird that he was saying that- he'd never really just out and said, "I love you," but it made me smile nonetheless.

I pressed the phone against my chest as I thought about his words, I smiled and stood up quietly opening my door and walking back out, but before I got to the end of the hall I could hear Zell speaking. "Sora… that story…" "What about it?" my brother's voice is what caught me off guard- he sounded so angry and as bad as I wanted to go out there and figure out what was wrong I wanted to let Zell handle it because I knew that Zell would want the chance and it could be a moment for Sora to get close to someone other than Riku and I.

"The metal man… was that Roxas?" "Why are you picking apart a simple story?" again my brother sounded angry, but Zell started in before I could step in- it was so hard not to just walk out there. "And Ventus- the boy… that was you?" my brother wasn't even talking but he still sounded angry. "Xehanort… he was Genesis and Ansem was Shuyin," "What're you getting at?" my brother practically hissed at Zell, if my brother hushed a scream like that one more time I would have to walk out there. "Zeru was me… Did you tell your brother yet- about you asking me for help?" "I told you he already knows about that," "I know you didn't tell him because I've had a similar conversation with Roxas a few months ago- he had no idea about any of our meetings."

"Just leave me alone- and if you hurt Roxas," my brother left off on the warning but I couldn't take it, I started walking around the corner but my brother was right in front of me, "Roxas?" his voice was surprised, I could either question him or blow it off and figure it out on my own later without hurting Sora. "I just got off the phone with Axel," I began innocently, "Where you going… aren't you going to finish the story?" my brother only looked down before smiling up at me, "Maybe next week- I'm a little unsure about the ending," he nervously scratched his head before walking around me and going into his room.

I stayed standing, not knowing whether or not if I should follow him into his room and question him or just let it go for now, but as soon as I could hear the vibrations as he blared Linkin Park's _Papercut_ I knew I should just let him be for a little while. Slowly I continued to walk back into the living room, wanting to disappear in my room but this was my chance to ask Zell what they were talking about. He was sitting on the edge of the small couch, his fingers running through his hair as he let out a sigh that was barely audible with my brother blaring music.

"Zell…" I mumbled as I stood in the hallway, my phone still stupidly held to my chest, Zell jumped and halfway turned to look at me, almost falling off the couch had he been a few more inches over. "Roxas- how long have you been there?" I looked around slowly, not really knowing how to answer his question, "What… umm… what was Sora talking about…?" I felt like I was betraying Sora by asking but I wanted Sora to know that he didn't have to be the strong one even if he'd only find out through Zell.

"Roxas… I don't know if Sora wants me to tell you…" Oh no, _no_, _no_- there was no way I was putting myself out there for Zell to just tell me off. I stood at the end of the couch, "Tell me," I said again, Zell moved back to sit with his hands running through his hair as he let yet another sigh, Linkin Park's _One Step Closer_. "I really think you should wait till Sora gets around to tell you," he continued to talk but I stopped him, "No." I snapped, happy Sora couldn't hear me, Zell looked shocked that my voice was so stern- if I had ever done that with Genesis I would've been knocked on my ass so fast. "You know why my brother's like this," I pointed behind me at the wall to Sora's bedroom but before I could continue Zell began speaking, "He'll tell you on his own," "No he won't!" I almost yelled, hushing myself so Sora couldn't hear me.

"Sora's not going to tell me anything- he hasn't told me anything! Ever since we got back to Traverse Town he won't tell me what's on his mind, he won't tell me what's wrong; he says everything's fine when I know he's not okay!" Zell looked shocked that yet again I was yelling at him but he started talking right back. "Roxas… don't take this the wrong way- but how is that any different from what you've been doing to Sora his entire life?" "That's different." "No. It's not." "Yes it is." I wanted to yell at him all the reasons why it was different, but I knew if I started I wouldn't stop and I knew that I needed to not be a baby to Zell and start screaming my head off now.

"Sora's not as… _unobservant_ as you think- he notices more than you realize," I didn't like that he wasn't telling me so I stayed quiet, and just waited for him to tell me what I wanted to know. "Roxas… this is a conversation better left between you, Sora, and Vincent." I looked down, feeling like an idiot, "Yeah…" I mumbled, not happy that I still had no effect on my brother blaring Linkin Park in the next room. "Sorry…" quickly I walked back to my room and shut the door behind me, sliding down it as I buried my face in my knees, not at all happy with how the day was going already.

"Call me as soon as you can, I love you too," I texted Axel back, but he didn't respond for the rest of the day- and for the rest of the day I stayed in my room, listening to Sora blare music across the hall and knowing if I even bothered to ask him to explain why he was feeling like that- he'd just turn me down or tell me to back off. I wonder if Riku would tell me what's up with Sora? But I couldn't figure out how to phrase it without sounding like a paranoid parent to a teenage child. I closed my phone and threw it across the room onto my bed, not bothering to look at it when it vibrated three times meaning I got a text message. Looking over at my clock I realized I had been in my room for almost 3 hours, it was lunch time now but that doughnut was enough for me to stick to my pride by staying locked in my room.

Hearing a knock on my door I pulled my knees closer to my chest like hoping to disappear- saying I was 'locked in my room,' wasn't really true, because I hadn't locked my door. The knock continued quietly with an echo, before the door clicked open and then shut, "Roxas?" I knew that voice- and it wasn't Zell, but I still wasn't coming out, I pulled my legs closer to me still, hoping the chair would hide the fact that I was sitting curled up under the desk. I don't know why but I wanted to hide from the naked eye and the closet was too dark and small for my liking, but sadly I heard them place their hands on the chair, but before they could pull it out they let out a sigh and moved away from it.

"Roxas… I've never seen you hiding under a desk before…" Cloud said, "I'm not hiding," I mumbled back, his laugh was short and sad, "Then what _are_ you doing Rox?" I didn't know. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," "I know that's not true," his voice was smooth and even- even though I knew he wasn't happy. "Why did you come over….?" my voice quiet as I carefully pronounced the sentence- not wanting to sound mean or like I didn't appreciate his company. "Zell had to leave… he didn't want you two alone… and he wanted someone to talk to you two." Rolling my eyes I looked at the shoe smudges on the hardwood and began to slide my finger over them to rub them away, I didn't need someone to talk to and I was really starting to not trust Zell- he always tells Vincent about what happens between Sora and I and now he's even calling Cloud and Zack.

"Cloud… there's nothing to talk about…" "There's a lot to talk about… I don't know what happened today but I can tell Sora's probably a mess in his room, you won't come out of your room and are hiding, and Zell… Zell is too concerned with the two of you to know what to do." I stayed silent as Cloud sat on my bed, my cell phone in his hand, he opened it, "You've got a text message from Axel…" after a few more seconds of silence I quietly pushed out the chair and held my hand out for him to toss me my phone. Cloud gently nodded his head and threw the phone into my hand, I quickly read the message, "Sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to till tomorrow," he'd sent it so long ago he probably thought I was mad- I would've been if I read it when he actually sent it but now I wasn't.

"It's okay…" I texted back, snapping my phone shut and sitting back against my dresser, looking off to the side, "What happened to your face?" he asked, I had forgotten all about the fight the other day, "I fell…" "Onto someone's fist?" I looked up at him a bit surprised, "No… why would you think that?" my voice was quiet and before I was even halfway through the sentence Cloud began to speak, "Come on Rox… I've seen you with your face beaten before- and it looks the same now is it did all the other times before." "Doesn't matter…" I decided to mumble, Cloud only shifted and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, "Look… I'm not saying this in a bad way or saying you have to and you have no choice," I looked up at him, we looked so similar it was strange, "But I think it would do you some good if you stayed over with Zack and I every once and awhile."

"What?" "I'm not saying you have to and I'm not saying it has to be for a while- just to visit whenever you want maybe a weekend every few weeks or something…" "Why?" nervously I asked, I knew Cloud and Zack wouldn't try to do anything to hurt Sora and I- including our bond, that I was began to think no longer existed. "I think sometime between your brother and you would be good," "We did have time- the five months apart," "Yes… but in that time Sora had to get used to staying alone- without you… he's made choices and decisions that… that some time here and there wouldn't be bad." Nervously I watched him, "Are you saying because we spent time away from each other that now- we can't stand to spend time together?"

"Roxas… I'm just saying- you two are your own people… your worlds don't have to revolve around each other." I didn't want to agree with him but I knew where he was coming from to say that. "So… what do you want me to do?" nervously I asked, Cloud watched me for a minute, "Do you want to come over to our house for the weekend?" I really didn't want to… but if giving Sora space by going away for a few days would help him then I'd want to do anything to help. "Do you want me to?" instead I asked, "Rox- you and Sor are always welcomed to stay with us- you know we think of you as our younger brothers," I wanted to make a snide comment about how they were the only ones who thought about me and Sora that way that hadn't killed themselves.

But I kept the comment to myself and looked off to the side, "Whatever you want…" I whispered, I could see Cloud open his mouth about to say something but he snapped his mouth shut and nodded his head, "Zack or I can drive you to your session on Monday and Zell can pick you up…" "Are you sure he'll be okay with that?" "I'm sure he'll be fine… do you want help getting some clothes and stuff together?" slowly I shook my head, "No… I got it… is Sora okay with that?" "Roxas." Cloud said suddenly, his voice was stern and surprised glare caught me off guard, I looked up at him confused and not gonna lie- I was a little scared, he slowly shook his head.

"Rox… you are a 16 year old boy- you should be going out every once in a while, spending nights at friend's house and sneaking out to go to parties. Sora should be doing the same- you don't have to run every little thing by your brother." Looking off to the side again I tried to ignore the fact that I wanted to yell something back at him. "I'll be waiting in the living room for you so we can leave." He stood up and walked out, pausing in front of my door like he wanted to say something but that didn't last long as he opened the door and quickly shut it behind him. Sighing I stood up and grabbed my backpack and grabbed out some clothes, I wanted to grab just a beater to sleep in- but then I remember the scenario where Zell got to see the scars… meaning everyone else had when I wore just a beater.

Not again. Zipping my bag shut I looked around my room, grabbing my phone charger and some other essential things before walking out of my room. I hadn't noticed but I did in that moment that my brother's music had gone down. Silently I shut the door behind me but before I could start walking the door in front of me opened, Zack let out a sigh as he shut my brothers door and rubbed the back of his neck, when his eyes opened he was looked down, "Huh?" he followed my legs up to my face, "Oh hi Roxas…" he looked at my hand, "You coming back with us?" slowly I nodded my head, he gave a small smile which soon turned into a grin as he threw his arm over my shoulder while pulling me closer and suddenly I found myself walking out into the living room with Zack.

I was told to wait outside on Cloud's bike but once I got out there I didn't know which one to wait by- they both drove their bikes and their bikes looked the same to me. So instead I kicked stones on in the driveway- till I heard someone call my name. "Hey Roxas, where you going?" looking over I saw Seifer walking towards me, "Oh… hey, I'm going over to Cloud and Zack's for a while," he nodded like he might know who they were but then stopped, "And who're they?" "Friends of the family." I shrugged, "They live around here?" "Yeah, the live in town…" "Well don't be gone too long, I like beating the shit out of you every once and a while," he smiled but I jumped when the door opened.

"Roxas…" he looked rather angry about something all of sudden, but he didn't say anything about it, "Let's go," he jumped on the bike closes to the house- which in truth I didn't think was his, I was voting more for the other one, before he looked at me, "Bye Seifer," I mumbled, "Yeah, bye Roxas," I jumped onto the bike, used to riding with Cloud and Zack by now on how to ride a bike and not get burned, and I could tell by the way Cloud cranked it out of there that he wanted to get away as soon as possible. Minutes passed and it was quiet- it's not like we could really talk anyway, before we pulled up to the familiar house, I didn't want to go because of the memories, but I figured if I stayed maybe it'd help the relationship between Sora and I, and maybe I'd be able to get over the fact that Leon was always here- and if not then I'd talk with Vincent about it when I got to individual in two days. When I got off the bike Cloud was giving me a look that told me he wanted to give me a lecture, and this time- it looked like he was planning on giving me that lecture.

_**Review? Please? **_

_**:D**_


	30. Chapter 30: Don't Screw Up My Fun

I could tell Cloud wanted to lecture me and I knew it didn't matter if I was okay with it or not- I was going to get lectured, so I figured I'd just help him out with the task by starting. "What's wrong?" my voice was nervous even though _I_ was the one giving him the conversational starter. "Inside," he said after a small sigh, he climbed off his bike and led the way to the house door as the garage door shut to block out the world- half the garage empty of Zack's bike, even though there was a car parked outside and clearly enough room for it in the giant garage it always remained outside. Nervously I stood inside the door way, having followed Cloud down the hall a bit to the living room; he didn't look at me when he began to speak, "That was Seifer… Seifer Almasy?" of course this is what he wanted to talk about.

"Yeah… why?" there was no point in me lying, "Roxas… I don't think it's good for you to hang around with him…" "What?" I was confused on where all this was coming from, and a little confused on how the Hell Cloud knew Seifer. "I've heard about Seifer before… he's not someone I want you hanging around… least of all when he's living the life he is now." "Umm… what?" I said again, Cloud never told me who I could and couldn't hang out with- he never even tried to fill that role, Hell- Leon- no, even my mother- didn't try to fill that role (unless it came to my father). Cloud moved to sit down on the couch, running a hand through his hair much like Zell was earlier, "Seifer is willing to bring everyone and anyone down with him right now… I don't want one of those people to be you." "You think I'm going to get 'brought down' but hanging out with him? Brought down where?" there was a little edge to my voice- even though I didn't want to have that with Cloud.

"To drugs and law breaking, I'm not saying he's a bad person or anything… just he's not in a good place right now…" "Isn't that when you're supposed to have people there for you? And either way- I'm not going to start doing drugs just because I hang around with someone who does- and I'm not breaking the law. Me hanging out with him hasn't changed anything about how I act- or how I view drugs,." "How do you view drugs?" "Like if I did them Sora would kill me." that was my answer- and I thought it was a damn good one, I didn't see anything wrong with it in my head and even after I voiced it I didn't see anything wrong with it but the look on Cloud's face told me it was very wrong to say.

"Because of Sora?" his voice was the same when I wondered if Sora would be okay if I left, slightly impatient, a little stern, astonished, and sad. "Yeah- Sora's already lectured me about drug use and hurting myself and getting in trouble…" I mumbled, again I didn't bother to lie and again Cloud didn't look happy with my answer, but he did look a little more hurt than the last time. "About hurting yourself…" he looked really saddened when he said that, his eyes drifted down even though he was still a little surprised, "Rox," his eyes snapped back up to look at me, "Have you ever thought of hurting yourself?" rolling my eyes was my only answer.

I wasn't some cliché child that thought hurting myself was going to help me in some way, I didn't hurt myself, "Give me an answer…" his voice was still a little stern but it was also caring and maybe even scared. "No- I haven't." I said simply which I soon realized wasn't the exact truth. When we lived with Genesis I thought about it a lot- just as an escape to my problems but I wasn't going to tell Cloud that. Cloud looked like he was studying me for a long while before he spoke again, "What happened to your face?" "Nothing, I fell… I already told you." He stood up and walked towards me, stopping to stand only maybe a foot and a half from me, "And I already told you- I know that's bullshit…" he looked like he was watching my face but I wasn't going to let him see anything. "Seifer had bruised and scabbed knuckles," "What're you looking at his knuckles for?" "Did he do that to you?" he didn't pause his sentence when I interrupted him but rather kept talking and didn't give me an answer.

When I didn't give him an answer he slightly licked his lip like he was angry, "Is he beating you up?" rolling my eyes again I looked off to the side, "Is he bullying you?" "What? No!" why would he think I was being bullied? "Roxas, tell me now, I'm not going to allow some other kid to beat you up and pick on you," before he could finish his sentence I blurted something I regretted out, "It's not like that," Cloud seemed shocked, "Then what is it like?" I didn't give him an answer right away so he started moving past me, "I'm kicking his ass," "No! Cloud, wait- it's not like that, I'm the one who started the fight," "I don't believe that…" he mumbled, still walking away, opening the door to the garage as I followed him down.

"I'm always the one who starts the fights," he picked up on the '_S_' I added to '_fight_', but didn't say anything about it, instead he mumbled, "What reason do you have to start fights…" I was really hating everything I was blurting out, "Because I was upset after a meeting with Vincent and," I cut myself off, "And?" he asked, stopping his movement but he didn't turn to look at me, "And that's it…" I weakly mumbled. Cloud turned around and walked towards me till he was standing practically on top of me, "Roxas- you know how to fight back," he grabbed my right hand without warning, "Yet I see no bruises or scabs on your hand." "Because I didn't fight back!" my blurted out, biting my mouth closed once I realized what I said.

If this kept up any longer Cloud would think I was messed up like my father did- thinking I liked getting the shit beat out of me. Cloud was staring at me in disbelief as I walked backwards, my hand being pulled from his, I didn't want to be around anyone anymore, "I going to put my bag down…" I mumbled as I walked away, not stopping or raising my gaze from the ground till I had the door to the furnished basement closed and locked behind me and the lights on. "I'm stupid so fucking stupid…" I mumbled to myself as I slowly walked down the carpeted stairs, as soon as I reached the bottom I turned and looked to be hit with memories.

There was a folded up black futon on the far wall, cream white carpet to match cream white walls, two small rectangular windows, a stand with some DVD's and VHS tapes sat in one corner while in the other corner was cupboard doors that I knew where full of extra sheets, towels, blankets, pillows, and because of our constant stay- possibly even have some first aid kits in there. The TV was the same as the last time I was down there, bulky but well hidden on the entertainment center it sat in the middle of, more DVD's and VHS tapes that lined around the TV on the stand. Hopefully none of these nights would be movie night. There was still a small circle table with four chairs in the corner closest to me- on the same wall the door was on- just a level lower.

I froze there. The last time I had been in the basement of Cloud's was when Leon, Sora, and I ran away for a night… just a few days before Leon killed himself- after he died, we moved so fast and never came back that it was almost haunting to see the place exactly the same. I could see my brother unfolding the futon to turn it into a bed as I held Sora at the bottom of the stairs; he waved us over while he pulled some blankets and pillows out from the cupboard. We got tucked in, Sora and I, while he put in a movie on VHS, _The Black Cauldron_, before he walked to the head of the bed where another light switch was located and he flipped the lights out.

I wanted that moment back, I wanted to have Leon sleeping on the edge of the bed while Sora slept like a hog in the middle, and I wanted the background noise to our breathing to be Gurgi talking in third person in discombobulated sentences. I didn't care if I had the pain of the bruises forming or the fear of Genesis finding us- I wanted that moment and everything that came with it back. Most of all I wanted Leon to promise everything was going to be okay and that everything was going to make sense, again. The longer I stood there the more I realized- that wasn't going to happen, Leon was gone and never coming back, just like Yuna, and just like Mom.

Forcing my feet to move I walked the distance to the bed, placing my bag at the head, before falling on the cushion and listening to every little thing I could hear- which wasn't much. Cloud's feet moved around above my head but only every so often, he hadn't broken down the door yet or even knocked so I wasn't too concerned. I heard a door open and another set of feet moving above my head- Zack must have gotten back. I could hear the loud mumblings- voices could never be heard in the basement unless someone was shouting or talking extremely loud, I really hoped that they weren't talking about me.

As if- just to rub it in my face that they were indeed talking about me- there was a knock on the basement door. I jumped off the bed to stand up, holding my breath to make sure they were knocking on _my_ door, I heard the knock again and slowly dragged my sock covered feet over the whitish carpet till I was at the foot of the stairs, "Roxas?" it was Zack. I still didn't want to answer the door for him but he didn't sound particularly angry and I didn't want to be rude and seem like I only came over to steal their basement. Carefully I unlocked the door and Zack pulled it open, "Why're you hiding down there?" his voice was as upbeat as usual, "Umm…" I mumbled while shrugging my shoulder, he put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me off the stairs till I was no longer in the basement, "You should be up here helping us make supper," he smiled his care free smile.

"…Okay…" I was lead to the kitchen by Zack's arm over my shoulder, I found Cloud standing in front of the fridge, with both the fridge and freezer door open. "What're we going to make?" the blond asked as he continued to search through the somewhat empty cooling utility, "We don't have anything good…" he added after a few minutes. "What do you want Rox?" looking up at Zack I was caught off guard about what he meant, if he meant in general or just pertaining to dinner, I shrugged my shoulders, "Doesn't matter to me…" Zack looked up at Cloud and their eyes met for a few minutes before Zack smiled, "It's settled… we're having Pizza," I'd been eating leftover pizza for so long now but I wasn't about to complain, but really- it's pizza why would I?

Cloud was given the task to call the place while Zack decided to play a game on me, "Roxas- can you get some plates and some cups?" "Um… yeah, okay…" I walked a little further into the kitchen but then stopped, "Which cupboard?" "I'll give you a hint," he started, "Warmer," I moved a little to my left but he started to tell me I was getting colder, so I moved to my right- by the time I actually touched a cupboard I felt like the Pizza would be here any second. I mistook Zack's, "Burning hot," for, "That's the right cupboard," so when I opened it to find bowls he thought maybe he should blindfold me and make me start all over. He had a childish grin on his face that I didn't have the heart to ruin but this game was tedious, luckily Cloud spoke up in my favor, "Stop picking on him, just let him figure it out," Zack smiled a little more while he relaxed in his chair, "Alright- have at it Rox," I pretty much let out a sigh of relief that this wasn't going to drag out much longer.

Grabbing out three plates from the cupboard right next to me, I sat the plates on the table and stood there like a fool, not knowing what to do. "You can sit down you know?" the raven head said, I slowly pulled the chair out from in front of me- the side with Zack to my right and Cloud to my left. We sat in awkward silence while Cloud was doing what looked like paperwork, the doorbell rang and Zack was quick to jump up and get the pizza, he brought it back and sat it on the table, I waited for Cloud to get his plate of food- wanting to be the last one to attack the cheesy mess, but he didn't budge. So I asked, "What're you doing exactly?" "Cloud?" I nodded my head as Zack continued to speak, "He's filling out something for work- which he's now putting away so he can get some food." Cloud took the hint.

"So how'd school go- I know it's been over for a while, but did you pass all your classes?" the blond asked, looking over at me before looking back at his pizza, I finished chewing before I spoke, "Yeah, I passed all of them, both Sora and I can graduate this coming year if we want to but we haven't really talked about it…" "I'd say go for it- no reason to stay longer than you have too," Zack spoke before shoving pizza down his throat, "That's because you hated school," Cloud mumbled.

The conversation kept going, mostly between Cloud and Zack- sometimes they'd pull me into it, but I was happy just for the awkward silence to be gone. "How are your visits with Vincent going?" Zack asked around pizza, I could see Cloud jerk like he didn't want Zack to mention it but it was already said, "Okay I guess… I mean… we don't really talk about anything…" Zack nodded his head but neither of them said much of anything, "How do you know Vincent?" "We were friends with his sister," "Tifa?" "That'd be the one," Cloud said, "Huh…" I started, "I didn't know you guys all knew each other…" "Yeah, we're all around the same age." "Why're you guys not friends anymore?" "Huh?" Zack looked at me surprised, "Well," I stammered, "You said you were friends with her… why aren't you anymore?" "Oh…" Zack looked sad all of a sudden- or at a loss of words, Cloud began speaking.

"Well… Tifa was close to your sister and brother too…" he started, "She didn't handle it well like the rest of us…" "I don't think anyone really handle that well," Zack mumbled. I looked down at my food, so that was who Vincent meant when he said two people she was close to died. "Vincent didn't mention that…" I murmured, I could feel Zack and Cloud looking at me without actually looking at me, "How…" Zack started but soon stopped, Cloud picked up where he left off, "How are you handling it all… what happened?" I didn't know if they were talking about Genesis or my siblings, "What do you mean?" my voice was quiet now but I didn't really care enough to fake it.

"With… Leon and Yuna's… death… and now Genesis'?" I was poking my plate with the crust of my slice of pizza, randomly taking a bite of it, Zack seemed nervous when he asked but I didn't know what about- he was their friend, it probably hurt him and Cloud more when they left then it should've hurt me. "…What about it?" it didn't make sense to me what they were asking, and they seemed put off more and more when I didn't give them the happy and positive answer I knew they probably wanted to hear. "Well… how are you handling it?" shrugging my shoulders I felt like I was in one of Vincent's individual sessions, "Okay… I mean…" I looked to the side out of the room, "It was his choice, right?" they both seemed quiet for a little while after that.

"Yeah," Cloud started, his voice suddenly strong again, "But that doesn't mean you can't be upset about it." I didn't know what to say to that, but Zack asked a question so I didn't really need to give an answer right away, "Do you miss him?" I looked up to find both Zack and Cloud looking at me and I felt like they were trying to gang up on me about something, I set the crust of the pizza down but didn't say anything because I didn't know. I did miss Genesis- it's hard not to miss someone you've spent almost _all_ of your life with, but when I think of the pain he caused Sora… I miss him a little less, "Yeah… I mean it's kind of hard not to when he was there my entire life… but I don't think Sora feels the same." Cloud looked like he was going to go on another rant but Zack started talking before he could.

"Why do you think that?" "About Sora?" he nodded his head so I continued talking, "… Genesis hurt Sora a lot- Sora doesn't like to talk about him… and when he does…" I shrugged, "He's always angry at him…" "Maybe he's just mad that he left… you know?" I shrugged my shoulders but kept my gaze at my plate, Cloud was quiet now I could tell if I didn't say anything after Zack spoke- Cloud might blow. "I don't know… that could be it… it doesn't seem like that's what bothering him about the whole thing though…" Zack nodded his head but didn't say anything for a few minutes, Cloud spoke up- his voice surprisingly calm, "How're you feeling about Leon and Yuna… being gone…" "… That was a long time ago…" "So?" Zack had a little bit of an attitude in his voice, "So…" I started, for some reason biting back, "It shouldn't bother me- Yuna's been gone more than half my life, Leon a few years short of being the same way." My voice started strong and a little angry till I mumbled, "… I should be the fuck over it…" it was under my breath so I didn't think they could hear me- but by the sigh Cloud let out I could tell they'd heard me.

"Rox- no one expects you to just be fine with it… it takes time…" "Sora seems just fine," I snapped at Cloud, "In group with Vincent on Friday- Sora was able to talk about them as if they were just off at a friend's house, while I was too busy snapping at Vincent because it sounded like he was trying to insult them somehow." I picked the crust up and started pushing my plate around, not enjoying the dinner conversation, "Sora had time to handle it," Zack almost shouted- that snapped me out of my hissy fit, I looked up at him in surprise as he continued, his arms crossed, "Sora moped about for how long afterwards? He didn't go to school and stayed in bed all day," I didn't understand why Zack was angry at Sora.

"Yeah- because he was 6 and 10, he was a kid!" my voice was just short a yell but Zack still looked angry, "Roxas!" he shouted, "You are the _same age_ as Sora!" my frown was set in place and so was my glare at him, he let out a sigh after a few minutes and shook his head while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Rox… my point is… while you were trying to stay strong for Sora- you didn't have time to deal with it personally… and I know you keep pushing it off- but that's just going to make everything _make_ less sense a whole lot longer." His voice grew calmer as he spoke and now the room just seemed sad, "I'll get over it…" I mumbled again, "It's my fault anyway," I spoke so quietly I was sure they couldn't hear, "Rox!" my head snapped up to see Zack looking at me with that incredulous look again, "It's not your fault- why would you think it was?" "Because it is," I weakly fought back, "Roxas- Leon didn't… because… it's not what you think," I looked up at Zack, "Then why?" "He…" he broke off his own sentence and stopped talking altogether.

We didn't talk for a while- everyone was quiet and I knew they were expecting me to say something but I didn't want to talk about that anymore. "My…" I started but then second guessed myself- but it was something I wanted to tell them so I forced it out anyway, "Shuyin came to the house the other day…" I didn't know what I was hoping to accomplish by telling them- I just wanted to tell them.

"To the house?" looking up I was surprised to find Zack to be the one asking- Cloud looked like the one that wanted to attack me for questions about it, nodding my head Cloud began talking, "Who was home?" "Just me and Axel…" "He didn't do anything- right?" shrugging my shoulder first then realizing that wasn't a very good answer I shook my head no, I never told anyone about the deal I made with him about when I turned 16 but I kinda felt the need to. "What'd he want?" the room was quiet while they waited for my response but I found myself unable to give them an answer, "You know how…" I started, "How Sora doesn't like him?" "And for good reason! Rox, him being around isn't a good thing, he's been gone all this time, and you haven't seen him since-…" Zack voice cut off like it was a subject he felt he had to tip toe around, and while he was busy being cautious Cloud somehow caught onto how I was acting.

"When was the last time you saw him?" I don't know how Cloud knew- maybe he was just bluffing but I'd figured I just tell the truth, "Other than at the court- the first time you guys came over… he was in my room while Cloud was in the living room…" "What?!" the raven haired man practically screamed, Cloud was watching me in shock but I was busy looking off to the corner, "Why didn't you tell me- yell for me or something?" Cloud seemed hurt but Zack was still silent, "I did yell," "What was he doing?" "Nothing!" I looked over at Zack who finally decided to speak again, "He wasn't doing anything except talking," Zack began to question me but I gave him his answer before he could form a coherent sentence, "I was yelling from a bad dream- nothing serious…" the room went quiet.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" "Why should I- why should I even be telling you now?" I snapped back at Cloud, I knew he wasn't trying to be a butt- I was just agitated and everything was irritating me. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder- snapping my attention to owner of said hand, Zack looked pissed but his voice still came out smooth, "Roxas- he's not safe to be around, he's done a lot of bad things," "You don't think I don't know that?" wiggling my shoulder out of his grasp I stood up, "Just… forget I said anything," I ran to the basement, locking the door while I shut it, my heart racing in fear that they might run after me and stop me from reaching the confines of the basement.

There was only two small windows that didn't even open so there was no way I was going to be able to just leave, but I didn't want to stay in the room any longer. Thinking of the layout of the house I realized I could easily slip down the hall- away from the kitchen, take a turn through the living room and out the front door, but I'd have to wait till they were sleeping or at least not out in the kitchen and living room. I sat at the top of the stairs, not moving off the first step, if they said anything I wanted to be able to hear them, but sadly they didn't say much- or anything really.

I rested my head against my knees- and I might have fallen asleep but by the time I finally picked my head up it was pitch black outside and I could hear Cloud and Zack walking down the hall, a door shut and I counted my heartbeats till almost 3 minutes went by. Standing up I quietly turned and unlocked the lock, quietly opening the door to peak out- the house was dark except for random little lights- like the ones on the stove and microwave. My socks make walking easier but once I got down the hall to where I'd taken my shoes off I grabbed them and waited till I was outside to put them on, my heart thumped in my ears, "What if they catch me?" my mind raced, making me want to just run out the door but I knew that would make too much noise.

Opening the door- after I had unlocked it- went against me because the door squeaked the _entire_ time I pulled it open, before I could slid my body out though I heard something, I looked up to find Cloud standing there with a surprised look on his face. "Roxas?" he asked, "Oh shit," I thought and quickly slipped out the door, "Fuck, _fuck_, _fuck_!" my mind ranted as I ran off the porch, hopping to slide my shoes on- almost tripping in the process. But once the damn things were on I ran as fast as I could- not stopping till I was at the end of the street and able to hide behind a fence. Peaking around I saw no one standing or chasing after me, I let out a sigh, "Shit…" I thought, I still had stuff there and it wasn't like I planned on going anywhere meaning I would have to go back and Cloud would know that I snuck out.

"Oh well…" I mumbled as I began to walk slowly, kicking a few rocks all the while, I should've waited longer to make sure they were asleep. Gah I was stupid. To sum up a few good hours- I walked around and 'explored' for a while before I decided I should start heading back, as I walked Seifer crossed my mind. I had to 'sneak' out- no matter how awful I was at it- I wondered if Seifer did the same thing, I wondered if anyone even cared that he was out so late/early. Somehow my mind traveled and Axel crossed my mind. I hadn't seen Axel in so long- I was really starting to miss him, it was like he was avoiding me- but aren't we supposed to be dating now? I stopped walking so I could continue thinking. What if Axel didn't like me like he thought but he doesn't want to upset me or ruin the friendship we have? Damn… I started walking again and left my mind to stop at the conclusion that I'd just have to wait and talk to him and stop assuming shit till then.

Taking a deep breath I walked up to the house, peeping in through a window beforehand, finding no lights or anything else on. Hopefully Cloud didn't kick me out, I slowly turned the knob, hoping he didn't lock me out- and to my amazement, he hadn't. I slid into the house, trying to make as little noise as possible; when I shut the door behind me I let out a small breath only to jump when I saw Cloud on the couch. My mind raced to find something to say but then I realized- his eyes were closed. Quietly I slid my shoes off and something like jumped/tiptoed to the basement, shutting the door quickly and soundlessly behind me, locking the handle I didn't bother to turn the light on because light was already shining through the small windows, and then I made my way down the stairs.

I didn't bother to look and see what time it was because by the time I made it over to my bed I just couldn't have cared less. Sleep was starting to take over my mind but before I could fall completely under I heard a knock on my door, "Roxas!" Zack called, I groaned and rolled over, "Yeah?" my voice cracked but I didn't care, "Time to get up," I groaned and rolled over again, burying my face in the bed for a few seconds before I stood up and dragged my feet over to my bag, pulling out a different pair of pants, I was going to take my hoodie off so I could put a shirt on and not have to wear my hoodie anymore but I realized I really didn't feel like it. I left my hoodie unzipped and threw my dirty pants by my bag. My whole outfit was pretty much black now, except my hoodie and bracelets and socks.

Unlocking the door I walked out to find Zack wearing nothing but pajama pants but no Cloud in sight. I didn't want to be awake yet but I knew I'd feel like crap if I slept in, I watched Zack's back as he messed with the brewing coffee maker. "Where's Cloud?" finally I asked, still not having seen him, "He's taking a shower…" Zack said before yawning, "He stayed up all night…" he added. I was going to ask why but before I could I realized it was probably my fault and Zack either didn't know or was trying not to start a conversation I really didn't want to have.

A few minutes later I felt a hand on my shoulder, looking I saw Cloud walking past me before getting a cup of coffee, "Want some?" he asked me, I shook my head- coffee wasn't something I really needed nor wanted. "Did you get any sleep?" the other one asked, Zack looked over his shoulder at me but I just shrugged my shoulder, he didn't press the issue but just let me keep sitting there. "What do you want to eat?" he added, I didn't know if he was talking to me or if he was talking to Cloud so I stayed silent till he looked at me, "Oh… I'm not really hungry…" Zack continued to look at me but I didn't give him any more of an answer till he asked yet again, "Do you want eggs, sausage… bacon?" Again I thought he was asking Cloud so I stayed silent, "Roxas?" he didn't look back at me this time, "I don't want anything…" "Alright… suit yourself," Cloud walked over and sat in front of me but didn't take his eyes off his coffee, he looked really tired.

"You okay?" I asked, he looked like he was on the verge of passing out and just bashing his head off the table, "Hmm? Yeah… just tired," he rubbed his eyes, "Didn't go to sleep tell a certain someone came back… at 5:20 this morning…" "Huh?" I started, "… I thought you were already asleep…" I mumbled under my breath but Cloud still managed to hear me. "I didn't want you to run back out the door if you saw I was awake," he said quietly over his coffee mug before taking another sip. I felt stupid now. But it also clarified that I had managed to pass out this morning when I laid in my bed because it was now a little past 8. The rest of breakfast was quiet it seemed, Zack made himself and Cloud breakfast- they only talked about a few small things before I was dragged into the conversation.

"So how're your friends doing?" Zack asked as he took a drink of his coffee, "Huh?" I wasn't really paying attention but Zack smiled, "I think you need to go sleep for a little there Rox," his words didn't really hit me because- again- I wasn't paying attention. He kept looking at me but I didn't realize it till he had a cheeky smile on his face, "When was the last time you slept?" he asked, a little concerned, "Umm… I slept a little this morning and the other night," I thought back, Zack's cheeky grin disappeared and Cloud started speaking, "How often have you been sleeping?" I rubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes, I ignored Cloud's question because I knew if I answered it in anyway the conversation would turn into an argument. "I haven't really talked to my friends, I haven't really talk to anyone lately," I answered, Cloud sat back in his chair and I could feel him staring at me- but I wasn't ignoring him, I was just ignoring his question.

"You should text them… I'm sure they miss you," Cloud said as he stood up and put his coffee cup in the sink, I turned my head to follow him even though I wasn't looking at him, "Yeah…" Cloud didn't come back to the table but instead walked down the hallway to the garage, I watched him walk away and I felt like an asshole. Zack looked like he wanted to say something but I pushed my chair in as I stood up and I walked into the living room before he could say anything. Slipping my shoes on I walked outside and sat on the curb, pulling out my phone and mass messaging Axel, Zexion, Demyx, Naminé, Marluxia, Saïx, and Kairi, everyone in my phone except Cloud, Zack, Zell, Sora, Riku, and Vincent.

Not even a minute later and my phone started going off, I waited for it to stop before looking at all the messages, one from Demyx, Naminé, Saïx, and Kairi. I was a little upset that Axel wasn't one of the first to message me. The conversations between us died down after a few messages of, "What's up?" "Not much, what's up with you?" "Same," and then it just stopped, Kairi and Naminé texted me back asking about how I was doing and what not, but Demyx seemed really happy that I texted him. As it turned out- Zexion was at work, and Demyx was sick and hadn't seen anyone in such a long time, and then he called me. I literally had to tell Demyx I would text him after about half an hour because he just kept talking- not that I didn't like talking to Demyx, it was just he was rambling and it was a little hard to understand his hyper sick voice over the muffled phone.

"Hey Rox," Cloud called from the open garage, "Zack and I have to go to the store, you want to go?" Standing up I walked to the garage, and with a few questions I was now in the vehicle getting driven to Demyx's house so I could hang out with him for a little- while Zack and Cloud were at the store. "We'll call you when we get close by, alright?" nodding my head I shut the car door and walked up to my old home, I'd forgotten I'd even lived with Demyx and Zexion, I knocked but in the middle of said knock the door opened and a sick Demyx pulled me in, "Why're you knocking? You can just walk in Rox," he smiled and I couldn't help but smile back, "Um… you sure?" "Huh, of course! You're like the little brother I never had," he smiled as he fell onto the couch, "You okay?" I asked as I sat next to him, the house was so bright but I could Demyx was trying to make it darker by actually closing the curtains for once.

"Yeah, just have a cold or something," Demyx wasn't as hyper as he normally was- he was still a klutz, but I could tell he had no energy to even put himself in a predicament were he could mess up. Finding some soup I cooked if for Demyx in hopes of making him better faster, I felt like it was a few months ago and I was still sleeping in Zexion's library with Axel with me almost every night. I wanted to ask if maybe Demyx knew what was up with Axel but thoughts about if these certain things should remain between Axel and I kept me stalling and soon my phone was going off and I found myself having to leave Demyx- not alone though, because not two seconds after mine and Cloud's conversation ended Zexion walked in. He talked his manager into letting him have a shorter work day so he could be with Demyx, "I'm jealous," I started, smiling at Demyx, "Zexion drops everything for you- just… don't have too much fun with him here or it might take longer to get better," I teased and Demyx just smiled with a beat red face.

By the time we got back to Cloud and Zack's, I helped bring in the groceries but was told I could go do whatever so I sat on the couch and a few minutes of listening to Zack and Cloud and I was out. The couch was comfortable and I was so tired for some reason that having the moment to rest just made me go right to sleep. And I kept sleeping, when I woke up it was dark and both Zack and Cloud were in the living room, Cloud sitting next to me while Zack laid on his side on the floor in front of us, I saw a movie was playing and somehow it all turned into a movie night. Sometimes we would all be awake at the same time, other times it was just me or maybe one of them awake, but every time I opened my eyes there was a movie playing and Cloud and Zack were still in the living room. Even though we were watching scary movies all night my dreams were always pleasant, "Hey Rox…" I heard someone mumble, "Hn?" I rolled my head into the side of the couch, hoping to block out the noise. "Roxas~" they sang, "It's time to get up," "Mmhmm," I didn't move and was starting to slip back under but someone shook my shoulder, "Rox… come on sleepy head," "Five more minutes…" I mumbled, turning further into the couch and curling up more.

Someone was shaking me still and I knew it hadn't been five minutes, "Roxy…" I groaned but otherwise didn't respond, "Look over here," I allowed them to turn my head and my eyes popped open when I felt something against my lips, I jumped back a little and I heard them laughing. "Axel?" my wide eyes allowed me to see the bright red of his hair and the bright green of his eyes even though they were half closed as he laughed, "Who else do you allow to kiss you?" I smacked his arm and cuddled into the couch, "Maybe no one ever again," I smiled as he made a pained noise, "That's not nice, I like Roxas flavored kisses," I tried not to laugh but I couldn't help it, "Oh really?" I questioned, my eyes still closed as I tried to stop- pretty much- giggling, "Wait," and suddenly I felt something pressed against my lips again, and yet again- Axel's movements and actions had caused me to open my mouth and turn the simple kiss into a make out session without me even realizing.

He pulled away, his forehead placed against mine as his upper body laid over me, "Yes, yes really," I couldn't help but continue to laugh more, he slowly pulled back a little, "You're so giggly!" his voice sounded like he was amazed but I could hear the smile on his face, "Is that a bad thing?" I fit in between my laughs, "No- that's a good thing, I think I'll start waking you up this way more often," and then it really hit me. Axel was sitting here, in Cloud and Zack's living room, next to me- half on top of me, for the first time in days, "Axel?" I opened my eyes and watched as his chuckle faded but a small smile still stayed on his, "Hm?" I wrapped my arms around his neck and shoulders and pulled him down so he was laying on me, he went to question me but I started talking before he could, "I missed you…"

His arms pressed under me and into the couch till he was tightly hugging me back, "I missed you too Rox," I wanted to ask why he was away- why he wasn't texting me or coming around but I had him with me right now so I wasn't going to push him away with questions. He sat up and I followed him, looking around and reading the clock- it was only a little after 8:30 in the morning. "What're you doing here?" yawning in the middle of the sentence Axel chuckled before answering, "I figured I'd drive you to your session and stay so we could hang out afterwards," "Really?" it wouldn't be the first time he'd picked me up or dropped me off but this seemed so out of the blue, he nodded his head- that smile still on his face like there was a thousand thoughts racing in his head.

"Yup," "Huh… okay," I gave him my best cheesy grin, he gave me a brief hug before standing up, "What do you want to eat?" again I wasn't really hungry but it brought back to my attention Axel- he looked a lot skinner than I remembered, "Where's Cloud and Zack?" "They're sleeping, they said you had to eat breakfast and anything was a go." Nodding my head I followed after Axel, "I'll eat whatever you'll eat," He turned his head to look at me from the fridge, "Oh, so I have to eat breakfast too?" nodding my head I put back on my cheesy grin, he shook his head but laughed just the same before pulling out some jelly, "I'll have some toast and jelly," I stood up from my seat at the table and grabbed the bread, opening it, "How many pieces?" "How many are you having?" I looked at him, "One." He concluded, so I grabbed out two pieces.

I put the bread in the toaster, "I'm going to go get all my stuff together," I walked down the stairs and quickly changed my pants and put a short sleeved Bring Me The Horizon shirt that was black other than the green lettering and two- something like- grim reapers on the front. My pants were jeans but the fabric faded from acid green to black before the fabric even got to the knees, stuffing everything in my bag I sat on the futon, looking around the room. It felt like it would be the last time I'd see it- but I didn't know if it would be, the last time I sat there I was sure I would be back the next night but Genesis decided against that. Genesis made everything confusing- Genesis in general was confusing, digging the heels of my palm into my eyes I sat back and tried to clear my head, before my mind was really even cleared I sat up and made my way upstairs with my stuff.

We ate with little words but a comfortable silence, I found a piece of paper while I was eating my toast and jelly that Axel had assembled for me and once I found a pen I wrote Zack and Cloud a note, "Hey," the note started, "Sorry for being such a psycho bugger. Thanks for having me over though, I don't know why I'm such an ass hat but I'm sorry and I really liked seeing you guys again." I signed my name and left the note on the table as Axel waited by the door, my bag in his hand. "So what've you been up to?" the car ride had just started but I was happy to finally be hanging out with Axel again, "Huh, oh, nothing much, I've been helping out Vanille a lot lately, she's been having a lot of problems." "Oh I'm sorry…" I didn't know why I was apologizing to Axel for how his aunt was doing but it just came out of my mouth, "It's alright, she's doing good now… I'm sorry I haven't really been around a lot, I've just had some stuff on my mind…" "Anything I can help with?" I was watching his face even though he was watching the road, he weakly chuckled, "No, it's all good- don't worry about it."

The rest of the ride was anything but serious, but once we pulled up to the building I knew I wasn't going to like mine and Vincent's meeting. "Oh shit…" mumbling as I moved to open the door I stopped before it could fully open, "What?" Axel asked, looking over at me with concern, I leaned against the seat again and looked at him, "My individual with Vincent is an extra hour long today…" Axel looked relieved and then smiled while chuckling a little, "I know, Zell told me," he climbed out of the car while I groaned. "It won't be that bad," he tried to reassure me but I knew it wasn't going to be good either- not only did I get in a fight last week- which was the cause of the two hour long session- but I blew up in his face on Friday _and_ I got in another fight since then and it was kind of easy to see. Matter of fact- I was surprised Axel hadn't said anything about it, the bruising had gone down but it was still there.

Vincent was talking to the receptionist when we walked inside, "There you are Roxas," apparently I was a few minutes late or something, "Axel?" Vincent questioned, I looked back and up a little to see Axel standing right against me but slightly off to the side, "Yeah," "It's nice to meet you," Vincent put out his hand and Axel shook it without moving from next to me. "I'm going to wait out here," Axel spoke quietly to me as Vincent continued his conversation with the woman, "Okay," I turned around to be pulled into a hug by Axel and receive a quick kiss on the top of my head before I followed Vincent down to the room.

"So what's on your mind?" he started before he was even sitting, he was still standing by the door and I was standing in front of the couch where I planned on sitting, "Honestly?" I asked as he sat down and grabbed a note pad and pen and opened to a new page, he looked at me a bit surprised while I sat down. "In the last session we settled that you wanted to open up- and we have two hours today to do that, so yes, honestly." "Well…" I looked over to the plant in the corner by the window, "Axel… I mean… I haven't seen him in a while- I haven't talked to him in a while either…" "Why's that?" "He said Vanille- his aunt, hasn't been really good lately so he's been helping her…" "How do you feel about that?" "About what?" looking up at him I could see him watching me, "About him caring for her and you not seeing him in that time?"

"It doesn't really bother me…" I shrugged looking back over to the plant, "Then what is bothering you?" after a few silent seconds I formed a sentence, "The last time he saw me- I had just gotten in a fight… and he was pissed about it and left… then he showed up today and…" I gestured to my face, "Did you get in another fight Roxas?" I wanted to shrug or tell him no- the response was almost automatic but I stopped myself and told him the truth, "Yes." "When?" he leaned closer, "Um… Friday…" "After our session?" nodding my head I watched as Vincent began writing something and I knew we were going to have to talk about me fighting before the session was over. "Okay…" he nodded his head like I was supposed to continue but I didn't know what to say, "Why does that bother you?" "Axel seemed pissed last time," my voice was a little loud and ever present was a 'duh' tone. "He stormed off because of it… but this morning he didn't say anything about it… I don't know if he's just choosing to ignore it or if he's choosing to not talk to me about things on his mind."

"If Axel did try to talk to you about it- how do you think it would've gone?" looking down I knew exactly how it would've gone, "He would ask, I would lie again, he would get pissed and leave…" "Do you want that to happen?" "Of course not." I shook my head and looked over at the plant again, "I want to talk to him and for him to be happy and everything… but when he asks me that stuff I know it's just going to turn bad." "Why does it turn bad?" "Probably because I lie right to his face," Vincent didn't seemed shocked by that, "Why do you lie?" "I don't want him to freak out, I don't want him to get upset or sad, if I told him I got in a fight he would get mad and I don't want that either."

"What did you tell him, about the fight?" "I told him I was texting on my new phone and tripped… a few times… down some stairs…" looking up I watched Vincent nod his head and write before looking up at me again. "Do you plan on getting in these fights?" "Huh? No. I don't go outside with the plan to get the shit beaten out of me… it just sort of happens…" "Is it a bully?" "No… I… well I initiate it," I added hoping he would drop the whole bully subject. "Why do you think you get in these fights?" I realized all his questions were pretty much the same, he'd ask why and force me to look deeper into what I was doing or saying. "I don't know…" he looked at me like he wasn't going to say anything till I continued, "Just… I don't know… sometimes I just want to get in a fight," "Want?" "Yeah… like I want adrenaline and it's like… like I have this itching for pain in the form of a fight…"

"Roxas, I need to ask you a question," while the room was serious before it was like it intensified a thousand fold, I looked at him and waited for him to ask, "Have you hurt yourself, or thought about it?" "No," though I had thought about it- I wasn't going to admit that to him because it's not like I was going to do anything about it. "Are you sure?" he spoke slowly like he wanted to make sure I was hearing him, "Yes, I'm sure. I wouldn't do that," "Why not?" I was about ready to tell him because of Sora but with the reaction I got from Cloud and Zack still in my head I knew I should just leave that part out.

"I just haven't… it's not something that interests me…" he nodded his head and sat back, "Do you want to talk about Genesis?" "Umm… sure?" he nodded his head and began to ask away with the questions, "How did you and Genesis get along?" "Before or after?" he looked surprised again by my question but didn't handle it as well as he did the last time, "After what?" "After people started dying," "We'll start with before." "Well… before we got along okay… I mean, he wouldn't talk to us unless he had to- but he didn't really even then… he was fine if we were in the same room with him as long as Sora and I were quiet and didn't get in his way…" "How about after your mom passed?" "Um… well… he started to get angry at Sora- which he'd almost never done before… so we didn't really get along but he started to talk to Sora and me… all he'd talk about though was how I fucked up his life…" "After your sister?" I wondered what they put in those files, but then again- Vincent's sister was friends with my brother and sister so Vincent was bound to know about my family in some fucked up way.

"We got along less, Genesis was always arguing with Leon and things always escalated quickly…" he nodded his head before asking again but about after Leon passed, "I could handle Genesis… we could have simple conversations- whether it was about bills or school things, even though we didn't talk much…" "Did he still… hurt… you and your brother?" "Yeah… but it wasn't as bad… it happened more often but it wasn't really that bad… once we moved back to town though I guess it brought back a lot of memories for him and he got really violent a lot of the time…"

Vincent continued to ask random questions about Genesis before he finally asked, "Do you think you deserved what Genesis did to you?" "Yes," I thought but I didn't bother to answer Vincent, he would be able to tell if I was lying and lying wouldn't get me anywhere anyway, and I knew the truth wasn't the right answer. "Do you blame yourself for his death?" again I didn't say anything because I knew the truth wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. Vincent let out a sigh, "Talking is the only way things will get solved Roxas," after a few minutes I forced the words out of my mouth, "Yes." "Why?" "Because he told me… because he wrote it…" "Wrote it?" "In his suicide note…" "They never found one," "It was in the mailbox…" "That's evidence Roxas," "Yeah and they wouldn't have done anything with it except read, confirmed it and made a big deal about it…" "Why did you keep it?" "I always have it on me," I didn't understand his question.

He closed his eyes like he wanted to talk about it but yet wanted to talk about something else, "Why didn't you let the police have it?" "They would've made a big deal about it…" "Does Sora know about it?" again I didn't bother to respond, "He does fine not knowing…" I mumbled while Vincent let out a sigh but didn't press it further.

"Do you have anyone else's notes on you?" "Suicide notes?" he nodded his head, "No… Yuna's is hanging on my wall… she wrote one for each of us individually… and I don't think Leon wrote one…" "How does it feel knowing your sister wrote you each your own note?" "Okay I guess," I shrugged, "She just wrote that she loved me and that she was sorry she had to go away…" Vincent nodded his head.

I hadn't even realized an hour had gone by and with the new hour starting Vincent made it clear what he wanted to talk about, "Do you think you deserved how Genesis treated you?" he kept asking it over and over so I figured I'd give him an answer, "Better than him treating Sora that way…" he didn't really like that answer but I didn't really care- I was tired of this picking around and I just wanted to go and let my brain rest for a little. Digging the heels of my palms into my eyes yet again Vincent could see how annoying this was becoming, "Bring Me the Horizon?" "It's a band…" "Do you want to listen to some of their songs, for a little break?" nodding my head I figured why not?

Vincent did me the favor of playing a bunch of songs by BMTH, Anti-Vist, Crooked Young, and Sleepwalking, it was about 15 minutes wasted and when the music stopped and Vincent said it was enough of the music for now and I repeated one of my favorite parts from the song Crooked Young, "We don't sleep, we don't eat, we speak in tongues, we can't die, we're dead inside…" I knew it was on the stupid side to let Vincent hear my music taste because before long he would be questioning me about what I thought about the lyrics but for the time being he stayed quiet. "Roxas… I want you to do me a favor," Vincent started, "Think about why you fight, think about why you feel the need to get in a fight and try to ask yourself questions that you'd think I'd asked you… aloud, I just want to listen to what you think."

"Um… okay…" I didn't really know what to say, "Well… getting in fights all the time isn't really a good thing… I don't really want to get into a fight all the time… only… only when I get… annoyed… by something…" I fidgeted in my seat, looking around the room, not really comfortable or sure what to be saying. "I don't know why I would… I guess… I don't know… whenever Genesis and I would fight that was all I could think about… figuring out what hurt and… well… and trying to make it seem like nothing was really hurting me… I don't know… when I have an injury my mind tries to keep up the act so I can't really think about anything else… I guess that why…?" looking up at Vincent again he was nodding his head and again he scribbled something down, "What're you writing?" I noticed that Vincent wasn't actually writing all that much, but he was looking at his notepad a lot.

"I'm writing down what we talk about… what we discuss during individual so I can keep it fresh in my mind at other times or at our next session." "Ohhh…" I nodded my head slowly as I drew the word out, we sat and I kept asking him about the notes and other things that I noticed he kept doing- mostly because I didn't want to talk about myself anymore and although Vincent seemed like he understood that he let me have my moment, and soon the session was over, "I want you to do me another favor Roxas," "Yeah?" "Keep thinking about the fighting like we talked about… and if you ever find yourself in a predicament where you feel it might not go well or bad choices might get made- ask yourself questions as if we were in session." "You want me to communicate with voices in my head?" I raised an eyebrow but he only gave a small smile and nodded his head, "Exactly," "Alright…"

As I followed Axel out to the car, after another hug and a kiss, I thought about what Vincent had said and realized I wanted to get in fights, why should I stop doing what I like? As long as no one else found out about it I was fine with getting in fights, as long as no one over thought me fighting everything would be find, why did everyone want to mess up what I was enjoying?

_**Hiya, how was this chapter? Hopefully good because I spent sooooo long on this chapter- not really… I don't know, it feels like I did and I guess I'm sick with pneumonia- which is probably why I've had no energy, not even to type. But I got to miss another week of school so it's not that bad, right? Even if I wasn't sick I probably would've missed school but that's just because I'm lame… so review? Please? If you weren't aware- reviews make me happy and inspire me to type more which could possibly lead to a faster update (: just trying to persuade you : )**_

_**And to the Guest who reviewed two chapters ago- I'm sorry I didn't do this in chapter 29 like I planned but Thanks(: that's all I can say without giving too much away because I like to blab and share currently unknown information. **_

_**And oh yeah! CHAPTER 30! WOOT! I remembered when I freaked out because I'd upload a chapter 20… I need a life. **_


	31. Chapter 31: Dressed Up In Lies

"So what'd you two talk about?" he looked over at me for a split second before returning his gaze to the road, "Umm… not really all that much…" again he looked over at me for a second before looking back at the road "Really?" Axel normally wasn't this persistent so he must have really wanted to talk about something or wanted me to let him in on it- I'd bite. "We talked about me getting in fights…" that was most likely what he wanted to talk about so I'd give it to him, "Like how?" "Like…" maybe this was supposed to be the time Axel and I could finally talk about the serious shit. "That I keep getting into them and it makes me concerned…" "Concerned about what?" "You…" his gaze at me lasted a few more seconds in surprise but Axel only took a few deep breaths before he slowly started talking. "Why're you concerned about me?"

It was starting to seem like I was back in individual- and I would say this was different but I didn't want to be having this conversation either. "I don't want you to be angry at me but I don't want to keep secrets from you," "Don't keep secrets," "Are you not going to get mad?" I watched him as he looked out his own window and back to the road repeatedly instead of looking at me, "I'm not mad at you- I'm just…" "Just?" he looked back over at me, "I don't like you getting hurt," I hadn't expected him to go there, "It's like you're still living with Genesis and I don't know _if_ I'm going to see you again, or when, or how hurt you're going to be Rox… I don't know if you ever even noticed but I always had to be careful when I hugged you or even touched you because I didn't know if I was touching something that hurt."

When he looked up at me I wanted him to keep looking at the road, "I'm sorry…" he let out another sigh, "You don't have to be sorry- just… don't lie to me. Because that… upsets me even more- to know that you won't tell me the truth- to know," his voice rose so it was almost a shout but he was chuckling weakly while turning his head to look out his window and away from me, "To know that you lived in that shitty house- and never once! Trusted me enough to let me in," "I did trust you- I still do!" I didn't understand why we were yelling but he started it, "_You_ trust _me_? Since when?" his voice was still rather loud, "Since- I don't know, since I met you," "Then you have a fucked up way of showing it," he mumbled while looking down an adjacent street on his side, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means- _normal people_ don't sprout _lies_ every time someone they _trust_ asks them a question," I stared at him in disbelief, when the fuck did this shit start? "You know what," I looked outside, before looking back over to him, "Pull over," I reached in the back to grab my bag and waited for the car to come to a stop as Axel veered to the side of the road, "What're you doing?" he didn't seem all that thrilled with me but I wasn't exactly thrilled with him either, "Getting out so I don't freak out in your car again- because _normal people_ don't do that," I shut his door with a little more force than needed before fixing my bag on my shoulder as I walked over to the side walk, pretty much speed walking because I just wanted to get away from the bullshit.

The car drove up beside me but I didn't stop to look over, "Roxas," Axel said, "Roxas!" he had the window closest to me rolled down, I could see his head shifting from looking in front of him to looking at me, "Get back in the car," "Why?" still I didn't bother to look over at him, "So we can talk," I stopped and looked at him- the car came to a stop like he thought I was going to get back in, "Talk? Now why would you want to waste your time talking to a liar?" I could see Axel breathing heavily before I shook my head and continued walking, the car stayed behind me for a little while before the engine growled and Axel sped off in front of me. "Fuck you too…" I mumbled, kicking a few pebbles harder than needed.

Once his car was out of site I pulled my hoodie out of my bag and slipped it on, keeping my hood up to cover my face. I don't know how long it was because I wasn't really paying attention but a while later- I was still walking with my hood pulled up- a car pulled up next to me, looking over I saw it was Axel but I just kept walking, "Roxas," I heard a car door open, "Wait," said door shut and my mind cursed as I could hear Axel running over to me. "Rox, please…" he stopped behind me as I stopped, looking down at the ground I waited for him to speak but he didn't right away, "Rox… listen…" he paused like he wanted to make sure I was listening- or like he was expecting a response, "Rox… I'm sorry- I wasn't trying to call you a liar or say you aren't normal… so please, get back in the car?" I tipped my head back to look up at the cloud covered sky- it was such a pale day, my hood getting pulled tight as I stayed like that, "Why?" I realized Axel probably had no idea what the fuck I was talking about, "Why're you sorry- I mean I am a liar and I'm sure as hell not normal."

When he didn't say anything I tipped my head back down and started walking again, this was bullshit but my mind was so confused I didn't know what to do; it felt like no matter what I did I had no control over how the situation would turn out. Out of nowhere I felt a hand on my upper arm and my body was whipped around suddenly, "Roxas, I'm sorry," there were hands wrapped around me, one holding my opposite shoulder while the other wrapped around my waist, the arms working around my backpack, I wiggled my arms up and pushed against his chest, I didn't want to be hugged and at the moment- definitely not from him. But he kept holding and I wished he'd just give up like he did before, why couldn't he be as easily persuaded now like he was when I was hiding in my bathroom and I wanted him to just go away?

"Rox, I didn't mean it like that," still I pushed against him but I wasn't getting anywhere, "Please Rox, just listen," my arms were forced against his chest as he pulled me tight, it was so sudden that my arms just gave into the strange pressure, I was out of breath and with my ear against Axel's chest I could hear his heart beating rapidly, I smiled inside to know _I_ did that- even though I might as well be half his height. "I wasn't trying to be an ass… just please, can we talk about this?" Pushing my forehead against his chest I looked down, half of me wanted to stay pissed at him and be angry at him but the other half of me was calling me stupid and to give him a chance and that it was my fault anyway.

"Please… no more fighting, just talking?" letting out a sigh I closed my eyes, Axel squeezed me tighter for a second before he let go and stood beside me, I walked to the car with him next to me, I climbed in his car as Axel shut my door behind me. He climbed in and started driving but the car stayed quiet, "I didn't mean to call you a liar…" he started but I just let out a weak sigh, "It's okay… I am one," I didn't bother to look at Axel but instead out my window, I just wanted everything to be okay. "No Rox you're not…" "Oh, and what makes you say that?" finally I looked over at him, my voice was louder now but I didn't want to start another argument so I quickly turned and looked back out my window.

"Can we just drop this?" nervously I asked, "No," of course he wouldn't want to end the conversation, "I'm sorry I called you a liar, you're not a liar," "Yes I," he cut me off, "You are not. Promise me that when some shit happens you'll tell me the truth," I thought about it, could I really promise him that? "Axel…" "What?" I thought about what Vincent told me, to vent if I thought I'd make a bad or stupid choice and I wanted to be able to talk to Axel so I forced the words out. "Axel I don't-… you probably don't think it but- this _is_ me being normal," I looked over at him, my voice was low because that was the only way I could say what I was thinking. "I don't want people to worry about me or constantly think something's wrong with me- when I… lie… I don't do it because the fuck of it Axel… I do trust you- it has nothing to do with trust though… I just… I like how me and you are and I don't want to fuck that up… this is as normal as I'll probably ever be… and I don't need other people worrying about me… when I say it's nothing I mean it- I mean that in a few days whatever it is will be back to normal like nothing ever happened…"

Axel stayed quiet for the longest time, he didn't look as angry but he looked sad and I was so pissed for being the reason, we pulled into Zell's driveway but Axel only turned the car off and sat back in his seat, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm, "Promise me you won't lie if I promise that what we have- this friendship or this relationship won't change," he looked over to me and I could see he was distressed, taking a deep breath I made up my mind, "I promise to tell you the truth…" "Then I promise nothing between us is going to change," slowly he smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. We walked up to the house, and I realized a few steps shy that the last time I was at the house I was yelling at Zell and Sora was upset. "Come on…" Axel spoke over my shoulder as he walked around me, his hand finding my own; he basically pulled me the rest of the way to the house.

He knocked once before he opened the door, "Oh hey Axel," I heard my brother from inside, "Hey Rox," my brother smiled at me from the couch as Riku laid against him, I looked over to see Zell sitting at the counter with papers in front of him, he looked over to the side at Axel and I, "Hey you guys," he looked back down at his papers, it all felt strange. Axel had started talking to my brother and Riku but I was still just standing there thinking about it, Axel's hand moved from mine up so his arm could wrap around my shoulders, "I'm going to take care of my stuff…" I mumbled so Axel could hear me but Axel was already moving with me towards my bedroom. When he closed the door behind us he made his way to my bed and fell on it, laying on his side, "What's on your mind?" I opened my mouth to tell him nothing but he gave me that look, so I looked down at my bag that I had set on the bed, "Well…"

I grabbed the stuff out of my bag, "I don't know… it just feels weird coming back…" "Weird? But this is your house?" his question didn't sound much like a question, "I mean… I've never really been allowed to go somewhere before," I put my clean clothes back in my dresser, "Whenever I used to go to Cloud and Zack's I was never really allowed to- I knew I would be in trouble when I got back… but they acted like I don't know… just… different from what I'm used to…" "Different good, right?" I shrugged and then nodded my head, it was better than how Genesis used to act when I came back.

"See?" "Huh?" I didn't understand what I was supposed to be seeing, "You told me the truth and nothing between us changed," I rolled my eyes and continued to take care of my stuff. I put all my dirty clothes on top of my dresser- that was where all my dirty clothes got thrown before I washed them, and then I sat on my bed, laying back and closing my eyes- bored to the point of being tired. "I'm going to get in the shower…" I mumbled as I stood up, "Can I join?" I looked at Axel, he had a smirk on his face but all I could do was stare, "Hehe, no." I grabbed out some sleepy clothes because I honestly didn't think I would need to be dressed because nothing would be happening, and made my way to the bathroom.

I closed the door and threw my clothes on the floor by the door, I pulled off my hoodie and grabbed a towel, throwing it over the shower curtain so I'd have it when I was done, but as I walked something got stuck to the bottom of my foot, I sat on the closed toilet and put my foot up on my knee after I tried over and over to get the damn thing off, but then I noticed what it was that was stuck to the bottom of my foot. "What the hell?" there was a silver thing attached to the bottom of my foot, and as it turned out it was a razor blade, I peeled it off and held it between my fingers, why the hell was there a razor on the floor? The more I thought about it the more it made sense- Sora preferred the more expensive razors that weren't disposable, he probably broke it- I wouldn't doubt it.

I heard a knock on the door while my mind continued to think and worry a little about if maybe Sora had used it other than it's intended use, before I could say anything or move towards the door said door opened, "Hey Rox, I forgot to ask- what're you doing?" I looked up to see Axel standing half in the doorway with a surprised look on his face, "What," I looked down to see the razor still in my hand, "No- it's not," "What the hell are you doing!" he threw the door opened and I jumped, standing up and tripping to back away from him, the razor still in my hand. "No, Axel," his hands flew up fast to grab at my shoulder and upper arm, "What the fuck is this?" I struggled to get out of his bone crushing grasp but that only got me pushed against the wall as one of his hands left my arm to wrap around my hand that held the razor.

The razor was picked from my fingers and held in front of my face while Axel continued to shout, all the while I tried to explain that it wasn't mine and that I wasn't doing anything with it but Axel kept yelling louder than me. I continued to try and get away from his bruising hand but it felt like I was getting smothered by Axel- literally, and he wasn't moving or allowing me to talk. "Rox, why would you do this?" his words hit me as he placed a hand on each side of my face, the razor still there but not touching me, this was my chance to tell him this was just a big misunderstanding but my mouth sputtered. "I- no, I didn't-," he cut me off as he started to yell again, "I'm not blind," "But I didn't! I wouldn't, I," suddenly Axel pushed me back against the wall and was backing up himself, I didn't understand what he was yelling about but before I could ask him the razor was thrown at me, "Rox- I can't do this- I can't date a liar," his hands were up at his sides as he continued to back away, "I can't- we're done," his voice was clean cut- like it was the end of the discussion, "What, no- wait!" before I could even add onto the sentence he was out the door and out of sight.

"What…?" Axel thought I was cutting myself- Axel thought I lied… Axel just broke up with me. I was dumb-fucking-struck, "What the fuck?" I pushed off the wall, wanting to go after him but all I could hear was him echoing in my head, "We're done," I stopped from chasing after him and instead went into my room, slamming the door shut and locking it in the process, I looked around my room. Axel… seriously… just dumped me because I picked a razor off of my foot… my breathing was heavy as I looked around my room, I was _such a liar_ so I don't know why Axel would ever even bother to put up with me, it was obvious Axel didn't give a shit about me so why should I care about him? Looking around my room I noticed everything reminded me of Axel, and right now I didn't want to do anything kind to the redhead.

Axel bought me my bed shit, and if he couldn't care less about me I couldn't care less about some fabric he spent his money on me for. Grabbing hold of the blankets I threw them across the room, they hit the space next to my dressers as I pulled the sheet and pillows off the bed, throwing those too against the far wall. Fuck Axel and fuck all his shit, I pulled open a drawer a little too harshly and the whole thing popped out, smashing against the floor, I picked it up and threw all the contents out before dropping the wood back to the floor and pulling out another, except instead of dropping this drawer I threw it across the room with half of its contents. I pulled the rest of the drawers out, letting them all smash to the ground- not caring if I broke a God damn thing, I even pulled out the small drawer full of notes and shit from Axel- he didn't care so neither should I. I threw the notes anyway away from me, I looked around my room to find my shoes near my now messed up bed, falling on the bed as I tried to slip them on I was caught off guard when I looked up to see myself in the mirror above my desk and between my two dressers.

Tears were dripping down my face but it's not like I could feel them, I wiped them away and tried to get them to stop but they didn't so I walked back over to the dresser on my way to grab a hoodie and smashed my fist against the middle of the mirror. The ear splitting crack reverberated through my room, I pulled my fist away and looked at the spider web of cracks that centered where my fist struck, I heard someone stomping and I heard knocking on my door, they were yelling but I didn't give a shit, I climbed out through my window before I could tell if they managed to get in my room or not. I ran, not caring if they chased after me or if they bothered to look for me at all, I just wanted to get away, I just wanted Axel to understand- no, I wanted things not to go shitty for once.

Running turned to fast walking then turned to walking which turned into me dragging my feet, I didn't know where I was going but pretty soon I found myself heading towards a familiar place under a certain bridge. When I finally got there the couch was still just sitting in the middle, the table a foot in front of it, I saw a chair in the corner by a pillar and looked to the sky before I walked under the bridge. It was dark now but it looked like it was going to rain, I walked over to the chair and pushed it to be under the middle of the bridge, not caring about anything the chair went through. I sat down, so tired from everything, my body wanted to just collapse, I sat back crookedly and pulled my feet up to be on the piece of furniture, why did everything have to suck?

I woke up from the cold, I looked around to see it pouring outside the comfort of the bridge, I huddled closer to myself and pulled my phone out. I turned the brightness down to the lowest in hopes to save the battery before looking to see I had a few missed calls and a few text messages. None of which were from Axel so I didn't bother to respond. "Everything was supposed to be okay now," I thought over and over, I figured everything would be better now that Sora and I had been given this 'better' life but all that's been happening just seems worse. As if on cue my phone went off again but I didn't bother to answer it, I waited till it stopped to look down and see again- it wasn't from Axel.

Thinking is nothing good- I realized that a long time ago. If you think about something too much it loses what made it attention grabbing in the first place- like a magic trick, it stuns your mind and you're left in wonder but once you take it apart and figure it all out it's nothing special- just a flick of a wrist. Even with all of that in my mind, I picked at my thoughts about Axel. I scoffed as I thought about everything he had said to me, _he said_ 'I love you,' but yet- where was he now? What if I actually was cutting myself and Axel walked in, he would've pushed me away and that would've been the end of it- it _is_ the end of it, he must not have really cared if the moment things started to get tough- he just left. Sniffling I rubbed my eyes, even if I kept thinking like I was I wasn't going to get anywhere- I couldn't hate Axel; the hate he harbored for me was one sided.

Axel mattered to me- and now that didn't mean shit. Shaking my head at my thoughts I buried my face in my hands and knees, why did everything always go wrong? I never asked to have someone care for me, I just wanted to fit in somewhere and now- as I thought about it, I had nothing, all of my friends were Axel's friends first and they probably didn't give a shit about my side of the story because I hurt Axel, Sora probably heard the whole fight and was just as pissed- I wouldn't doubt it if he disowned me now. Zell probably had enough of me- "Well fuck them too…" I mumbled to myself before forcing myself to go back to sleep to escape the cold.

When I woke up I looked at my phone, I was so tired and the longer I stayed awake the more I felt like screaming or crying or something just to physically show how my mind was, it was only a little passed 8 in the morning. Looking around I found no Seifer or Rai or even Fuu, I found no one down under the bridge like they always were but I didn't bother to think too much about it before I began walking again. I didn't care Zell and Sora hated my guts, my bed was there and right now I just wanted to curl up on the mattress and wrap up in blankets and sleep the world away. The thoughts made me want to scream again, the only things I had to wrap up in where a gift from the same person who was making me so hurt, it was ironic and sad. I climbed in my window- none too quietly, my room looked the same as I left it- like shit, but I could tell my door had been kicked down.

No point in ever having a lock if someone was just going to beat the door down either way, I grabbed the edge of the blanket and a pillow, my muscles hurting so much from the cold and rain, I collapsed on my bed, kicking my shoes off while I wrapped up in the blanket. Curled with my knees against my chest I breathed heavily in an attempt to not get worked up again, I heard my door open, "Roxas?" I heard my brother mumble but I didn't respond, "Rox…" the door shut but I could hear my brother dragging his feet across the floor as he walked closer to the bed, I felt him crawl onto the bed behind me, he sat next to me and pulled the blanket down a bit so he could see my face, "Are you okay?"

I shook my head as if to tell him nothing because I didn't want my brother worrying about me, but he just asked me a different question, I take it the mess of my room and the fact that I ran away didn't really help my case. "What happened?" sniffling I turned to look up at him, not sure how he didn't know seeing as how Axel was pretty loud and clear about what he _thought_ was happening. "Riku wanted to show Zell and me his new car so we were outside…" I guess Riku hadn't been there as long as I thought before Axel and I showed up, "Axel opened the door and Zell asked him what was wrong and he laughed and told Zell, "Not a damn thing," before he left…" looking up to stop the burning in the back of my eyes I weakly laughed.

"What happened?" my brother asked again as he rubbed his eye, rolling my lips in between my teeth I tried to slow down my answer like maybe the situation didn't really happen yet, "Axel… broke up with me…" I heard my brother gasp as he said my name, "Why would he do that?" "Because of something stupid," I wiped the outer corner of my eye as I continued to look anywhere but my brother's face, "Well… what'd he say exactly?" "He said he couldn't date a liar and that he's done with me," my eyes rolled as tears dripped down the side of my face, I rolled away from Sora and brought my arms up to shield my face as tears kept falling down, "Rox…" my brother began rubbing my back as he moved so he could lean over me and wrap his other arm around me- facing me even though I wasn't facing him.

"It'll be okay Rox…" my brother began but I choked on my tears, rubbing my eyes quickly, "It's just," I broke off my own sentence, "I don't know how to deal with _this_ Sor," again I choked on my tears but I decided to stop talking after that. Sora kept rubbing my back and held me and soon I was asleep- not even sure if the tears stopped before hand, I just wanted the hurt and confusion gone- I wanted everything to make sense and for me to at least have a little control in my own life.

When I woke up I pulled my phone out of my pocket again, hoping for a call or text from Axel but again nothing from him, meaning that was it- Axel was seriously done with me. Rolling onto my back I looked up at the ceiling, I never thought Axel would just _leave_ my life… he seemed like some kind of permanent fixture but now that he was gone it felt like he took half of me with him. Not wanting to be where I was earlier- in a crying fit- I decided since it was almost 2 in the afternoon to get up, but that notion went out the window when I got a good look at my room. My room was trashed. Pulling my knees up to my chest I looked the mess I made, which included looking at myself in the mirror I broke, if Zell hadn't already been in my room then he was going to be pissed.

I changed into fuzzy pajama pants and a long sleeve two sizes too big shirt before I started putting the drawers back in their rightful place. I didn't know what to do with the stuff Axel had gotten me so I just pushed it all into a pile in the corner, I found all the notes and random things he'd given me that I'd thrown from the smaller drawer and put them in the pile also before I walked back over and fell on my bed, curling up in the blanket and hating everything more when all I could smell was Axel. It hurt to know if Axel had it his way- his smell would soon fade from my room and I wouldn't even be able to remember it.

I heard someone knock on my door but I didn't get up to answer it, they walked away and then a few minutes later a slip of paper came from under the door before the person walked away again. After a few minutes I decided I'd see what the paper said, grabbing it and returning to my huddle in the blanket I opened the note to see it was from Zell, "I hope you feel better soon, I'm going out- text me if you need anything, Sora will be back around 3, I'll be back tomorrow night, Riku will be taking Sora to his session. I'll call tonight. Call Vincent- you have his number for a reason," he signed his name and that was pretty much it.

Climbing out of bed I looked around the house to make sure it was indeed empty before I went back to my room and dragged out all my bedding- it was mine right? I wasn't going to have it smelling like Axel anymore because I don't think I could stand it and not go crazy; I doused the fabric in laundry detergent just to help. Crashing on the couch I decided to go through my text messages and phone calls- I never really saw who they were from or what they wanted I just knew that none of them were from Axel. Most were from Sora, a few from Zell, and hell- I even had one from Riku, all asking me to text them back or call or come home… my phone calls where mostly from Sora again. Relaxing on the couch I tried not to think about anything, and no sooner had I put the blankets in the dryer than Sora walked in, I looked over at him and could tell he hadn't had a very good time with Riku.

He sat on the couch next to me, "You okay?" I asked, looking at my brother, "Just peachy," he sighed, I sat like he was, leaning forward while my elbows rested on my knees and my head hanged low. "How about you?" my brother asked, "Oh… dandy," my brother let out a noise caught between a scoff and a laugh before he asked me what I was doing; "Washing all my stuff to get rid of the smell of Axel… you?" "Trying not to scream my lungs out…" there was a few minutes of silence before my brother gave a weak laugh, "Aren't we just a pair?"

I finished doing the wash to be a little happy with the detergent smell with a hint of Axel but I knew the rest of the smell would just have to come out with time; Sora locked himself in his room again and was blaring music with a heavy bass. Once I returned everything to my room I stood in the hallway listening to the vibrations coming from my brother's room, nervously I knocked on the door, "Sora?" there was no response so I just said it louder and suddenly the door was pulled pen and my brother was standing there. "What?" he asked, "Are you okay?" "I'm fine Rox," my brother went to shut the door but I put my hand up to stop it, surprising him in the process.

"Something's wrong," I started but my brother just shook his head and rolled his eyes, "I told you nothing was wrong- so nothing's wrong!" "And I can tell something is!" why did everything turn into an argument? "Oh, so you can sit there and lie to my face about everything being fucking perfect but the moment I try I have to spill my guts to you?" "What?" "Leave me alone Rox," he slammed his door shut. "What the fuck?" I yelled in my head.

I went back to my room, but being in there with the mess only made me remember and want Axel more so I left- Sora obviously didn't give a shit- I cursed myself for thinking that my brother didn't care. Again when I found myself under the bridge I found no one else there, but I didn't bother to question it- and soon I was walking again, it was nice weather so nothing really helped convince me to go home till the sun fell and rose and I sat on a cemetery wall and felt my phone go off, the battery flashing in the top corner. "Come home," the text read from my brother, with a short laugh I jumped off the wall and started walking home, passing the park on the way to see Axel's vehicle in the park driveway, "Fuck," I mumbled as I kept my head down and just kept walking, not bothering to look up and see Axel even though I wanted to.

I could hear Axel and Reno talking and half of me wanted to walk right over to him and force him to hug me and force him to tell me he was just kidding about it all but the other half of me knew that Axel and I couldn't be together because he would never trust me and he already proved that. Screaming was all I felt like doing but I didn't have the energy, I just wanted to go home and sleep- and talk to Sora before he went to individual, I forced my eyes to stay down as I practically ran by. When I finally made it away and down the street it felt like Axel's anger was all new again.

"Sora?" I called as I shut the door behind me, "In here," he called from down the hallway; I walked to his room and found my brother setting in his room writing in something, probably his notebook from Vincent. "I gotta go to individual but I'm probably coming straight back afterword's… okay?" nodding my head I didn't know why Sora was telling me all this, "Don't leave till then… okay?" "Huh?" "Rox, I don't want you out on the streets- its dangerous…" I wanted to say at my brother as he stood up and began to get around to leave, "Is it the 'streets' or do you just not trust me to not get in a fight?" but I knew if I said it that everything would just turn to shit again.

"Rox?" my brother stopped moving around and looked at me, "Yeah- I won't go anywhere," I put my hands up as if to prove I wasn't going to do anything or lying. He nodded his head and began to walk out of his room before he paused and looked at me, giving me a brief smile, "See you soon Rox," before leaving. Walking into my room I crashed on my bed, crawling up to plug my phone in, and then I proceeded to be dead on my bed, my body was tired but I didn't want to give in- all I could think about was Axel, what if I stopped and looked over at him? What if we could keep being friends- would Axel allow that?

"Fuck!" screaming in to my pillow I lazily looked out my window, even if Axel still wanted to talk to me he wouldn't believe me- I wanted to call him and prove him wrong, to tell him that it really was just a giant mistake… but the fact still remained that Axel couldn't trust me anymore- he was pulling away from me and that wasn't happening because of some stupid misunderstanding in the bathroom. I grabbed my phone and began texting without thinking, "The razor was stuck to the bottom of my foot, I didn't know what it was till I picked it off, and the razor is Sora's. I don't cut myself and I don't plan on it- but you just proved a point, there can't be an 'Us' when you can't trust me. I'm done too." What the fuck is wrong with me? As soon as I sent it I wanted it back, I didn't want to push Axel away again, but it was too late.

Turning my phone off did little good while it was still plugged into the wall but I wasn't going to text Axel back if he texted me and I didn't want to provide myself with the chance to have Axel back. My eyes burned at my thoughts- I wanted him back but I needed to just push him away, to push everyone away again and go back to how I was… it hurt less that way. Laying there like the blob I was- wasn't very interesting nor fun, but sleep wanted to fight with me.

When I woke up from a however long I was asleep nap, I realized Sora would be home any second, I climbed out of bed and sat on the couch, the newly turned cell phone ringing just as I sat down, groaning I flipped it open to find it to be a number I didn't know. I flipped it shut- if it was important they would leave a message, closing my eyes again I welcomed sleep but my curiosity wanted to know just who called. Calling my voicemail I hoped that it wasn't Axel, and for once- hope was on my side, because instead of it being Axel, it was Shuyin.

Just my luck, "Roxas, I'm coming over for a visit soon- this is my number since you didn't bother enough to give me yours when you got it." and then he hung up, I groaned again and tried to fall back asleep but as soon as I rested into the couch the door opened and slammed shut. Whipping around I saw Sora storming off to his room, and soon- of course, he was blaring music again, I stood up and made my way to his room to see if I could help him out in anyway.

"Sor?" knocking got me nowhere so I shouted a little louder, my brother shouted back and I opened the door, walking over to his stereo I turned it down a bit- my brother looking none too happy with me. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," "Sor…" "No!" my brother screamed as he stood up and walked to the other side of the room, turning around he looked at me, "Nothings ever wrong with you so why is there always something wrong with me?" he shouted. "Nothing's wrong with you," I tried to walk towards him, I didn't understand why my brother kept pulling away from me.

"Sora- I'm just worried, when something was up you would tell me and now it's like you're blocking yourself off from me," I spoke calmly but my brother's response was anything but, "Because I don't need you around!" before the hurt of his words could even sink in for me my brother ran up to me and gently grabbed my upper arms, "No, Rox, I didn't mean that- please, I'm sorry I said that- I'm just, I didn't mean it," the initial hurt was barely there from his quick save but I still didn't understand what he did mean, "It's okay Sor…" "It's just…" my brother ran a hand through his hair, "I do need you around- I just mean that I don't need you always concerned about me, I can handle myself… okay? I just need some distance to think every once and a while… okay?" I let his words sink in to wash away his previous once before I slowly nodded my head, "I do still need you around but as my brother and friend, not my walking diary or therapist."

My brother pulled me into a hug as I nodded my head, and somehow we ended up lying on his bed, talking about random things- mostly because Sora felt bad about what he said to me, and soon sleep came again- a lot easier. Zell got back later that day, neither Sora nor I asked where he went or why- we figured he tell us if he wanted without question. That night I cleaned my room, I put my clothes back and placed all the papers back in their rightful place, taking my sweet time and changing into a few other clothes all the while.

When I finally slept- I slept away most of Thursday and soon it was 4 am Friday, Sora and I had a session in a few hours, and for some reason I spent my time doing almost nothing after I got ready. My pants were dark like usual except this time they were baggy cargos, my shirt was a tight-ish once black short sleeved shirt but was now sleeveless, my hoodie was something I still hadn't ever really worn- it was about a size or two too big and a light gray with black speckles and black zipper. My usual accessories topped it all off- a belt, wrist wear, necklace, finger warmers, and earrings.

There was a knock on my door, "Roxas, we have to leave in less than an hour," Zell spoke, waiting for a response but I opened the door instead, "Oh, you're already awake," nodding my head I walked into the living room while Zell tried to wake up Sora. I was told to eat something before the session so I settled for cereal, while Sora ran around to get ready because he didn't get out of bed till barely 15 minutes before we had to be out the door and he was not at all ready to function. As we got in the car Sora mumbled from the back seat while I turned the volume down on my phone, "Today's gonna suck."

Pulling up to the building- I was a little surprised when Zell didn't turn the car off, "I have to go somewhere but I'll be back to pick you up when your guys' session is over." Sora was already walking inside like he couldn't care less, "Alright… see you later…" following my brother inside, we waited for only a few minutes before Vincent called us in. We sat on the couch in our normal seats- at different ends of the couch, while Vincent took his sweet time to watch us and then follow suit to sit in his own chair, "There's something we need to talk about…" he paused for a second before looking at me, "Is there something you want to tell Sora?"

Quickly I looked over at my brother, surprised by what Vincent had said, looking back at Vincent I was shocked what did he want me to tell my brother, when he asked- thousands of thoughts ran through my head of everything at least some small part of me wanted to tell my brother. But the more I thought about it the more I realized there was a reason I hadn't told my brother, "No." I finally answered. Vincent looked disappointed, "We're going to talk about it anyway," my mind screamed to leave now but I was frozen.

_**So me and my friend- Mister-Dinosaurus- Poof- were uh messing around, and basically~ my middle finger and ringer finger are taped together now… meaning I can't really type. I typed pretty much all of this before I fucked up my hand, but it might take me a little while to update again- so in case you get curious as to if I died again or if I'm seriously THAT lazy, then yeah- you know I have a legitimate reason this time. My fingers are bruised, contused, and swollen as hell xD **_

_**Review?... right? Cuz this story could be worthy enough? **_


	32. Chapter 32: Leaving You all Behind

Looking over at Sora I was hoping he would object- saying something along the lines of: "He's my brother, if he doesn't want to tell me he doesn't have to," but of course my brother did no such thing. "First… I want us to talk a little about your mother," I didn't understand what Vincent was talking about, I'd never hidden anything about my mother to my brother- sadly, there was a few things I wished I never told him. "How would you describe her?" he continued and Sora slowly began talking, "Well… she was nice, patient… she always had time for us," "She never hurt you in anyway?" I wanted to snap at Vincent, he had no right asking negative questions about our mother, "No," my brother said quickly before he added, "She was always nice to us… she slapped Roxas once though- but she felt terrible afterwards," looking over at my brother I wished he hadn't told Vincent that- it wasn't anything major, my mother smacking me, so I didn't know why Sora bothered to tell Vincent.

"Why did your mother slap you?" he asked me, looking off to the side was the only thing I could do to not roll my eyes, "Because I did something I shouldn't've done." "Like what?" "Like…" maybe Sora was right when he said today wouldn't be a good day, "I… yelled… that she should just let us live with our father so we wouldn't have to deal with the shit from Genesis… and that… I wished he was living with us instead of Genesis…" "And she hurt you because of this?" "I wouldn't say that." My brother quickly jumped in, "Roxas, I saw your face when she did it- you looked hurt and your cheek turned bright pink," "Yeah…" I mumbled, "But it's not like she meant what she was doing…" Nobody chose to respond to what I said.

"Why do you think she hurt you?" he asked and I let Sora be the one to answer, "She told us that she couldn't bear to not know where we were if we stayed with our dad, that she wouldn't know what to do if she didn't know we were okay… and that Genesis was a good man just angry lately and our dad wasn't." He said it so casually that for a moment our family didn't sound so completely fucked up. Vincent nodded his head and continued to ask us questions upon questions pertaining to our family, from me being in the next room as Shuyin killed our mother to the moments before Yuna and Leon died and I could tell it was emotionally tolling on Sora because he slouched lower and lower on the couch as time went by.

"How did the two of you find out about Genesis' suicide?" Vincent asked calmly, Sora looked over to the side, "Well… the police said he caused the fire and he had a bar tab or something with enough alcohol on it to prove he was wasted right before he started the fire…" Vincent was looking at me once Sora stopped talking; he took a deep breath and set his note pad down before scooting his chair a little closer and leaning forward while looking at Sora and I. "Roxas… Sora… normally I wouldn't force this out in the open… but this isn't going to get resolved unless it's brought up." Both my brother and I looked at Vincent, "What're you talking about?" my brother asked, Vincent sat back in his chair in thought, "Things that are said in individuals… are normally kept there unless the patients," he signaled to Sora and I, "Want it to be repeated in group…"

"You can't talk about what we say in individuals- it goes against that confidentiality code or whatever," I panicked, nothing had really been said during my sessions but I couldn't remember what I had said or not and I didn't want something bad to be brought up- something I didn't want Sora to know about. "Let's continue by talking about yours and your brothers relationship," he pretty much ignored what I said as he looked to my brother, he watched us both like he was picking out who to talk to first- which victim to start, "Compared to last summer- how has your relationship changed now?" I looked at Sora, but my brother only folded his arms and remained basically laying while sitting on the couch. "I don't know…" I mumbled; I didn't understand where Vincent was trying to get us to go or what he wanted us to discover- all I knew was he was creating suspense and pissing me off in the process.

"Sora- what did your brother do yesterday?" "He mostly slept…" "And Roxas- Sora?" like hell I knew the answer- as Sora said, I slept all day, so I just shrugged. "What about Monday night?" he was looking at Sora so my brother answered, "Rox was home… then he left and was out for a while…" Vincent looked at me and again I shrugged my shoulders. Vincent leaned forward to rest his elbow on his knee and his chin on his elbow; thinking about something before he began speaking, "When was the last time the two of you equally connected?" I shrugged my shoulders and Sora did the same, Vincent grabbed his note pad again and sat it on his lap just to be busy while he thought.

"Can we continue talking about Genesis?" when Vincent got no objection from neither Sora nor I he continued, "How did you feel when he took his life?" that was a very blunt way of putting it- I thought, Sora answered while I sat in silence, "I mean… it sucks… he wasn't the nicest to us- but he was still a person… and we spent pretty much all of our life with him…" We sat in silence for a few minutes before Sora continued talking, "I guess it just sucks not knowing _why_ he did it…" "Neither of you know why he did it?" "No," Sora shook his head as he looked over at me, "Right?"

There was no fucking way this was happening, they had to have set this up on Wednesday or something, this was just going too far into something that could go completely not where I wanted it to. "Rox…" my brother sat up, never taking his eyes off me, "You don't know… right?" If I could just get the lie out of my mouth Sora would stop looking at me, but my jaw froze and stuttered, "Rox, you know something- what do you know?" he leaned closer to me, waiting for an answer, but I could form a word to tell him.

"I, it's- no," "You know something," I continued to sputter while my brother continued to ask me for more information, "No, Sor," "Tell me," his voice was a yell and I couldn't help but snap back, "I'm not telling you anything!" my brother froze, staring at me before he shook his head, "Fuck you…" he mumbled, "What?" Sora stared out the window before he turned back and looked at me, "I said fuck you! You always hide shit from me and act like if you tell me one little thing that I'm going to snap or freak out and not be able to handle it," No, _no_, _no_! I screamed in my head, there was no way this was happening; there was no way we were sitting here having this conversation right now. "Is that why you haven't been talking to me?" my voice was quiet but only because I didn't want the argument to continue.

"Yeah…" "Why?" "Because… Riku _hit _you and you had _no_ problem with it! You passed it off like it was nothing- he threw you into a table and gave you a giant scar on your arm and you didn't bother to tell me because he's my boyfriend? 'Because you didn't want to ruin my image of or relationship with him'?" my brother asked in a rather loud and condescending voice, "Who said that?" "It doesn't matter- I could tell it was some stupid shit like that because you always feel the need to protect me from stupid shit," I didn't say anything but continued to look at him, "Don't give me that look- you know it's true, every time Genesis or Angeal came over you made sure you were closer to them than me because you didn't want them to hit me? As if you standing there would stop what they wanted, you just wanted to get the shit beaten out of you."

"That's not," "Oh no, but it is Rox," my brother stood up, bending down a bit to be closer to me as he brought his fingers up to point at his temples, "You have this- this… fucked up wiring in your brain that makes you think every things okay! That everything is fucking fine as long as you protect everyone else, that you can take everything someone could possibly throw at you and you- you fucking take it with a smile!" This had to be a bad dream; a bad fucking dream; a shitty ass bad fucking dream. "Sora, no," "I'm so fucking tired of you trying to 'protect' me all the time; I can take care of my fucking self! You don't need to shield me from the whole fucking world, you act like I'm some incompetent child- no, Rox- you don't get to talk- all you ever say is bullshit lies and," he began to chuckle, "I am so fucking tired of it," I couldn't say anything, I couldn't think to.

Sora began to walk away, about to walk out of the room but I quickly jumped up and grabbed his arm- but he dragged me with him out into the hallway, "No Rox, don't even fucking start- I'm done with you, I can't handle this anymore- I don't need you around, leave me the fuck alone- forever," He began to turn away but I started to yell back, something I wish I hadn't started, "You want to know why the fuck Genesis killed himself?" reaching into my pocket I pulled the note out, "You know, I figured I tried to be there and fucking help you, I figured one of us could grow up and not be completely fucking demented in the head, but no, do whatever the fuck you want. Genesis killed himself because he couldn't stand us, he was trying to kill us with him." I threw the note at my brother and started walking away, turning around I saw my brother reading it, and I raised my hands up and continued to yell.

"I figured I could be strong for you like I wished someone would be for me- but hey, there was a fucking reason everyone hated me and hurt me- why should my fucking brother be exempt from that? I guess it would've been better if I just ran away with Shuyin like he fucking wanted- oh yeah, and I sheltered you from him too, I didn't want him to fuck with your mind like he did mine," I turned to open the door and I was gone from the building. "I would've been better off if Genesis just fucking killed me!"

I didn't need this- not today, not from my brother, and not when I didn't have Axel on top of it, my heart was racing and my throat burned from how loud I screamed at my brother, but I just wanted to get in a fight- I need to, or I just needed someone to vent to. And as if by destiny, I ran halfway home- to Zell's house, and I found Seifer- he would hear me out, "Hey chicken wuss," I stared at him, restraining my mind from starting a fight but I must not have done a good job because Seifer only tipped his head back and looked down at me, "I'm not fighting you Rox…" "What, why? It's not like I ever land a punch back?" "Because I'm not that fucking stupid that I don't realize you're only getting in fights with me because you don't want to hurt yourself and have your dear fucking brother get after you for it." There was a pain in my ass as Seifer pushed me to the ground and turned around and left, "What?" "Leave me the fuck alone kid, be someone else's problem," this couldn't be happening.

"Fuck you!" turning around as I stood up I ran, all that kept running through my head was the single word, "No," there was no way all this shit could be happening. Turning quickly I sprung my fist into a brick wall, the space between my knuckles and my knuckles themselves speckled blood but I didn't care, I punched the wall again, and again, and again till it was hard to breath and my fist felt on fire, resting my forehead against the brick I tried to breath and think clearly. I couldn't go home- to Zell's, Sora would want nothing to do with me, Axel dropped off the face of the earth, and Seifer wouldn't even use me as a punching bag, let alone be my friend.

Looking down I pulled out my phone, I saw a text from last night from Demyx asking if everything was okay, no- everything was not oh fucking kay, I harshly slapped my phone shut and looked around, most people were acting like nothing was happening at all- none of them had a care in the world. A few people glanced at me but most stayed locked tight in their matchbox like little world, nothing mattered- least of all me. After a few more deep breaths with nothing on my mind I realized I had nowhere to go- and I wasn't going to go back to the burnt remains of my old house, so I pulled out my phone and looked through my calls- all the ones from a certain number went unanswered, but now I was about to be calling it.

Sora wanted me to leave him alone- he didn't need me around, Axel wouldn't look at me or talk to me, my friends probably all hated me for how I fucked up with Axel, Zell would be angry at me, and even Seifer wanted nothing to do with me. I thought back to what Sora had yelled at me- I never once thought he couldn't handle anything that happened, I just didn't want him to be in pain and I didn't want to let the only person I had in the world be hurt. Sora was my existence, he was my purpose- the only reason I didn't give up and let myself be killed or take my own life. But he was done with me- my purpose no longer gave a fuck about me… he was the only one that ever made it okay, but I was too pissed in the moment to try and talk to Sora, so I let my anger get the best of me.

He thought _I thought_ he was incompetent? Then I'll just let him deal with his own fucking life and when he crashes and burns and can't face the pain of everyday- he'll have no one to blame the pain on because I sure as hell won't be around. This was it, I knew it, _nothing_ after this would ever go back… I thought Genesis' death threw everything off, but now… it was my own fault- I fucked everything up, and now I would never have my brother back, I would never wake up with him next to me- or with Axel, I would never be surrounded by the laughter of my friends or the comfort they would bring. Because that part of my life was behind me- even if I had nowhere to go. Tears burned my eyes and cheeks as a few slipped, I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity- I fucked everything up, including their lives- it was my fault but the one moment I realize just how bad I screw everything up is the moment I don't want to lose it all.

Sniffling before taking a deep breath I slid down the brick wall and hit the green button on my phone, trying to get a hold of my tears while the phone continued to ring. Everyone wanted me gone- and I _always did what _they_ all wanted_, why stop now? The phone stopped ringing as the person picked up, I froze in panic but quickly spoke up,

"Hey… Dad… do you still want me to live with you?"

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_**I know this is short- but this is how I wanted it to go and how to end. **_

_**Thanks for the reviews:3 I normally respond to reviews with PMs but I feel like I might be spamming a few of your guys' mail box xD so Imma just say: Thanks: here. **_


	33. Chapter 33: Kiss it all Goodbye

Almost a week had gone by since my father came and picked me up and took me to live with him. "Roxas?" he sounded on edge when I called him, "Hey… Dad… do you still want me to live with you?" picking at a small tear in the knee of my pants was all I could do while I nervously waited for a response, he was silent for a few minutes and I became more nervous. Watch my own father not even want anything to do with me- I thought, "Yeah…" he seemed surprised, "I'll come pick you up," his voice was calm but clear- he probably thought he'd never get this call from me. I didn't know where I was so I just rattled off some of the stores I could see before he told me he knew where I was and we ended the conversation.

As soon as the phone signal clicked and he was no longer able to hear me my breath choked me and my heart raced; I rested my head against my knees while I struggled to push my phone into my pocket- getting easily irritated in the process. When I looked around I saw that the streets were even more crowded but people were making sure to stay a 'safe' distance away from me- they probably thought I was some junkie or something. Relaxing a little while my mind raced resulted in no more tears; my body slouched against the wall and my feet sliding forward so my knees weren't as bent. A car pulled up and someone reached across to push the passenger side door open for me, I looked through the now open door to see my father in the driver's seat.

Pushing to stand when all I wanted to do was sleep wasn't actually all that difficult, gently plopping on the seat I relaxed and just looked out my window; I didn't know what to say to Shuyin. He pulled away from the curb and drove away, I could feel him looking at me every few minutes before he finally spoke, "Are you okay?" "I'm fine," I almost said, but before my jaw could even unlock to allow the words out I realized lying is what fucked up my life- _talking_ fucked up my life, I might as well try not to fuck this up too soon. We pulled up to a bar, I didn't bother to look at my father because I didn't bother to look surprised, "Come on," he said as he got out of the car, slowly I followed him, we walked to the door next to the bar sign- there were two doors but I assumed they went to the same place, till I saw a set of dark brown dirty stairs going straight up.

Open the door at the top of the stairs to a hallway that had several other doors and the last door on the left was Shuyin's apartment. It was one bedroom but there was a hallway closet that Shuyin said could be mine, he left me alone so I could get settled and get used to the place but as soon as he shut the door all I could do was look around. I wanted to be _home_, and Shuyin's place seemed so uncomforting and unfamiliar, from the bare grayish white walls to the rough dark rug under my feet and all the way to the gray blue sheet that covered the window- the place was nothing but cold and empty. Sitting on my new bed, a slightly scratchy beige and brown couch, I let it all sink in.

That had been a week ago and now I was sitting on the couch with my father watching some old movie on TV, as it went to some annoying and overly played commercial my father turned to me, "You want to go do something?" shrugging my shoulders was my only response, I heard my father let out a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, "Roxas… I don't like seeing you so lethargic…" this was a conversation we had had many times, he didn't like seeing me upset, and he didn't like seeing me sad- to see me not doing anything, the list went on and on. And he still hadn't given up on, but this time I contributed to the conversation, "Well…" I shrugged, "What am I supposed to do?" I picked at the pair of brown jeans my father had stashed away in his clothes- too small for him and too big for me but I needed something to change into and the brown pants were one of the smallest he could lend me, along with a once short sleeve but now no sleeve black shirt that hung just above my knees.

He let out a sigh but I didn't expect him to respond with words- he surprised me though, "What the hell do you want me to do?" I tipped my head back and looked at the ceiling, I learned in my stay that my father's temper got nothing but shorter since the last time I 'stayed' with him. I looked over at him in surprise again- so he didn't know what to tell me, he just wanted me to get the fuck over myself soon. Every day I looked in the freezer and fridge, to come up empty handed except to see bottles of alcohol- not that I had done anything but I was tired of sitting around and doing nothing.

"And what do you recommend I do?" looking over at my father I saw his surprised face, "I mean- everything else I tried to do didn't work out so well so how the hell is anything else going to _help_?" I gestured all around the room in one quick arm flail, I figured this was rock bottom so it's not like I had any lower levels to reach. He stayed quiet and I wondered what he would say- would he say anything at all, "You're a big help," I thought but then regretted it a little, it wasn't his job to hold my hand- no anymore. "I'd probably just be better off drinking alcohol…" "Go right ahead…" he mumbled before turning back to watch his movie. "I don't give a shit- you're old enough to know what _you_ want to do."

There was a brief silence before I finally spoke up, "What do you have?" "Look in the freezer," he had a small smile on his face but I didn't bother to figure out why. My father and I actually got along pretty well- if you take out the fact that I kept throwing hissy fits and he was quick to yell. He still had his few moments were he'd like to talk about really touchy subjects but I told him I'd just leave if he did that shit- so he cut back some, Shuyin is just a weird man. He likes to get people upset- not really at him, but rather in general, like he likes to find something emotional and agonizing and pretty much sticks his thumb in the wound and twists- just cuz he can. I also realized he only really does that when he's high off his ass, which he hasn't really been… at least not around me at least.

Looking in the freezer I found a giant bottle of Absolute Vodka, Everclear, Absinthe, and two smaller bottles of Gin and Jägermeister. Nervously I grabbed the Jäger, I'd never really drank any hard liquor before, I figured he'd at least just have some beers or something but there was none of that. "I'm going out, I'll be back," he said as he opened the door and was gone, I turned around with the bottle in my hand and was surprised to find myself going into the living room and returning to sit on the couch with the alcohol. Sora would kill me if he ever even saw alcohol in my hand- like how Axel did when he saw that razor… hell- "They were done with me," I unscrewed the top, "Then I'd be done with them," and then tried to chug it.

My eyes watered at the burn of the liquid on my tongue that wouldn't go away- turns out chugging the fiery liquid was _not_ a good idea. Sticking my tongue out the second time, I threw my head back and took a quick drink, less of the substance touched my tongue and this time I waited and felt. I could feel the scorching liquid sliding and rolling down my esophagus and setting in my stomach, the warmth spreading through my body and I couldn't help but smile. Sora would kill me- my smile was gone, fuck Sora. I took another drink and reveled in the feeling of the substance melting away all my uncomfortable feelings. Everything felt under control, like _I_ was controlling it, not to mention everything felt warm and slightly amusing, why hadn't I tried this before?

After another drink I had only had 4- maybe 5 actual drinks of the Jäger but my head felt like it was swinging and I kind of wanted to stand up just to increase the feeling but my muscles were behind. I went to lean on my arm but the muscles didn't contract and support me till I was already falling on my side- was I drunk? I think yes. Not obliterated out of my mind, but I was definitely some sort of drunk, I watched the ceiling and no matter how long I stared at it- it didn't seem any less interesting. Is this why Genesis drank? Pulling myself to sit up I grabbed the bottle and took another drink, I knew I was a lightweight but I'd never drank so I didn't care what anyone would say to that. I kept drinking till I didn't have enough energy to bring the bottle to my lips, so I sat there- everything felt like it was swaying and gravity seemed nonexistent. I found myself able to sit up a few minutes or hours later, I put the drink on the end table and sat up, leaning against the arm rest- it felt really hot but even in that heat I could feel the warmth of the liquid running through my body. So much so that soon I found myself having to go to the bathroom and having so much trouble just getting to the room to do so.

Did Genesis drink because it made him feel all warm and comforted? Was coming back to the house the reason he always got angry- because we took away his happiness and comfort? I curled up on the couch and thought, tears streaming to leak to the side of my face but I was too busy staring off into nothing. Genesis, Sora, and Axel ran through my mind- Genesis turned to poison because of me, I turned to poison because I knew not only would it make me feel 'better', but because both Sora and Axel would hate me more for it and I didn't care if I (and I somewhat wanted to) pissed them off. Soon I was pulled under by sleep and I didn't object, it was one of the first nights in a long time where I wanted to sleep and actually be able to without roaming the streets for hours.

When I woke up I found myself still curled up on the couch, but I felt like shit- my stomach didn't hurt and I didn't have a headache like it was some sort of hangover but rather I felt like I was covered in a thin film of dirt over my whole body and my hair felt greasy to the touch even though I had just taken a shower the day before. I didn't want to be up yet. Pretty much crawling into the shower I enjoyed the heat and constant patter of it against my back so much so that I almost fell back asleep, when I finally got out of the shower I was determined to just go back and sleep on the couch but instead found my father in the other room at the small kitchen table.

Nervously I sat across from him- I didn't know what I'd say or how long he planned on sitting or any of that, but I sat there anyway and my father barely glanced up at me before he continued with what he was doing in front of him. I straightened up a bit so I could have a better angle to look at what he was doing- he was writing on a yellow pad, all I saw was numbers before he looked up at me again and I sank back down in the chair. "Feel better?" he asked as he continued writing, I didn't understand what he meant at first- if he was referring to the alcohol or if he was talking about me peaking at his paper. He pointed his pen over to the sink and I found an empty bottle of Jäger sitting on the counter. "For a little while… not so much now…" he chuckled as he continued to write, "Yeah, well you drank the whole bottle… I'd have pictured you as a feather light weight," I couldn't stop the question from showing forth on my face, but I kept quiet- I didn't remember drinking the whole thing but who knows.

"You got a hangover?" he asked, putting the pen down and looking up at me, I thought about it for a moment, and then shook my head, I didn't feel that bad. Other than the fact that I almost ran into a wall because I was so used to Zell's place that I tried to walk around with my eyes closed- then nothing really felt bad after that shower. He nodded his head, "Just don't drink me out of home kid," he sat back in his chair and we sat in silence till there was a knock on the door, "Hey… Roxas… do me a favor," he reached into his pocket and struggled a bit to pull out some money, he threw it on the table at me, "Go for a walk or something- stay gone for a few hours," he stood up and walked to the door, as they knocked he shouted back, "Hold on," I slid my shoes on, the back getting caught on my heel so I had to pick at that while I tried to hop/walk to the door.

He opened it while I was grabbing my hoodie off the couch, I saw two much-taller-than-me men, one with something like black dreads and the other- smaller and anorexic looking one with pale blond hair. "Long time no see," the blond said as he slid his way in between the door frame and the buffer guy, "I was wondering when… who's the pipsqueak?" the almost sickly looking man practically glided in the house but then stopped on his way to the kitchen to turn and look at me, turning around to look at my father and throw a thumb over his shoulder at me. My father didn't answer as the taller black haired man walked in, my father held the door open and on my way out I was stopped because the black haired man stepped back in the way of the door, "I didn't know you swung that way Shu," when the man said shoo I almost got confused before I realized it was a nickname for my father- wow, that alcohol must have really damaged some brain cells or something.

"Xaldin, you know I don't," he closed his eyes like he was getting a headache before he opened them again and spoke, "He was just on his way out," "Oh, but the more the merrier," the blond said next to me. I watched my father pinch the bridge of his nose and begin to shut the door like he was giving in. "You got any money kid?" the blond asked, I looked at my father who nodded his head slightly, "A little…" I looked over at him as he leaned a little closer than I would like, "And I'm not a kid." "My apologies care to join us?" he asked. "I was leaving…" "Might as well stay," _Xaldin_ spoke as he made his way into the house, I looked back at my father to see him only briefly shake his head before following Xaldin to sit on the couch.

Standing there awkwardly, my father at one end of the couch while Xaldin sat next to him but pretty much at the other end just the same, "Sit here kid," he seemed rather impatient and I don't know what I did to piss him off, he tapped the far side of the coffee table when he spoke so I took the incentive to sit on the floor facing the both of them. The blond was soon joining us, sitting in a chair that he grabbed from the kitchen, I felt a little stupid for sitting on the floor but I didn't really care and neither did anyone else. I watched as the blond set a light bulb box on the table- that was what else he was grabbing from the kitchen, and he pulled out a light bulb- only it didn't look like a usual light bulb.

It had no center- no light; the metal piece was still there and then I realized that they were going to do drugs- and it took till that moment for me to realize. The bottom of the bulb, opposite the screw in metal piece, was black and looked burnt, the blond then pulled out some tube- it looked like a straw till he set it on the table and I could hear it clink like it was glass. There was something brown and pokey looking at one end though, but I couldn't figure out what it was- and I wasn't about to ask. "This kids not going to fuck us over… is he?" the blond asked, "He's fine Vexen," Xaldin spoke, I could feel him looking at me but I continued to watch… Vexen?

Vexen pour something into the light bulb but I couldn't see what it looked like before it went in and by the time it rested in the light bulb the black soot at the bottom covered it. He held it out for my father to take, Xaldin slid a lighter onto the table but my father shook his head, "You go first," he looked over at the dread lock haired guy. "I got a better idea," he grabbed the lighter and slid it on the table to sit in front of me, "You first," "I don't want any," I looked up at him but he looked lost between amused and impatient, "Do much of a baby?" "Because I don't want to do drugs?" that was all I could counter to his statement with, "What, afraid of what mommy and daddy will say?" he taunted, I wanted to roll my eyes but instead looked over to the side of the room for a minute.

"Shu… is this kid yours?" the black haired man suddenly asked, "Heh…" my father started, "No," he grunted, "Are you sure… you two look awfully similar," he pressed but my father still only shook his head. The man eventually gave up on it, "Then what's his father's name?" "Hell if I know," my father mumbled, Xaldin looked at me and asked me so I said the first name that came to mind, "Genesis," he stayed quiet after that and instead persisted with: "Kid, we don't got all day, Shu- you go, this kids too much a baby," "I'm not a baby," "Then do it," I shrugged at him, "I've never done drugs," he smiled, "There's a first time for everything."

Before I knew it the light bulb and straw were stuck into my hands, Xaldin had a fucked up smile on his face, "Hold the straw out of the bulb with one hand," I rearranged it so I could pinch the straw just above the metal and so I could hold the metal part of the bulb with my other fingers, "Now, hold this under the bulb," he handed me the lighter for my other hand, the only thing pushing me to do it still was the simple fact that my father was sitting right there and not saying anything- he was the only person left to stop me and he wasn't and I almost wanted to rub in Xaldin's face that I wasn't a baby.

"Hold the lighter a little higher," he instructed me, "Hold it there… when I tell you to- stop with the lighter and breathe in through the straw, you'll be breathing in the smoke. Hold it in your lungs. Now," letting go of the lighter I kept it in my hand as I put the straw in my mouth and breathed in, not knowing what to expect but just breathing in and holding as much as my lungs would let me. When I couldn't pull anymore in I let the straw go from my lips and held it in, I felt someone grab the straw and bulb from my hand and then the lighter was taken too. Meanwhile I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, I felt like I might be dying- the taste wasn't that bad, but my throat felt like it was going numb while my heart raced and I felt like I was falling- not visually or anything, but my organs felt like they were being dropped without the rest of me, I could hold the smoke in anymore, I let it out a little quickly- rushing to get oxygen in my lungs.

Waving the smoke out of my face was a bit difficult because my hands started shaking violently, the panic that I would die was now gone- instead I felt the need to laugh and giggle but I stuck with a simple smirk on my face. Hearing someone snap next to me- Vexen- I looked at him and heard him start laughing, "This kids probably already trashed, his eyes are dilated," I didn't really understand what that had to do with anything but I just looked back down, loving the feelings that were washing over me. Before I knew it I was being told to do it again, looking around I saw my father slouching on the couch- looking up at the ceiling, while Vexen leaned on the arm of the chair, laughing.

Xaldin even had a smile on his face and was now instructing me to take another hit, which for some reason- I gladly did. "You okay kid?" the blond man asked as he leaned over the other arm so he would be closer to me, I quickly nodded my head, making myself dizzy in the process while I continued to hold in the smoke. My throat was still numb but it didn't scare me off anymore, slowly I let the smoke out, not breathing in right away because I didn't trust my shaking hands to wave it away. "Scar…" something poked me in the arm I looked over to see Vexen's hand retreating as he had a huge fucked up grin on his face, trying to look at my arm where he poked me got me nowhere because it was physically impossible for me to see it, "Yeah… I got a lot of those," I mumbled as I watched the blond take a hit, "From what?" he laughed out as he released the smoke a few seconds later.

He was laughing like a freaking hyena so much so that I couldn't help but giggle also, "…My father," it wasn't funny but I couldn't stop chuckling, I fell back and watched the ceiling fan I had never stopped to notice, I watched it spin around and around- I remembered seeing it when I was drunk, but now it seemed far more amusing. "It's good to laugh," the blond said, I tried to look at him but I didn't want to take my eyes off the ceiling fan so I worked a: "What?" in between my weak laughs. Vexen began to rattle off some science crap that I couldn't care less about before he finally stopped talking, I sat up and inhaled one more time before letting the smoke out while looking at the fan- even though I was still weakly laughing there was this shadow of my laughter like any second soon something bad was going to happen. Like maybe I wasn't safe, and soon someone bad was going to hurt me- that they were watching me at that very moment but the happiness of the high seemed to cover it up a little and that was my last memory of that moment.

When I woke up I kicked whatever was covering me up- off, opening my eyes I found I was on the couch, the heat of the place is what woke me up. I was sweating and as I looked around I didn't know why, I forced myself to sit up and realized I was really lightheaded- dizzy to the point that it took me a few minutes before I could look around again. It was nighttime but it must have been a full moon because it was brighter than anything in the room, "You awake?" I heard from my father, "Yeah," my throat felt a little sore but nothing else really seemed wrong, then the lights were flicked on and I had to quickly cover my eyes because it felt like I had been shot with lightening through the eyes.

Trying to pry my eyes open took a little while because the room was so much brighter than I would've preferred, "Too bright?" "Little bit," I mumbled back and I instantly felt relieved when the light in front of my eye lids was turned out, "How you feeling?" he asked, still standing across the room, "Fine…" "You passed out," "Huh? Oh… yeah…" and then I got the feeling that a very serious conversation was about to happen, "You're lucky I wasn't as high as those two- or you wouldn't be waking up here… more like where ever Xaldin sleeps." His sentence sent a shiver down my spine, did that creep think I was a whore or something?

"Thanks…" continuing to rub my eyes only made it a little easier when I finally opened them again, the room seeming darker than it did before. "You feel better?" he asked, "What?" the attitude in his voice threw me off, he walked into the kitchen while he spoke, "Showing Xaldin that you're not a baby? Or maybe that you damaged your body by smoking crack?" his voice was condescending in such a way that it threw me off, "You're one to talk- they wouldn't have been over if you didn't plan on doing drugs with them." I mumbled, "Oh, don't play a fucking victim kid," "How the hell am I playing the victim?" he yelled at me first so my question came out a bit on the loud side, but I didn't understand where he was coming from to lecture me about how I acted.

"I'm not complaining," I continued, "I'm not upset about the fact that not only is my _father_ a rapist and drunkard, _but_ also a junkie. No, I knew what I was doing and I chose too- not because _Xaldin_ tried to _peer_ pressure me and not because I was trying to show that I was a baby. I chose to and the only one who seems to be whining and _playing the victim_ is you." My tone was sassy but I had to get my thoughts out, "Oh real fucking clever," my father chuckled darkly, "_You_ are _playing the victim_- because you're trying to blame anyone but yourself- whether or not if you _chose_ too, you did it so you could piss your brother off and have a more plausible reason to be angry at yourself and everyone. I'm not stupid kid," Shuyin shoved me out of the way as he left through the door; I was too shocked to be able to think of a comeback before he slammed the door shut.

"Ugh- fuck!" finally I was able to yell out, I quickly ran my hands through my hair as I turned my back to the door, throwing my arms down as I stomped over to the window, shocked to see a certain someone walking the sidewalk. "Oh hell…" mumbling to myself I continued to watch till I couldn't anymore- it was Axel, looking at my phone I smirked to myself as I sat on the couch. I was so fucking naive to think- even for a moment, that maybe Axel had come by to say hello to me and for us to patch things up, but he would've texted me first. 2nd: he didn't know where I was staying so he wouldn't know to look here and 3rd: it was the middle of a city, of course there would be a chance I would see someone I knew.

But the sad part was, the longer I thought about it- the more I wished Axel did care about me still, I hadn't realized how much I truly missed him till I saw him walking on the sidewalk. "I'm so fucking stupid…" I mumbled to myself, there was a knock on the door, but as I walked closer to the door I thought about if it was maybe indeed Axel- I couldn't handle talking to him, even though I wanted to, so I peeped through the peep hole only to see two familiar faces from the night before- but no redhead. Opening the door I said, "Shuyin's not here right now," but before I could shut it the door was jutted open when Xaldin jammed his foot between the door and frame. "He'll be here in a minute," looking back up at him I didn't know what to do but I figured I might as well let them in so that way Shuyin wouldn't be able to say I was playing the victim- I was choosing this.

Sitting on the couch this time Vexen sat in a kitchen chair dragged to the living room again and I was surprised when the door opened and in walked my father, not even looking at me. "He doesn't get any," he mumbled while he grabbed a chair, "Oh? And why's that?" Vexen asked with a weird smile on his face, "Not unless he has money to pay for it," I held my hands up in a silent defeat- I was broke. "It's alright, this one's on the house," Xaldin smiled and I looked over at him wearily- I recalled him continuing to call me a baby and again he was impatient when I was told to go first again. If this kept up I might be a crack addict by the end of the week- I thought. And again I was pulled away to a euphoric wonderland where nothing mattered and again I woke up on the couch in the middle of the night, no blanket this time and Shuyin didn't bother to come out and check on me like the first night.

I went downstairs and walked into the bar later that day, only a few people were inside, "You're not old enough to drink so don't try," the bar tender started but I just shook my head, "I was wondering if I could help out somehow… like a job?" I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about but I kept going with it, "Like a busboy or something…" "And why the hell should I hire you?" "Well… I live right upstairs so I'll never be late, I have no social life or life in general so I can work all the time- I probably have insomnia so I can stay up for a while, and I need money…" they continued to interview me with more and more questions and soon I found myself hired. I was a busboy- and of course I didn't tell Shuyin, he didn't find out till almost a week later when he decided to get wasted out of something other than his own freezer and found me working.

Weeks passed and I was amazed- I literally had no life. Never once did I get a text, all my paycheck went to drugs and some clothes from the thrift shop down the street because I had no clothes that fit. My father and I proceeded to hate each other unless we were both high off something, Xaldin and Vexen came around less but still came by to drop of drugs, always leaving with my father after they got done being the creepers they were. Every day I worked and a normal person probably would've died by now, I stayed up all night working- came upstairs, got high off something till I passed out only to wake up maybe four hours later and pretty much do the same thing over. Saturdays were my day off though- I didn't want one but the bartender insisted and I realized I could use the time to pass out and actually sleep the day away- which I did almost every week.

Sitting on my bed, still the rough couch, I had a cigarette in my mouth, I was barely even inhaling it though- for the most part it was just there to be there, I forgotten about it so many times that most of my shirts had ash residue from where the ash broke off and fell down. I realized have a cigarette in my mouth stopped me from keeping fights going with my father, instead I would just inhale- get a little light headed for a second, and wither in the adrenaline instead of fighting back. I also picked up another bad habit. The night my father found out I had gotten a job I had to help him up the stairs- even though he rejected my help the entire time, and in his drunken stupor he yelled at me in the apartment. His words and what he was saying didn't really bother me but I was itching to get in a fight, I hadn't gotten in one for so long and my knuckles were healed now from my deadly encounter with the brick wall. But I had no one to fight.

I locked myself in the bathroom while my father locked himself in his room, and _lucky_ me found a disposable razor on the counter, I pulled out my lighter and flipped on the vent to the bathroom, I burned away at the plastic like I had when I wanted the razor to cut my hair- except this time it wasn't my hair that was going to get cut. I held two slightly bent from my prying razors in my palm, I set one on the counter and kept the other in my hand, pressing my thumb against the corner. I'd never really done anything like cutting before, so I eyed my wrist for the longest time, but instead moved up to my upper arm. Holding my arm up like I was going to flex it or some shit I held the razor tightly in my hand and slowly pressed the corner against my arm. Was I really going to do this? I think yes.

It was hardly even a pinch as I pressed the corner harder into my inner arm; I held my panicking breath as I quickly pulled the razor down- my whole body shaking for a second like a tremor ran through me. The pain was just as quick as my pull on the razor, wadding up some toilet paper I tried to keep it from dripping- after I got my senses back at least. At first all I could do was pretty much laugh, "Holy shit," I chuckled, I could do some serious harm to myself I realized and for some reason it made my heart race, though that could've just been from blood loss, and my body felt like it was being pumped full of electric power surging energy. I was actually almost proud of what I had done; the gash was a few inches long and split wide like a seam.

A pale skin tone showed in the gash- it was amazing how deep the skin went, I inspected around the edges while my body struggled to bleed, around the edges I could see something like these white bulges- like they were itty bitty beads of cartilage, I picked at one with the corner of the bloody razor and quickly determined that the white things must have just been white blood cells clumped together or something. Blood pooled in the wound- a bright red color, it puddled and clung to the edges as a small bead dripped down- that was when I grabbed the toilet paper, I pressed against the wound and held back a yelp. The initial pain wasn't all that much and it sure as hell didn't feel like something to be crying about- it just caught me off guard, like I forgot my arm was actually attached to my brain and nervous system. White toilet paper quickly stained red and when it became too soaked with blood pieces began to stick to my arm, so I threw it out.

The sad part was- I felt so proud about my cut that I wanted to do it again, and again, and again. But I was discouraged when my next cut didn't go the same way. I didn't apply as much pressure when I yanked the blade down- it was like my arm had a mind of its own and hated that I was hurting its mirror image, and pulled back. The cut wasn't really even a cut but rather a much smaller line that beaded on the wound and then ever so slowly formed a red line but barely moved anywhere on my arm. I was disappointed to say the least, the first one seemed perfect, but the second one was a failure, so I stopped. I hid the razor behind the sink and hid the other razor in my hoodie pocket. When I finally got the bleeding to slow down- which took a while, I found a short sleeved shirt and slid it on, my body feeling pulled down like that one time at Demyx and Zexion's after Riku pushed me. It must be from blood loss- I assumed.

And now almost a month had gone by and those little scratches became a daily thing- depending on my mood was how the cuts turned out, and it wasn't a simple one a day, it was a however-many-I'm-in-the-mood-for type of thing. The cuts ranged from short and long scratches to deep or short gashes- all on my upper arm. The scabs clipped on to my hoodie all the time which is probably why I often found myself going back to pick at them and rip the scabs off- new blood blossoming. At first I didn't want to scar too much of my body but then I realized it's not like I'll ever be able to wear a tank top and not already have scars show so why not add to the list?

It was like I had a sleeve of scars, the scars and cuts were dense on the inside of my arm while they dispersed to the outer and back of my arm, never going below a certain point on my arms though. I raised my arm up while wearing a short sleeve shirt just to see how far the sleeve rolled up, and I made sure never to cut below that point- I didn't want to take short sleeved shirts out of the equation too.

Now I had an answer for everything, feeling bored- smoke something, feeling upset- drink, feeling sad- cut, feeling reckless- mix the drinking and cutting, feeling alive- mix the smoking and drinking, feeling pathetic- mix the cutting and smoking. Everything had an answer and everything no longer had to make sense, but as the days went on and my routine didn't change between the sadness, boredom, and pathetic waste of a breath I was- everything became duller. I needed more to get as high as I wanted, I needed to chug faster to get drunk; I needed to cut deeper to be satisfied. And then I realized I couldn't go on like this anymore, in another year my liver would probably shut done and even sooner I was likely to bleed to death- but that wasn't my problem.

My problem was, no matter how much I smoked, drunk, or cut- I was still hollow and alone. No matter how hard I tried, the higher I got the lower I fell and the depressed stupor I worked myself into was one I could not only leave- but didn't want to. Suddenly- or maybe not so out-of-nowhere, I began to wonder what would happen if I died. How would I die, would it be from the drugs, the alcohol, or the cutting? …I thought about it for the longest time… only to come to the conclusion: I wanted Axel… I wanted my life back, and I wanted to be happy with my brother… But I realized- even if I tried, I was a druggie like the ones my brother hated, and a scarred freak that no one could date. There was no life that was waiting for me, there was survival- but I didn't want that.

Sitting on the couch I peered across the room to look out the window, a cigarette hanging in my mouth, suddenly I found Shuyin yelling at me. "Are you going to do anything?" he wasn't really yelling but I knew it was coming, "God dammit kid! Get the fuck up," Shuyin yelled, grabbing my arm and yanking from the couch, I didn't bother to ask what he was doing but he continued talking anyway, "You know what, I'm done. I got enough problems at the moment without you on top of it," I watched him with lazy eyes, I had no idea where this was coming from or when he decided to give a rats ass, "God, I never should've asked for you back," his voice was mocking, but I noticed as he left that there was a smile on his face- he was just fucking with me.

His words were true, after all- he wasn't a liar, but he was only saying that because he wanted to push me and see if I'd snap back but I wasn't going to bite. No, instead I stood up and walked into the bathroom, inhaling my cigarette on the way. Looking at myself in the mirror I found out that not only was my face emotionless but I didn't even have a care to change that. I grabbed out my fresh razors and sat on the closed toilet, my head racing with thoughts yet calm as to what I had to do- take myself out of the equation I guess. I'd yet to touch my wrists but yet again- there's a first time for everything. I stripped to the basics- which included pants and a tank top and began to cut at my wrist, pressing hard and feeding off the adrenaline rush I got from that perfect cut- again and again.

My hands were shaking, and fumbling around as spots clouded my vision, I slid my phone out and went to the last message I bothered to keep in my phone, one from Axel. "I'm sorry," I typed, shutting my phone and watching the blood pool onto the floor and to sink into my pants, I wasn't going to die, but this wasn't how I planned on going anyway. I stumbled into walls as I made my way to the kitchen, falling into the fridge to pull open the freezer, I found the Everclear, a 100 something proof, and while I was told never to drink it straight that was what I was doing, I also stumbled to grab a pre-rolled joint I had stored- I planned to smoke it before work. I didn't even make it to the bathroom, I struggled to get in my pocket to get my lighter- having no idea where the hell my cigarette was discarded at, I laid on the floor, with the joint in my mouth.

Blood dripped on my neck as I held my hand up to my face while I inhaled the burning bud, I patted around to find the Everclear but instead found something small. Looking at it I remember it was my phone, I wanted to smack myself upside the head but I didn't give enough shits to, I flipped it open as I pushed myself to sit up and lean against the cupboards while I continued to inhale the joint. There was no text but just as I closed it- my phone buzzed in my hand so I opened it back up, I didn't realize it was a call and not I was on the phone with someone, "Heh…" I started, rubbing my eye while keeping the joint pinched in between my fingers, before returning it to my mouth and speaking around it, "Hello?" my voice couldn't have been more monotone.

"Rox?" the voice was familiar and I knew it but I couldn't place it till I was halfway through another gulp of Everclear, my lips feeling scorched as the lava burned at my esophagus and stomach. "Hmm?" quickly I inhaled more bud, I was going to be out of it soon and I definitely didn't want to be waking up from this. "Is everything okay Rox?" I couldn't help but laugh, almost dropping the joint from my mouth, "Like you give a shit," I inhaled and pulled the phone away from my ear in the process, not wanting to hear him talk, I placed it back on my ear and interrupted him, he was talking about something like, "Tell me the truth," or some shit, "Okay? Everything's fucking dandy Ax," my eyes had drifted closed so long ago but I couldn't remember when they were last opened. "Rox…" he sounded worried so I could do nothing but laugh more, my body feeling on fire yet freezing at the same time, I reached above my head and pulled out a drawer, finding a sharp steak knife in the process.

"Tell me what's going on?" he asked and I couldn't help but laugh again, my laughter stopped when I heard people talking in the background, "I'll let you get back to," "No! Rox, tell me," everything got quiet on his end but the alcohol kept me from being able to be serious, "Hahaha, God you're so pushy," I began to cough when I held the smoke in too long, the rolled bud fell out of my mouth as I brought the Everclear to my lips, "Damn," I yelled, "Everclear really burns on its way down," I couldn't help but laugh a little more, "You… you're drinking?" he sounded shocked, "Opps, my bad." I shrugged my shoulders even though he couldn't see me, "I wasn't supposed to tell you that, was I?" I took another gulp of the liquid before I spoke again, "Here, I'll fix it," I threw the bottle across the room with the energy I had left- but the glass didn't even shatter! It made an audible crack and slosh as it hit the ground and some of the liquid gulped to touch air and to pour on the ground.

"Is everything okay?" he asked again, "You sound like a broken record," I stared blankly at the wall in front of me, "Fuck, Rox," he started, he began to complain about how I wasn't honest with him and how that was what was wrong between us, but I couldn't help but drag the knife against my wrist- pretty much on my hand because it was so far up on my wrist, the energy felt like it was leaving me through my blood as it poured down my arm, my blood looked so thin and wouldn't stop flowing. My stomach churned and I decided to cut Axel off again, "Tell my brother I'm sorry I fucked everything up." "Wait- Rox," I weakly laughed, "I can't go on like this… I just can't," "What did you do?" "It doesn't matter…" my voice was weak as I stared at the ceiling, "It'll all be over soon," I could hear him panicking and moving around, yelling to something or someone but I quickly cut him off, "Axel…" my voice wasn't very firm but it was as firm as I could make it, "I love you, buh-byez," I forced a smile as I dropped my arm and hung up.

The tingling in my limbs continued and I couldn't tell if it was because of the blood loss, alcohol, or if maybe someone was calling my phone. Whatever it was I ignored it, like I ignored the hollowing pain in my heart and the churning pain in my stomach and head. The ceiling slipped in and out of my view as I slipped in and out of consciousness- I didn't move from my slouched posture against the cupboard so it was hard to tell if I was dreaming, awake, or already dead. I realized while I sat there, I wasn't afraid to die- but I didn't feel like I was dying, it didn't feel like the end, not like I was expecting more but rather like this might as well be it. Death felt almost unreachable.

Something warm pulled on me and I was falling to my side, the warmth spreading around my upper body, something pressed against the cuts on my wrist but my vision blurred over and over to such an extent that I could tell was that something was leaning over me, like the upper half of my body was now in some sort of den and I chose to look towards the small hole. I realized as the hand brushed my cheek that it wasn't a cave at all but rather someone wrapped around me, pulling me onto their lap.

"You're going to be fine," they began to mumble, I couldn't help but chuckle as I rolled my head to the side, "I can't even do suicide right," I felt them shake me- or maybe they just held me tighter, but soon I was out again.

Opening my eyes I saw a clean white ceiling with cupboards and weird shaped lights, it was far too close to be the apartment- far to clean at that, I could fell hands touching me but the pain coursing through me- emotional and physical was too much and I was thrown under into unconsciousness, knowing my luck- I'd wake up again- I thought before everything clicked out.

_**The end.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Just kidding.**_

_**How mad would you be?  
I got kicked by a certain someone for how the last chapter went so I'll probably get another bruise for this one.  
Thanks soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for the reviews :3 there was so many and they really got me all happy and hyper to write the next chapter.**_

Want my possibly best attempt so far at a sad, angst, and heart wrenching story? The Haunting- would be it, I just uploaded it so if you please, feed your depression :3 and leave some reviews? :DDD


	34. Chapter 34: Remind Me

Sora and I were playing outside, it was late spring- just after our birthday, and Leon had told us to play outside till our mother got home because no one else was home except Genesis. "Sora!" my half scream was to fill the role my brother and I were playing- Leon had been doing some report in one of his classes about trenches that were used during wars and told us a lot about it, so Sora and I decided to dig our own in the far back corner of our yard. We didn't really dig it, it was a few inches deep in the ground as we laid on our stomachs and just stacked some sticks in front of it to make it seem deeper. We used some other sticks to act as guns and fought off imagined enemies, before I saw my brother running 'behind enemy lines', "Sora, what er you doin?" Calling after him I dropped my _gun_ and watched my brother run to the back door before turning around and yelling, "I wanna juice box!" and ran inside.

He came back out a few minutes later and handed me a juice box, I remember that it was Hawaiian Punch- and it was delicious but soon our happy little war game with fruity flavored drinks was over as we heard Genesis yelling my name. Nervously I walked inside, knowing my mother would be home soon just by how late it was getting, "Hold on," I told my brother when he tried to follow me inside, I could tell Genesis was angry but I wasn't about to tell Sora that.

Walking into my room after my newly returned mother told Genesis to let me go to my room, I rubbed threw my pants at the red handprints I knew covered my bum while my other hand rubbed at the handprint on my face. Genesis had called me in to yell at me for tracking mud into the house- he spanked me once over top my pants but when I told him it wasn't me he called me a liar and smacked my cheek, and then it just progressed and now I was lying face down on my bed because my bare bottom hurt. Sora was in taking a bath to get the dirt off him while I was left to stay in my room, he came in a little while later, "Rossess, wha's wrong?" he asked as he sat on the bed next to me, "Why er you crying?" I rubbed the tears from my eyes and sat up, but didn't say anything right away.

I wanted to say that Genesis spanked me because Sora walked through the house but I realized that Sora would've just got in trouble instead and then he'd be the one covered in dirt, tears, and snot, so I stayed quiet and Sora kept trying to make me happy. The next day while Genesis was at work our mother gave us a bath, she filled the tub less than half and then Sora and I climbed in, "Now remember, wash your body with this," she held up a clear-ish blue bottle, "And you're hair with this," she held up a yellow bottle with an animal on it, "To get all nice and clean while I make lunch," and with a smile on her face she left.

Sora grabbed the plastic red cup and poured water over his head, before he grabbed the shampoo, I made a scrunched up face because every time I used shampoo I got it in my eyes and it burned. "I know how to wash my hair without gettin soap in my eyes," my brother smiled at me, and all I could do was gape at him, "How?" it seemed like a miracle that that was even possible, all I could do was stare at him in awe as he explained that all I had to do was keep my head tipped back while the soap was in my hair and presto- no burning eyes. It was brilliant and I couldn't believe it- it was funny to think that while I was 5 that was the most amazingest thing ever.

Everything was distant… and I didn't really like it, I realized I must be sleeping so I tried to force myself awake- which if you've ever been a normal human being and actually sleep every once in a while you know it's a little more tricky than just wanting to wake up. Hair brushed my face as I turned my head to the side, I could hear a voice but what was really pulling me back as the small pressure and distant tugging on my wrist. One eye pried open and soon the other followed, my head spun round and round while my eyes were blinded by this bright light with dark smudge

A warmth touched my cheek and moved my head to the side to face one of the bigger smudges, "Roxas?" finally everything became a little clearer, I tried to squeeze my eyes shut but that hurt so instead I blinked a few times before I saw the blond man standing by where I was laying, "Zell?" my voice wasn't even a whisper, my mouth moved barely but my voice box forgot to produce sound. "Shh… Roxas, go back to sleep," his hand moved from my cheek to brush my hair back, and I took the chance to drop my head back to look at my wrist. Everything was beginning to get hazy again but the light tugging on my skin peaked my curiosity, "What's…" I tried to ask what it was that was tugging at the skin on my wrist but my energy was gone.

"You're at a hospital… go back to sleep now Roxas," Zell spoke as I watched some male nurse pull a needle with some sort of wire like thread through the skin of my wrist; I figured it would hurt more but everything was _distant_. And soon, with Zell brushing my hair out of my face, the aching in my stomach, the pain in my brain, and the general blurriness of everything was enough persuasion to throw me back into Never Land.

The sky was covered in dark clouds, having rained a little bit beforehand, feeling a tugging on my arm I looked down to see Sora holding my arm tightly to him as he stared at what was in front of us. Looking forward I saw the shiny brown coffin, the hand on my shoulder squeezed a little tighter- Leon's hand, it was our mother's funeral. Sora cried while he hung on my arm before Yuna picked him up and held him, Leon's hand stayed on my shoulder- holding me without actually holding me. Genesis stood off in the corner, not wanting to be there at all, Angeal stood by him- the reason Genesis was dragged to his wife's funeral- that was the moment Genesis really started drinking.

Watching them lower the casket into the ground I held onto my hope- she could still open the coffin, still be alive, she could still be with us- but then they started to shovel the dirt into the hole, I stepped forward to stop them but my brother's hand tightened on my shoulder. And that was when it finally all hit me- she was dead and never coming back, that moment was it. Genesis didn't come home that night, or the next, Leon tried to take over the parental role for us while Yuna tried to stay happy even though she was always hiding her hands in long sleeves and wiping tears from her eyes. When Genesis finally came back that was when we realized how the rest of our lives would turn out.

Genesis no longer cared who he was shoving, who he was hitting, or who he was actually angry at, he basically yelled at Yuna to take over the mother role- to cook and clean and to ditch whatever life she had. Leon was ever distant in Genesis' eyes, and Sora and I were pretty much the same person when it came to him and his anger. He came home for the first time after the funeral, we all were quiet and tried to stay in our rooms and away from him except when Sora went out because again he was thirsty and wanted a juice box.

There was yelling and when Sora finally came back in the room there were tears in his eyes and no juice box in his hand, "Sora… what's wrong?" I asked as he sat on the bed, "Genesis told me I couldn't have one…" he was rubbing his cheek and I realized Genesis had probably hit him, "You okay?" my voice was nervous for his wellbeing but all Sora did was lean forward, curl up and start crying, "I want mom," he mumbled through tears. And I realized, Sora always made me feel better when I was hurting, but I had no idea as to how to cheer him up, "It'll be okay Sor… we have Leon and Yuna still…" that didn't help Sora feel any better though.

That was probably when I realized if I could help it I would take all of Genesis anger on myself, I wasn't good at anything else except trying to stay strong- Sora didn't deserve to get hurt and I would be able to handle it better than him. If Sora stayed happy and the way he was then I'd be okay, Sora may have been my older brother- but he didn't deserve any of the anger Genesis had, he was gentle at heart and it would be best if he stayed that way. Whereas I wasn't that gentle- I wasn't that innocent, sure I still sometimes cried when Genesis hurt me or said mean things but from that moment on I wouldn't cry because this would be something I could help Sora with.

And I didn't, I didn't cry in front of my brother, I didn't show him how bad I hurt, and I sure as hell didn't let him get hurt… so I thought- I mean, I let him get taken away to a youth facility, I let him get in a fight with his boyfriend because of me, and I cried in front of him when Axel and I ended. I failed him- no wonder he hated me so much. He thought I was sheltering him, maybe I was, so maybe I shouldn't've gotten angry at him when he was telling me that. But the more I thought about it the more angry I got- everything I'd ever endured I did to save Sora from hurt and pain.

The memories came back, Sora was sleeping in mine and his room while I sat on the counter to help Leon do dishes, it was after our birthday now- meaning Yuna had also passed and joined our mother. Genesis was around a little less but we didn't focus on that, "How're you feeling Rox?" my brother asked me, I looked at him a bit shocked- just from the simple out-of-nowhere of it all, "I'm okay," Leon finished rinsing all of the dishes he had already cleaned off and leaned against the counter, his arms crossed as we both looked the same way. "I know that it isn't always the best here- but stay strong… don't hold back," he looked over at me.

"Sora's thankful of what you're doing," "What am I," "You're protecting him- like a brother should…" he sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, "He may not even realize you're doing it- but he knows that you love him, and he knows that you care… he might be a little angry- but he's still your brother so he will always love you, and always need you around." In five more years I wonder how Leon would've changed his speech, would he even think about as giving the speech to himself- seeing as how he decided to take his own life as well, did he know that Sora and I loved him even though he was rarely around, did he care?

There was paced beeping, I clung to it to help pull be back to consciousness, still I had very little energy to move so I just opened my eyes, there was almost no blurriness this time so I could see but what I saw wasn't the same room as before and Zell wasn't in the room with me. Axel was looking at me, slouched in a chair that was turned to look at me, but once he noticed my eyes were open he pushed himself forward and was instantly beside me, "Hey Rox," he started, sitting on the bed, his hand was brushing the hair out of my face while his other cupped my cheek. He had on a black leather jacket that felt scratchy as the torn inner part of the cuff gently touched my face; I tried to bring my hand up to my face to move it- to do something but realized I couldn't.

Trying to move again got me nowhere, I almost began to panic, between the gaps of long blinks I could see Axel look up at something before looking back down at me, "Shh, Rox, it's okay- everything's fine," finally I tugged my arm a little harder and I was able to feel some hard yet soft like substance wrapped tightly around my wrist- the one that wasn't cut, and it was preventing me from moving. I didn't want to be trapped, I didn't want to be stuck, "Rox, Rox, Rox- it's okay, don't worry, it's okay," once he noticed my struggle to sit up and get away from whatever was restraining me he continued talking, "It's okay, it's just to make sure you don't hurt yourself, Rox, please- it's okay," his voice sounded like he was trying to comfort a small child but the amount of concern in it turned my offended feelings to pretty much nothing, forcing me to just get over it.

I was able to move my other hand I realized, I pulled my arm up in an attempt to reach over and unhook my wrist from however it was hooked but my arm wouldn't reach, I tried to stretch but I couldn't get my shoulders to bend inward. That's when I felt the tightness around my upper arms and the string or strap that was pulled tight by my arms and strung against my back, turns out since they couldn't strap down my other wrist because of the wounds and shit they had to hook my upper arms together so I wouldn't be able to reach anything with the unrestrained hand. But I didn't know that at the time.

Panic was setting in and trying to kick got me nowhere- my ankles were restrained too, I used so much energy kicking and trying to get my hand free and be able to move on my own that I was wearing myself out, all the while Axel sat next to me, leaning over top me, telling me: "It's okay Rox," and, "Don't worry, everything's fine," "Let me up," I mumbled back, finally finding words, I wanted to be _free_, but just as soon as I felt like I might be able to pull through whatever was restraining me Axel's head whipped around and slowly turned back, I looked where he was looking to see another male nurse- syringe in hand.

"What're you doing?" the redhead asked, and I was glad he did because I would've screamed it at the top of my lungs if I could, "It's just a sedative to calm him down," he spoke to Axel, I looked down to see him push the syringe into a needle and cartridge that was already in the back of my hand- right next to it there was an IV taped down. "Let me go," I spoke to him, struggling once again, trying to push my body up off the bed but failing as Axel laid more on top of me. He held my face in his hands and forced me to look at him but my eyes were randomly squeezed shut in an effort to get free.

"Rox, shh, just go back to sleep- everything's fine, Rox," he whispered to me and soon everything faded and my eyes didn't want to stay open any longer and everything just stopped.

"Rox- why do you let Genesis do that to you?" my brother asked me as he pressed a wet rag to my cheek while I tried not to flinch away. I didn't bother giving him a response because he wasn't done lecturing me quite yet and I had learned that the hard way a while before. "If you waited not even an hour I would've been home, you didn't have to deal with Genesis by yourself," at our last school almost a year ago the school was in walking distance and Sora had to stay after school for something and it just so happened to be the day I kinda sorta yelled at Genesis before leaving for school.

Sora told me to wait outside or at the school so we could walk in together and somehow make the whole situation better but by the time I got home I figured- Genesis was going to do what he wanted, regardless of if Sora was there, so I might as well just get it out of the way before Sora has to deal with it. "I mean honestly Rox, it's like you're okay with him doing this," he started to dab soapy water on the cut on my cheek, he looked up at me then back down at what he was doing, "Why'd you come inside instead of waiting?"

There was a bit of a pause before he spoke again, "Well?" looking down I quietly spoke my answer, "I forgot…" "That's bullshit," my brother turned around only to turn back with a small band aid in hand, "Now… the truth," he stared at me and I took a deep breath, "I figured since he was angry at me just to deal with it myself- it wasn't your shit to deal with," my head cranked to be tipped as my brother barely slapped me upside the head, "It wasn't your fault either!" "I'm the one who yelled at him," "Because he was being a slob," my brother quickly defended me, before he cleaned off my lip- getting smacked by someone wearing a ring tends to leave marks and cuts.

We dropped the conversation till we were in our room, staring at the ceiling because nothing else seemed better to do, "I worry about you…" my brother started, rolling over to look at me while I continued to stare at the ceiling, "There's nothing to worry about," I cut him off once he began speaking again but he was quick to follow up after me, "Yes there is… I know… I know how you think… and I know you think you can handle Genesis yourself but Rox- it's okay, you don't have to handle him yourself… you don't have to handle this shit by yourself… I'm here too…"

"I know…" finally I mumbled after a few minutes, he didn't say much that night after that, and I realized that Sora knew more than he let on- more about me than he even realized. Thoughts and time grazed over words my brother had said to me:

"I lowve you Rossess,"

"We'll always be friends,"

"I could never hate you,"

"It'll be okay,"

"Smile Rox,"

"You okay?"

"Promise you won't ever leave,"

"You like him!"

"Love you,"

The voice became deeper- morphing into someone else's,

"Lucky you,"

"What happened to your face?"

"Let me give you a ride,"

"What's on your mind?"

"You okay?"

"You mean a lot to me Rox…"

"I love this,"

"I'm asking if you'll be my boyfriend…"

The voice changed over and over within a few words:

"Well aren't you two looking lively,"

"Demyx- at your service,"

"I'll be here at 8,"

"Quite alright, hopefully you'll get used to me."

"Will you allow me to adopt you and your brother?"

"You're the one Axel won't shut up about,"

"I'm Kairi,"

"I'm Naminé,"

Changing in the same sentence: "Marluxia- Larxene- Saïx- Zexion,"

"It means- _normal people_ don't sprout _lies_ every time someone they _trust_ asks them a question,"

"I'm not blind,"

"I can't do this,"

"I can't date a liar,"

"We're done,"

"Rox… you don't know… right?"

"You know something,"

"Fuck you…"

"You have this- this… fucked up wiring in your brain that makes you think everything's okay!"

"I'm so fucking tired of you…"

"Don't even fucking start- I'm done with you,"

"I can't handle this anymore- I don't need you around, leave me the fuck alone- forever,"

My eyes slowly opened and I found the light turned down a bit, looking around I noticed I was in my own hospital room, Zell was sleeping in a chair that had been moved against the wall where it probably should've been. Looking down I saw I was still restrained, I had on an ugly patterned hospital gown and a pair of powdered tealish hospital pants, but above all else I realized I had to go to the bathroom, I found a small remote looking thing taped on the railing of my bed, I hit the nurse button and a few minutes later a nurse came in, "Bathroom?" they finally asked when I didn't say anything. Nodding my head they unstrapped my feet and wrist after a brief lecture but I didn't really care about that.

I shimmied onto the bed back to where I was comfortable, the nurse reattaching the IV to my hand as I watched with a laid back expression, till he moved back to the other side of the bed and grabbed ahold of my hand, "What're you doing?" I asked slightly panicked, he slid the black thing up my arm to be used to hold my shoulders tight together, "It's for your own safety," "What? No," trying to talk to him was pointless because he just continued to try and buckle the other side around my upper arm but I was struggling now, "Relax," he tried but I didn't give a shit. There was no way I was getting restrained again.

Throwing myself off my bed to the other side of the nurse I fell towards the ground before I was able to get my footing and start almost running towards the door, the nurse was talking but I didn't care- and then an arm was strewn across my chest. "Let go," I mumbled, trying to pry the hands off, still in the process of moving towards the door, dropping my weight I hoped he would let go of me but just as soon as I fell to the ground I saw another nurse standing in front of me, the woman paused in the doorway before running to my side and trying to help pick me up.

Another nurse later and I was back on the bed, restraints tighter than ever, Zell awake and at my side trying to tell me to calm down from over the nurses shoulders while the female nurse pushed the syringe against the needle already in my hand. I was turned as best as I could get towards the woman who was now talking the blood covered needle out of the back of my hand- torn from my failed escape, before she flicked my skin and pushed the needle back in through my skin. Everything was beginning to get hazy again, I heard the nurses and Zell talking, sometimes to me, sometimes about me, they mentioned at one point I would need to get re stitched and then I couldn't bother to hold on to reality any longer.

_**I realized this chapter is on the short side- that's because I planned all this stuff to happen in the last chapter- but decided to split it into two chapters :3 So yupp, one more chapter after this :DDDDD Do you like it? **_

_**And oh yeah, I uploaded a one shot- The Haunting, and yeahhh… it's on the depressive side but no one's really looked at it and I don't know if it's because it's that bad or if people just don't want to bother so you should check it out- before I end up deleting it (:**_

_**Anywho, it's 4:23 in the morning, so I'm upload this and try to sleep… try… **_


	35. Chapter 35: I'm not Running

Slowly my body woke up, I didn't bother to open my eyes because I knew soon I was probably just going to freak out again- so I tried to get my body to calm down a bit before that. People were talking, Zell and Sora, there wasn't a beeping anymore. Axel was in the room too but he wasn't saying much- I didn't care to hear what they were saying, someone was watching me though so I decided to open my eyes. Looking off to my side I saw Axel sitting in a chair- the chair turned again so it faced me at an angle, Axel had his hands folded together and bent with his elbows on his knees so if I didn't know Axel's voice as well as I did I wouldn't have been able to see his mouth moving when I knew he was talking.

His face turned back to look at me- my guess is he was looking at either Zell or Sora, but now he was looking at me, his eyes widened, "Rox," again he stood up and was next to me in a second, "How ya' feeling?" the room was instantly quiet and I- being the idiot I was- tried to reach a hand up to itch where my hair was touching my face and found that I still had restraints on. "Wait, wait, wait," Axel began, "Don't freak out, it's okay, everything's okay- just if you freak out again they'll give you more sedatives," his hands were placed on my shoulders now and I realized I did want to freak out but Axel's reasoning- with them giving me another sedative- I tried to get my body to calm down.

"See… everything's fine…" he mumbled to me, sitting up so the only part of him that was touching me was his outer leg against my side from him sitting on the bed. "Hey Rox… how you feeling?" my brother asked as he walked closer, standing on my other side- now I was stuck between Axel and Sora, Zell and Riku stood at the end of my bed and I just wanted to go back to sleep, wake up when maybe only one of them was around. I didn't bother to answer my brother and Axel's question, and not even five seconds after Sora asked someone walked in through the slightly opened door after a knock.

"You're awake," the nurse started, "Good, how're you feeling?" I was already annoyed with people asking me that, the nurse moved between Sora and I and directed me to look at his finger while he shined a light in my eye- didn't know why and didn't care. "Headache, stomachache, anything?" shaking my head he nodded, "Do you want to sit up?" slowly I nodded my head, I didn't like laying down and having to look up at everyone.

Axel stood up and the nurse shifted his weight and must have stepped on something or did something with his foot because I was sitting up now. Looking down at my feet and wrist I saw a tan beige color wrapped around them with some white cotton something or other sticking out around the edges. "We can't remove them yet," pulling my wrist against it in one solid jerk got me nowhere except the nurse putting his hand on my arm, "Do you know why you're restrained?" his voice was calm but I was getting less and less calm.

"You attempted suicide," all I could think was, "So?" and then he continued, "We only had your wrist restrained, but you began kicking and managed to hit one of our nurses…" I had no memory of _that _once so ever, looking down at my feet that were free of the powder blue blanket I tried to remember but I couldn't. The nurse watched me, "If you promise to remain calm, I might possibly take the restraints off your ankles," "I'm not going to do anything," I muttered, he gave a small laugh like somehow something was funny, "Good," he moved down to my feet and slowly unhooked one leg and then the other.

Pulling my knees up to my chest as best I could led me to wanted to wrap my arms around my knees but I couldn't- because I still had that strap around my upper arms keeping my shoulders pulled a little more back than just straight and my other wrist was still restrained. There was another knock on the door, we all turned to see Vincent, and some other guy- said other guy had short dark brown hair and something like square wire rimmed glasses, he wore a white dress shirt and a black dress jacket but the jacket was open and he jeans on for pants. "Roxas," Vincent started as he entered the room, "This is Ignis, he'll be… a second psychiatrist for your stay here…" I really wished I just stayed asleep.

"As Vincent said, I'm Ignis," he looked like he would be a douche or something but he sounded more nervous and just feigning cockiness once he spoke. "We need to talk to Roxas alone," he continued but my brother cut him off, "I'm not going anywhere," I couldn't help but scoff, but once my brother looked at me I realized I probably should've done it a little quieter, "What?" he asked, there was no edge in his voice but I wished there was, I shook my head but he kept looking at me, "Don't matter," I looked off to my side, but my brother continued, "No, really Rox, tell me?"

"The last time I saw you- you pretty much told me to fuck off and told me that you were fucking done with me and now you're acting like you give a shit?" I felt like an asshole once I said it but I wasn't going to apologize, Sora looked at me with a bit of a surprised face, sucking on his bottom lip before he turned around and walked out of the room, Axel was still standing beside me and I wanted to tell him the same thing but he wasn't playing the passive role like my brother, his hand closed around my fist as his eyes stayed closed for a second. "We need to have a very long talk… very soon," he opened his eyes and looked at me before he turned and left the room.

Zell was still at the end of the bed but I couldn't look at him, Riku must have left with Sora, "We'll be outside the door Roxas," Zell sighed as he ran a hand through his hair while he turned and left the room, the nurse checked the restraint on my wrist and upper arm before he followed them outside. Now I was stuck in a room with Vincent and Ignis, but neither said anything, Ignis pulled the chair out of the corner and sat in it while Vincent stood against the wall even though the chair Axel had been sitting in was free.

"We have some things we need to talk about," Ignis began, "First things first, were you trying to end your life?" I looked anywhere but at either man, I nodded my head and he continued, "Why do you want to end your life?" "Why not?" again I didn't look at my but now I was looking down at the blanket that covered me. The room was quiet for a few minutes, "Do you wish to harm anyone?" "No," that answer I already knew, sure I wasn't thrilled with Axel or Sora but I wasn't going to hurt them and I didn't want to hurt anyone else. "Where have you spent the last month?" "My fathers…"

"What did you do while there?" "Why aren't you talking Vincent?" avoiding the question was just a small little bonus, "Vincent," Ignis began, "Is only allowed to be present, as of right now, he isn't your psychiatrist… depends on how your sessions here turn out," "So I fuck up and you can't be my psychiatrist anymore?" all my questions about Vincent were directed to Vincent but Vincent wasn't the one to answer. "Vincent's job is to help you and provide positive feedback to further your progress," I could tell Ignis was getting a little nervous each time I spoke to Vincent, "It's always darkest before the dawn- don't you psychiatrists worship poetic shit?" I asked Ignis but he only seemed to push off my comment while Vincent gave a small smile.

"What did you do while you were staying with your father?" "Stuff…" "What kind of stuff?" "Got a job," "What was this job?" "Busboy at a bar…" he nodded his head but didn't say much about it after that, "How much of your time was spent working?" "70ish hours a week," "And with the other half of your time?" it was like we were running in circles, "Stuff…" "You had alcohol poisoning, and illegal drugs in your system… we know you were using drugs," Air left my lungs in something like a laugh and now I was off looking to the side, "You're father's also gone missing, there's a warrant out for his arrest," "For what?"

"Kidnapping, reckless endangerment of a minor, providing a minor with alcohol, and illegal drug use," "He didn't kidnap me," "He was aware when he housed you that he was not allowed to be around you or your brother unless supervised, he also didn't inform your guardian that you were with him- or for how long. That counts as kidnapping." Well fuck you too- I thought, I didn't know all that crap about government, never really bothered to know all that. "Now," he was a little more brave when he realized I had no idea what he was talking about, must have boosted his self-esteem or something, "Under your father's supervision, what did you do?" "I'm not tell you so stop asking." This guy was beginning to annoy me.

The room was quiet for a while and I could almost hear everyone in the hallway talking, "Roxas… You're family and friends have already asked to talk to you, individually, Vincent and I will have to stay present but we won't be talking. Do you wish to talk to them?" I thought about it, did I want to talk to any of them? Axel said he couldn't deal with me, Sora said he was done dealing with me, Zell and Riku didn't say much but still, none of them bothered to text me, to call me, to do anything that would remotely say they cared. "Roxas, you should hear them out," Vincent finally said, though he instantly got a glare from Ignis.

"Yeah, fine, sure…" "Who do you want to see first?" "It doesn't matter…" Vincent leaned off the wall and opened the door, "Zell," he said and soon the door was opened further and Zell walked in, his usual smile and laid back personality wasn't around. He looked at Ignis and Vincent but didn't say anything, he stopped at the end of my bed and looked at me, "How you feeling?" "Eh…" he nodded his head and then began talking again, "When I showed up on Friday I figured you two went for a walk or something, but when I went inside… I'll let Sora tell you want happened…" he scratched his head, "Ahh…" I could tell he didn't know what to say.

"Well… listen Rox," that was the first time he'd ever called me that, "I know we might not be all that close but I mean… seeing you almost dead… I hit me, I hated all the mistakes I made with you and I hated that I wasn't smart enough fix things with you before it got so far… I went out a looked for you, thinking you'd just come home later after a walk or something again like you usually did… but days passed and I didn't see you, I had no idea where you were," "Why didn't you text me or something?" my voice was a bit quiet because I didn't want to sound like I was pissed at Zell because most of my anger wasn't towards the blond.

"I figured if you wanted to have any connection with me that you'd do it… I didn't want to seem like I was smothering you…" "You didn't smother me Zell…" he nodded head, "I think the others have more important things to say… so you later Rox," nodding my head I watched him walk out the door, Vincent and Ignis looked at me but I had nothing to say, Vincent looked out the door and said another name. I was glad not many people bothered to deal with me or this would take _a while_.

In walked Riku, he stood at the end of the bed also, it was a bit awkward while he stood there because he said nothing, then Vincent spoke, "Tell him what we talked about," again Ignis gave him a look but what Vincent said pushed Riku to talk. "I never hated you Roxas… When Sora got taken by CPS I didn't blame you… I was angry at first- not at you… but I took my anger out on you… I knew it wasn't your fault, and then when I hurt you I couldn't face you again… When Sora and I fought- I didn't bother to tell him what I felt till he called me later… and then I watched Sora struggle with himself over you…"

I watched him look around the room and continue talking, "Sora only talked about you when we were together and at first I didn't make me all that happy," he chuckled, "But then I realized what you did for Sora… and I was happy and thankful but I still couldn't face you…" "It's fine Riku," "And that's what you said before, but the thing is- it's not, Roxas I hurt you because I was angry at myself, if I did that to Sora I think I'd die- it's not okay and, and I'm sorry Roxas…" there was a pause while I watched him, "Riku… it really is okay… I forgive you…" my problems weren't with Zell or Riku which is why I was fine with how long these conversations were going but this was all beginning to make me sick with the cliché everything was just understood wrong and shit.

"Promise you'll listen to Sora…" he added before he left, I only nodded my head and then my brother was called in. I was wondering if maybe I could fake sleep and then just not have to face my brother or Axel. "Hey Rox…" "Hey…" he moved to be by my feet, barely sitting on my bed, "You promised you'd never leave me…" "You told me you could never hate me…" the conversation was at a standstill again. "Rox… I didn't hate you- I don't hate you… just…" "Just what?" my mouth was working faster than I could think.

"Dammit Rox!" my brother started, "Listen- I'm not sorry okay…" I could tell this might end up in another argument except I wouldn't be able to get up and walk away, "I'm sorry how I said it and how it came out and everything… but I wanted to speak to you about it and the only way I could do that was if I was angry at you… but… then I ended up saying shit I didn't mean…" "What did you mean?" he was having trouble so I figured I'd help him out.

"I realized that Genesis always hated you more because you had blond hair like dad… but I never realized that, that you took his punches to protect me till after Genesis died…" he took a deep breath, "Rox, I watched you struggle and I hate to think that you thought I was too much of a baby to be able to take any of his shit, I could've handled some of that crap," "Sora…" I started, "I didn't do it because I thought you were a baby," "Then why'd you do it?" "To protect you," my voice was getting louder and I pushed myself back to sit up more, "You were always happy and positive and if Genesis kept hurting you I knew you wouldn't be as happy and then our life would suck more," "You don't know that," "No but I can fucking assume it and that's how it would've happened."

"Oh, and what about with Riku, how about the fact that you never told me he hurt you?" "Because it didn't matter," our voices were both loud and I'd be surprised if the others in the hallway couldn't hear. "Yes it did! Rox, you're always being the silent hero and you never let anyone fucking help you," "Silent hero? How the hell was I being a hero- if I was a fucking hero you never would've got driven to some fucking foster home and definitely not some fucking youth facility." "See! That's what I'm talking about, you act as if you have to do everything, guess what Rox- you're not alone in the fucking world!"

His voice got quiet, "I _hate_ seeing you get hurt… I_ hate_ knowing I didn't do anything…" my brother wiped his eye, "Rox… you're the only family I have left- I couldn't bear to lose you, I couldn't…" "Sor…" "You're not alone Rox, everyone cares about you, and when you push us away…" he looked up at the wall, his eyes watering, "I got upset and pissed by everything I was feeling that it just made me feel worse, because," he looked down and harshly poked himself with each word, "_You hurt all the time_, and I was being a selfish brat by not just getting over it…" I didn't understand where all this was coming from, but my brother wasn't done talking yet.

"I hated not feeling okay and being upset about it when I knew that you didn't feel okay either but you were still dealing with everyone and their shit… and then when you allowed yourself to cry in front of me- even though you tried to hide… it made me feel like I could help you- and then when I found out why you were crying, because of Axel, I realized I couldn't do shit for you. That I was just as helpless as ever," he took a deep breath, "When I yelled at you… I was trying to get everything out… and Rox- I could never hate you, I could never want you to go away like that… but I was too pissed at myself to make things better… Rox, I'm so sorry I made you think I hated you," the tears in his eyes fell down his cheek, "I realized once I read Genesis' note that- if I had found it, I probably would've hidden it from you too… I realized how everything I said wasn't what I meant to… Just… I'm so sorry Rox, I didn't know what to do, I ran back into Vincent's room hoping he could help me but everything he told me didn't matter because you didn't come home… not that night, or the next, or the next."

He took another deep breath, "We looked all over for you but we didn't know where you'd be… and then Axel told me about the deal you and dad made…" Vincent's face changed and I remembered I never told him about that, "Axel walked down the street and asked everyone around to make sure where dad's house was… it took us a while to make sure, but we were going to go up and talk to you- but when we knocked… I panicked and… I ran away… there was these two guys right behind me and Axel and they just stood outside your door and then I saw you answer it and I realized I couldn't say anything- I fucked everything up so much already." "Sor…" still I had no idea what to say but my brother started talking before I could say anything.

"When you called Axel, he called and told Zell… all I could think was, "I'm not going to another person's funeral," after Leon- I couldn't bear not knowing why and knowing it was my fault," "It wasn't your fault Sora," "Then whose was it?" "My own…" we sat in silence for a while, Sora sniffling and continued to wipe his eyes every few seconds, "I hated not having you around Rox…" "I missed you too Sor…" he laughed through tears before standing, "We still have a lot to talk about… but you don't hate me now, right?" "I never hated you," "And you know I don't hate you?" slowly I nodded my head, everything he said just told me he didn't hate me. "Good," he smiled as he rubbed his nose, "Then I'll go get Axel…" he walked out of the room and a few minutes later I saw Axel walk in, shutting the door behind him just like everyone else but he continued to stand there.

Axel looked back and forth between Ignis and Vincent, the latter pushed off the wall and spoke to me, "We'll leave you two allow, I trust Axel will make sure nothing bad happens… but Roxas, we have some serious things to talk about," "Like what?" "You have broken many rules and laws Roxas… the only way you can stay with Zell is if you make very strong efforts to get better… otherwise a new home will be offered, or Port Royal… the choice is yours," and both him and Ignis left as Axel walked a little closer.

I didn't know what to say to Axel, and I didn't know what he wanted to say to me- all I knew was I missed him so much but he didn't trust me, and nothing was going to change that. "Can…" he started, "Can I look at your arm?" his voice was a bit quiet to see that his eyes were red, his hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and he had bags under his eyes- not to mention he looked more lanky than usual. "Why?" my voice was just as quiet, I wanted to do everything right so he wouldn't be upset but I still wanted to push him away.

"Rox," he ran a hand threw his hair- the shorter pieces that refused to go in the ponytail, "Please don't be angry at me," "I'm not," "You are… I can tell…" he moved closer and took his seat again, facing me without actually looking at me, "If I knew all this would've happened… I would've done everything different…" "It doesn't matter Ax," "Yes, it does," I looked at the other side of the room, refusing to get angry and get in another argument, "Why didn't you talk to me… tell me what was going on?" looking over at him I had no idea what he was talking about, "Going on with what?" "With you cutting and shit," his voice was harsh and all I could do was stifle a chuckle.

"I wasn't fucking cutting- it was Sora's or maybe mine from when I cut my_ hair_, I picked it up off the fucking floor and you freaked out on me," he seemed shocked like that never crossed his mind, again I was trying not to laugh, "You honestly thought I was hiding something like that- and see… I don't really care about that- no, because what I realized was, if I _had been_ then you would've left me just the same." His eyes were wide but he made no move to speak, "And I realized, it doesn't matter if I fucking did anything because you wouldn't trust me," "Rox," he cut me off as he stood up and was now half sitting on the bed, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks, "I never meant for any of that to happen," "No? Or are you just saying that because you realized you were wrong?"

He didn't say anything, "Why're you here- go help with your aunt or something," my mind was hating myself, if Axel had stood up and left I would scream and want him to come back, had Axel stayed I would scream for him to leave. Closing my eyes I tried to will the tears away, "Rox… don't cry," he started, "Ax- why the hell don't you trust me?" "I'm sorry, shh," my head leaned against the bed as he pressed our foreheads together, "Rox, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean for any of this to happen… I care about you so much- it hurt to watch you suffer and, and I just… I couldn't take it- you wouldn't let me help you, you wouldn't let Sora…"

He took a deep breath and leaned back to look at me, "All that was on my mind was you and the more I thought- the more I got angry, I wished you would've told me about Genesis that first week, I wish you would've told me more about your father, or your brother and sister… I figured you were hiding this, this cutting thing from me like everything else… and I just… I can't handle not knowing…" "But… I promised I'd be honest with you, and you still thought I was lying?" "Rox it's not that simple!" "Then explain it to me!"

"I, I just… being around you makes me so happy," he forced a small laugh while he wiped a tears from my face, "It made me so fucking happy, but I kept trying to make you feel safe and I kept trying to protect you- I tried to figure out every little thing that was actually happening, I wanted to be able to help you and understand more than you were just telling me. But once I left… all I could think about was whatever happened and what it could've possibly meant and I just… I felt like a piece of shit for not helping you more- when I saw you with the razor, I figured I wasn't enough… that I wouldn't be the person you needed, the person to help you and make you happy," his eyes were watering and I just wanted to hug him and have him hold me and never let go- but I couldn't move and I didn't know if we could ever be more than just two used to be friends.

"Rox… I talked to Vincent… I talked to a lot of people actually… I don't want to lose you Rox- and I promise- I'll be less of a dick I just… I just don't want you to leave Roxas," he his hand moved down to hold my restrained one.

This was all my fault- it figured. I tried to be strong enough and handle everything on my own and that just made Sora feel like he was worthless, made Axel feel like he had to protect me, Zell and Riku… they didn't know what the fuck to do. So basically I was just digging myself deeper and deeper, "What's wrong?" he asked, watching me while I looked over to the side of the room, "Rox, just talk to me… please?"

I wanted to laugh at my own stupidity, "Everything," I started, "Everything I ever did… I did it because- I figured- I would be helping everyone, that I would be doing everyone a favor and making everything better… And every fucking thing I did just make everything worse," I looked up at Axel, he seemed surprised but I didn't let him speak, "Sora, Zell, Riku, you- everything, everything's just… I fucked up- I tried to make everything work, I tried to make everything okay and I just fucked everything up worse," "Rox, that's not true," he continued to try and make me feel better but for some reason I couldn't handle the fact that everything I had ever tried to do- the only purpose I felt I had in life, just made everything worse.

"Can you call Vincent back in?" a few minutes of Axel rubbing my hand and talking to me made me realize that I wasn't going to stop trying- there was no way in hell I was losing my brother or Axel or anyone again. I didn't want to live without them. Axel nodded and left to get Vincent, who was sadly followed in by Ignis.

"Roxas?" he asked, "What do I have to do to stay?" he said it was an option so there was no way in hell I was going to throw up the chance to stay, he took a deep breath before talking. "It's going to take a lot… First things first… you'll have to stay in the hospital for three days- no getting in any trouble… just to make sure you're not going to harm anyone or yourself." He rested against the wall again, "You'll really have to make an effort, you won't be able to be by yourself for a while… schools starting soon, it depends on what Ignis and I decided is better for you- if you return like everyone else or if you take a break for a few months…"

Nodding my head all the while Vincent gave a small smile, "You'll have to live on a schedule for a little while… you'll also have to do some community service- you did break laws Roxas- drinking and illegal drug use… The court might ask you to take part in AA meets for so many hours because of Genesis' history." "I can handle that…" I finally said after a few minutes, Vincent nodded his head and placed his hand on the doorknob, "I know you can," he opened the door and left and soon everyone was back in the room. For the days following while I was still in the hospital Demyx and everyone came to see me, only being in allowed in one at a time- they all had something they regretted not telling me and to top it all off Cloud and Zack decided it was time to reveal something to Sora and I.

"I know we should've told you before," Zack started, "Leon told us to wait till we thought it was right," Cloud added while Zack reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a note sealed in a zip lock bag. "That's Leon's suicide note," "What?" "We found it that night… Rox, Sor- Leon had a lot going through his mind at the time and well… just read it." Sora sat on the bed next to me while we read it to ourselves, when I finished reading I couldn't believe it- Leon had killed himself because he felt unable to protect Sora and I. "Leon hated Genesis… he hated knowing what his father was doing to you two- doing to him and Yuna and your mom… he wanted to turn 18 and adopt you two but nothing was going right… He wanted to get you both out of that place- but it wasn't Leon's fault that he couldn't, Hell- he even asked for mine, Cloud's, and Zell's help but we never got very far any time we tried… he felt like he was out of options…

"He thought in his death they would take the two of you out of Genesis' care- that they would realize something wasn't right… but Genesis somehow got around them…" We talked for what felt like hours about Leon- about what he did, what he tried to do, and how he felt, and honestly- I never thought that was how my brother felt. I never blamed or hated Yuna or Leon for what they did, but talking about it with Cloud and Zack- who were older and understood more of it at the time- opened and revealed more to Sora and I.

The next few months were just like Vincent said- Sunday's I contributed to community service, the judge would've sent me to jail or something but the whole suicide thing stopped him- mostly because Vincent said it would reflect negatively on me, they were always random things though. Mondays was school- after school I went to individual with Vincent, Tuesday was school and I went and hung out with Axel and Demyx and everyone else. Wednesday- school, AA meeting that I only had to go to every other week, when I didn't have to go I stayed home, Thursday I was with friends or home, and Friday I had therapy with Sora after school. Saturday was pretty much up to me so I could do whatever I wanted, all throughout the weeks though I wasn't allowed to be by myself.

A few weeks passed and with the stress of everything I was forced to deal with- everyone around me helped out as best as they could. Axel pretty much never left my side which moved our friend-to-boyfriend-back-to-friend-relationship back to being friend-turned-boyfriend, even though it didn't happen as quickly as Axel wished, he got over it pretty quickly though. Sora and I decided to graduate instead of dealing with another year of school, while Shuyin had dropped off the face of the earth- I've no idea where he left to, but at the moment- it was Sunday and Axel and I were walking around the city.

Looking over to my side I saw a train speeding by, and an idea hit me, I walked into an art store- Axel had no idea what we're doing but he'd figure it out. Buying two spray paint cans- one black, one white, we left and continued to walk around till it got dark, "Shh," I held a finger up to my lips as we snuck into the train station, "Give me a boost?" "What're we doing?" "I'll tell you after you help me, okay?" he seemed reluctant but agreed- I sat on his shoulders, pulling out a black spray can, I looked at the clock and started shaking the can before spraying. There was no one around which I was thankful for- I looked at the lines I had made on the clock before I had Axel take a step back- trying not to fall from so high up, I started spraying the brick wall.

There was a giant black rectangular shape on the brick wall now and I switched hands and put the white spray paint in my hand, spraying numbers on it, "Kay," I said and Axel let me down, "4:40- what's that mean?" "When I was in that group home- we always hung out here every day, just to get away from Pete and all his stupid rules… we had to leave at 4:45 to be back in time before we got in trouble… Hayner- my friend there said he wished it was always 4:40- so we'd never have to go back."

Axel chuckled as he pulled me under his arm, hugging me in the process before we left and made our way back to my house, Axel pretty much moved in with me at Zell's so he could 'keep an eye on me all night' as he put it- it was just because he missed having someone to cuddle too though. As we laid in my bed there was this content feeling in my mind and pretty much whole body- I don't know how else to describe it but basically it was the feeling that everything was going to go fine- I didn't know how yet but I knew everything was going to work out- I could just tell.

_**The end- seriously this time. **_

_**There isn't going to be a sequel or anything to this story, no more no less. It took me 174 days to type this story- do you care, probably not xD**_

_**So I need your help. I suck at summary's- anyone wanna write one I can use and either add it in a review or PM me it? :DD**_

_**As for stories- if anyone wants to help me you're free to but you don't have to- I'm going to reread this story and find mistakes, whether it's wrong word or something just not right with the story because I know there's a lot wrong in both those perspectives. **_

_**I'm going to be redoing this story and One Day- yeah, finally I'll get to that, and I'll start working on Cigarette burns but don't expect to see it up till One Day and this one are fully complete. Remember to look at my profile and vote on the poll that I'll have up soon of the stories I plan on typing- one has to get chosen after Cigarette burns and I don't know what people want to read xD I can't choose which to type so it's up to you guys. But once I get everything on a schedule with the three I'm working on now everything will go quicker…K? **_

_**THANK YOU (LESS-THAN-THREE)**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews- all the alerters and followers and the people who bothered to read my story, it means a lot:3 Stay tuned for more stories like this one (:**_


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